Tag Archives: joe collidge

We take Downe wite men’s Pitchures!

[Editor’s note: And then there were none… except for Uncle Joe.]

Hear at Collidge we has got a “grate idear” to Hellp Minorites by taken downe “alll” pitchures of wite mens!!! and this it whil make Minorites feeel beter abote Them Selfs!!

We got this hear big Collidge Haul it is “full of” pitchures and thay all pitchures of wite men and That Is Racist!!!! We dont cair eny more that theeze guys thay fownded The collidge and invented stufff and Discuvered stufff and aslo rote stuff and doughnated “lots of” dollers to the collidge It dont mater eny more thay are wite so evry Thing thay done It Dosnt Count!!!!

Fromb now “on” only Pitchures of Minorites and Wimmin wil be aloud in Collidge Haul and some Deen he sayed it wasnt rihght so we slashed his car tyres for Socile Jutstus!!! that whil teech himb to “keeep” his mowth shut!! and we aslo mooved the Statchue of pressadint Obamma into the midle “of” The Haul and evry boddy thay has to bough downe to it wenevver thay see “it” or else thay gett Put “intoo” Sensertivitty Traning untill thare Minds are rihght!!! We was gointo throwe them In the oven but it is “not” big ennuohgh! and it is two bad we culdnt becose “thAt” woud reely Hellp Minorites a lott!!

Aslo it makes yiu feeel reel Good abote yore Self wen yiu hellps Minorites and Wimmin!!!


I Has winned A Trofy!!!

Hear at Collidge we alyaws looking “to” raze munny and funds! And our Stodent Soviet we taked over and neckst Thing “yiu” know thay “change The” Mizz Amarica Padgient so thare isnt No “Beuty” in the Beuty Context any moar and so The Soviet we desiddid we “can” has a Mizz Fimbo Collidge Padgient!! And gess waht?? I wone!!!!!

Al i hadd to “do” was Say i Self Idennifyed as a Wimmin and than alll of us whoo was “in it” we hadd to make a Litle Tallk abote wye Socile Jutstus it is so goood and stand aruond In “our” Undies and i sayed Socile Jutstus it is So Good “becose” it is Just!!” and waive my Moth Antenners aroned and this hear Otther Wimmin she sayed “Anny Boddy waht dont like” Socile Jutstus thay is Enemay of the Peple and thay shuld “get Beet Up reel bad” and i whas affrayed she was gointo Whin but gess waaht??? Wee al wone!!

Yes we al wone “And” we al getted trofeys!! and The Padgient it razed lots of dolars tooo, we razed enuhgh to by Plasstick Hand Cuphs and aslo “a” peece of Rubbre Hoze for the Micro Agrecian Rabid Responts Teem!!! Neckts Time somboddy thay says Somthing Racist or Sexist or Hatfull thay “whil” get it but Good!!

Now that I amb Mizz Fimbo Collidge i amb whel on “my whey” to being “A” reel wimmin so i gess al Them Moth Hoarmoans thay are helping “After” alll!!!


Sqare Dantsing it Is Racist!!

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We had “a” Big Protest last nihght becose Some Racists thay ogranyzed a Sqare Dants and Sqare Dantsing evry boddy “Knows” it is Racist!! It “is” so Wite it “is” Diskusting! All us Interllecturals we say So and yiu has To beleave “us” becose we Are mutch Smarter then yiu!!

Thay shuldof stoppped “that” Dants as soon As we strated our Protest but No! thay jist kep on doingit!! but thenn we fowned out “the” Racist who ogranyzed the Sqare Dants he has got One “of” thoze litle tiny Smartcars so a buntch of us We pickedit Up and we dumped it “in” The pond!! Ha Ha! Splashh! only then Layter that gye he come “Out” of the haull and drived off In “anothre” Smartcar it was blew Insted “of” red so It shure loooks like We dumpted the rong Smartcar in the Pond uh-oh!!! So whe has got to Hyde “For A” wile butt it Is “not” goingto stop Us from pro-testing we wil Keep doingit untill evry Vesatage of Wite Coltcher it is Dissapeered!!!! And then pressadint Obamma he wil “come Bacck” and be our Pressadint agane fourevver!!! and aslo the hole Contry it wil be Rhuled by Us Introlecturals and it wil “Be A” Socilist Yutopier fourevver!!!

And i amb hapy to Ad that our Gender Studies prefesser thay gived “Us” al extry Creddit for dumpting the car In “the” Pond evin thohgh it was the rong Smartcar becose Affterall it Is “the” thawt that cownts!!!!!!


Love Finds Joe Collidge

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We had a Sex Show hear at Collidge yeasterday “and” i was Trying “so” hard to hoock up whith “a” Trans Wommin but My Moth Antenners thay “kep” getting In “the” weighy and it maked me unhapy untill “I” find this Boooth whith a sine on it it sayed “Let Me desine Your Sex Bot”!!! Oboy!

