‘Oy, Rodney’: Unbearable Suspense

In Chapter XCVIII of Violet Crepuscular’s romance epic, Oy, Rodney, Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s creditors are breathing down his neck–literally; and it’s very uncomfortable. One of them turned up under his bed, checking for woodworm. Unless Lord Jeremy’s plan to marry Lady Margo Cargo, the richest widow in all of Scurvyshire, succeeds, he will lose Coldsore Hall, right down to the concrete flamingos on the front lawn.

The wedding of Lady Margo to the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad, has been delayed, owing to Lady Margo’s cantankerous old butler, who has misplaced her false teeth. Jeremy and Willis have been taking turns courting her, pretending to be the same person. As predicted, Lady Margo has not noticed the difference–except to say, to Lord Jeremy, “I declare, Sargon, sometimes you seem like two different people.” The plan is to carry out the wedding with Jeremy in Twombley’s place.

Meanwhile, everyone has noticed a change in the vicar’s demeanor. He has taken to skipping ungracefully instead of walking. They attribute this to the bout of conniptions he suffered when he peeked under the wading pool in his back yard. Constable Chumly now stands guard by the pool. “T’other dee,” he says, “we lammicked a porty feen, reet o’er yonder skeel.” He looks worried when he says it.

“I’ve noticed a change in the vicar’s demeanor,” Lady Margo confides to Twombly.

“It’s because of his conniptions, l’il gal,” he answers.

As the chapter closes, Lord Jeremy catches another creditor trying to make off with the third baron’s armor that he wore during the Crusades. The baron is still in it, necessitating a change in the Coldsore family chronicles.