I amb hear to Tell yiu “that” Amairicka kneeds Moar Censershipp espatially of Amairickins and aslo espatially of Lee that bumb!!! Do yiu know “he” is Wrighting anether “one” “of” those Boocks that No Boddy thay shoodnt be not aloud “to” Reed??? Do yiu know his Boocks “thay” are Un-Constatoocionull??? Its ture!!! His Boocks thay got God in themb and peple Praying and no Trans Ginder Amairickins even thoh “thare” “are” at leest 85 Millyin “of” themb!!!
Jist thinck “waht” A Grate Cuontry this hear it wood Be if we hadded Moar Sensershipp and No Boddy cood Ever “say” hat speach and Micro Grecians or Anny Thing elsa!!!! Jist thinck how Grate it wood “be” iff Evry Boddy thay wood jist Shut Upp axept for us who is “in” Collidge it”s OK foar Us to say stufff becose “we” are Introllecturals!!!! Ownly reel Smart peeple like us at Collidge shood say things “and” all themb ordrinay dum peeple themb Dee-Plorabbles thay “shood” al jist not say Nothing!!!!
It “is” Censershipp waht maid the combunits cuontries So Grate,, “and” How can yiu evver has Sosiallism iff thare “is” No Censershipp???
My Nothing Studdies prefesser she sayed waht we “reely knead” is somb Masheen “that” gets hooked Up “to” yore Brane and wil Give yiu a Lectrick Shock wenevver “yiu” Thinck Sombthing Bad!!!!! It wood “be” eevin Bettor if No Boddy hadded no Branes at all!!! Branes ownly “get” yiu In trubble Anyway!!! Lookit Jo Byden,, he gets By “jist” fyne with-Out no Brane!!
We reely has got to “get Rid of” all Boocks “that” Are Nott a-prooved by the Stoodint Soviet!!!!!
I jist readed “that” thare poast Abuot the Slyme Moles (ha-ha stopid Lee he spelt it Rong!!)) and haow thay do stufff when thay hasnt “got” No Brane and hasnt got “no” Nervs neether!!!!
Welll heer “At” Collidge we has bin Getting Bye whith-out Branes foar yeers And yeers!!!! that it is Probbly wye us in Nothing Studdies none of Us has got no Korny Vyris!!! Yiu “can” lurn Al Abuot Beeyonsay and Not kneed anny Brane “At” alll!!!!!!
Them Slyme Moles thay shoor “are” Insteresting!!! Thay lurn al Soarts “of” Things like Calqulous and Kemistree and Femmanist Buyollagy and! thay dose It “all” whith-out no Branes!!!! and sumb boddy thay toled me Joh Bydin he has got a Pet Slyme Mole caulled Nickeeta whoo rites sumb “of” his Speatches foar himb!!!!!!
Oncet we has got “reel” Sosiulism heer “In” Amaricka then we “wil” kneed lots And Lots of Slyme Moles to rhun the Guvvermint!!!!! If yiu are trying “to do” a Sosiulist Guvvermint,,, Branes thay ownly “get” “in” The whay!!! Iff peple thay wood ownly Stop “Thincking” then thay wood “Unner-stand” haow Sosulism it reely whurks!! Burny he was rihght Abote That!!!!!!!
Sumb boddy thay shood In-vent a Opperasion oar else a Meddasin to taik ouat “the” Brane,, mayby Mellt “it” so it runs Out yore Eers,, we are “trying” Our Besst heer at Collidge to nootrullize the Brane but we “hasnt” “got” “it” figgred Out Yett! Eddacasion it “can” ownlee Do So Mutch!!! The rest it “is” Up to Scyince!!!!!!!!!!
It takes years and years to turn an idiot into an idiot who talks like an intellectual; but never let it be said our institutes of Higher Education aren’t up to the challenge. As you read Joe’s careful presentation, you’ll marvel at the actual results of umpteen years in college.
Go ahead. Open the link. Read Joe’s essay. I triple-dog dare you.
A lott “of” us we “are” Still heer At collidge becose Our Famblies thay dont “whant” us to come hoam!! i tryed to go hoam yeasterday and gess wat!?! My Fambly thay mooved!!!!!! “and” thay didnt telll Noboddy ware thay mooved “to” neether so i dont know “ware” thay livve nhow!! “and” this Gye he was livving “in” My Howce he got Mad and toled His Dog to byte me!!!! i was Luckie “to” Get Aweiagh!!!
