I seen a moovie “once” it was Al Abote The Vykings befour thay was a fotboll teem “and” thare was This guy Toney Curtus he got his “hand” choped off whith a Sowrd! and the rest “of” the moovie he didnt Have no Hand!
Wel lats nihght i seen another moovie with this guy Toney Curtus “in” it And waht do yiu know… his hand IT GROWED BACK!!! wOW! Yess thare it was, Two hands. One of my Moth Antenners it broke offf once But it growed rihght back Rihght “away” butt i dint know any one his hand “it” grow back!!!
I figgered Out it must of “ben” Sceince that make his “hand grow” back, Sceince reely is The Anwser! Evry Interllectural we knows that, It “is” wyh we al gone to Collidge!
Hear at Collidge we Are al hapy “becose” we got a New kind “of” Discrimbination to Protest and we “had” a big Protest jist this mourning!!
Yiu has herd of Racism and Sexism, wel now we has got to protest “aginst” Reel-ism!!! We jist dis-covered It this weak when A Unreel Person she posted this grate post in some Blog In “the” Hufinkton Post and then Thay puled it becose she “is Not” a Reel Person! (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.za/shelley-garland/could-it-be-time-to-deny-white-men-the-franchise_a_22036640/)
This it is Discrimbination puere and Simpul! If i am assined Mail Gender but i Self-Idintify as Femail wel That makes me A wimmin! So waht if i am a Ficktionle Person and i Self-idintify as a Reel Person, dont that Make me Reel???
Boy this has Been goin On “for” hunderds of yeares,al this hear Discrimbination aginst Peple who amn’t Reel!! And it is time Sosity we putt a Stop “to it!!!” Reel-ism it Is a squrge and it “is” aslo A hat crime aginst Socile Jutstace!! and anyyone who dose it thay are a Biggit! And we Are goin to Protest agane as sooon As we gets a New shipmant of Play-Doh!!
Un-Reel Peple “of” the Werld, rise up! Us Interllecturals at Collidge we wil leed Yiu to take yore ritefull Plaice!!!
Haters thay think jist becose we in Gender Studies “it” meanes we hasnt got no taiste in litterture! Boy is that stopid thing to say! We “are” Interllecturals so of corse we reed grate litterture al the time!!
I has reeded al the grates,, Spiderman and Battman and Trans Formers witch “is my” favrote becose al them chacterers thay “are” Trans Gender! and to-day we “had a” guesst lectrer she teached us al “abuot how” Not to reed Racist litterture wrote by Wite Privledge Hattero-Sexist Mails! Becose it wil Rot yuor Mind and yiu only shuld “reed” litterture by wimmim and gay and peple thay are Not wite!
She sayed the porpose of litterture it “is to” Expant yuor Mind and make you Self more Progrestive! so i buyed me a isstue of “this” Doom Patrol Comick becose it got a pitcure of this hear Wite Mail he turnt into a Monster part Tryanosaurrus and part Octapuss! i think he “looks” like Donold Trumpt! and it taked me a Long Time to reed it and then i Had “to” throw it Out becose it didnt have no Gay Heero in it! and Besides it was “kind of” Racist tooo!
From Now On i wil onely reed litterture that cellerbates Diversity and thare istnt no Bynary Gender peple in it!!! and i wented To our Statchue of Pressadint Obamma and prombised him I wuld nevver reed no more Strait Wite Prifflidge litterture no more! That sure Made me feeel better!
PS, somboddy he jist toled me That thare wasnt no Octapuss in that comick After All it was some “kind of” Tree insted so now i has got to treye to Get my monny back!!!
Thares this cuountry called Cereal or Somthing “like” that and The Rushians thay has took it over “so thay” can use it to Controll our electrons in Amarica and stopp Hillery from being Pressadint and then That big dop Donold Trumpt he gose and Bombs it!!! wel that is waht Hapens when yiu hastnt got No Interllecturals like us hear at Collidge runnning yore Fareingn Pollisy! And “that is” Whiy the World it is so messed up!!
Evryboddy knows Donold Trumpt he “wants To start” Worldwar III so he can maike Humin Beans exstinked and make A Huge Prophit!! Wel wee cant Let him doo that!!
