G’day! Byron the Quokka here.
It takes an awful lot of money to start a university, and Quokka U. isn’t quite there yet. So Acme False Facts Inc. is going to help out with another special fund-raising edition of False Facts, 2% of the proceeds going to the university. I guess they keep the rest.
Why False Facts? Why, to convince your friends that you know a lot of stuff that nobody else knows, because you’re so bloomin’ smart! All you have to remember is to speak with total confidence when reciting any False Fact. Presentation is everything!
Here are just a few samples from Quokka U. False Facts 2.0. Ask anyone in the academic world, they’ll tell you–this is how you gain respect! And here are our samples.
*Ancient Roman engineers designed the first personal computer, but had no electricity to operate it.
*President Grover Cleveland’s mother kept him in diapers until he was 16.
*The Chinese word for “X-Ray glasses” has been unpronounceable since 1808.
*Project Mohole, the plan to drill all the way through the earth’s crust, was defunded in 1966 because Congress forgot to levy any taxes for that year and the government ran out of money. But the real problem was bashful scientists who were afraid they might find something naughty down there.
*The Paper Bag Tree of inner Borneo has been found growing in Nebraska, where it has provoked a wave of paranormal experiences that people don’t like to talk about. The good news is that the folks in Borneo want it back.
There you go! Try these on for size at any place where talking is allowed. The results will amaze you.
P.S.–They haven’t told us what the set will cost, so when you order it, be sure you write a check for lots of money.
The next to last false fact is too obviously false to fool our friends. No one would believe for a minute that the government would ever (a) forget to levy taxes, or (b) let having no money get in the way of funding expensive projects. 🙂
I wonder what would’ve happened if they’d finished the Mohole.
P.S.–Besides, there’s a major difference between False Facts and just plain lies. The ideal False Fact is unbelievable, who in his right mind would even listen to it? The challenge is to deliver it in such a convincing way that someone, somewhere, will believe it.
Sounds like a real bargain, Byron. Here are some fun facts you might want to consider for fund-raising.. Nazrat was the original name Burroughs chose for his hero, but the publisher got it backwards. Richard Nixon was excommunicated from the Quakers for speaking in Tongues. During the Renaissance they thought they had 3 popes at the same time, but actually there were five (one was a woman misrepresenting herself as a man.)