Tag: joe collidge

Joe Collidge: ‘I’m OK, Yore Not’ REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Monopoly In Jail | Please give attribution to 'ccPixs.com ...

Parints thay shood “jist” Shut UP!!!!!!

I reeded this “here” big long Artacle today!

https://justthenews.com/politics-policy/education/americas-richest-county-fights-trump-protect-boys-girls-restrooms-caves

(And thay say I “caint” reed!!!)

Fynely a juj says Its OK! fore Boyz to “use” Girls bath roombs!! ITS ABUOUT TYME!!!!!!

Butt then thay “tern aruound” and say we caint Forsse teetchers and prinsipples to use “Prefurd Pronowns”wen thay Tawk!!! Well watt kynde “Of” eddication IS That??? And nhow themb Fashists thay “want To” stopp “the” skools fromb giving kids a Bortion weather thayr Parints lyke It “or” NOT!!!! If That’s Eddication, then I’M a Axolotl!!!!!!!

Parints thay shood jist Butt Out “of” thare Kidz lyves!!!! PAY YORE SKOOL TACKS AND JIST SHUT UPP ABUOUT IT!!!!!! If I whant a Bortion, Isle get “my Secks” chainged and get Preganint and have a Bortion!!!!!! Becose the Skool whil Pay “for It!”!”!

Parints thay “are alyaws” intorfearing whith Pubic Eddication, thay shood awl Be throwed In Jail!!!!!

Godziller He Is Reel!!! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

See the source image

[Editor’s Note: I was resolved not to allow Joe Collidge to appear today, but he snuck in while I wasn’t looking.]

Thancksgiven Daye it is to-marrow butt i amb not goingto cellarbrate it “becose” America “it” blows and anny how my fambly “thay” woont lett me “in” The house no moar!!

I whant to caul Atentchin to alll themb dum doaps that say Thare isnt no Climbit Chainge or Globble War Ming can yiu beleave How stopid thay “are”??? and thay aslo are sayying Godziller he “Is” not Reel!! Wel if he is “Not” Reel then how comb thares so Manny moovies abote himb?? Lets “see” themb Anser thatt!!!!!

Scyantits thay now know “that” it is Climbit Chainge what cawses all themb Monsters in Jappan!! It is ownly natcheral!!! Globble War Ming it whakes themb up “And” maiks themb crazy!!! and yiu Can axpect To see moar and moar Godziller atacks as the Climbit it chainges moar and moar!! This hear it is Donold Trumpt’s fawult!!!!!! Evry Boddy but himb and al thoze captillist Racists thay reelize we ownly has got tend (10) oar twelf (12) yeers leffted till The “end” “of” The Whorld unlest al the cristchins thay get putt In jale and thare isnt no moar facile fuols!!! Godziller atacks thay “are” jist the Tipp “of” the Iceburger!!!!

Now evry Interllectural in Evry Collidge thay know this but Trumpt he whants to maik the Whorld end and evry boddy dye jist so’s he “Can” Maik a Prophit!!!! That is wye he must got to Be “impeechted” befour he Can “do” it!!! And iff yiu stopid dum peple thinck I amb rawng whell yiu Can “jist” checke whith The U N and thay whil telll yiu evry Thing i sayed it is rihght!!!! Go a “head” and Ask themb i dayre yiu!!!!!!!!!!

Stopid Amarica yiu better “do” what us interllecturals say oar “the” neckst Monstar fromb Monstar Iland it whil be Comming “yore” whay!!!!!

 

I Has red Hillery’s Book! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From December 1, 2017

I has jist finnished reeding Hillery’s book its caled Waht Hapened and its “al abote” how she “got” cheeted Out “of” being Pressadint by al them Rushins thay was workin For Donold Trumpt and aslo al them De-Plorrables thay are Haters and thay dint want no Wimmim Pressadint,

Wel i tel yiu that boook It is Dynomight! it is so grate i jist had have to writ her a Letter and “hear” it is!!

