Tag Archives: joe collidge

How To get A Head!!

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I has alyaws wondred whatt To “do” iff yore Boddy was like “no goood” any more but yore Head it was “stil” jist Fine and “whatt” do yiu know, Sience it has got “the” Antser!! Now thay “can cut” yore Head off and putt It “on” anether boddy! Yiu beter beleave its True becose its “in” the news!!! (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/11/17/worlds-first-human-head-transplant-successfully-carried/)

I was alreddy to sine Up “for” this hear Opration i was al exited butt then  my Prefesser he sorta pored Coled Watter on the hole idear, he sayed “woe holed on, that thare Docter he done it “on” a corps of some dedd guy and”” i sayed wel then That it is nothin, annyone thay culd Do It on a dedd body I culd doo it My self al you nead is some ducked tape!! Big deel! He is “stil dedd aint he??” butt anether sinetist in The storey he sayed soon thay be doing it with bodys “that is” not Dedd but stil alife!! so i was hapy again! I sayed yiu know,, This is “a” weiy yiu Can finnish Collidge if it is takin tooo long ether yiu Can “get a Smarter” Head or a beter Body to putt yore own head On.

Jist think!! John Kery he gets al Old and messed-up And he cant be stoping Climbit Change no more becose he Is evin two Old to go back in the Sennit so al thay got “to” do is cut his Head offf and stick it “on” a helthy Yung Boddy whith lots of mussels and He wil be As good As New!!! he culd evin run fore Pressadint agin if Hillery she dont whant to “do” it. i seen this movey once, thay sowed some wite guy’s Head onto a big blak guy’s Boddy and then you got somone witch Has “got two” Heads (but in the movey them two Heads thay didnt get A long so goood)!!

This jist gose to “show” that Sience it has got Al the Antsers al the Time!


We screambed At the Sky!!!

Sea that viddio up thare? We was al sett To “go” out and screamb at the Sky and that wuld Make Hillery our Pressidint butt the Fashist callender It mustof beeen Wrong and aslo we was al “so” buzy thinking Deep Interllectural Thuohghts that somhow We “jist” forgetted to show “up” and that it made Us feel so badd! Evin Playdo it didnt make Us feeling much beter and some Of us “we strated” creying!! but my prefesser he sayed “al is” not “lost, yiu can stil” go Down town And screamb!

So we got up “a’ big crowed of Three of Us and we Wented Down Town and strated screambing in front of Citty haul only it wasnt Citty Hal but a Nale Saloon or somthing and then some Fat wimmim she come out “And” throwed a buckit of Coled Water on us and sayed “Now yiu” got somthing to Screamb abote!! wel it was alreddy a vary coled mourning “And” that water it jist about froze my Moth Antenners off! and then the Fashist palice thay come and “taked” us awaiy in thare cop Car and we was So “upsett” we strated singing Pressidint Obamma “Yiu” Got To Help us and one of the cops he sayed “how wuld yiu al like to” Garggle with Mace so yiu “beter Shut Up”!!

Thay taked us back “to” the Collidge and telled The Dean like “Neckst time Theese Ijjits thay do that we going to bust yiu too for Ading” and a’betting a public Nusince!!! And the Dean he telled us We better “Lay Low for” a wile At leest until Hillery she is pressadint but if he “gets arested” weel Be sari!!!!

Butt we did Do “some” screambing it mustof did som good becose than We “al” feeeled mutch beter!!!


We going To The Ryat!!

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Boy am i exited!!! The Collidge it has got us a Buss so we Can “alll go” to the Auntyfa Ryat in the citty!! Somboddy thay sayed it was Gorge Sauros he payed “For” the Buss he is a grate man! We has his pitchure up in the dorms allong Whith pitchures of Chay and Mow and Marks and Kimb Jong Unn and other Grate Champeens of ThePeple!!!!

I culd not “get” a black massk To fit “over” my hedd on acount Of “my” Moth Antenners it bends them funny whays and That it reely herts!! But a bigg Paper Bag “it” fitts jist fine so i wil ware That once i figgers Out how to cut Eye Holes in it! and al Our Prefessers thay is giving Us Exter Creddit for being In “a” Ryat!!! that is goood becose my grades thay hasnt been so “hot” latele! Gender Studdies 202 it sure is hard!!!

This ryat it going to be Somthin Spatial it will nock that nogood Donold Trumpt rihght oot of The Wite House!!! and then Hillary she wil be Pressadint “and” we can al Finnish The Fudnementle Trantsformashon of stopid dum Americka!

We are “not Saposed” to killl noboddy but if Some Trumper Wite Stupremassist Biggit thay gets “In” our whay whach out!!! but it is OK to like sort of Bop somboddy “on The” hedd if thay Are “Not” on our Syde!

Wel i better “get” this hear Paper Bag reddy It is not so eesy as yiu think to cut out Eye Holes and i alreddy has cutt my Fingers “threee” times!


I Amb redy For Halaweeen!!

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Wel tonite “is” Halaweeen and Tomarrow it is Laber Day and us Interllecturals and Socile Jutstus Wirers we Are redy for it!!

