Done with COVID-19? Not yet suitably scared of monkeypox?
Well, hang onto your hats–here comes sea monkeypox!
“Yeah, folks, sorry about that, but we gotta lock you down again,” says Chief Phrenologist Otto Blotto, of the World Wellness Fanabla (WWF). “Thank goodness we already have drop boxes, absentee ballot forms, and mail-in ballots stockpiled in Mordor. So it won’t affect the midterm elections.”
According to information found inside a box of Lucky Charms, sea monkeypox can be contracted by anyone (and probably everyone) living within 2,500 miles of any salt water. Symptoms include a weird-looking physique, growth of a caudal appendage (he means a tail), a sudden eagerness to be trained, and shrinkage down to the size of a brine shrimp. Successful therapy includes casting multiple votes for the Democrat candidate in your district.
At all times, Dr. Blotto added, the WWF will live true to its Scientific Motto: “Democracy dies when Democrats don’t win.”
I wonder how many kids — not to mention adults — actually ordered these so-called sea monkeys, and whether the companies were ever prosecuted for fraud.
But then again, the covid hucksters were never prosecuted for fraud, and the monkeypox hucksters probably won’t be either. (Oops, sorry, I’m sliding into nooze on a Sunday. Bad girl.)
They keep ambushing us with it–not our fault.