Deer Hillery i am a Interllectural hear at Collidge and al us intrallecturals we Wanted Yiu “to” be pressadint and we jist abote dyed wehn it turned Out yiu got cheeted out of It! yiu are a godess! and i red yore book and itis so Grate grate grate!!! Thare was a lot Of werds in it I didnt under Stand them al and i thinked you spelt a few of them Rong but at this poynt Wat dose it Matter?? anyway i amb riting To “tel” yiu Dont be Sad we stil wants Yiu to be Pressadint and we wil Not “stop” untill you Are pressadint and al them hatful peple thay stink who dint Vote “four” yiu thay al in Jale “whith” al the Climbit Chainge De-Nyers tooo!! i has Moth Antenners in Case yiu are intersted in that and aslo i has got Yore “pitchure” taped up in my Gender Studies prefessers toool shed that Is “ware” i sleeep at nite! i amb seure Yiu wil Feeel “beter” wen yiu know al Us Interllecturals we Are be-Hind you 100000 Persent!!! Yore frend Joe Collidge!!! PS do yiu like Hankerchifs i amb saving A “nice one” jist fore Yiu!!!

Now al I has to do is figre Out ware to “get” a Stamp so i can male it!!

This Heer “I’t Is’ My Big Chancet!!!!!! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Tucker Carlson speaks during 2022 FOX Nation Patriot Awards at Hard Rock Live at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Hollywood on November 17, 2022 in...

I missed posting Joe’s words of wisdom yesterday.  I am sorry.  Without further ado   here he is. PD

From June 16, 2023

That bumb Tukkar Carloson he “is” sooon goingto “be” laffing out of” The other Syde of his Faice. He thincks Focks Nooz thay caint “stopp himb” fromb Being “On” Twidder but Ha, Ha on himb! We has thinked “Of” sumb-thing beter!!!!

I, Joe P. Collidge, has bin slectid to taik “his” plaice and Be On TV!!!! Waht doo yiu “thinck” Of That??? Noeboddy, assalootly noeboddy wil wach his Sho iff I amb On insted!!!!!!

Sumb Hater he asked wel Wye “didd thay pikk yiu, yiuAre” just “a iddiot in collidge” so sicks Of “my” frends and me we beet Himb Up”!” Acksuraly I thinck sumb boddy thay sennt In “my naim” and Focks thay piccked Me “in” a Syintiffick Lottary!!!!!!!! It doughnt get moar Syintsy then That!!!!

As alyaws, Evvry Thing “I” “say” it wil Be baked Up “by” Scyince and it whil Nevver “be” rawng!!!!!! Vyooers thay Can aslo Send us Munney ($$$) oar Kandy oar wat-evver as a Offring to Pressadint O’Bomba and aslo Pressadint Jobydin!! Woodint it Be “Cool iff I cood get One ($1) of themb to Be A Guessst!?!? Thay say Pressadint O’Bomba he can turn Watter “into” a Emty glasss!!!! Man thatt wood maik my Moth Antenners spin arownd!!!!!!

Doun Whith captallist Vilince!!! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of crazy professor

From April27, 2018

I amb has a hardd “time” Writing this becose “that” stopid cat Robby she is lee the Fashists cat she keeps “on” bumpping my Hand!! i know he put her up “to” It! but i wil rite this annyhow!!

I jist heered abote this Grate lexture by a Prefesser she sayed we “has got” to Under Stand Rachel Captillism and the Open Seecrit of Rachel Captillist Vilince!! Wel we Are Introllecturals so of coarse we all-ready knows evvry Thing it is Racist! The reely Grate thing This hear prefesser she sayed is Indervidural Rites thay Fuuel Captillist Vilince expeshally “”Free Speach” and “Proptery Rites!!” yiu go girl!!!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10817)

Dam that cat she maid me Spel a wird wrong!!! wye dont she stop doing That???

Aslo she sayed thare shuld be no Pollice—no it wassnt the dum cat who sayed That! Wear was I? Oh yeh and aslo Socilism It “works” reely good becose Then Evvry Boddy thay is All Equil!!

