(“We are so ****ed…”)
I hope you’re sitting down for this.
According to research by the University of Alaska, “If the current rates of greenhouse gas emissions remain unchanged,” the vast isle of Greenland may be ice-free–
Alas, alack, and welladay! Game over, man! Why, that’s only… only [breaks out calculator; hands trembling, drops it, picks it up, drops it again]… Good grief! That’s only 1,900 years from now! Everything’ll wind up underwater but the Himalayas!
Well, like, s***, that settles it–all power and all money to a global government, and maybe, just maybe, they can save us! Otherwise when the year 3000 comes around and you find yourself standing around without a lifeboat as the water level rises to your eyeballs–and that’s with you standing on the roof!–don’t blame the government. We told you we had to have absolute power over everything and everybody! We told you we had to have all your money! But you wouldn’t listen! You wouldn’t listen to Science! And now you see what happens to people who won’t listen to Science.
Pack your water wings, folks! It’s gonna get mighty wet in just another 19 hundred years.