I hasnt got anny Cotstomb becose i alredy got My Moth Antenners from al themb Moth Hoarmoans thay shute me up with and aslo i culdnt Think “of” an cotstomb that didnt Have “no” Cultcheral Apropation it Is jist tarrable wen yiu apropates some Poor Minorty’s cultcher so yiu Cant dres Up “as” a Which Docter or nothin!! butt it dont Mater becose We “Are” going to doo a spatial Kind “of” Trick Or Treeting!

This Halaween Nite my frends And Me wee are “going” “to” Ockupie al them stoares Downtown in Town al them No Good Captilist Bisnissmans and make Them Pay off ore Stodent Debtt!!!! that is reel Socile Jutstus!! Yiu seee we “are” Doin stopid lowsy Americka a Big Fayver jist bye Us goin to Collidge and no whay We has Got “to” pay four It our selfs!! Thay has alredy maked Enuhgh monny and Now thay got to pay!!! We wil Not go awway untill “thay” Pays it ether!!!

And then some Racist Biggit she come allong “and” she sayed we al stopid and Halaweeen it Isnt To’nite so somboddy in Auntyfa thay jist beet her Up and that wil ficks her and Her Whyte Prifflidge!!!


Shaksphere he Was A Racist!!

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I has got to luaghh at al them Shaksphere prefessers thay “tern Out” to be Not Interllectural affter al becose Now thay complaning abote Triggre Warnings and aslo thay Dont “evin” know Shaksphere he had was A Racist!!!

Wee lernt al abote “it in” Socile Jutstus 101 how he dint evin rite them Stopid Plays but insted thay was writt By a Muzlim Lesbian LBGTQU wimmin from Affricka he keeped Her “in” his seller as A Slav!!!! She wrote al them playes!! evry last “one of” them!

Socile Jutstus it sayes yiu got to has Triggre Warnings on evrything and That “is” only rihght becose ohtherwyse somboddy thay mihght reed somthing Or here somthing and “it wil” Tramatyze them!! so waht’s The “big deel”??? Yiu jist put on Al “the” Triggre Warnings and then thay Can stil stoddy watever Is Left Over! Like thare Is this one play caled Tight As Ann Dronickus it is abote Cannables thay ete eech Other and aslo some Murders,, wel yiu jist Putt duckt Tape over al them Parts and only stoddy the Rest all thogh whye any boddy thay wuld “want to” stoddy any thing buy a Wite Priblidge Guy Like Shaksphere it must Be Becose thay “are” jist Racists and Knotsys and aslo Biggits.

So us reel Interllecturals we going To get Auntyfa to jist beet Up any boddy whoo dont want no Triggre Warnings and wen Hillery she Is pressadint she wil jist get ridd of Shaksphere all togedder!!!


Thare’s no Sutch Plaice As Frantz!!

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Back in hi skool i useter be reel good “at” joggraffy so yiu Can gess how i feeled “to-day” when A gesst lecksurer she tolled us “evrything” I lernt It Was “all” wrongg!!!

Take frinstants the contry “of” Frantz, the Frentch frys thay come from thare and as yiu “Can” sea form the mapp it is a eyland or somthing and It “is” boarderd by Tonga, Packastan, and Myopia! And than i lernt to-day that thare is No Sutch plaice as Frantz it is alll A big fat hokes!!!! and thare never “Was” no contry caled Frantz neether and it “is” al fake and the Rushins thay done it!!!

Yiu sea It was “a” Conspearassy thay made us beleave In Frantz so thay culd cheet Hillary “Out Of” being pressadint and aslo make al That Incomb Innaqualitty!! and aslo it tterns out Thare Are lotts of othor plaices thay isnt reel neether,, like Spane and Porchagul and Asia and Grease and aslo Izreel thay Are all fake Fake FAKE!!! Jist like that thare Moon landing!! it was Donold Trumpt and the Russhins and “the Bangkers” thay done it!!! So thay culd Cover Up Globble Warming and aslo Trans Phobier!!

Wel thay wil al Be laffing out The other “side of thare mouths wen the Socile Jutstus Wirers and Auntyfa thay come And get themm!! O wil thay “be”” sari then!!


The Leaven of Idiocy

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If we can’t help wondering how our culture came to be the tangled sorry mess it is today, it’s well to remember the old principle mentioned in the Bible: “A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump” (1 Corinthians 5:6).

We got here by letting all these little bitty snippets of political correctness slip into our language and our thought. There they grew, like some brain-eating parasite from outer space.

And here comes another one.

Can you spot anything wrong with this headline? We Really Need to Stop Being So Awful to Pregnant People.

It goes with an article written by a woman who is an M.D., a gynecologist, and although she doesn’t say anything ridiculous in the body of the article, there is that headline. “Pregnant people” implies, does it not, that any “people” can get pregnant–not necessarily just women. Wow! Inclusive language! A gold star for you, doc!

I think we have a right to demand that those who use this expression produce a pregnant man. Not some kook shot full of hormones and surgically mutilated, but a real male human being with XY chromosomes who now happens to have a bun in the oven.

