Now you, too, can be a superhero! With a costume, no less!
Simply send a $500 Target Gift Card to Super-Powers “R” Us in Foshkaloksha, Uzbekistan, and you will receive our Official Superhero Starter Kit.
This lavishly-illustrated 25-page pamphlet will tell you everything you need to know about designing your own superhero costume, developing whatever super-powers you want to have–invisibility, super-strength, X-ray vision, flying, mind-reading: you name it, it’s yours!–and how to go about fighting crime, rescuing people, and stopping natural disasters like floods and hurricanes.
This is the very same pamphlet that made Sean Facehead of Ollantallambocuxhi, Bolivia, into Wow Man, the Invincible Caped Flying Man of the Andes. Don’t take our word for it–ask him!
Make sure you have the Target Gift Card made out to “Bearer.”
We’ll send it right back to you if you aren’t a genuine superhero within 365 business days.
When I was a kid, we thought that superheroes were sort of corny and old fashioned. We watched Batman, but we all knew a send-up we we saw one. The resurgence of superheroes surprised me, but people sure seem to want to believe in them.
Our education system produces a kind of psychological neoteny, making it very hard for its victims to outgrow childish things.
That would explain it.
Gee, I was hoping to send for two kits – one for my 3 year old great grandson and one for my 3 year old granddaughter! They would be the ‘hits of the day’ and I could use the help lol
I had a similar offer from a prince in Nigeria…. 🙂
Actually, I don’t see why I need a kit from Target. If I can become a different gender just by saying I am, surely I can become a superhero/ine/it by saying I am. (Note alternative genders, including nonbinary, for “hero.”)
I suppose I could also become an alternative species as well. Or more than one at a time (nonbinary, you know). Golly, imagine being both a dog and a fire hydrant. What a time-saver! Oh, the possibilities are endless in this up-to-date reality-free culture.
Hilarious, Phoebe! 🙂