As our country’s chief repositories of madness and idiocy, the universities have to be careful not to let any glimmer of sanity break in and spoil everything.
Brown University has aborted its own study of “gender dysphoria” because the results were soooo not what they wanted, and might have served to “invalidate the perspectives”–eh? what?–of “the transgender community” (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/08/30/brown-u-pulls-gender-dysphoria-study-worried-that-findings-might-invalidate-perspectives-transgender-community.html).
Honk if you believe there’s really any such thing as the transgender community.
Anyhow, the study indicated that rather than being inborn, “gender dysphoria”–that’s science-talk for saying you’re a woman when you’re not, or saying you’re a man when you’re a woman: in the vernacular, “stupid crazy bulls***”–seems to have an outside cause. We gasp at the suggestion that social media and “friends” can influence teens to “change their gender identity”–no! Say it ain’t so! In fact, the scientists discovered “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” following binge-watching of trans-encouraging videos. They called it “peer contagion.” Well, I never! Who would’ve thought teens could ever be influenced by other teens?
The study was discontinued before they could explore the question of whether overlooked or neglected teens can suddenly get all kinds of attention, and even praise, maybe even fame, for “changing their gender identity.”
Just for the record, because truth has value, there is no such thing as a transgender person. There are only deluded individuals who say they are transgender. We are not obligated to believe some poor kook who says he’s Warren G. Harding. Why should we have to believe these other nuts?
But in the spirit of academic freedom and untrammeled inquiry, Brown has shut down its study because the trannies might not like it.
Defund the universities. Defund them now. Because they’re killing our country.
Kind of reeks of absolute denial of truth no matter what. We throw ourselves in the floor, kick and scream until we get our way.
Monkey see, monkey do. I could have told them that.
Yeah, but they can’t raise the tuition to pay for you telling them.
We need more Liberty University and Hillsdale colleges. Where are the Christians to counteract the falsehoods being taught in government schools? We are to bring every thought into captivity to Christ. There is a lot of Christian work to be done. God created us to be workers.
The first thing we have to do is get our sons and daughters out of those schools and colleges–and defund those institutions.
People love attention, and nothing gains attention as rapidly as claiming to be part of the special-interest-group du jour. I feel sorry for many young people, because they are under so much peer pressure with regard to sex. Many assume that their sex life and “sexual identity” are essential elements which form the foundation of their lives.
Sex is important, but not in the way that many people think. It’s a wonderful gift. But not the center of one’s life, and there are people whose choose celibacy and live perfectly happy lives.
‘Twas the year 1611…
King Victoro, the king of an island near England, was sitting on his throne when suddenly the doors of the throne room opened and one of his servants came to him and said, “O king, we have brought thee a prisoner”.
“Good. Bring him in for interrogation!”
The doors of the throne room opened once more and there came in two guards with a prisoner between them, a rather dumb-looking man with spectacles and a black pirate hat. The poor man was wrapped up in a white strait jacket.
“Who art thou? What is thy purpose here?”asked the king.
“Well, uh…let me have the honor of speaking to thee in words”.
“Of course you speak with words! Now answer my questions!”
“Sure thing, mister. My name’s Cap’n Numbskull!”
The king raised his brow. “Oh, oh really… and thy purpose here?”
Captain Numbskull replied in a proud manner,”Me, Cap’n Numbskull, has been a’searchin’ for a bit o’ treasure. A map that I’ve been a’followin’ led I to this certain palace. So, me was lookin’ around when all of a sudden, two gentlemen came and seized me like a fish!”
The king became both interested and annoyed. “Hidden treasure? In my palace? I guess that makes it MY treasure! Am I wrong?”
“Of course you’re wrong! I’ve been a’lookin’ for this treasure for seventeen years! Seventeen years! And I advise thee to stay away from my merchandise!”
“WHA-WHAT DIDST THOU SAY?!!” the king bellowed, “I am the great king of this island, who will one day conquer all England. And you come to me with disgrace? Intolerable! I advise thee to submit to me, or taste my wrath!”
The pirate captain looked aghast, with his tongue sticking out.
“I-I’m so terrifyingly sorry! I didn’t mean to make thee so wimpy, and I shall submit to thee, rather than getting hanged for treason, and I shall hereby kneel to thee, o king…king….uh, King Whateversthyname!”
But what he said next let out a gasp from everyone in the room.
“Your Majestink”, he said as he kneeled, “I am thy most humbug servant!”
And therefore Captain Numbskull was kicked out of the palace.
