I only wrote that headline because Violet Crepuscular introduces Chapter CCXIV of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, with the teaser, “Chapter CCXIV of my epic romance, Oy, Rodney, explodes with action!” I suppose it had to, given the total lack of any action whatsoever in Chapter CCXIII, about which the less said, the better. I suspect she may have been impaired while writing it.
Before he can commandeer and hitch up a team of oxen to drag away the sinister wading pool in the vicar’s back yard, Constable Chumley has had to ask the vicar’s permission to do so. This should have happened in Chapter CCXIII. At any rate, the vicar demurs.
“My dear fellow, you can’t do that! I haven’t paid for it yet!”
“Yair, vicar, I screeve a delly mure,” says the constable.
“That’s exactly what I would say, if I were you,” replies the vicar.
At this point Ms. Crepuscular interjects a political observation. We shall pass over it.
Unable to get the vicar’s permission, Constable Chumley abandons that part of his assignment and returns to Coldsore Hall to search for clues that might lead him to Black Rodney’s hiding place. Lady Margo Cargo is present at Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s bedside, feeding him mealworms to speed his recovery. Both are disconcerted when the constable enters the bedroom and begin feeling about under the covers.
“What the deuce are you doing? Stop that!” cries Lord Jeremy.
“M’lord, ’tis nae fairthy twa’ wee trilling clues,” explains the constable.
“He’s right, my love,” says Lady Margo.
But there are no clues hidden in the bedclothes, and Lord Jeremy continues to complain. “Your hands are like ice, Constable! Go look for clues somewhere else!” No one minds when the constable departs to look for clues at the bottom of a tankard of ale at The Lying Tart.
Willis Twombley, the American adventurer who thinks he’s Sargon of Akkad, enters the room. Lady Margo thinks he and Lord Jeremy are the same person, so it always dazzles her to see both of them at once. In deference to her feelings, he exits without a word.
“No one minds when the constable departs to look for clues at the bottom of a tankard of ale at The Lying Tart.”
I always knew that he was smarter than he sounded when he spoke. 🙂
The action in this chapter is in overdrive – I couldn’t keep up. By the fifth read-through I finally got it – Lady Margo is certifiably crazy.
Ya think?
Dagnab it, sometimes the comments are funnier than Oy, Rodney!
I have to say, naming a pub The Lying Tart is about as good as it gets. If I saw a pub thusly named, I’d stop in. 🙂