This moarning we hadded a meating “of” the Stoodint Soviet and we desided to Pay munny “foar” tellling on Anny Boddy witch is vylating Socile Distincing or trying “to” By Stuff at a stoar!!! Iff yiu sea ennyboddy doing stuff and yiu “caul” The Poleece and thay Get a rested,, the Stoodint Soviet we whil Pay yiu eleventy-five Scents!!!!
Sea,, our Fackilty Avisor he toled us “”The escents of Good Citasin-Ship it is to Snich on anny boddy whoo does “stuff what” thay shoodnt!”” That whay evry boddy thay wil Be Hayve or else!!!! “It is OKay to maike” up things he sayed “beecawse That “reely” keeeps evry boddy On thare Tows!!!”! It is awl “To Billd Up ‘the’ Artharitty of The Stayte!”!” In facked we will Pay yiu X-tra munny iff yore Snich it is Not Tru and sumb boddy thay get A Rested annywhay!!!
So i has lurned That peeple thay “jist” dont know haow To “be” Good, that is Becawse thay whach Fox Nooze,, butt a Guvvermint that has got Supream Paower it “can” maik themb Be Good weather thay Like “it” Oar Nott!!!!
We heerded a reely Grate Lexture tooday!!! The lexturer he Sayed Noboddy shood awt to be aloud “To” “Do” Nothing annymoar not unlest The Party thay say yiu Can!!!! And this hear it whill Cawse thare “to Be” No moar Jerms andor Dizeezes!!!!
He explaned “it” reel Good! Dizeeze like the Corny Vyris it “is” cawsed by peple Doing Stufff!!! But if evry boddy thay “Are” alll Tyed Up all “the” Tiyme then thay Cant “be” spredding Dizeeze!!
Then he sayed A Reely Pro-Fowned Thing and i wil kwote himb Hear,, “Freeedum he” sayed” “it is No Goood!! Freedum it is Racist!!! alll It dose Is maik Dizzeeze al Ovar “the” plaice!!!!! Saying Things and Dooing Things it is bad-bad-bad!!!”” and aslo It maikes Climbit Chainge!!! Bettcha didnt Know “that”!” Saying Stuff it alyaws leeds “to” Trubble so he sayed “tobe On “the” Saif Syde al the peple thay shood has Gagues so thay cant Say Stuff unlest The Party taiks the Gague Offf!!”!
Somb Consurfatiff racist-hater-Biggit then he sayed that Al;l sownded Pritty Bad but we beeted himb up So he coodnt Tauk!!! and the Lexturor he sayed “Sea that Is whatt i meen! Iff he hased a Gague on,, he coodnt of sayed themb Hatful Things!!!!!”
Well wee al camed Out of “that” thare Lexture reel inspyred and “nhow” we Know that Utopia it whill come as sooon as evry Boddy thay are al tyed Up whith Gagues on and thare woont be no dizzeeze No Moar!!!! In facked i amb going to Go back “to” my shedd And “tye My Selff” Up!!!!
See this hear coing? Iff yiu cary It “in” yore pockit,, yiu cant Get “the” Corny Viris!!!!!! I hadded “to” Paiy this Gye al “my” Munny for It becose “it” “is” Salad Gold!!!!
At frist i was Reluctrint to bye It,, i thinked this hear It “is” jist a Pitchure of Mikky Maose!! waht do i Whant whith a pitchure Of Mikky Maose?? He sayed well “that jist Gose to Showe watt yiu know, stopid!!!” it Torns Out “it” is NOT Mikky Maose at al–wow!! it is Pressadint Obomma diskyzed As Mikky Maose!!!!! How abote That!!!!!
And whole Onto yore Hatts, yiu know “watt” “this” Coing it does??? It Stopps yiu frumb ever Geting “the” Corny Viris!!!!!!!!! Yiu can dump “a” botle “of” Viris Watter rihght “on” yore Hedd and yiu “stil woont” Get it!!! Becose Pressadint Obomma he woont “let” yiu “gett It!”! He is diskyzed as Mikky Maose to foool The Viris!!! And aslo The gye he sayed the Viris it is Affrayed “Of” Dizzny chactotors!!!! He has aslo got “a” coing whith Hillery she Is diskyzed as Gooofy!!!! i wood Love to has that One too but i hasnt got “No” moar Munny!!! and thare is anether Coing whith Burny Sandras he is Diskyzed as Dunnold Duckk!!!
The gye he sayed “Yiu “are” luckie yiu camed Allong wen “yiu” did,, this hear it Was The “last” Pressadint Obomma Coing i has for sayle!!”! He sayed he gived me “A” Disscount becose i has got a Onnist Fayce!!!!!
