In 1883 Carlo Collodi published The Adventures of Pinocchio, the tell-all book sensation which, in Chapter Four, described Pinocchio’s murder of his well-intentioned mentor, the “Talking-cricket”–better known by the name Disney gave him: Jiminy Cricket.
Eyewitless News has tracked down the real Pinocchio, Mr. Vincenzo Anthony Pinocchio of The Bronx, NY. Did this man, who still occasionally reverts to being a wooden puppet, murder a beloved cultural icon?
As Collodi told it, Pinocchio, unable to tolerate any more of the cricket’s good advice, snatched up a wooden hammer and threw it, striking his victim in the head and killing him, “and then he remained dried up and flattened against the wall.”
“Collodi put that in and Disney took it out, because it wasn’t true,” Mr. Pinocchio told crack investigator Harry Hootch. “I never hurt Jiminy Cricket. He died of old age in 1908.”
The Eyewitless News team went to the village in Italy where Carlo Collodi first heard the story of Pinocchio. And there the official records tell another story.
A cricket, not named, was found dead in the home of Pinocchio and the old wood-carver, Gepetto, in 1879. Police judged the death suspicious, and brought the body to the morgue. There something unexpected happened.
As summarized in the official report, the coroner “then threw a tantrum, he started banging his fist all over, and yelling, ‘I will not do no autopsy on no _______ing insect!’ The body of the victim lay untouched in the morgue for two days and nights, and then disappeared. Asked to explain this disappearance, the coroner would only say, ‘Talk to the _____ing janitor.'”
According to our trusted sources, Walt Disney personally intervened to cover up the murder of Jiminy Cricket by Pinocchio. And for going on 70 years, that cover-up has been successful.
UP NEXT: Hillary Clinton is innocent!
Please do more Pinnochio posts. They’re almost as funny as Joe Collidge 😀
(maybe we could hear Mr. Vincenzo Anthony Pinnochio’s thoughts on Hillary Clinton)
My heart is broken. Poor Jiminy. Hope he did not suffer.
Jimmy Cricket was one of my favorite childhood characters. What an imagination Walt Disney had, to bring this character into the hearst of untold millions.
But now the truth comes out. Personally, I suspect Climb-It Change Deniers of being behind the whole thing. 🙂
You’ve got to read the tell-all book by Carlo Collodi, disguised as a novel.
You had me going until the last line, then I realized it was a hoax like Climate Change.
Honest, it’s in the original Pinocchio book.
All the original editions have all crumbled due to climbit change and and heteronormativity. 🙂
lol