We Has A Histry Lessen!!!

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I amb not Sick no moar and “this” moaning We hadded a Histry Lessen it was al abuot Haow Karl Marcks he rited The Decklerasion “Of” Indypendintz while “his” Bruthers thay wher maiking Moovies that “is” wye themb moovies thay was in Black and wyte becose thay “are” so olld!!!!

Back then evry thing “it” was Purfict,, thare wasnt no Incum Innequallaty or nothing lyke “That” until wite peeple thay Caim “over” on the Maiflour and thay brung Capptolism and runed evry Thing!!!!! and Aberhamb Linkin he comed allong and made Slavery and Sisstemick Racism!!!!!

We “are” stil tryying to Cach somb one for a Hyumin Sackerfyce “To”” Pressadint Obomma so he can maik Incum Innequallaty and Climbit Chains and Instratutchinal Racism go awaiy butt “evrytyme” we pick somb boddy fore That thay hyde on us oar Run Aweigh and aslo a Sackerfyce it whill enabel Pressadint Obomma to “taik” Hyumin Formb!!!!! He says “he” “is” geting Tyred “of” beeing this heer Fat Wite guy and watt Is taiking us so lawng??? Aslo it is geting kyned of Expenstive “to” feeed himb tooo!!! Lassed nite he ated Fillay Meenion and Lobbstir and a grate big Caik!!!!

Well i nevvar studdyed no Histry befoar;, yiu shure can lern “Somb” sapprizing Things!!!!!!

Pressadint Obamma he Is “Heer”!!!

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I caint beleave “my” ayes!!!!!!!!!! Pressadint Obamma he “is” heaer,, he is acturelly heer, rihght Heer on our Own Collidge Campas!!!!! He is Heer in Hyumin Formb!!!!!

Somb of us butt Not Me we wher “a” Littel Canfused at frist i gess becose he dint Look “eggzackly” lyke we thawt,, in facked he Looked lyke a Short Fat Gye and aslo he dint Look Black atoll!!!!! for a minnit thare i thinked somb “Of” the Stoodint Soviet we wher goingto Attack himb, lyke he was Ownly Pre-tendding to be Pressadint Obamma,,, thay evin Grabed his Dryvers Lysints and it sayed his naimb it was Rikky Stoonatta or somb thing Lyke “that” butt then he eggsplaned it “To” us!!!

Sombtimes wen I taik on hyuman formb” he sayed “it doughnt com Out egzackly Rihght like It “awt to” becose “It Is harrder then It Looks!”!” That thare lysints it turrned Out Rawng tooo!! So we toled himb abote al The trubble “we” hadded whith his Statchoo and the hed keeped fawllin Off Etc. and aslo the hyumin Sackrafyce we “whanted” to give himb,, that Person he runned Away and we “coodnit Catch” himb so we sackrafyced somb Card Bored insted.

Butt he was Very “grayshiss” abuot it And he jist sayed “Sea? That’s” ware “evry thing it wendt wrawng and That is Wye i camed Out “looking lyke” this hear rikki Stoodnatta guy insted of Me!!!! Neckst tymb you Better Maik a reel Sackrafyce and then i whil” “look lyke Me!”” So then we All under-standded it!!!

Nhow that he Is Heer we has to Give “himb” lots of foood And beeer And anny thing Elsa he whants and aslo Munny And toys And Marrawanna and he “wil” Staye whith us A Wile and he wil giv us Good Grayds and teatch us Al Abote Socile Jutstus!!!!!! Aslo we has got to Giv himb a hole Dorm al to himbself and aslo somb Other “things” that i amb Not Aloud to Tawlk Abote!!!!!!

I wunder Haow “Lawng” he wil staye heer!!! he can Evin has “my” Jimb Sox iff he gets hungry so i bettre Not eet themb al My Selphf!!!!!

I Amb reely Sick Nhow!!!!