THE END
by Joshua Makoto Swanson
All rights reserved 🙂
Ms. Violet Crepuscular remarks, “It is so refreshing to encounter a young person who knows how to write good.”
Thank ye so much for the compliment! I am so happy. 🙂
The Chronicles of Numbskull: Part 2
THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN NUMBSKULL
‘Twas the year 1611…
Captain Numbskull, the pirate captain of The Rubber Ducky, slowly and painfully got to his feet and looked up at the high castle.
“Oh, boy, what a fall!”, he said looking at the window high above from which he was kicked out of. “Thank ma’ lucky stars ‘am still alive! ‘Twas about a fifty-feet fall! Now, for that treasure!”
Looking left and right, he moved swiftly as best as he could with the strait jacket tied around him, making him look like an ostrich.
“Hello, what’s this?”he questioned himself, “Is this what I was a’lookin’ for, another entrance into the castle?” What he found was an old wooden panel with rusting hinges which was embedded in the dirt next to the castle.
With his feet he opened the trapdoor. He looked down: behold, nothing but pitch blackness…
“Well here goes a’nuttin’!” With that he plunged into the hole with an “Aiyaiya!!”. The trapdoor closed automatically after he fell.
“Ooof! Uh, what is this place?” He was now in an old cellar.
“Who-who art thou?”
The hairs on the back of Numbskull’s neck stood up at the unexpected voice. As he squinted his eyes and looked around, he spotted a cage… a cage with an old man inside, a very old-looking man with long white messy hair, a bushy white moustache and beard, and ragged clothes.
“Er… g’mornin’! Art thou Santa Claus?”
The old man answered, “Never in my life”.
Numbskull continued, “Art thou…Gandalf?”
“Out of the question!”
“Then art thou… a sasquatch?”
“Of co… what’s a sasquatch?”
“I have no idea! What’s your name anyways?”
The prisoner pondered for a few moments. “For many years, decades it seems, I have been emprisoned in this bird cage, so I hast forgotten my name! But I doth remember this one thing… my friends used to call me… Pistachio Penguin…”
“P-p-pistachio Penguin?!”cried Numskull in wonder.
“Yes, but enough of this! Will thou be so kind as to take me out of this stinkin’ cage? Here, I have nothin’ to eat but rotten eggs and stale bread, washed down by goat’s milk, given to me by those filthy little king’s brats!”
“OK, mister. I’ll try to free thee out of thy miserable birdcage!”
Up and down he jumped, kicking his legs at the cage as he did so. “If it weren’t for this evil strange jackpot… whatever it’s called, I couldst free thee with my hands!”
The old man, who was chewing his own beard, remarked, “Please don’t make too much noise! And thou actest like a chicken!”
Numbskull ubruptly stopped and looked at the old man, “And would thou please stop acting the goat!”
The old man stopped chewing his beard. “Huh?”
Twenty minutes later, with a final kick from Numbskull’s weakening legs, the jail doors burst open, and Pistachio Penguin was free!
“I can’t find any words to thank thee, sir! I thank thee from my heart! Tell me what I can do to repay thee!”
Numbskull looked as proud as ever. “No need to thank me, ol’ geezer! How old art thou, O Pistachio Penguin, anyways? Thou lookest like thou art at least two thousand years old! And you canst repay me by freeing me from my bonds as well”.
“I am fourscore and eight years old!”replied the old man, and taking a knife from his pocket, and with one swift movement, he cut the strait jacket right smack in the middle. The strait jacket fell to the floor.
“Eeek!” Numbskull yelled. “I thoughtest thou art a’goin’ to be a’killin’ me! And by the way, stink you very much for the cuttin’ of my bonds! And I hast forgotten to tell thee… my name is Captain Numbskull!”
“Oh…oh really?” The old man’s face clouded up and his eyes became shrewd.
Then out of nowhere Numbskull took out a pen and began scribbling something on the strait jacket which he picked up.
“What in the whole wide universe art thou doing?”
“I, the great Cap’n Numbskull, has been a’doin’ some elementary calculations, and I have come to the conclusion that thou art eight hundred eighty eight and a half years old!” Then snapping his fingers he said, “Oh, yeah, I’m a wonderful sparkling genius!”
But it was less than ten seconds later that Captain Numbskull lay sprawled out on the floor with his pirate hat pushed down to his nose.
TO BE CONTINUED…
by Nosnaws Otokam Auhsoj
All lefts reversed 🙂
The Chronicles of Numbskull: Part 3
THE TREASURE OF IGNORAMUS REX
‘Twas the year 1611…
“WHY DIDST I DO THAT FOR!!!” yelled King Victoro as he stomped around his throne room. “I shouldst have kept that foolish nutty little numbskull for a well-deserved public hanging!”
