Violet Crepuscular, author of the classic romance novel, Oy, Rodney, has been arrested by the Global Literary Authority on an assortment of really serious charges.
“She’s obviously guilty, so there’s no need for a trial,” said a GLA commissar whose identity was concealed under a hood.
Guilty of what? Well, here are some of the charges: Practicing literature without a license; failure to include a Full Spectrum of Gender-Diverse Characters in her novel; being white; and Climate Change Denial. Each one carries the death penalty.
Meanwhile, the GLA intends to “erase” her works. “We plan to track down and buy back all six copies of Oy, Rodney and burn them,” said the commissar. We think it might be Loretta Lynch in her new job.
Ms. Crepuscular was not allowed to comment on her arrest, but she is rumored to have been rather put out about it.
Here’s her defense strategy: Persuade the court to allow to to serve her own defense. By the time she finishes her opening statement everyone involved will have forgotten what it was all about. 🙂
She isn’t getting a trial. Otherwise, she could bring in Constable Chumley to plead for her.
Poor Violet! Will she be allowed to continue writing from her prison cell, or will we never learn the fate of those who’ve been sucked under the wading pool? That just wouldn’t be fair! And there’s so much to do, what with the upholstering and the wedding . . .
Ohh Rodney! Does Violet also believe in the Bible, Constitution, and 2nd Amendment? That’s like a triple threat.
Well, how many death sentences can they hand out?
A Go-Fund-Me account needs to be opened immediately. We can’t afford to lose our cutting-edge novelists after losing Thomas Wolfe & Phillip Roth.
I agree! Put me down for a negative $5,000. 🙂