My, er, Sales

I got my quarterly book sales figures, a couple of days ago. The less said about those, the better. You’d think the gaudy covers would attract more readers. But I guess people have to see them first.

Riding my bike this morning, I was stopped by an old one-eyed, one-legged man on a crutch. He had a snow-white beard and was dressed in ragged robes. But he claimed to be clairvoyant, so I paused to listen to his predictions.

“You will embark on a long sea voyage which will never get to where it’s going,” he said, “and at the end of it, you will not be elected president. Ooh, wait! You won’t be going to sea, after all. I wonder if I should have said ‘going to seed.’

“You will meet a man who will have no influence on your life. He will ignore you, and you will ignore him.

“When you turn the next corner, you will come to a hill. You will pedal up the hill and then coast back down.” I didn’t think much of that prediction. I pedal up that hill, and coast down it, several times a week.

“That will be twenty dollars, please,” he added. Before I could hit upon any kind of witty reply, he disappeared. That saved me twenty dollars.