“What if he still liveth?”said one servant.
At that the king perked up. “Well, find him”, he barked, “find him, and bring him to me, dead or alive. In either case I will have his map”, the king made an evil smile,”and the treasure will be mine!”
Then he ordered his guards to search the outside of the castle for their lost prisoner, the venerable Captain Numbskull of the Seven Seas.
At that moment they heard a certain noise. ‘Clang! Clang!’
“What was that?” asked the king’s main servant, Robinsen Gruso, to the king.
“It better not be the old man imprisoned down below. It will not be good if he escapes, will it?”said the king twitching his greying blond moustache.
Then there was a scream.
“That sounded like Numbskull’s obnoxious voice! Find him! Find him NOW!!!” With that, fifteen of the king’s guards dispersed.
“Ahhh! I needest something to calm me down!” said the king, letting out a deep sigh as he sat back on his throne. Then he requested his small orchestra, standing near him to his right on a low platform, to play “The Raiders March” for him. And he proceeded to take off his crown and put on his fedora.
Meanwhile…
“WHY DIDST THOU DO THAT TO ME FOR!!!”whined Numbskull as he painfully got up, straightening his hat and pushing his spectacles back to their proper place on his nose.
“That was to teach thee a lesson: to be cautious of your actions. And just to warn thee… appearances can be deceiving and I knoweth kung fu”, said the old man.
“And ye be careful ’cause I’d be a’knowin’ yoga!”
Pistachio Penguin looked at him with eyes half closed and he crossed his arms. “That won’t help much at all, will it? And by the way, ye shouldst have gone to college”.
“Actually, I have” stated Numbskull, “I, the great Cap’n Numbskull, has been a’graduatin’ from the University of Foolish Oafs, and I will tell ye this one thing; that place is not the place for intellectuals like me”.
“The University of Foolish Oafs? No wonder why thy mathematical skills are horrible. Also, I need to say, ye doth not know how to speak to thy superiors”.
“Art thou sayin’ that ye is bein’ ma’ superior, Mr. Pineapple Pumpkin Pajamas?”
“It’s Pistachio Penguin. I doth remember my friends used to call me that because, when I was young, I eateth pistachios so much that I became fat and walked like a penguin.
“Ha ha ha! For some reason I findeth that name not to my liking.What day is it today?”
“Huh? What art thou talking about?” Then the old man looked at the thirty-seven years worth of notches made by his knife on his prison wall. “Well, looks like it’s Thursday!”.
“Then from this day forward thou shalt be known as Thursday!”
“…Why?”
“‘Cause it’s easier to say and it maketh more sense!”Then Numbskull made a serious expression. “I hast something to tell thee, something extremely important”.
“What is it?”
Then Numbskull took a piece of parchment out of one of his coat pockets. “Dost thou know what this is?”
“I don’t know. Your certificate of clumsiness, perhaps?”
“No, no, no, and NO!! This is the map that leadeth to the treasure of the great pirate king, Ignoramus Rex, the evil pirate captain of his flagship, The Idiosyncrasy, and he owned fifteen other ships. It is said that this great pirate lord sailed the Seven Seas and has found a certain valuable treasure in a cave in an island near Persia, the lost ring of an ancient Persian prince that is said to be made out of nothing but solid gold, and embedded in the ring is a valuable red pearl of enormous price. I want thee to help me find this treasure, said to be worth about fifteen thousand gold doubloons, which is somewhere in this castle. For seventeen years I has been a’searchin’ for this treasure. If we findest it, mark me words we will most certainly find it, then I’ll be rich and I can buy dozens of ships and become a pirate admiral! And to show thee my gratitude, I would give thee one-fiftieth of the booty. Savvy?”
“Well, uh, you’re so kind! I see not a reason to decline. The treasure of Ignoramus Rex?…Never heard of him. Where is he now?”said Thursday.
“Alas”, said Numbskull in a gloomy voice, “he was killed, about half a century ago, by a young knight named Cornmillius Victoro…”
“What! Victoro! Why, he’s the king of this island!”
“Oh boy, oh boy! What a major coincidence! More the reason to find the treasure before the king does! I’d like to have my revenge on the sulky king!”
“Well, then. If ye will have me as your fellow treasure hunter, I’ll be to glad to help!”said Thursday excitedly.
So Captain Numbskull showed him his treasure map.
“We art here,”said he, pointing to the castle on the map.
