Tag Archives: joe collidge

My Imadginery Freind!

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Hear at Collidge us Introllecturals we lern “things” we nevver knowed “abote” Before!

Yeasterdday “in” Intorsexonal Gender Studdies the teetcher she toled “us” yiu got to Has a Imadginery Freind who willl alyaws tel yiu “wen” yiu are thinkin or sayin or doing somthing “that” Is Sexist or Hatful or Micro Grecian!!! and the “Best Thing” abuot it is yore Imadginery Freind ze becombs Reel!! Jist by sayin you has one,, yiu reely has it!!!

My Imadginery Freind ze “is A” Trans Ghirl named Scrodd i think “that” Is a reel neiss Name!! and Now she gose whith me warevir i amb and yiu know waht?? I axually seen xer!!!! butt ze dont whant me to tel yiu waht ze looks lyke!! becose xe amnt done Trans Itchining yhet! so al I wil “say Is” that ze is reel Biutafull!! evin more Gorjist than Kate Lynn Jender!!!!!

Jist a minnit Aggo i was jist abote to rite “She” insted of “Ze” and wow did Scrodd let me has it for that!!! That “is” howe I got stoppped fromb making a Sexist Micro Grecian!!! and jist nhow ze is teling me i cant eeat no Wyte Jim Sox no moar i can only eeat Plad Sox becose them wyte Sox thay are Racist!!!

I can allreddy fiel my Intralleck groing by leeps and bownds!!!!


I Has Passed Lifes!!!

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Well! I wented to a lexture last “nihght” and It was al abote Passed Lifes and waht do yiu know,, i has got a hole buntch of Passed Lifes! i was evven Nipolion oncet!! but i had me a evven moar Impotant Passed Life then that!!

I aslo hadded a Passed Life As Hillery Clintin!! O man it dusnt get batter than this!!! No wunder “i” has alyaws feeled sutch “A” Bond whith her!! Like man i “was” rihght thare wen Hillery she was jist a Baby wen she was borned and thay naimed her “after” That Guy who climed MT. Everlast a few yeers layter!!! and I was aslo her wen she gotted maried to Billl Clintin he was Pressadint oncet. i whished i culdof keeped on “being” her but then I got bornded as My Self so i Wasnt Hillery “no more!!””

Now it Makes me wunder iff mayby Hillery she hadded a Passed Life as me!!!!! i bet she did! If only “we” culd get To-gether and talk abuot our Passed Lifes and mayby eat some Nice Jim Sox, sory but i am getting Hungary and somtimes that makes “my” Moth Antenners itch somthing Feerce!! Butt i wil save her a tastee Hankerchiff in case she “Vizzits” our Collidge somday!!!!

P.S. I “think” the wimmin who gived the lexture she mustof been a Angle becose she knowed so mutch “abote” Passed Lifes!!


Free Collidge credit Four Protest!!

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Hear it is mor prooof that No “mater” waht a wimmin she says, it “is” true!!

The boss commassar of “our” Stodent Soviet she “had” A Grate Idear last nihght and this Collidge we are goingto Do It!!!

Thare’s this ghuy named Mavvarick or somthing like that and wite supremes thay are trying to Putt him on the Supremassist Court and this grate idear “it” Is to give alll stodents **Free Ackadermic Creddit** !! four iff thay Protest Him!! And the Commassar she thawt It wood be Evin Bettter if thay gived Free Ackadermic Creddit like when-evver yiu Protest “any Thing”!!! Al yiu got To “do is”” Protest enuohgh and yiu “are” haffweiy to getting yore Deegree!!!

And this it is Brillyint, yiu get a Deegree in Any sujbect yiu whant!!! I knowe one ghuy he is in my Gender Studdies 666 class he is goingto Protest a hole lot and get “a” Deegree in Enginearing!!!! Then he can make “lots of Munny” bilding Brijjes!! It dont mater if All the Creddits yiu got thay are only from Protesting,, yiu can stil get a Deegree to be a Dockter or a Climbit scyantits or watevver!! If yiu “are a” Socile Jutstus Wirer yiu are Smart enuohgh to do Any thing Any how!!

This it is furrther Prooof that Combunism it reely whirks!!!!!!


Mor Monny for dyvercity!!!!

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Wow! We just hered that Kornel Unavercity thay going To “spend” Sixtie Millon Dolors to “get” more Dyvercity!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11354) and that Is “a”lot of monny!!!

