Sumbboddy thay toled me I “was” Speling “Stodent” wrong and “It” was maiking me Look stopid so i has chainged “it!
Butt “the” Big News Tooday “is” frumb nhow On al of us Hear At Collidge we “are” al goingto get Strait As!!!!!!! Ouur Stoodint Soviet de-manndid It!! And the Amministriation thay emeeditly sayed Yes!!! How grate “is” That???
Buy giving evry boddy All As we acromplitsh twoo impotent Things! 1)One) we toatully Get Rid “of” Discrimbinnasion, we maik All Stoodints Equill!!! 2)Towo) This it maiks it “so” Anny Boddy thay canbe A Prefesser,, all thay got to Doo is rite a A on evry Thing!! That is moar Equill!! 3)Thryeee) This meens Evry boddy thay can Gradurate Whith Onners!!!! waht cood be Moar Equill Than That???
Sumb Biggit he sayed “this hear it “whill” Maik a deegree “frumb” this hear Collidge wirth Assolutlee nothing” so we al Jumpt on himb and Beet himb Up!!! We dont Tollereight no In-Tollerinse at our Collidge!!!
The “ownly” not so Good Thing abuot it is,, the Amministriation thay went and dubbled the Tution!!! It doughnt effect Me becose i let themb Shoot Me Up whith Moth Hoarmoans and so thay let me stay Heer for Freee butt i dunt Know “how” sumb “otther” Stoodints thay “are” goingto Pay al That Munny butt the Amministriation thay sayed “thay” aslo has a Plan “to” Cut Cawsts!!
Yes!! Thay has bawt this Grate billding,, thats It “up thare” in the pitcure,, and It willbe The New Nantsy Pallosy Memborial Dorm and Stoodints thay can Live “thare” at a redeuced Price!!! It will Saive them Lots “of” Dollerds!!!!
Otther Equilly “wunderfull Improovemints thay “Are” “on” The Way”” sayed our Collidge Pressadint i foreget his Naimb but it has vouls in it!!!
Hear at Collidge “this” weak thay tryed “to” Send alll us Stodents Home so thare isnt “that” menny “of” us lefft On Campas jist nhow butt The Stodent Soviet we toled the Amminastriation that iff “thay” maid us al Go Home we wood riot!!! So somb of “us” we “are” staying and annyway wye shood We Be “scaired” “of” a stopid Vyris???
I dont Know “wye” thay didded “this” butt The Addminastriation thay sayed fromb Nhow On al “our” coarses thay has “to be” teeched In Secrete!!!! Whe “are” Not aloud to tell no boddy abuot themb, wee “are Not” aloud to say waht thay bin Teeching Us!!!! In facked one of my Nothing Studdies prefessers she woont evin tel Us waht she “is” teeching us!!!!! “”Jist yiu maik Shure yiu lern it she sayed!!” butt watt doo we Cair, we Got Past/Fale nhow Insted of Graids and no boddy thay evver Fale!!!!
Anether prefesser he sayed “Wee shooda bin Dooing this “al allong” and teeching Nothing “in” Nothing Studdies!!!”” Whell he has a Poynt!!! Butt i amb pritty shure i Whas lerning Nothing anyway,, at leesed i Was Trying To lern Nothing!!
So nhow al The Coarses thay are Secrete,, sumb of us we Cant evin Fyned wat Haul the Class is saposed to be In!! This gye whoo eets Smart Flakes he says thay “are” dooing “This” to pertecked the Collidge fromb annyOne fynd Out watt thay “are” reely Teeching becose Iff “thay” knowed then we wood looze our Funding and aslo “Lots” of Dollers$$$!
Wen wee “are Not” acxurely in Classs we “are” saposed To hied Under Our Bedds so No One frumb rite-Wing biggit hat sites wil know we “Are” Still Hear and maik a Phuss aboat it!!!!!!!
It is harred to get Good graides! and it “is” aslo very Stresstfull!! “That” “is” whye So menny Stodents thay are hasing mentle braekedowns!!!!!
Printcetin Unavercity thay are “dooing” somb Thing “aboat” it,, thay are goingto “get” Ridd of graides like ABCDF and jist go Past/Fale!!! This hear it “is” a Steppe in the Rihght Derrecsion but “it” Is Not Enuhgh!!!
That “Is” whye our Stodent Soviet we has voated tooday To go to Pass/Past And Evry One Thay Gets A Dipploamer and no boddy fales axcept cristians!!!! If thay want to Past thay has got “To” say the Bybble it Isnt True and stomp “on” it!!! And aslo proove thair Mineds are Rihght by plejjing thair Selfs to be Socile Jutstus Wirers fromb Nhow On!!!!!
This hear It Is whatt we cawll Ackerdemmick Equitty!!!! Nhow evry Boddy thay wil al be Equill!!! Axcept for cristians and Haters And Biggits!!! And aslo Trans Fobes and Hoemoe Fobes!!! Themb no-good peple thay “wil” nevver “be” Equill to Anny Boddy!!!