Wel the Delucks Moddle it costed whay too Mutch i culdnt afourd it but the guy in the Boooth “he was” real Smart,, he “is” a Ingineer Stodent and he sayed he “can” bild me a spacial Sex Rowbot out of a “old” Toester Ovin and aslo some Car Parts and its OK that i hasnt got no Munny insted of munny “I” can be his Slayve for a wile!!! it is OK four me “to” bea a Slayve becose i amb Coccasian or somthing!

So he is goingto get to wurk on bilding my “own” Cusstum Maid Sex Rowbot and i jist cantt whaite untill its Done!! I did assk him if “he” culd make it has Artafistule Intellagints and he sayed the Rowbot it wuld “be” at Leest as Smart as me!!! Mayby even Smarter!

Man i thinck I amb in Loove!!!!


Give Evry feemail stodent a A!

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A small price to pay for straight A’s for every female STEM student

I hate It “when” a collidge Gets “a” reely grate idear And thenn chickins Out!!

This hear prefesser he Had “a treemendace” idear, he Was goingto Up feemail stodents grades a level or two that Means a C it wuld Be a A jist so thay culd All pass his STEM corses (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10918) and whatt do you know, stopid Unavercity of Akron thay tolled him he culdnt “Do” it!!! I dont know whye thay calll it STEM whenn its jist Sciance but so whatt??

He sayed it “is” prat of a Nacionile Moovmint to get feemails “in to” theese hear STEM corses becose thay amb not Enuhgh feemail stodents in thare and thenn “the” unavercity thay chickined out!!!

Wel hear At our Collidge we got moar Interellecturals then thay “has got” at Akron and our Stodent Soviet we arre goingto take That grate idear All The Whay!! We are goingto to give All Feemail stodents a A in evry Single corse “thay” take, thay wil attomatickly Ace evry Thing!!! Waht a Tryomp for Wimmins Rihghts!!!! and thenn whenn thay Gradureight thay can get Anny Job thay want!! Unles thay dont whant no Jobb becose Work it blows!!

We are aslo Thinking abote pasing “a” Resalution to get The Law changed so “that” it wil be illeagle not to hire a wimmin for anny Job thay whant becose Now thay willl al be Qalifyed for evry jobb becose thay “got” Strait A in collidge!! This it wil meen lots more Feemail Airline Pilates and Hart Sturgeons and evin arkatechts!! Evryboddy wil get “anny job” thay ask four!!!

It soneds like Utopier to me and i Cant weight!!!!!


We Has Got To Control what peeple Like!!

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We hadd a spacial meating of the Stodent Soviet “last nihght” to deemand A new Traning Work Shoppe to make Sure “alll” stodents thay like Illeagle Imbagrints!! We gotted the Idear fromb Rutgers but Rutgers thay “Didnt” make it Mandetorry but we wil!!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10882)

We aslo we whant to Check waht evry boddy saying on Socile Meadia so that noboddy saying nothing Bad abote Undoctamented Imbagrints!!and any boddy that does we wil Beet them Up “and” aslo put Them inta Sensativvity Traning till thare Minds thay are Rihght!!!

Yiu see thare wil Nevver ” be” Ture Socile Jutstus untill thare arent No more boarders aruond nacians And contrys and noboddy thay shuldnt  Be “aloud” not to like Things that Socile Jutstus sayes thay shuld bettter Like Or Else!!! and that dont go jist for Illeagle Imbagrints butt for evry Thing tooo!! Like how we Going “to” has a Perfict Whirld if peeple are Jist going “to” Not Like what us Interllecturals we tells them Thay has got “To” like??? No it dosnt make No sents!!

Rutgers thay has a Good Idear but It dosnt go Far Enuohgh! but hear At Our collidge “we” wil go As Far As “it” Takes!!


Now we Has got Crying Closits!!

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Us Interllecturals we like “to” be On the Cuting Edje of “The” culchure so hear at Collidge us who Are on the Stodent Soviet we has Voated to put “Up” a duzzin Crying Closits all aronde the Campas and aslo Ritch Wite Hetrosexules thay got to Pay “for” it whith moar Tution!! And aslo The collidge it is now offring Socile Jutstus Ceratiffer Kits On Line and it only cost $1500,0 dollers yiu can “Sine Up” for it at iambasucker@fimbocollege.edu.! !Butt back to the Crying Closits!!

Orgynally thees hear Closits thay are For stodents that is All Stresssed Out by ecxams and Tests yiu jist go in-side “and” cry!!! for ten minnits! butt we reelise thare is lotts “of” Ohther Things to “get” Stresssed Out by and so yiu Are aloud to cry abote thoze tooo! i whent into a Closit this moaning and cryed abote Hillery she is Not Pressadint yet!!! i was so into It that “I” fourgot to cloze The Dore! and evvryboddy thay herd me!! and thay al strated Crying tooo! aslo i whanted To Cry “abote” thare still Are peple who thay are not Gay but somboddy thay tolled me My Time it was Up!!!

Oh It was a grate Day whith stodents Crying al Over the Campas!!! it maid me Prowed to Be a Interllectural!”

