Who’s Buried in Alexander the Great’s Tomb?

Alexander the Great, who claimed to be a god (or at least half a god), died in 323 B.C. Some 300 years later, Augustus Caesar visited Alexander’s tomb in Alexandria, Egypt, and saw the body, which was preserved in solidified honey. In 215 A.D. the Roman Emperor Caracalla popped in to pay his respects to Alexander. After that, Alexander and his tomb disappear from history.

There was a ton of ballyhoo in 1991–remember?–when a Greek archeologist claimed to have discovered the lost tomb of Alexander. The ballyhoo went away when she said mystical talking snakes told her where to look.

So where is it? The ancients believed that whoever possessed Alexander’s body would rule a prosperous and stable empire. Plus you could probably get a fortune for it if you sold it on eBay.

So a lot of people are still trying to track down the elusive conqueror, whether to sell him, make him the centerpiece of a new theme park, or clone him and run him for president. The possibilities are endless. But first you have to find the tomb.

My cats say he’s hidden somewhere in Canada, they don’t know exactly where. I have also heard (never mind from whom!) that the mummy has already been resuscitated and is now a big man in reality TV.  Certain commentators think the Bilderbergers have him. There is even a theory that the body of Alexander the Great has been processed into capsules and ingested by important people who paid $1 million each for them because they want to be even more important.

If you have any solid information as to Alexander the Great’s whereabouts, and you don’t know what to do because Unsolved Mysteries is long gone, please contact this blog at its secret toll-free number.