That Woman in Moldy Knickers (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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We join Chapter CDXXVI of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, in progress. That means she hasn’t finish writing it. And she has left Chapter CDXXV blank to denote that nothing in particular happened. I hope she’s all right.

As the new chapter opens, we have Constable Chumley, Johnno the Merry Minstrel, and the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, who thinks he’s Sargon of Akkad, holding a secret meeting to decide what to do about Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s sudden infatuation with the ghostly Woman in Moldy Knickers. They have been arguing for two solid hours over what to use as a password to open the secret meeting. Nobody wants to fall back on “Our Secret Password”–much too easy for any villain to figure out and use against them.

Finally Johnno comes up with “Mghawlwhg.” “It’s perfect!” he crepusculates. “No one will know how to pronounce it.” But this hope is dashed when the constable pronounces it easily. It turns out he says that all the time.

“Boys, we ain’t getting nowhere without a password,” Twombley says. “If we don’t come up with somethin’, Ol’ Germy’s marriage to Lady Margo will jist go belly-up! And I’ve got a stake in that, bein’ as she still thinks Germy and me are the same buckaroo.”

Eventually they discover that Chumley can’t say “catsup bottle,” so that’s the word they’ll use. The constable accepts it philosophically: “Aye, thurrup’s a frizzin baggy,” he declares. One cannot but agree.

That brings them to wondering if it will do any good to point out to Lord Jeremy that the Woman in Moldy Knickers has been dead for going on 600 years.

“To heighten suspense,” Ms. Crepuscular confides in her readers, “we will take that up in the next exiting chapter!” When she gets around to writing it, of course.

4 comments on “That Woman in Moldy Knickers (‘Oy, Rodney’)

  1. Tee hee, I know “our next exiting chapter” was a typo, but one can’t help hoping that Violet truly means that the chapter will exit as soon as it appears. 🙂 🙂

    This meeting of the minds (if one can call them such) reminds me of many staff meetings that I’ve been to. By the time they get around to the actual topic, it’ll be quitting time and they’ll have to table the discussion — or untable the participants who’ve fallen asleep with their heads on the table.

    1. Since you put it like that, well, no, not really. I enjoy every episode. But one must express one’s exasperation with Violet somehow, and waving one’s arms around doesn’t show up well in comment boxes — doesn’t show up at all, in fact, since the waving about of arms precludes typing at the keyboard.

      Instead, I suppose, one is reduced to referring to oneself as “one,” which is a truly obnoxious habit. 🙂

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