 


Doun Whith captallist Vilince!!!

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I amb has a hardd “time” Writing this becose “that” stopid cat Robby she is lee the Fashists cat she keeps “on” bumpping my Hand!! i know he put her up “to” It! but i wil rite this annyhow!!

I jist heered abote this Grate lexture by a Prefesser she sayed we “has got” to Under Stand Rachel Captillism and the Open Seecrit of Rachel Captillist Vilince!! Wel we Are Introllecturals so of coarse we all-ready knows evvry Thing it is Racist! The reely Grate thing This hear prefesser she sayed is Indervidural Rites thay Fuuel Captillist Vilince expeshally “”Free Speach” and “Proptery Rites!!” yiu go girl!!!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10817)

Dam that cat she maid me Spel a wird wrong!!! wye dont she stop doing That???

Aslo she sayed thare shuld be no Pollice—no it wassnt the dum cat who sayed That! Wear was I? Oh yeh and aslo Socilism It “works” reely good becose Then Evvry Boddy thay is All Equil!!

So wee shuld auhght to Get “rid of”” al them Socalld Rites, only Us Interllecutrals we Are Smart Enuhgh to has “them” rites ordrinary dum peple thay Are Tooo Dum to has rites!!! Thay wil jist Whind Up “saying” hat speach and Racist stuph!!! Unlest yiu Are a Intrelecktural yiu “Mite As” wel be jist a Baby that Is “wye” we got to do All yore “Thinking” four yiu!!! and yiu stopid dum peeple yiu dont evvin apreceate It!!!

Wye dont This cat jist gett out “Of” hear??? She maid me make a airer!!

Owch she bited My moth Antenners!!! Yow! now she—

[The editors regret that Joe Collidge is unable to continue his essay.]


Another book That Dont make No Sentse!!

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I reely hate To reed books Becose reeding “it” is Racist but i tryed to Reed “This” one becose a Musslum he rote it!! i dint espect It “to” be intresting becose it was abote “a” bird The Maltees Falkin thare was Some kind Of bird “on” the cuvver but I reddit becose the guy whoo rote It “he” is a Musslum named Dashel Mohamet.

Hear at Collidge we has now be Interllecturals so we dont Reely has got to reed no books but this “heer” book it didnt Make No sentse!!! I seen thru it rihght aweighy! It was all abote This guy Sam Spayed and i thinked thats a Funny “name” becose My father he keeeps sayin i shuld ouhght to get Spayed but this hear guy “he is” a Privet Eiye and that “is” two mutch like A Cop! so wye wuld i evver whant “to be” Spayed i dont like himb!!!

and I kepped whaiting to reed “some” Musslum stuph but thare Wasnt anny!!! Jist al this Racist stopid stufff abote some “bird” i think it had Maltees in it and i lyke Maltees as mutch “As Any” boddy expesally wen I amb whaching a Movie but I dont know “Why” any “boddy” wuld whant to Wrihght a hole book about Maltees in a burd!!!! it is a fragrent ixample of Wite Prifflidge!! and I assked my Self waht kind Of Musslum “is” Dashel Mohamet anny weighy???

so I diddnt whant to reed anny moar it was Making my Moth Antenners hurt somthing offal!!! it Maid me hongry too and i diddnt has no jim sox so I had to eet a Bo Tie insted! I dont think Ties thay wil evver replase jim sox!


Artafishiul Intelerginse! It Is The Waive Of The Futre!!

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I amb hear to tel yiu ordinary Dum peeple “abote” Artafishiul Intelerginse that meens Roebots! Thare is a guy he “Is” in Jappan he sais he is “Going” To has roebots and Cumputers run his hole Town and thare wont be No Moar stopid peeple “Trying To” do it!!

Hear at Collidge wee “are” wirking on Roebots thay wil do Evry Thing and us Interllecturals al we Wil has to do fromb now On is studdy moar Gender Studies and rite Cow Boy potery and play whith Play Doe!!! Exept our Prefessers thay dont Whant Roebots “to” do thare prefessering Becose then thay wuldnt has no jobbs!!

Wel the Thing abote Roebots “is” thay al gots Cumputers in thare branes so thay Are alyawys Smart and thay cant nevver make No misteaks!!! Becose Artafishiul Intelerginse it is Better “then” Reel Intelerginse in fact’d Thay are a Lot like “Mr. Spoque in” Star Treck and if Artafishiul Intelerginse it was Voting insted of stopid dum peple Hillery she wuld Be our Pressadint!!!

My prefesser he sayes Artafishiul Intellerginse it shuld jist “do” Evry Thing becose Work Blows! and no boddy thay shuld nevver has to Work no moar exept al them dum and stopid christins and oncet we got Artifishiul Intelerginsse Up and Runing then we Can “get rid” of Boarders and give Anmesty to al the Undoctaminted Immergrints in the whorld!!!! and aslo Free Stuff to Evry Boddy exept wite hetrosexial Mails!!

This hear It “is The” Waive Of The Futre!


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