Are Centaurs Really Real?

I am sorry I ever got involved in the controversy about centaurs being real or not. Feelings on both sides are running high, and it’s not much fun getting caught in the crossfire.

Among famous, well-respected, highly reputable persons who have actually seen centaurs, at least supposedly, are Theseus, Davy Crockett, Pliny the Elder, and H.P. Lovecraft. None of these witnesses is available for further questioning. It is also said that Jimmy Carter saw a centaur once.

For the time being, here are the facts.

*The best time to see a centaur is when you are intoxicated or asleep.

*California is the state with the most centaur sightings.

*Centaurs constitute a small but important voting bloc for the Democrat Party, especially in swing states.

*No centaur has ever been seen riding a bicycle or driving an SUV.

*The world’s greatest living expert on centaurs, Professor Jeremy Coldsore, has been hired by NASA to provide definitive proof of their existence–the centaurs’, not NASA’s.

To those who continue to email me with passionate arguments for one side or another, I can only repeat that it’s not up to me to make a ruling on this issue. Please direct your questions to a higher authority.

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