An executive vice president of Dominion software has reportedly bragged that Dominion’s computers (especially the “Hugo Chavez Hustler” model) tampered with national elections in Bazukastan last year to get a tree stump elected president.
“It was an experiment,” said (allegedly) Dominion honcho Antonio Pendejo, “and boy did it ever work! Schiff, man–we got a tree stump elected president!”
Asked, “Could you do it in a modern country like the United States?”, Mr. Pendejo replied, “We just did!”
The tree stump that is now president of Bazukastan does not even have a name. Dominion has suggested holding a “Name the President” contest. Unofficially, many people in Bazukastan have already dubbed the president “that ^%$#$# tree stump.”
Meanwhile, reporters have found Mr. Pendejo’s apartment vacated, his office cleaned out, and and his next-door neighbors cringingly insisting that they never heard of him.
Didn’t they must attempt that here? — I mean trying to get a tree stump elected president?
I hate to say it, but this post was so close to what appears to be truth that until I reached the phrase “Schiff, man,” I’d even overlooked Pendejo’s name and was taking the article seriously. (But then again, I once had a friend in junior high whose last name was Lipshitz, so anything is possible.)
Yeah, they imposed a tree stump on us. Except a tree stump wouldn’t be a crook.
Typo alert on my comment: That should have been “Didn’t they just,” not “Didn’t they must.” 🙁
I never noticed the error–one of those things the reader’s brain automatically corrects.
If only they were as harmless as tree stumps. We could deal with that. Most tree stumps are pretty straight up.
They also don’t get Ukrainian prosecutors fired for investigating corruption.
Sounds about right – I can envision Joe Biden as a tree trunk.
Covered with lichen.