In conjunction with Jidrool University, Fizzleton, Illinois, next weekend will host a city-wide Tide Pod Challenge, with the survivors–er, winners–winning scholarships to Jidrool.
“These are the kind of stodents thay wil groh up and chainge the whirld!” said university president Dr. Desmond Dustmop. “These hear thay are jist the kind of stodents we been waiting for!”
Added Fizzleton Mayor Rainor Shyne, “It’s also a great way to weed out idiots. I mean, you’ve gotta be an idiot to try to eat a laundry detergent pod, right?”
Winners will get scholarships for degree programs in Feminist Geography, Queer Theater Theory, and Gender Studies for Chicano Dwarfs. Other contestants will receive free burial. The competition is open to all Fizzleton High School seniors and juniors.
I’d answer, but I’m too busy. I just found a recipe for coffee that uses gasoline instead of water and I’m going to try some as soon as I put out that mysterious fire in my kitchen. 🙂
This is satire. DO NOT ever, under any circumstances drink gasoline!
Collidge edjikation these days is the equivalent of eating detergent pods.
Millenials. The truly lost generation. They talked about us in Gen X….geez. Come, Lord Yeshua, Come.
A lot of work by a lot of people went into making them so lost.
Absolutely. Decades of MK ultra programming from the overlords than reign the world. Their program was successful in completing the goal. Chemtrails. TV. Music. Internet. 666.
And to think Jidrool University gets most of their funding from the federal gov’t. I hear the marijuana growers are offering scholarships as well.