This Just In: UN Warns Global Warming Makes Statues Come to Life

See what happens when we don’t pay carbon tax?

The United Nations Special Panel of Smart People has brought forth evidence that Climate Change is causing statues all over the world to come to life and scare people.

“This here is a genuine consequence of Global Warming,” said Special Secretary Smart Guy Harry Hairball, “and it sure ain’t going to stop unless all them folks is throwed into jail for Climate Change Denial. Now do you believe us when we say you got to pay new taxes? Or would you rather some big old statue come busting down your door?”

Hairball said “We got lots of video proving that statues they are coming to life all over the place, and it’s all on account of Global Warming and anybody who don’t say so, they better watch out because Loretta Lynch has got her eye on them.”

Hairball added that no journalists will be allowed to view the video unless they swear an oath to preach Man-Made Global Warming.

Very nearly all journalists have already done so.

4 comments on “This Just In: UN Warns Global Warming Makes Statues Come to Life

  1. Climite Change also causes bloating, gas, constipation and a propensity to lie even when you don’t have to. On our vacation to San Francisco some years ago, at tourist ares were “statues” but everyone knew they were human – and they made a lot of money.

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