How thoroughly has college educated your son or daughter, niece or nephew, or your hamster, for that matter?
This quickie True-False test will help you find out. Just pop these five questions on ’em.
*Basques were invented in Polynesia and didn’t arrive in Spain until the 1950s.
*The Romans only stopped staging gladiatorial shows when the TV ratings hit bottom.
*Shakespeare’s plays were written by Zach Von Beethoven.
*In physics, Newton’s Third Law refers to getting a license to operate a telescope.
*The Vikings were not able to discover America until 1808, long after the rest of the world had done so.
This, of course, is “education,” so you only get credit for getting the answers wrong. So the right answers–all five are False: honest–are actually the wrong answers. Got that? I hope so, because explaining it is beginning to tax my wits. And here’s how you evaluate.
All five True: a Ph. D. candidate
Four of five True: master’s degree
Three of five: bachelor’s degree
Two of five: Go back to high school, you’re not ready for college
One of five: We suspect homeschooling!
All five False: Racist! White privilege! Colonialist! Ablist! etc.
I think you have distilled modern education to its essence.
Actually, most collidge students would say that it’s white-nationalist-supremacist (or something) to refer to America as having been “discovered” by anyone — or at least anyone from Europe. (Of course, the so-called Native Americans had probably also migrated from somewhere else, but oh well. Maybe the native chipmunks or rattlesnakes should take up the fight. I’m too triggered by now and must go find a safe space and hug a teddy bear.)
I’m going to organize a rally of chipmunks and rattlesnakes to throw the intruders from these sacred shores.
Dang! I got an overwhelmingly positive response from both the chipmunks and the rattlesnakes, so we all got together. Then the rattlesnakes ate the chipmunks and are all lying about with bloated bellies. I was bitten 14 times and am feeling a bit weak at the moment. 🙂
Sounds like ophidian privilege to me. 🙂
All snakes are imperialists. 🙂
Why did you make the test so tough? I suspect you had an ulterior motive. 🙂
What I fear is that none of those false facts is too absurd to be accepted by a college graduate today.
I’m gonna base a thesis on them and get me one-a them Dock-Tore-Its. 🙂
These are obviously everything-a-phobic trick questions!