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I amb riting this heer Poast “fromb” the Collidge Infurmery becose i amb Still sick becose i must’of eated Too Mutch Play-Doh in facked our hole Stoodint Soviet wee “are” Awl Sick!!!!!

This it “Is” becose Of Racism,, somb Racist thay “put” somb Thing in “the” Play-Doah and nhow wen we do Numbber Twoo it is lyke A Rock!!!! and its In “alll” The Play-Doh cullers red and yalu and blue etc.,!! and it stil pheels lyke i has got a lode of Gravvle in my gutz!!!!! we wher Ownly triing “To” avoyd eeting meet and vejtubbles and somb Poor Gye his leggs thay fell Offf!!!! Butt “It Is” a Smawl Pryce to Paye for Socile Jutstus!!!!!!!!

Thay taked my tempertchure Tooday and it “was” like Sevinty-One deegrees oar sombThing, sea i awlyays knowed i wood Get “a” Deegree! and my Moth Antenners thay “Are” spining al a-ruond And a-ruond lyke Crayzie!!!! Yiu arnt saposed To “get” Sick fromb eeting Play-Doh,, we must’of got Poysinned by a Biggit!!!! i bet crisschins done It,,, thay wher Mad At Us foar stoping Crismiss!!!

“The” Dockter she sayed i whil Get Beter but i Cant “eeat” no moar Play-Doh butt she doughnt know i has got A Hole Stash in “my prefessers” Toool Shedd so ha-ha-ha “on” Her!!!!!!

Somb Boddy thay sayed tooday it “Is” Noo Yeers butt that Cant “be” rihght becose Its ownly Jannyuery!!!

I Amb Sick Agen!!!!

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We hadded A spacial Party “last” nite four Al “the” Stoodint Soviet, it wasnt crissmiss Eave, we hadded a Pressadint Obomma Paarty insted “and” It was reely Grate axept the Gye we “wher” “goingto” Sackrafise he runned “away” And we coodnit cache himb so we hadded to Sackrafise somb Card Bored insted!!!

And aslo we had spagetty “and” Meetbolls maid “out” Of Play@Doh becose it is sexist to eet meet so we ated Play-Doh and i mustof ated tooo mutch and nhow i pheel so Sick!!!!!!!!!! i coodnit harrdlie “get out” Of bedd too-day and so fore Brexfisst i ated somb Tisshoo Payper but That it “didnt” Help At Alll!!!!!

Oh i amb goingto heeve!!!

Whe was goingto has “anether” Party too-day for Pressadint Hillery but i has herd “that” evry Boddy thay Are awl too Sick to cellarbraite;; mayby we shoodnitof drinked that stuph that comes Out “of” Car battaryes it was Sappozed to get us High!!! and swallering Alka Seltser on topp “of” It that didnt Help ether!!!!

I cant rite no “moar” i amb pheeling wooozy!!!

No Moar Crismiss!!!!!

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Tooday it “is” a Grate Day “forr” our Collidge,, we hadded “a” spacial Emurjintsy meting of the Stoodint Soviet and “we” voated yunannamistly to outlaw Crismiss becoase “it” “is” a Racist holladay!!!!!

Insted of Crismiss we whil cellerbrate the burth Of our Pressadint Foure Lyfe Pressadint Obamma!!!!! How Grate is that!?!?

Unforchinitly our Obamma statchoo’s Hed it falled Off “agenn!”! so we hadded to maik anether New One out of Play-Doah!!!! this heer “it” is Verry Impotant and I amb verry sirius abuot it!!!!! As sooon as we “put” the New Hed on the Statchoo evry boddy at Collidge thay “whil” has to Warship It!!!!!! and anny boddy whoo doughnt “do” it we wil keey thare Car!!!!!!!! This heer it “is” waht Freedumb of Relijjin it reely is!!!!!!!!!!