Us stodents hear at Our Collidge we whant to spend “even mor” Than that!! becose Dyvercity it is Impotant!! Thare “isnt” nothin mor Impotant then Dyvercity and only wen yiu “has” True and Puer Dyvercity is wen yiu Can finely “get ridd”Of al them Conserfatives and Christins so thare is No mor of Themb on Campas!!!

Some Hater and Biggit he sayed “wear did Kornel get $$60 Millin Dolors for Dyvercity??” Wel he is so stopid i Cant fined wherds for “it”!! It dont mater Wear thay “get The” monny! and it Is hat speach jist to Ask that thare stopid Quistoin!!!! So a buntch of Us we beet him “up” for not being Dyvercity enuohgh!!! Yiu has to get ridd “of” evry boddy whoo got The rong Opinoin and only then yiu has reel Dyvercity!!!!

So i dont “know” wear thay got “The” $$$Sixty Myllyon Dolors and i dont Care!!! i gess thay jist founed it,, heck somtimes I finded monny in facked jist the utther Day “i” founed a quorter in “the” Praking Lot behined Trotsky Haul! and if yiu fined lots And lots of quorters and aslo dymes and nichols it Al Ads Up to $$$$6i0 millun dolors or may be evin mor!!!!!

Some utther Biggit Hater Racist he sayed is “This waht we payin al that Tution four??” and we beet Him Up two. Some “day” theze hear Biggits thay wil lurn that Reel Dyvercity it meens thay got “to” Shut UP!!!


We has Got it Now!!

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See that thare Piture?? That “is” a Carbin Mollycule and Carbin it is very very Bad!!

Wel hear at Collidge we is done somthing Abote it!! We haved a meting of the Stodent Soviet last “nihght” and we desided that Fromb Now On we are going “to” has A Carbin-Free Campas!!!!!

This it has bin thunk up “by” our Smartist Interllecturals!

Yes thare woont be no more Carbin aruond hear and thare whil be Punishmint for anny boddy Who brings anny Carbin onto The Campas!! Carbin it causses Globble Warming and Climbit Change! Evry stodent who sees a Carbin Mollycule on the sidewaulk or “on” the grass yiu has to Pick “it Up” and get ridd of it!! and we willl has Socile Jutstus Teems going alll aruond to Make “sure” yiu do!!!

This hear IT ‘IS’ THE VERY FRIST STEP TO HAS A CARBIN-FREE WHORLD!!! Only of coarse if Hillery she was pressadint like she shood be only Trumpt and the Russins thay coluted, wel we wood all reddy has a Carbin-Free “Americka”!!

We are reel exytid becose our Party Chair Wimmin she sayed probly The UN it whil quick pick “up” on this and set up Carbin-free Zoans evry ware!!!!! and we wil probbly get golden meddles or statchues of us!

So iff yiu “see” any “of” them Carbin Mollycule anny ware yiu bettar deestroy themb or else!!! Ore Socile Jutstus Teems thay meen bisniss!!!

Dont make us hert yiu!!


We Has got A Goolog!!

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Hear at Collidge we was going “to” make a Goolog for al them biggits and christins “and” Throw them al into It and we amlost done it too only than we Finded Out that them Goologs in Russha thay “were reely” nice plaices!!!

Somboddy i thinck he Is “a” con-servvative he sayed the Goologs “thay” was jist theese offle consintraction camps “in” Cybeeria but we quick figgered Out he ownly sayed “that” jist to try To make Commbunizzm loook bad!!! We lernt that fromb Trans stodents down thare in Brittin! thay sayed peeple thay got sended to Goologs becose that it Was “the” Cumpashenit thingg to do!!!!

Well!! Jist think how dum we wuld of fellt iff we sended Biggits to a Nice Plaice!! thay was probly jist Iching to be sended “thare”!! But hahaha the joake it is on themb!!!!!

We stil goingto has a Goolog but insted of sending biggits thare we will send our selfs!!! How abote that yiu dum biggits!??! We get the Goolog and yiu jist “has” To stay outsyde!! We whil be doing Play Doh “and” eatin Soy Cookys wile yiu has “to” whork!!

PS>.–i Lookeded up Cybeeria on a Map “butt” thare is no sutch plaice it was jist “An Other” lye them biggits tolled about Commbunizzm!


Joe Collidge’s Future in Doubt

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Usually on Fridays this blog gets a visit from Joe Collidge, and we get an update on educational failure and intellectual mischief. But now Joe’s future is a bit iffy. I mean the future of those “Joe Collidge” posts. We know his actual future is somewhat worse off than just iffy.

At least one reader wants Joe to go away. At least one wants him to stay. What about the rest of you? Should he be voted off the island?