So wee shuld auhght to Get “rid of”” al them Socalld Rites, only Us Interllecutrals we Are Smart Enuhgh to has “them” rites ordrinary dum peple thay Are Tooo Dum to has rites!!! Thay wil jist Whind Up “saying” hat speach and Racist stuph!!! Unlest yiu Are a Intrelecktural yiu “Mite As” wel be jist a Baby that Is “wye” we got to do All yore “Thinking” four yiu!!! and yiu stopid dum peeple yiu dont evvin apreceate It!!!

Wye dont This cat jist gett out “Of” hear??? She maid me make a airer!!

Owch she bited My moth Antenners!!! Yow! now she—

[The editors regret that Joe Collidge is unable to continue his essay.]

Joe Collidge’s Term Paper REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

What to Do If Your High Schooler Has Failing GradesFrom June 11, 2021

Soddenly Our Collidge thay has desided “it” gots tobe moar Riggerice (wattevver That meens!!) and we shood “alll” has “to” rite Termb Paypers!!! Even in Nothing Studdies!!! It is crool,, butt thay say somb Haters in the Stayte Lejaslaychur thay are “goingto” taik A-whay A Lott “Of” our funnding unlest thare “is” moar Eddicaytshun hapening!!!!! That it is wye we has to rite Termb Paypers!!!! To proove the Collidge is knot jist waysting Munny!!!!!!

Wel i nevver rote no Term Payper the hole tyme i Been “in” collidge!! The prefesster she sayed “Jist reite yore Idear”^^ that aynt No helpp!! Idear? I hasnt hadded no Idear sints, like, Evver!!!!!!!!!!

Forchinittly my frend Fottzy, he hadded A Grate Idear and he sayed “Wye doughnt yiu jist rite watt i rite?? Weere all “goingto” rite “The saimb” Thing!!!”! That shoor taiked a lode Offf my “Mined”!” Aslo it is a whay “to” cellerbrayt Dyvercity!!!!

So our Toppick it is “Jo Bydin He Is “The” Re-Carnation of Pressadint Obomma and Pressadint Obomma He “Is” Naow A god!!!!!!!!!!” It is a grate toppick and we whill Awl “get” a A+++!!!

Somb Hater he sayed Jobydin he “is” Oalder thann Pressadint Obomma so he caint possablee be himb and anywhay Pressadint Obomma he “is” still Hear so he caint Be Re-in-carnaytid At All!!!!””!  So we al beet himb Up!!!!

Boy it “Is” Harrd to rite a Termb Payper, thay “are” maikin us rite A Hundrid 100 Werds and itt is Taikin me al Dhay!!!!!!!!

We take Downe wite men’s Pitchures! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

 

[Editor’s note: And then there were none… except for Uncle Joe.]

From June 15, 2018

Hear at Collidge we has got a “grate idear” to Hellp Minorites by taken downe “alll” pitchures of wite mens!!! and this it whil make Minorites feeel beter abote Them Selfs!!

We got this hear big Collidge Haul it is “full of” pitchures and thay all pitchures of wite men and That Is Racist!!!! We dont cair eny more that theeze guys thay fownded The collidge and invented stufff and Discuvered stufff and aslo rote stuff and doughnated “lots of” dollers to the collidge It dont mater eny more thay are wite so evry Thing thay done It Dosnt Count!!!!

Fromb now “on” only Pitchures of Minorites and Wimmin wil be aloud in Collidge Haul and some Deen he sayed it wasnt rihght so we slashed his car tyres for Socile Jutstus!!! that whil teech himb to “keeep” his mowth shut!! and we aslo mooved the Statchue of pressadint Obamma into the midle “of” The Haul and evry boddy thay has to bough downe to it wenevver thay see “it” or else thay gett Put “intoo” Sensertivitty Traning untill thare Minds are rihght!!! We was gointo throwe them In the oven but it is “not” big ennuohgh! and it is two bad we culdnt becose “thAt” woud reely Hellp Minorites a lott!!

Aslo it makes yiu feeel reel Good abote yore Self wen yiu hellps Minorites and Wimmin!!!