The whay yiu fikx the Midleast is yiu Convints them al to Be Transgender that is waht wee lernt to-day In Gender Studies 666! Thay can al Still be Muslams but If al the men is wimmin and al wimmin thay is men then Thay “wil alll” be Hapier! To do this We wil has to Send them Nantsy Pullosy and Chuk Shoemer and aslo Jon Kerry he Is a War Hearo like Willam The conkerer! and thay wil Advice al the peple in Cereal how To Transision into Altranate Genders! And aslo to Maike them Feeel good abote “them Selfs” we must give them Nucular Whepins so thay can Bamb al them biggits and Racists whoo dint Vote For Hillery!!!
Thare is aslo peple thare caled Aribs but we jist Take them Out of Cereal and put them al in Sweeden and Germy, that “wil” maike Cereal less Crouded. And finily the Congris and Suepream Cort thay has got to Impeech Trumpt and make Hillery Pressadint and that wil Save The Plannit!!! And that is waht “us” Interllecturals we wuld doo to fiks The Midleast!
Thay let me out “of” The infirmbery yeasterdday thay coldnt find nothing “wrong” With my brane evven thohgh i runned into the Class Room Dooor al that did Was it bended My Moth antenners! Thay thught i mihght of got A Concushion butt X-rays of my haed thay showed Nothing!
But oooh boy was I Up-set “whenh” i come Out of thare and i herd that No Good “Donold trump” he has Declaired War Aginst The Planet! and he throwed Out all Pressadint Obamma’s Climbit Change Regolatins and Trump he is goin To “make” the hole Humin Race extinked!!! jist so he Can make more Mony$$$!
Wel us Interllecturals hear At Collidge we has Got “to do” Somthing abote that!!! So ferst we played Whith Play-Doh and then “the” Prefesser of Spritulality she teached us This hear “thing” we can say Over And Over Again until Trumpt he is stoped coled! and yiu, yiu can Say it tooo and This is waht it is,
“klaatu barada nikto!”
It is a kinda Chant we got To Say like a Hundret times a Day “‘Klaatu barada nikto’ And it wil actavate The Force of The Unaverst and The Planet it wil get mad “at” Trumpt and Not let him De-stroy The humin race and The Planet it wil “take care of” him For good!!! Som stopid conservitive he aksed The Prefesser what “does it” mean klaatu barada nikto so She toled him to Shut Up and stop bein a biggit and makin hat speech and he “got” put in Sensortivaty Traning! that whil fix him!
wel my Antenners thay stil hurtin a lot but thay wil Be “okay” when i Get them stratened out.
I have the sad duty to tell you that our friend Joe Collidge has injured himself, reacting to this scene from the old 1958 horror movie, The Fly.
When he saw the little half-fly, half-human character get caught in the web and eaten by the spider–the film was being shown in class, Gender Studies 666–poor Joe totally freaked out. Leaping from his seat, he attempted to charge out of the room without first opening the door.
As some of you may know, Joe regularly receives shots of moth hormones, intended to transition him from human male to I don’t know what, anymore. Well, it’s an experiment. It has resulted in him sprouting a pair of moth antennae on his forehead and developing a taste for socks and handkerchiefs. Now it appears he has also come down with intense arachnophobia.
Having rendered himself unconscious by his collision with the door, Joe is currently unavailable for comment.
Hear at Collidge we “are” al exited by what Thay are “doing” At Rosefelt Unavarsity In Chickago making “the” hole Campas into Safe Spaice so That evryboddy in The world thay “can” come to Ammerica! So we whant To Do it tooo!
Thiss it wil reely fix Donold Trumpt and show “him that” he cant keeep noboddy Out Of this here contry! He is so stopid, he dont Know We Are The world and we are “alll” Citruzens Of the world!!! Jist waight till he “Sees” al The Hash Tags wee gots! he wil probbly jist sit downe And criy! Evry Time i send a Emale now it wil Say #YiuAreAlWelkomeHere! Exept for christins and Climbit Change Denyars!
My prefesser he “says it Is” time For thare not “to” be No Nations anyymore jist One Big Nation with One Big Govvermant for evryboddy and i hope pressadint Obamma he wil “be” pressadint of One Big Govvermant and i think Hillery she be pressadint tooo we can Have them Both!!! And aslo Lots of Sciance! becose yiu cant doo nothing With-out a Lot of Sciance.
Wel now I got to “go” and Help Put up sines all over thay say “”Inclusion Has No Boarders”!! One Big Govvermant for Evryboddy In the werld Hear We come!!!!