The picture above is not Joe himself, but one of his Gender Studies professors. Joe puts a waste basket over his head whenever anyone tries to take his picture. The fact that he has grown a pair of moth antennae seems to embarrass him.


We has Got A Free Speach Zone!!

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Them consturvatiffs thay Are such “cry babys”!! alyaws carying On “abote” free speach and some Frist Amentmint or somthing! So hear at Collidge wee hadto Give “them” a Free Speach Zone ware thay “culd” say al thair stopid stuff!!!

So now we got a Free “Speach” Zone and it is this hear Old phone boooth, the phone it dont work no “More” and al the biggits and christins thay can go insyde thare and say stuff! Only Of Coarse we hadd to make Excceptoins!!

Thay can say what evver thay whant Insyde the Free Speach Zone as long As “thay” dont say none of the follering,

hat speach, Homo Fobier, Izlambo Fobier, Trans Fobier, Climbit Chainge De Nile, and aslo thay cant alloud to say Anny thing bad “abote” Hillery, she shuld Be pressident!, Pressident Obamma (becose he Is “the” Gratest guy evver!!), anny Demmo Crat, and aslo “thay” cant say Anny thing good abote Stopid Donold Trumpt, Repulbbicans, the bybble, christanity, wite peeple, Americka, and thay cant “say” nothing goood abuot Them Selfs neither—butt othir Than That it’s all Free Speach!!!!

We whill addd More Restrickcions layter as we think of them,, we probly Fourgot some wenh we writ up “the” list!

And aslo we wil has our Micro Grecian and Divercity Responts Teem standin out syde the phone boooth to get “them” whan thay come “out”!!!


Hapy Laber day!!

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Twomorrow it is Laber day and that “is” kindof a funny “holladay” fore us hear at Collidge becose i amb a Intallectural and us interllecturals we know Work It Blows! Thare shuldnt be no boddy have to Work axcept mayby christins and Wyte hetrosexules thay are no good for anny thing Elsse!!

Butt evin if thare isnt no Work no moar thare shuld stil “Be” Laber unyins!!! I can not Staite that stronglie enuohgh!!!

That “is” becose Laber unyins thay are reely trooly transsend boarders and contries and stuff and Thay Can Be “the” bassis of a Genuwine Globble Guvernmint!!! My prefesser he teaches us al aboat this Grate Gye his name “it” was Jimy Hoffah and the Catapillists thay had Jimy Hoffah killled to Stopp “him” from bein Pressadint it was as Bad as waht thay done “to” Hillary,, Trumpt and The Russhins thay kild Jimy Hoffah!!

Yiu see It “is” alyaws them repubbicans thay Try to stopp the Globble Guvermint fromb bein Set Up “becose” thenn thare wuld be Socile Jutstus and “evry boddy” thay wuld be Gay and Lezbien!!! and thare wuld be “no moar” Religgin neether!! Laber unyins thay reely culd make The Whorld a erthly Paradize and No One thay wuld has to do no Work no moare!!!

 


The Evilution Of Chest!

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I atanded a Fassanating lexture “last” nihght on Evilutoin it “was” abote how alll Things thay Evolvved starting whith It raned on “the” rocks and “the Rocks” thay came alyve!!! That is Whaht Sciance it says and Sciance it “is” Awlyays rihght!!!! and anny Boddy that dosnt think so thay “are” Sciance Denyers and has got to be beat up And put in Jale!

Take the game of Chest frinstants! i dint knowe Chest it evolvved from Checkers and Sorry! and then It evvolved back to Carears or somthing and then back to Chest agin!!

The frist Chest games thay “wer” alll in the Ocion becose the Ocion it “is” ware All Life itt begun! and the frist Chestmen thay was jist litttle like Germs or Mikerobes but then thay Come out On “land” and starrted Evolvving into Dinasore Chest and Woollie Mammith Chest and then Cave Man Chest only i fourgot to say that frist it was Checkers and then it was Sorry and thare is “one” Sciantits he thinks thare was a Meal Borns staje tooo!! Butt he is “stil” dysecking Chest Men to try “to” fined Meal Borns DNA!!

Butt “the” Best part of The Lexture it was how “evry thing” it is stilll Evolvving and some Day the “Humin Race” it whil Evvolve into theese like supramen with Camputers for Branes insted of waht We got Now witch is a Goood Thing i can harrdly weiht untill My own Brane it evvolves!! Then i willl larn How “to” playe Chest and probly be Come a Chest Exprat!!!! Meenwile i cant figyore out whatt al them Porns do,, and wye thare is “so” menny of themb!


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