And aslo “IN” adittion to this thay wil has To naim thare Petz afftar Pressadint Obamma tooo!!! This one gye heer he has A Hammstir naimed Fluphfy,, he sayed he woont “chainge” his naim so we beet himb up!!!! This heer it “is” Dyvercity In Acsion!!!!!!! It doughnt mater Iff yiu has a Catt oar a Dogg oar a Turdle,, yiu has got To Naim It afftir Pressadint Obamma and aslo Prey “to” It tooo!!! Evin the stodint whoo hases A Pet Leech Wurm he whil has to naim that Pressadint Obomma tooo!!

Wee woont Stop “un-till” evry boddy Heer thay “are” ezzackly The Saim!!!!!!!!

I hoap that doughnt meen i has got to Chop Offf my moth antenners!

Quokkas Protest!

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G’day–or not! Byron the Quokka here, from Quokka University on Rotnest Island.

At an emergency meeting today of the entire faculty, we have voted unanimously to lodge the strongest possible protest to a scheme to include us in some flimgop novel with Joe Collidge and all those nincompoops in Scurveyshire. Plus toothpaste recipes by Violet Crepuscular! Crikey! Does it get more undignified than that?

Our protest has been written down on 100% recycled paper! The unimportance of that cannot be overstated. How would you like having to listen to Constable Chumley try to teach Joe Collidge the history of England? Well, mate, not at our university you don’t! We’re almost ready to start our first semester, and we don’t need that.

Here at QU, we uphold the highest standards of literature–or will, once we find out what they are.



Dambit!!! We has Got Hare Balls!!!!

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Dambit awll!!! Thare reely was Cat Hares in that Woke Co-Vidd Caik we hadded “last” weak,, “thare” Was lots “of” Cat Hares “in” It and i eated a hole Lot Of that caik and i Been has Hair Bawlls evry Day!!! jist lyke somb stopid Cat!!!!!!

Sombtymes “It Is” reeely harred To Be “a” Socile Jutstus Wirer,, nhow I cant Evin Eet jim sox whith-out “geting” anether Hare Bawll!! and i amb knot “the” ownly One!!! we has al has hairbawls!!!! and It Is “a” Big Shayme becose Pressadint Obomma he kneads “us” “to” Riot and do Protist stuph but itt Is So harred “to” brake shopp Whindows wile yiu “Are” hasing a hairbawlll!! Our hole Collidge we Are alll Sick!!!!! We tryed to has a meting “of” the Stoodint Soviet twoday And wee coodnt do it evry Boddy thay was Going eck-eck-eck all over!!

And thenn It got wurst!!!!!!!

Sumb guy he tolded us We cood “cure” Hare Bawlls by drinkin lots “of” hamb berger greece,, witch we beleaved and so somb “Of” us we tryed It “and” we coodnt Evin Pick “up” a brick let aloan Throwh It!!!!! Jist thinken Abuot it maiks me feeel Horrabull!!! I whish peeple thay wood “Be” moar Cairfull of waht thay Teeched us!!!!! How yiu goingto Be a Interllectural wen thay teeching Things witch maiks yiu evin Siccker???

We “are” supoased to got a Eczam too marrow in Nothing Studies and i jist amnt reddy F”or” it!!!!!!


We Has Co-Vid cake!!!

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Well Ha Ha Ha!!! Whoo sayed Collidge it is “Usetliss”?”

Wile evry boddy Ells thay “are” wurryed Abuot ketching Co-Vid and get sick “And” dye,, heer “At” Collidge we are Toatilly Protecktid becose we has Co-Vid Cake!!!!

This heer “Caik” it wus infentid By twoo “Of” the commasars on our Stoodint Soviet and it “Is” a jenyuwine Woke Caik and eeting it maiks yiu a Troo Socile Jutstus Wirer!!!!!! It aslo meens yiu Cant ketch Co-Vid!!!! How Grate is that???

I amb not Shur waht “The” In-Greejints are but i know “thare” “is” a Ressapee in It somwear and aslo Spacial Woke Herbs and flower razed by Jenyuwine Thurd Wurld Pessants and you know It “is” reely woke becose “It” taists Horrabble!!!! That is how yiu Know “it” Whurks!!!! Some Hater Biggit he tryed it “and” he sayed it taistid Lyke Cat Hairs and thare is Probbly Cat Hairs in it so we beet himb Up!!!!!