A Voat For Socile Jutstus!!! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Ballot-box Stuffing Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

From November 6. 2020

Our Stait neaded somb moar Voats for Joe Bydin so the Ballit Harvaster he comed heer “to” Collidge tooday whith a grate Big “bag” and he hadd us rite our Singratures “on” the ballits,, “as menny” as we Whanted untill “The” Bag it was full, i must’of wroted my “X” on a duzzin ballits and then he taked “themb” back to has themb “Counted”!”!

Then we “has” a Big Scair becose we wer All Tagetther on the Kampis and we wer So “Exited” that we fergot Socile Distintsing!!! And the Corny Vyris!!!!!!!! we are “all” goingto Dye!!! But then we Rebembermed that The Vyris it is all For Socile Jutstus and it woont “hurt” “yiu” iff yiu has a Riot,, so we hadded a Riot (i fourget waht we Riotid abuot, it duzznt mater!)!

I aslo did Voat for Hillery and Pressadint Obamma thay “are” My Hearos!!!!! it doughnt seeme Rihght “for thare” To Be ownly one pressadint!!!!!! But the Ballit Harvaster he tolled us “a lot Of things” “thay are goingto Chainge!””!! Somb boddy thay sayed we “are” all Goingto “get” Freee Tooission for Collidge tooo and that “is” Gooood Noose!!!!! I whant to keeep whirking “on” my Deeegree in Nothing Studdies untill i “get” my Batchlers thingy!!!!! And thenn I “can” be a Prefesser!!!!!!!!!!

Joe Collidge Freaks Out! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

 

From March 27, 2017

I have the sad duty to tell you that our friend Joe Collidge has injured himself, reacting to this scene from the old 1958 horror movie, The Fly.

When he saw the little half-fly, half-human character get caught in the web and eaten by the spider–the film was being shown in class, Gender Studies 666–poor Joe totally freaked out. Leaping from his seat, he attempted to charge out of the room without first opening the door.

As some of you may know, Joe regularly receives shots of moth hormones, intended to transition him from human male to I don’t know what, anymore. Well, it’s an experiment. It has resulted in him sprouting a pair of moth antennae on his forehead and developing a taste for socks and handkerchiefs. Now it appears he has also come down with intense arachnophobia.

Having rendered himself unconscious by his collision with the door, Joe is currently unavailable for comment.

‘The Calecktid Wizdumb of Joe Collidge’ REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From May 21, 2021

Home Cleaning Tips for Cleaning Crayon Off Walls

(When I was in first grade–or was it kindergarten?–I got in huge trouble for drawing with crayons on the tiled wall of the vestibule, where the teacher had confined me for some minuscule transgression. I drew a picture of a bank robber carrying a bag of money out of a bank. I thought it was rather good, but the teacher called the janitor to wipe it off.)

Great News! Fumble House Pulbishers plan to publish The Calecktid Wizdumb of Joe College, if they can find someone to transcribe it after Joe scrawled it in crayon on the wall of the Trotsky Dorm’s second-floor shower room. But let’s let Joe speak for himself.

***

Hi its me Joe Collidge and i “amb” a Awther!!!! i has writed a Book “to Hellp” awl yiu dum and stoopid ordrinery peeple be Smart-er,, “allmost” as Smart as yiu wood “be” iff yiu wented To Collidge!!!

Wen yiu “are dun” reeding This yiu wil Under-stand that Souper Heeroes thay “are” reel and Trans-ginder it is The Fewtcher and Captiallism it is Bad and Yiu Are Awl no-good stinkin Racists!!!!!! And yiu whil “notbe” Abul To Sleeep “with” “out” a pixture of HILLARY tayped to yore Bedd!!!!!!!!! And other good stuph tooo!

Somb Hater Biggit thay “asskt” me haow cumb i “writed” “it” on the Bath Rhoomb wawl whith “Crayyons” in sted “of” Payper butt “he” jist runned A-whay wen I stratted Skreeming Racist at himb and ye,lling “foar” the Campas Dyvercity Squawd!!!! Thay cumb and give me Play-Doh “to” clam me daown!!!!!

I amb sapozed “to” Get somb Big Munny foar “this” hear Boock butt frist I has to pay themb A Thowzind Dolors butt thats OK thay tolled me “awl” awthers and wrighters thay awlyaws has To “do” That!!!!!!