Y’know, I generally write Joe Collidge on Fridays; but the idiocy is pouring in so fast, I’m afraid Joe can’t keep up.

 


Now thay Making Us tell Time!!

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I amb so mad!!! Just becose some Hater making Fun “of” us Interllecturals and geting the Albumni al riled up now we got to lern How “to” tell time!! Just becose thay heared One of “us” say its a Quater to Novvembre”!

I got so Up-sett i sayed to my Gender Studies Prefesser, what “whe got to” tell Time for, “telling Tim it is compleetly Irrelephant!” We got mutch more impotent Socile Jutstus stufff to do!!! butt he just sayed Shut Up, it is waht the Deen he says we got to do Other wyse thay keep Makin Fun of us!!

So he maid Me loook at a Clocke and tel waht Time “it” was and i sayed its allmost Neckst Weak and he sayed No No “the” Big Hand it tels yiu waht Day it “is” and the Littel Hand it “tels” yiu, wel, i dont remmembre and so waht??? So now We got to jist sitt thare “In” the clasrooom and stair at the Clocke on the Whall and say waht Time “It” is and i was Ne vver so Board “in” al My liife!!!

Yknow thare is somb Tricke to it! Like how comb The “time” it is awlyays chainging??? Thay are jist Makin It Up!! This hear It Is jist a buntch of Racist Biggit Haters thay trying To “make Us” to loook stopid!!

So whe are Planing a reel Big Rallie to Night it is suposed to be At Ten Oclocke PM at Nihght and i wil know Waht Time “it is” wen evry boddy thay Start “the” rallie i dont need to loook At no stopid racist Clocke!!!


Its time Fore The Revilutoin!!

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I telled yiu Hi,llery she Was going “to” be Pressadint!!!

Yess, noaw It is Time for The Revilutoin! and it Is going “to ” Be lead by Auntyfa becose thay knows hoaw “to make” Socile Jutstus!! Thay Are going to “has” The Revilutoin on Novvembre 4oth and that “is” only Next Weak somtime so wee has alll got “to” Get reddy in a big Hury!

This hear Revilutoin it wil Be “evrywear” al at Once and it wil Sweap Donold Trump rihght out “of” ofice and Hillery she wil Be Pressadint for lyffe!!!! Auntyfa thay going “to” Shut Doown evry thing like hiways and citties and brijjis and any Biggit or Hater whoo gets “in the”” wayh thay willl get themselfs stabbbed or beat Up but goood!!And my prefesser he sayes we Wil has a New Consitutition only This “one it’ wil be wrote by Interllecturals and Trans Peple and thare willl be Socile Jutstus al over the Plaice and nobobby wil Be aloud to say nothing and noboddy wil Be aloud “to do” nothing Exep for waht is Jutstus and Fair!!! and We wil setUp campes and Put al them christins and conserfatifes and repulbikins In them Until thare “minds” Are rihght!!!

And my Prefesser he sayes It “wil Be grate” jist like Venerzala and Cuber and North Choria and al Us Interrlecturals hear at Collidge “We”” wil Rule it!!! We wil Confisticate all dirty ritch Peple thare monny and Houses and stuff and Re-disturbit it to The Poor exep for some of it witch We “wil Keepe” our selfs!!! And i runned to the Statchew of Pressadint Obamma and i preyed him to Make It hapen!!!

Wel now i gott To “go gett” reddy we are gunna burn downe Lots of Captillist billdings on Nov. $4 to keeep The “polese” and Fire deportmints busy!


Down whith “Mr. Nature’!!

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One of “the” Things i hat abote this hear stopid blog is that Biggit “Mr. Nature” that stopid lee lets “come in” hear and rite abote aminals “and” stuff! Yiu see “whatt” a big dum Idjit thay is, he dont evin know “how” To spel Natchure!!!

Thay shuld ouhght To boath be Put “in” jale for Evilution Denile and al the Time talkin abote God like God he is reel or somthing!! Yiu can eesly see that thay Are boath not Interllecturals lee he sayes he wented to Collidge but i dont beleave him and evin iff he “did” thay shuldnt give No boddy no collidge degreee if thay dont Beleave in Evilution!

and Like iff that is nott Bad enouhgh i bet haff the Animales he rites “abote” thay isnt evin reel! i hate al them stopid Catt vidios tooo!

If yiu can “see That’ pitctre up thare it is a pitcure i seen “this Moarning” it is caled A Cat Sharck and it is reeler than Al them stopid made Up annamals thay put on This dum blogg it livves in the Spacific Ocen arond Newark or somwear and it Evolvved becose of Trans Fobbia! that is waht ical Reel Natchure!!

I amb so sick of tham sayin ‘”Gods Stuf'” al the time and i dont know How “thay” get aweiy whith it! Dont the Consattutin it say yiu cant Never say “god” or other religgin stufff?? Becose if yiu “say” that it menes yiu are Aunti-Sciance!!!

Jist yiu weit till Hillery she is Pressadint!! i seen her book tooo and She is actrually getting Yonger! That is becose she “is” Evolvving tooo! Anyhow she “wil” putt a Stop to al this Aunti-Sciance talk and hat speach!!!

 


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