Violet Crepuscular’s Mail Bag

silly romance novels – Lee Duigon

Taking a break from the narrative of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular finds time to read and share this year’s fan letter.

“This is from a Mrs. Citronella Jingles in Brushback, New Jersey. I looked it up, and there really is no such places!” impermeates Ms. Crepuscular. (I am not sure about that word.) “And she writes, ‘Why don’t the men persons in your romance go around with no shirts on like the men persons in all the other romances?’

“Well, Citronella,” Violet replies, “if you ever saw my neighbor, Mr. Pitfall, with no shirt on, it’d put you off the whole business for months. Yew! A horrible sight! Yeah, okay, it’d be nice if the men we see had those completely hairless torsos bulging with muscles–but then no one would bother to read romance novels if real life was like that!”

Privately, I don’t think she knows what to do. Having brought in both a hydra and a jackalope, and handed out injuries and conniptions galore, not to mention property damage–all she needs now is Godzilla.

“All I need now is Godzilla!” she confides in the reader. “The don’t call me the Queen of Suspense for nothing! I defy you to name another romance writer who dares to bring monsters into the plot! Like, who can be bothered with men with no shirts when a jackalope is gobbling up your garden?”

I believe she has escaped having to write Chapter CDLVI.

10 comments on “Violet Crepuscular’s Mail Bag

    1. That should have been “hirsutophobe.” (Blame my fumblefingers.) And yes, it’s a made up word meaning fearful of hair.

    2. I was just about to reply: it had to be a typo for hirsutophobe, which can only mean a fear of hair.
      Made-up words seem to be attracted to Ms. Crepuscular.

    3. Oh, yes, I’ve been reading all the posts and even listening to most of the carols — but on the run, with no time to respond. It’s been a hectic and exhausting weekend, and my inbox keeps filling up faster than I can empty it. But yes, I did enjoy Byron’s TV listings — especially the June Taylor Dancers turning up as staircase blockers this time. I always giggle in anticipation about where I’ll find them in the latest listings.

  1. All I can say is that Violet would be welcomed as a member of our hirsuteophobe support group. I have attended any meetings of late. I enjoyed the friendship and emotional support, but the traffic has gotten too hairy. 🙂

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