Send Your Cat to College–Free!

Image result for images of cat in cap and gown

The newest Democrat candidate for president wants the government to pay college tuition for cats or dogs or any other pets that people might want to send there for a higher education.

“Who said college was only for people?” demanded Agrippina Fullavit, a village councilwoman from Pyongyang, Illinois–one of the few illegal aliens to be elected to public office in America. “Why should only humans get degrees in Gender Studies or Superhero Studies?

“This is the richest country in the world, and it ought to be the best-educated, too! Not only our people, but our pets! Cat, dog, hamster, goldfish–end the inequality now!”

Ms. Fullavit has a pet eel, Chuck, who, she says, is earning a degree in Neo-Marxist Palmistry at Groin Community College. “The tuition is hard to bear,” she said, “so it’s only right that the federal government should bear the cost of a truly universal higher education. All we have to do is tax the rich!” Ms. Fullavit herself is working toward a degree in Tic-Tac-Toe, but her education is already being funded by a federal loan.

10 comments on “Send Your Cat to College–Free!

  1. An eel majoring in palmistry is a wondrous thought, odds wot. I assume not on other eels, unless they’re trans eels who have not yet undergone palmectomies.

  2. Good trick, Lee. You ask us to write our own nooze story in the comment section, then don’t allow for comments. Is this some kind of test? Maybe that last satire about pets getting free education blew a brain fuse. 🙂

    1. WordPress has given me “comments disabled” as the default position, and I have to un-disable them with every post. I’m afraid to ask them to fix it, lest they replace it with a worse problem.

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