They gave a Global Warming–or Climate Change, or whatever–rally in Washington, D.C., earlier this month, and nobody came. “Nobody” is not a figure of speech: nobody came.
But they didn’t pitch it right. They’re drifting off-message.
Why don’t they tell you that Global Warming causes bad dating experiences? Not to mention racism, homophobia, and phobia about homophobia. Global Warming is why major-league baseball never made it to Mongolia. Global Warming is why movie remakes are never as good as the originals. Do you wonder why Anthony Wiener can’t be trusted with a camera? Global Warming.
Global Warming caused the Kardashians. Global Warming is why you never won the powerball. Global Warming is why your next-door neighbor puts up that ghastly green plastic leprechaun–the one with the face like Nancy Pelosi–on her lawn every St. Patrick’s Day and then forgets to take it down.
But here’s the good news: it can all be fixed by higher taxes!
I’ll bet you feel better already.