“Undoubtly so,”said Thursday.”The X here marks the location of the treasure, yeah, that’s great, but we needeth more clues!… Wait a minute. What art these small letters at the bottom of the map”.
“Eh? What? Where?”said Numbskull, densely.
Thursday snatched the papyrus away from Numbskull’s skinny hands and examined it carefully.”Let me see your spectacles for a moment”. The captain handed them to him. Thursday used them like a magnifying glass.
“Well, what doth it say? Quick tell me! Art thou tryin’ to be Father Brown or somethin’?” squeaked Captain Numbskull.
Casting a quick angry glance at him, Thursday dictated the words,”It sayeth,’Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high. And the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true’. ”
Silence reigned for a few moments. “What the weirdo does that mean?”said Numbskull.
“First of all let’s get out of here, out of the dungeons. I thinketh I know where to look!”said Thursday as they climbed up the steps and unto a hallway.
“Where? Outside? Art we supposed to go outside and wait for a rainbow to come out? That’s ridiculous!”
“Don’t even think of it. By the sounds I hear, it’s raining cats and dogs anyway!”
“What? Where?” said Numbskull, poking his head out a nearby window. “I ain’t seein’ any cats and dogs!”
“Bah! Whatever! Thou must have tissue paper for brains! To the king’s library, my dear Englishman, to the library. Because Ignoramus Rex liked nothing more, other than treasure and rum, than reading!”
Numbskull just stood there, mouth open wide, looking denser than usual. “But thou didst say that ye has never heard of Ignominious Rex, er, Ignoramus Rex.”
“Oh! Um, w-well”, Thursday stammered. “It was only a little deduction. Nothing more.”
And so after about half an hour they found the library, which was not that difficult to find, for it was so huge that it filled almost a third of the whole entire castle.
“Wow! Just look at all these books”exclaimed Numbskull. “I’ve never seen so many in ma’ laff!”
“Neither have I! Well, let’s get started with our search!”
But Numbskull sat down with his back against a bookshelf and fell fast asleep.
“What art thou doing! This is absolutely no time to sleep! Now get up and help me search, you little brat!”
Numbskull jumped back to his feet. “Oh, oh, oh, yessiree, mister! Sorry, I got a bit sleepy there, ehe!”
It took Numbskull only about five minutes to discover something. “Hey, Thursday! Over there, see! Over that tall bookcase over there!”
“Yes, yes I see! It’s a painting of a rainbow! You’ve made a brilliant discovery, surprisingly.”
Then without warning, Numbskull climbed on top of Thursday’s old shoulders.
“What art thou doing? Who art thou trying to be? Don Quixote?”
“I thinks I can be a’reachin’ it!” As Numbskull looked closely, he found a small button over the rainbow. “Aha! Bingo!”said he, triumphantly, as he pushed the button.
Then something fell out of an unreachable bookshelf high above and came falling to the ground.
“That ain’t a book!”exclaimed Thursday. “It’s a box!”
Hands shaking, head bobbing up and down like a chicken, and spectacles half-way down his nose, Numbskull moved slowly towards the mysterious box. Then he looked aghast, and said, “I-it’s not locked! And, and I see scratches on the lock!”
The old man said, “The treasure better be in there, or my name is not Tyra…Thursday.”
“Tyrathursday? What’s a tyrathursday?”
“Never mind”
“OK, well!” said Numbskull, rubbing his hands with delight and excitement. “Let us open this treasure box, shall we?”
Then they both put their hands on the box. “Together!!”said they in unison.
The box opened and “Aaa…Aaaa!” said the baby sloth as it slowly clambered out of the box and started to climb up Numbskull’s legs!
TO BE CONTINUED…
by Joshua Makoto Swanson
All rights reserved 🙂
Joshua, you might want to set up your own blog to present these stories. You’re sure to be better at computers than I am, so WordPress should pose no problems for you. (Also, it’s not expensive.) If you do set up a blog, I’ll be your first viewer.
I might decide to make my own blog someday. There is a free plan, so I might use that one. I will be happy to have my own blog in the future.
TO BE CONTINUED…
On my new blog!: https://joshuamakotoswanson.wordpress.com
Interesting!
I’m glad to see you here! Thanks for reading, Newblogger! 😊
🙃 🙃 🙃
🙂 🙂 🙂
😂 🙂 😂
If you hadn’t written this post, my blog would never have existed!!
Well, I’ve done some good, then.
I want to say thank you for making my life brighter!
It’s God that does that, Joshua. But He does like for us to help one another.
Amen. I thank God for what He has done and is doing for me and for all of us!