Browsing the Young Readers Fiction section in my supermarket this morning, I checked up on my competition. I don’t want to give them free publicity, so I won’t mention titles or authors’ names. But here’s what teens are reading.
Most of this, by the way, is pitched to girls. It seems girls read more than boys. Maybe boys are busy with video games. I wonder how much longer our civilization will last.
Most of the books for girls seem to be geared to training them to be Romance addicts later on. You know: the 200-pound young woman lying on the couch, popping bon-bons and Cheezits into her mouth while reading a paperback whose cover features a nearly-naked woman on her knees, embracing a bare-chested tribesman… I think I’m going to be sick.
There’s one series about a race of super-girls, immortal of course, eternally beautiful, possessing superhuman powers–they get this way by practicing witchcraft–and their endless seductions of hunky bare-chested stable boys. There’s this bad bishop who stalks them, hoping to burn them at the stake. Unfortunately he doesn’t succeed.
There’s another one in which a teenage girl discovers she was born immortal, and she’s in love with this incredibly sexy bare-chested guy who–guess what!–is also immortal, and she’s being pursued all the time by this real sexy bare-chested bad guy and he’s immortal, too…
Question: At what point does immortality kick in for these folks? I mean, why aren’t they newborn babies forever? If they age into teenagers, won’t they just keep on aging until they get worn out and keel over like the rest of us?
The rest of the books look even worse. I can’t bring myself to describe them even in the most general terms.
I do wish people would give my books a shot. I guarantee they bear no resemblance to those discussed above.