We has helded a Emergintsy Meating tooday of our Stoodint ((see! i rememmber how to spel it!!)) Soviet to maik Up “new” Roules for fiting The Corny Vyrus hear at Collidge!!! Hear “are” sumb of our Smartist New roules!!!
*Masques yiu Must ware themb “at” al Tymes,, evin wen yor’e Eeting!!!!! No moar taiking “the” masques off Ever!!!!!!!!!!
*Frumb nhow On yiu has got to “stay” at Leests Siks Feeet Aprat wile hasing Sex!!!
*Frumb nhow On yiu has to ware At Leest twoo (2!) Shurts and threee (3!) shoos at Al Tymes!!!
Thare “are” “a” Lot moar of themb but i has fourgot waht thay “are”!!! My pen it runned oaut of Inc wile i was “trying” to rite themb daown and i cuddnt rite “a” Noat to no boddy to borro thare Pen!!!!
Theeze hear Meshures thay wil Keeep us Saife fromb the Vyris!!!!!!!!!!
hear At Collidge we “are” hasing Seacrit clases becose “we” “are” All saposed to Go Hoam but we doant whant To and aslo our Famblies thay “doant” whant us to ether and Collidge it is saposed To Be shut “down” becose “Of” “the” Vyris!!! Annywhay, sumb of Us “we” are Stilll going “to” Clas butt No One thay are aloud “to” seee us doo it and the Teeching “it” Is nhow totoly Seacrit,, thay woont even Tell “us” watt thare Teeching Us!!! Becose “of” alll this,, Collidge it is geting very Stresstfull!!!!!!
This hear Moarning in Nothing Studdies ((fore Instants] Two Stoodints thay hadded a Fihght over thare Passed Lyves!!!! The one Gye he sayed he useto Be Cleeo Patra in a passed lyfe and then this “other” Gye he sayed “”No no it Was me,, i whas Cleeo Patra!!! and thay” got Madder and Madder and neckst thing “yiu” know thay was puntching and kikking and byting eech other “And” roling arowned on “the” floar!!!! i thinked the Prefesser she was goingto Stop it but instedd she jumpted Up “on” “the” Dessk and singed sumb Song abote a Dead Man’s Chess and a Botle Of Rum!!!
And jist wen i thawdt thay wer Goingto Stop Fiting becose one Gye he hadded a bluddy Noase and the other Gye “he” hadded a busted Coccyx theez three Moar Stoodints twoo of themb was Gurls thay eeach sayed She whas Cleeo Patra tooo and thay gotted Into “a” fite tooo!!!!
I runned awheigh thenn Becose i didnt “want” Tobe thare wen The reel Cleeo Patra sho’ed UP!!!!
i donot Know how Long “we” can Stand al this hear Stresst,, i am Affrayed that sumb of “us” thay mite Go Crayzy!!!!
This hear it “was” “a” Bad Weak heer at Collidge we was all “Out-Raijed” wen we fownd Out thay “are” goingto Raze Our Tuission lots of dollers!!!!! “It” Is a “goood” Thing i amb lettting themb Shoot “me” Up whith Moth Hoarmoans as a Signtiffic Axpearmint cawse if i didnt Then i wood Has to pay!!! But Evry Boddy Elss “thay” are reely Upset!!!
Meenwile the Unavercity of Minniesoda thay has “a” bujjit of $3.8 Billyin Dollers a yeer and our Collidge Pressadint he says he “is” Ashaymed that Our Collidge bujjit “it” is So Low so alll stoodints nhow thay Has “got to” P:ay moar munny!!! I didnt beleave that $3.8 Billyin Dollers at frist but sumb boddy thay Looked It “Up” on thare Cumpeuter and “it” Is True!!!
I amb reely Canfused!!!! i thawt thay was goingto has Freee Collidge Eddicasion foar evry boddy,, thats Waht Burny Sandders he was Saying, evry boddy thay wil Go “to” Collidge foar Freee!!! Waht hapened??? Whare didd “that” Idear go??? Nhow we goingto Be paying Moar wen it was saposed To Be freee!!!
Sumb Boddy thay sayed it “is” becose Of “the” Corny Vyris-,-well i dont Beleave It!!!!!! i bet Anny Thing it “is” becose of Donold Trumpt he is Aunty-Syance!!!!
We neeed a Amergincy Meating “of” the Stoodint Soviet to deside wahtt To Do aboat This hear disasster!!!!!!!!!!