More Democracy!

All Star Game Ballots

The Blue State Fund for Unity has announced a new plan to make America’s national elections more Democratic… er, I mean “democratic.”

“We got the idea from the way they used to vote for the baseball All-Star game years ago, before computers,” said BSFU Commissar Royce Squeegee: “Grab as many ballots as you can and stay up all night filling ’em out–a great way to get your favorite players onto the team! Even better than the way they voted this year, on line.”

So what is the new idea?

“Phone-in voting!” burbled Squeegee. “Even better than mail-in voting, because we won’t need drop boxes. Anybody with a cell phone can call in as many votes as he wants! What could be more democracy than that?”

California is in line, he said, to be the first state to demonstrate the ineffable desirability of phone-in voting. “Once we overwhelmingly vote Gavin Newsom back into the governor’s mansion, the whole country will follow. I tell ya, blue state governors are already licking their chops over this!

“And if you don’t have a cell phone,” he added, “the Democratic Party will give you one–free! Along with another COVID vaccination, just to sweeten the pot.”

Squeegee rejected the argument that this will lead to bogus elections with millions of more votes than voters. “There’s no such thing as too much voting!” he howled. “We ran a computer simulation that showed 700 million votes for President Biden.

“This is a fundamental transformation to top ’em all!”

5 comments on “More Democracy!

  1. Only one problem: How will all the dead people call in votes? Oh, I know — pinch-hitters, I mean pinch-callers, for the dead voters.

    By the way, the reason I haven’t been around today is a good one for a change: A four-hour lunch with a friend, followed shortly afterward by a one-hour phone call with another friend. And now I’m trying to play email catch-up.

  2. Democracy is the worst form of government – the Founders hated it. They gave us a Christian Constitutional Republic. Too bad we haven’t kept it. Democracies always end up being some form of dictatorship of an elite, and then it morphs into communist totalitarianism. Why can Soros give $500,000 to Newsom via a group who supports him, and the average Joe can only give $2400?

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