‘UN Bans Reporters from Global Warming Pow-Wow’ (2016)

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Yesterday’s Pravda is today’s “free and independent nooze media.”

Are you still wondering how “science” gets “settled”?

In 2016 the Untied Nations banned certain reporters from a climbit chains conference because–they came right out and said it–those reporters were “not helpful” to the globalist agenda.

UN Bans Reporters from Global Warming Pow-wow

Get it? You’ve gotta be “helpful” or they won’t let you cover their event.

How the dickens are we supposed to know what’s going on when government controls the press? All the sacrifices the Western world has made, to establish a free press–and now the, um, “journalists” don’t want one anymore. So much easier just to write what the government tells you to write!

Honk if you don’t think we’re on the road to slavery.

‘Climbit Change Been Very, Very Good to Him!’ (2017)

Obama home

Amazing, what you can get with a public servant’s salary!

I just remembered that the root of the Enron scandal was a plan to cash in on what was then called Global Warming but is now called Climate Change to account for cold weather in the winter. But Enron was going to make a fortune trading in carbon credits–yowsah, yowsah!

Silly Enron. They should’ve just watched Barack Obama and done as he has done.

Climbit Change Been Very, Very Good to Him!

Just going by his actual behavior, you’d never, never guess he was a Climbit Change salesman. If he believed half the garbage he shovels out to us, he’d be living in a mud hut and going to bed at sundown to save on electricity.

Show me one Climbit Change big shot who has imposed even one trivial hardship on himself to Save The Planet. Just one.

I’ll bet you can’t.

‘The People’s Climate March (Can I Wake Up Now, Please?’) (2014)

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Remember when it was all Global Warming, they hadn’t yet learned to call it “Climate Change”?

In 2014, with snow falling in our Western states while it was still freakin’ September, jidrools the world over called for a People’s Climate March.

The People’s Climate March (Can I Wake Up Now, Please?)

Yes–it was to be a march that would (wait for it!) “change everything”! And if you didn’t want everything changed, well, ain’t that just too bad?

Why does everything these people say sound like it was first babbled by Chairman Mao in between bouts of killing people?

And now they’ve stolen our government. Or did the Chicoms buy it for them?

‘So You Believe This Guy?’ (2016)

Five years later, this odious person is still creeping around the halls of government, still trying to arm Iran with nuclear weapons and use Climbit Chainge to force the rest of us back into the 12th century. Obviously there should only be air conditioning for the ruling class!

So You Believe This Guy?

How do we wind up being ruled by shysters like this? Our sins must be heaped up as high as Everest, for us to deserve the government we have. Ask them what they really want, and I wonder–oh, how I wonder!–what you’d get once you cleared out all the poop about “justice” and “equity” and Saving The Planet.

But it may be something no one dares to look upon.

‘As the “Science” Gets Sillier and Sillier’ (2018)

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Study our civilization! If you can find it.

Is there a secret government agency whose only job is to invent ever-more frivolous ways to waste our money?

I’d like to know how much this caper cost–“studying” the effects of Climbit Change on an alien civilization on another planet.

As the ‘Science’ Gets Sillier and Sillier

Just askin’–what do they mean by a “civilization”? Our own planet has had many civilizations. It has quite a few different ones today. But then most of science-fiction has always taken eventual Global Government as a given.

Heaven forbid.

I suppose, meanwhile, it would do no good to ask for our money back…

Why Must I Be a Cisgender Millenial in Love?

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Don’t laugh. Back in the 1960s they used to have off-Broadway plays with titles like that. We used to hear about them.

So here it is, Memorial Day weekend, and it’s raining steadily all day, and tomorrow, and it’s too cold to go outside without your winter coat… hot dog! Blobal Gorming! Climbit Change! Cthulhy fhtagn! Quick, give the government more power! And more of our money! If we give them enough, they’ll save us. Please pay no attention to those record low temperatures. (Dammit, Zuckerberg said he was gonna censor those!)

How do you round up enough random thoughts for a random thoughts column? It looks so easy when Thomas Sowell does it!

The other night somebody unfurled a huuuuge banner from the stands at Yankee Stadium, which read: TRUMP WON, Save America. Right on, kimosabe. Even in New York they know that election wasn’t kosher. Almost makes me want to be a Yankee fan again.

It would be easier to jot down and publish random thoughts if you didn’t have censors and ban artists breathing down your neck. You’ll have to read my mind for some of these.

Ah, well. Don’t forget our porch party, which I’ve moved ahead to tomorrow to give us time to imagine more stories and games and snacks. Don’t worry about the weather; the imaginary weather will be just fine.

And here’s a cute little axolotl to speed you on your way.

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‘John Kerry’s Bible Blooper’ (2015)

When he’s not running around trying to arm Iran with nuclear weapons, or confiscate people’s air conditioners to stop Climbit Change, former presidential candidate John “Doofus” Kerry is hallucinating about things he thinks are in the Bible.

John Kerry’s Bible Blooper

Why do leftids pretend they read the Bible? It’s obvious they’ve never read it. But in their humanist religion, it’s a sign of great wisdom to babble and prate about things they don’t understand.

God help our country, preyed upon by such as these.

‘Are These People Quite All There?’ (2016)

Global government personified!

Back in 2016 globalist schmendricks like John Kerry were already touting a “borderless world.” Which is what Climate Change and King COVID are all about, in case you hadn’t noticed.

Are These People Quite All There?

Please understand this. If you get rid of all the little governments that we know as “countries,” and replace them with one big huge government that will govern the entire world… the results will be horrific. Unimagineably bad.

But then, of course, it’ll be too late to do anything about it.

Anyone who wants to give that kind of power to the likes of John Kerry has got more than a few bats in his belfry.

‘Another Global Warming Prophecy Bites the Dust’ (2018)

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Nothin’ here but Global Warmin’!

Where did all these fascists come from? Have we begotten them?

Another Global Warming Prophecy Bites the Dust

They want to lock you up for not believing in their precious Man-Made Climate Change, which used to be called Global Warming.

And we put them back in power???

Well, in point of fact, we didn’t. The power that they have today, they stole.

And now they’re cranking up Climbit Change again. God defend us.

Let the Government Choose Your Livelihood!

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I’m so excited by Secretary of State Whatsisname’s promise! “We’ll provide our fellow Americans with pathways to new, sustainable livelihoods.” Pure genius!

See, it’s gotta be done Because Climbit Change. We’re all gonna need new jobs: after all, we can’t all be rioters. We can’t even all write cowboy poetry.

But we can all lug big stones around and pile them into heaps. Someday you’ll be able to get a Ph. D. in that. And certainly we can all spy on each other and report every discouraging, disloyal, demoralizing word to the government. And we’ll need a lot more prison guards.

First you’ll have to go to college–universal free tuition, of course: and don’t worry about the cost, they can just print more money–and then you can go on to a sustainable career of swabbing out bathtubs or raking the lawns of Really Important People. You might even wind up working for a social media influencer!

People will also be compensated for standing in line all day, which is a very sustainable activity, and you can make extra cash for attending Biden rallies, even when The Big Guy himself forgets to show up.

And you won’t need to earn much money because, as might be expected, Climbit Change will make it obsolete to live in houses that you own, drive cars, stay up after sundown, or say things the government thinks you shouldn’t say. Hey, how much money can it cost to live in a cardboard crate? And think how close you’ll feel to Mother Gaea!

And once Climbit Change is over, and there are no more germs in the environment, they’ll give us all our freedoms back!

But only if you still want them.