Tap the root beer keg! Break out the Monopoly game! Set up Pin the Tail on the Donkey! Let the imaginary party begin!
I forgot, in my eagerness to get the ball rolling, that my birthday this year falls on Mother’s Day. Well, then, bring your mother to the party! We won’t run out of food or fun. There are plenty of comfy chairs under the catalpa trees for those who’d just as soon take it easy. You don’t have to play horseshoes! And later we’ll have Mad Libs, so be sure to stick around for that. My mother always laughed herself silly, playing Mad Libs.
Yes, Norbert’s been invited. I think he just ran under the table over there. And Byron the Quokka is busy collecting comments for the comment contest. Violet Crepuscular should be here soon; Joe Collidge shouldn’t be here at all.
And we are taking hymn requests today, like every day.
We’re off to a pretty slow start, so spread the word–everyone’s invited, just drop in.
You’d think a birthday party would be a great place to collect comments, even if it is only an imaginary birthday party. And don’t give me imaginary comments!
G’day, Byron the Quokka here at the Leester’s birthday party; and I never get a day off from being in charge of comment contests. This party’s off to a slow start, and we have only four comments so far. I told him we should’ve made the prize a bicycle, but did he listen? Not him!
Instead, you can win an autographed book or this cool T-shirt:
Yeah, I know that picture is just awful. What it says on the shirt is, “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost –Lee Duigon”. You can count on it to start a conversation anywhere.
But first things first! Nobody wins anything until we get to 75,000 comments! We have passed 73,000, so we have less than 2,000 left to go. Will some of you please stop playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey and post some comments? Anyone would think I couldn’t do this job!
Just because it’s an imaginary birthday party doesn’t mean you don’t have to do the work. Those of you who’ve already shown up, you can help me set up for tomorrow. And we’ve got a keg of root beer that requires our attention.
Here in real life, it’s cold and grey and rainy. We will have perfect weather for the party: plenty of lawn chairs around the big catalpa tree for sing-alongs, tall tales, and Mad Libs. By all means, Mad Libs. Have you noticed the tree is occupied by cardinals and bluebirds?
Our celebrity guests will be Byron the Quokka and Norbert. Quokkas are already setting up the Monopoly table.
Remember, you’re all invited, we’re going to have a wonderful (albeit imaginary) time… and there will be no nooze. It’s my birthday, and I’ll bar the doors to the nooze if I want to, so there.
Sunday is my birthday, 72 years’ burdening the earth, and you’re all invited to my party. Our apartment isn’t suitable, so I’m constructing an imaginary house with a big back porch and a porch swing (gee, that picture looks like Grandpa’s porch! Just exactly like it!), horseshoe pits in the yard, folding tables for Monopoly games–the works. It’ll all be ready by Sunday morning.
There’ll be beer, cigars, wine, soft drinks, fruit punch; cake, donuts, crabcakes; and I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of you showed up with the means of making music for us. (You know who you are!) Hamburgers, hot dogs, spare ribs. I am prepared to spend however much imaginary money it takes to make this imaginary party a success.
If we put our minds to it and all work together, we just might look like a Grandma Moses painting.
So who’s gonna be there? Everyone’s invited.
Now excuse me while I set some lawn chairs under the catalpa tree…
After a night of torrential rains, it’s a cool and sunny day. But I’m indoors because I have to write my weekly Newswithviews column–not as easy as it looks.
I was reluctant to come inside. Not just because the weather’s so nice today, but also because I was out there re-reading Behold!–and if I do say so myself, it’s a very cool book and I wanted to just go on reading it. I should point out that authors don’t always feel that way about their own books, especially when they’re still scrawled over a stack of legal pads.
Maybe I can finish the column in time to get back outside.
Meanwhile, I haven’t yet found a way to bring the blog’s view numbers back up to where they were. More quokkas, anyone? Would that do it?