Well we didnt has no Gender Studies 666 class today becose the prefesser he sayed “he” didnt feel So good becose he “is” menstrubating and he got to “go” buy Some tamp-ons! So i was walkin Back “to” somplace i forget ware, Whenn I heared some guy he sayed he “has got” to Put some Trans-Gender Floid in his car!!!
Wuld yiu beleave it I didnt “know” Cars thay can be Trans-Gender jist like peple!! See i never knowed alot abote “cars” I has got no Drivver Lisince becose that Test thay “giv” yiu it isnot fare! I hate that stopid “test” becose it Dis-respecks my Micro Culture witch says i dont has to pay No “attentchen” to no stop sines or Trafick lites becose thay just istnt Part “of” My realty!! Like wheye shuld i has to stop jist “becose” of some Stopid sine that its probbly Racist! Besydes i am a Interllectural and i dont nead to dryve no Car!
But nowh that i Has “larned” that Cars thay “can” be Trans-Gender well i whant one “of thoose” Trans-Gender Cars to dryve al aruond the Campas!! It jist gose to Show yiu that Gender Floiditty it is a Unaversile Part of Natchure! Cars thay must “have” Eovvolved that waigh! jist lyke evry Thing else!!!
Yeasterdday in Gender Studies 606 the prefesser She toled “us” abote this hear Book its al abuot Past Lifes! And how wee al “used to” be Somone Else! It is OK for us “to” beleave this Becose them stopid christins they Dont beleave “it”!
She sayed This Hear it is “the” Spiritule Apsect of Gender Floidity! If yiu Are a Mail it meens yiu “used to” bee Femail and If yiu are Femail “it” meens yiu used to bee Mail! and That is “why” Evry One shuld ouhght to get This hear Past Lifes Retro-Regresion Tharapy so then yiu Wil know whom Yiu “used to” be and yiu can Go “back” to beeing It!
Wel lett Me tel yiu larning This it shure got My Moth Antenners in a Twist! Becose affter al the hole reeson i got Moth Antenners is thay shoot me up Whith Moth Hormoans to make Me into “a” wimmin! But then i get to Thinkin “may-be I “used to” bee a Moth!!! and Waht wuld hapen If i did Past Life Retro-Regresion and got hippotized, wuld That “turn me” into a Reel Moth whith Wings??? but of coarse i Didnt aks That becose Hear At Collidge yiu Not aloud to aks no Questoins. That is a New Pollisy we got and it reely works! Besydes thay wont “let yiu” have no Play-Doh iff Yiu aks Quesstins!
I has sumthing elsse To “tell” yiu abote today But first i has been aksed to waygh in “on” weather Donold Trumpt’s his Name it “is” hat speech!
Wel of corset is!! Hear at my Collidge nobody istnt aloud To “say” his name And iff yiu do yiu got To “get” Sensertivitty Training! Yiu onely aloud to Say “Pressadint Obamma or” Pressadint Hillery becose them Rushans Thay hacked The elecktoin and made Donold trumpt Pressadint and “it” wassnt fare!!! and iff yiu Dont say “Pressadint Obamma” that meens yiu Are A Racist and iff yiu Dont say Pressadint Hillery that meens yiu hat Wimmins and yiu Are “a” Secksist! i am Gladd yiu aksed me “to” explane This!
This mourning in Gender Studies 202 we lernt abote This hear Grate Book and it was aslo A Movie it was caled “The” Harrad Exspearmint and It “was” abote Harrad Collidge whare They done this Exspearmint al abote teeching Stodents to do sexule things That “Sociaty” disprooves of so that Thay wil “laern” to dispise the tredicional Consept “of” Moonagimmy by Having Lots of Pre-Martyral Sex!! Wow was that Grate!! and The prefesser he sayed this hear book And “then” the Movie it reely got the Sexule Reverlution offf The growned!!
And somboddy he Aksed The prefesser How “come” we dont Doo that hear at Our Collidge and he sayed “Wee has moved” on From that and now Wee got to get al the stodents to do Gender Fluaditty and aslo Gay Marridge! becose that was whatt Naterly comes neckst! And he aslo sayed that if we does enuhgh Secks that Donold Trumpt he wil Be drived out Of offfice! and Pressadint Obamma he will be Pressadint agian even thogh he Still is and he Wil fixx evrything and then He Wil go play Golph and it Wil “be” Hillerys tern to be Pressidint!! How abote that!!!
I hoope yiu ordrinary dum peple apareciates The haigh-class Thinking “us” Interllecturals we are Doing for Yiu hear “at” collidge!