Annyhow Nhow that we has eetin The Caik we “can” Has moar Riots and Protists and knot has to wurry Abuot ketching Co-Vid,, “the” ownly thing we has got to Wurry abuot is what to Protist!!! I amb a littel wurryed abuot Hair Balls tooo^ i rember my Muthers Cat he yused to get Hair Balls and it was Verry Dis-Gusting!!!!! i hoap i doughnt get no Hair Balls,, i had a lot of Caik and i doughnt feeel So goood!!!!!!

Souper Man he Is Woke!!!!

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We hadded a spacial lexture in Nothing Studies this moaning it “was” All Abuot Souper Hearose exspatially Souper Man!!! I seen a Souper Man Moovy oncet but “I” “nevver” readed the boocks be Couse thare whas “tooo menny” Big Wurds in themb!!

So too-day “we” lurnt All Abuot Souper Man and hiss gurlfrend Lowest Lain,, and haow “he” “Puts” clotheses on sow he “canbe” Kunta Kinte i think thats “The” nayme!! He “and” Lowest thay Are boath Nooze Repotters!!!!

Souper Man he flyes al Aruoand the sitty so “he Can” Bust crimbinnles for Climbit Chainge DeNile, Miss Jendering, In Come Innyquailitty, Trans Fobbier, And SISTEMBIC RACISM (that Is “the” Big One!!)!!

Somb tyimes “he” “gets” Help fromb Utther Souper Hearose like Batt Man, Spyder Man, and Black Lies Mater!!! Oncet thay All whurked Toogetthar to Bust a “Churtch” ware the Minnistor he woodnt do Gay Marridge!!!! The Souper Hearose thay “had” “To” “Fihght” thare whay past Three Olled Laydys whoo was puting Flours in the Churtch Whindose!!!!

Fromb nhaow Onn, himb and Lowest Lain thay are goingto Fihght Wyte Privlidge and Trans Fobbier Et.c.!!

And I amb hapy thay “are” goingto Taik “a lot” Of themb Big Whurds ouat “Of” the Commick Boocks so i Can reed themb!!!!!!!

Mind Controwl it Is Freeedum!!!!

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Well!! Us Interllecturals we has got “a” Big Job ahed “Of” us!!! We has to tern al themb Trumpt voaters into Pragressivs!!!!!

Thare “are” ownly abuot 7 thowsind “of” themb but evin “that” it Is a lott!!!!! Thay has got “to be” rownded Up and put “In” spacial Reeeddication Camps and mayby Shot,, too!! becose thay “are” all Biggits and Haters “and” Racists!!!

Heer “at” Collidge we Are seting “Up” a Camp,, thay whil has to spleep in Cardbored Bockxes and ownly ware Undees untill thare Minds are rihght and ownly Then wil thay Urn The rihght to ware shurts “and” shoos!!!!

Ownly then wil thay Be Freee!!!!!!!!!!

Thare can ownle be Freeedum wen yiu has to do Evry Thing the Govvermint says and say Evry Thing the Govvermint says and think Evry Thing that Evry Boddy else thay “are” thinking and witch “The” Govvermint says is O Kay to think!!!!

Haow do yiu Re-Pogrom alll themb Biggits?? Rembemember it is foar thare “own” Goood!!! And aslo “the” ownle reel Freeedum is wen yiu Do “waht” The Govvermint thay “tell” yiu to do!! (Evin Doktor Fochee he says so tooo!!!) This hear It Is a vary impotant Lessen we has lurnt “fromb The” Peeples Repulbick of Chyner!!!!

Aslo thay wil has “to” Kiss the Foot on our Statchoo of Pressadint Obamma!! Then thay “wilbe” trooly Freee!!!!!!!!!!!!