Yeah, for this blog, April was a rotter–3,000 views less than I had last April. If I was a business, I’d be out of business. It’s all very discouraging. And there seems to be no remedy. Whatever they’ve done to my search engine ranking has truly clobbered me.
It is an affliction. Maybe not much, as afflictions go; but it’s my affliction, and I tend to take it personally.
But my Bible-reading this morning brought me to Psalm 119 (by far the longest chapter in the Bible: 176 verses); and by the time I was done reading it, I couldn’t wait to get back to work.
If the affliction comes from God, then He has a good reason for it that will ultimately do me good, even if I can’t understand it. When He afflicts us, it’s to deepen our understanding, and to test our faithfulness. And to deepen our strength.
If the affliction comes from some censorship johnny in Big Tech, the Lord will know how to judge it. Eventually the wicked fall into the pits they dig for others. The higher they rise, the farther they fall.
So what do I do? I’ll just keep going, keep on doing my best, and not give in. Let it be in God’s hands. And meanwhile I can post all the hymns I please.
If they’re holding me down, it means one of my fellow servants will be free to rise.
Let’s drive the Enemy crazy with a Whack-a-Mole game he cannot win.
Judo was my sport in college. And today, 50 years later, I can’t imagine how those stern Japanese referees could have ever let judo turn into the parody of itself that it has become today. I realize I may be the only one who thinks like this; but it really bugs me.
So here’s how they demonstrate a basic judo throw.
In most of these videos, the guy who’s gonna do the throw launches into this enormous windup that telegraphs his intention from a mile away. In so doing, he puts himself way off balance–doubtless counting on his opponent to just stand there wondering about the meaning of life. I think, even after all this time away from judo, I could still dump someone onto his face before he finished his windup.
Here is a video from the Kodokan, the authoritative institute of judo, demonstrating the same throw without the goofy windup.
Even worse than the telegraphed throws is the fannying-about that takes place now at the start of many judo matches. I guess they call it “showmanship.” In 1970 the referees would have called it, “You are expelled from this tournament.”
I can’t imagine what my Kodokan-trained teacher would have done if I’d try to start a match by warm-up conniptions and slapping at the other guy’s hands. Whatever he did to correct me, it would have been severe.
But what else can you expect from an age in which cricket matches in England now have… oh, it pains me to say it!… cheerleaders?
Our cat Peep seems a bit under the weather today, and she’s been having trouble getting up the stairs to the bedroom. She and Robbie are getting elderly.
Peep is Patty’s little shadow, and I don’t mind carrying her up the stairs if that’s where she wants to be. Not everybody understands this, but some of you do: our cats are our loved ones. Not much left of our family, and those who still live, all live far away. I can’t manage a four-hour drive on the highway anymore.
So please mention Peep in your prayers. We need the love our cats give us. Pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Last year the squirrels ate all the flowers as soon as they bloomed. This year, deer stopped by and ate the buds. But they missed two of them, and so we put a tomato cage over the two remaining buds; and as they grew, we put bricks under the cage to give them room to grow. So now we have two gorgeous bright-red tulips growing by our front door.
It’s such a treat to see them again. I love the deer, but really, they shouldn’t eat our tulips! But the cage has stymied both them and the squirrels.
Flowers are one of the ways God has of telling us that He’s never farther than a prayer away.
Because of a combined screw-up by the IRS and our bank in 2019, today our phone is tied up, there is no access to the breakfast table because it’s knee-deep in paperwork, I can’t eat unless I want to do it standing up, my wife is listening to endless streams of wretched muzak as she tries to get through to someone, anyone, at the IRS–gee, this could take all day! And then, and only then, can we do our grocery shopping!
The IRS says we owe money on our taxes. We had that money withheld for taxes, but the bank never bothered to finish the transaction. So far it has taken 40 minutes of phone time and we have yet to speak to anyone. Call the bank, and they make you listen to muzak for 15 minutes before a recorded voice tells you they won’t be answering their phone.