Don’t even think about asking me where I got this information, because I am not at liberty to tell.
A lawsuit is about to be filed before the 9th Circuit Court demanding that all Bible-reading, except for “secret private readings that the authorities are unable to monitor as yet,” be banned on the grounds that it violates the Separation of Church and State. The plaintiffs are a coalition of atheists and liberal churchmen, Americans for American Values and Other Good Things.
“Bible-reading must not be allowed, not even in the churches,” said law professor J. Wadsworth Polyp, a known idiot. “Churches are located in the state, therefore they are subject to Separation of Church and State.”
“Our church never opens the Bible,” said Priestess the Rev. Judi Kazooty, Presbyterian Church USA. “That’s because the Bible is, like, the most un-inclusive book ever. It breaks, like, every hate speech law. So we read Saul Alinsky and Al Gore instead.”
Polyp and Kazooty are respectively the chair-being and the also chair-being of Americans for American Values and Other Good Things. Their group, they say, represents “lots of people.”
“We are not asking the court to curtail freedom of worship,” Professor Polyp added. “You will still be allowed to go to church. You just won’t be allowed to say or read or write anything that goes against the State.”
Copies of the lawsuit can be obtained by stealing them from the professor’s office. He keeps them right under the copies of the final exams.
Today’s satire is tomorrow’s reality.
My favorite part was “It breaks, like, every hate speech law.” Hahahaha!
I think you had California in mind when these thoughts crossed your mind. As they move against religious freedom they open the way for pot churches where the participants praise the spirit of cannabis. Maybe Moonbeam Brown attends one.
Wow, what a breakthrough: “Churches are located in the state, therefore they are subject to Separation of Church and State.” Of course! And contrariwise, but who cares about contradictions, churchgoers have traveled between states, and churches order supplies from out of state, so therefore churches are subject to the Interstate Commerce clause and may thus be regulated by the State. It all makes sense now….
I knew it would!
The famine in the end times is not for bread, but for the Word of God. Sounds like these idiots think they can make sure prophecy is fulfilled.
Kinda sounds like they are.
Uh, it was a satire–not real…
I realize, but even from personal and direct experience, I’ve heard people in church edit the Bible to be PC. I think that’s about as bad.
Ditto
That was pretty much when I quit church. I had been church shopping, my old congregation having become a yuckfest of people trying to be funny and undermining the dignity of the word of God. I went elsewhere and found other things, every bit as offensive.
Small in-home gatherings like those of the apostles’ time are making a comeback. That may be the answer to more than one problem. Traditions and denominations tend to have their own rules which have nothing much to do with Scripture.
When I tried to go back to the church I was raised in, the ministerette told me adultery was “no big deal” and Christians have to really watch out they don’t succumb to “bibliolatry.” So much for that.
It has to be. No imagination could outdo reality
I guess the absurdity I made up as a satire really is no worse than leftid churchmen re-writing Paul’s epistle to make “gay” acceptable to the kingdom of heaven.
These are hard times for satirists.
Voilia! Just like in communist China. And that’s not the only book the Left in America would love to ban.