Wee wood aslo Like “to” Get Ridd “of” Too-ition!!! Eddicasion it is a Rihght yiu shoodnt has to Pay “for” It!!!! Evry Boddy “thay” has The Rite To “Go” To Collidge!!!! and every boddy shoood has to go evin Iff thay dont Whant To!!!! Immadgion evry Singull Persin in Amaricka thay “are” All “in” Collidge al the Time and “All at” the saime Time!!!!! Work it blows and no boddy shood has to Do it!!!!!!!!!! Free too-ition! In a free Countree!!!
(Jist rite It yore Self!!!)
Has yiu knowtissed “that” Biggits “and” Haters thay “are” Trying To hyde thairselfs?? Thay think we “woont knowtise” Themb iff thay Stop doing Hat Speach!!!
So this moaning At “the” Stodent Soviet meating we doed somb thing “aboat” It!!!
The Plan it “is” reely Simpul!!! Al we got To Do “is” rite Hat Maile to our selfs!!!!! and aslo rite hat speach on the doarm Walls and aslo Spraypaynt it on the doars ware we Live!!!! We “wil” Pro-vied the Hat Speach Messidges that Thay are “not” riting becose themb are Hyding!!!! Butt this “whay” we “wil” Flusch themb Out!!
Hears How “it” whorks! Letts say i Know that somb Guy he is Full Of Hat and aslo a Trans Fobe and a Trumpt Sapportor and aslo a Biggit,, butt “he” is hyding It so he woont “get” Cawt! Wel, i rite a Hat Speach Messidge to my self,, “Yiu “are” a Prevert whith Moth Antenners go back ware yiu Camed Fromb!!!!!!” and then i putt It somb plaice ware I can fined It and then i say “Lookit this it is Hat Speach and i know whoo rote It,, “itt” is that Guy over thare!!!” and i report himb To the Collidge Buyus Responts Teem and he wil Get Xpeld for Hat and aslo has to go Into “Sensativvaty Traning”!” he whil say he “didnt” rite It but yiu Know haow thay lye!!!!!!
We desided we has to Do this becose we has Not Yett perjed al the Hat fromb Campus thare is Stil “Palenty” of Seecrit Hat but nhow wee “has” got themb butt Goood!!!
Nhow the ownly Promble is i fourgot ware i putt the Messidge and i cant fined “it” …!
I seen a cool Moovie yeasterday it “was” “on” TV and It was caled L. Sid butt i misssed “the” frist fiew Minnits so i never cood figgre Out witch One was Sid!
In thiss hear Moovie thay hadded the New Grean Deel!!! i cood tel becose Noboddy thay hased no Cars!! Insted thay road arownd “on” Hoarses and thay wared Mettal Cloathes and thay got Rid “of” Elecktritcity tooo!!!! I aslo nevver fowned Out “ware” this was Sapposed To Be butt it “was” Some Countree ware thay got the New Grean Deel!!! i did wunder wye thay Didnt has No Buysickles!
Thare was a awffle Lot “of” Fiting “in” This Moovie,, ovviusly thay wher Fiting to keeep The New Grean Deel;, thare must Of Bin peeple tryin To Go back to Jett Plains and Air Condisioners!!! The good gyes like Sid thay Must Of won becose thare wasnt No Cars “in” the “hole” Moovie!!!
I whish i knowed ware al This Stuff it hapened!!!! i tryed To gess witch Countree it was “bye” Looking at the billdings and Thay looked lyke The kined of Billdings “that” thay Has in Arkinsaws!! and aslo The peple thay looked lyke Arkinsaws peeple!!! but thay was al speeking Inglish so mayby i amb Rong and It “is” Somb otther Countree i heered thay speek Inglish “In” Marzipan oar sumb plaice lyke That!!!
Wel i got To Go nhow,,, we “Are” has a spatial meting “of” “the” Stodent Soviet to maik a rool hear at Collidge that Evvry Thing that gets sayed by “anny One” butt Us it is hat speach!!!!
I heered a lexture This “moarning” it blowed My Mined!!! The lexturer “he” “sayed” Never Mined “abuot geting Sick fromb Korowna Vyras that “is” ownly A smale Promble!!! Insted yiu shood auhght to Whorry abuot whatt hapens wen yiu Gets that Vyras “in” Yore Compuyuter”!!!!!!
He toled Us this hear Korowna thing It Is al “a” Plott by crischins in somb Contry caled Bacteria or somthing,, i cant Re-memmber whitch one!!! It is al a Plott to stop Socile Jutstus and Incomb Eekuallaty!!!! This hear It Is “nuthing” Less thann Wite Sooprembacy!!!!! and it “is” aslo Racist!!!
Oncet this hear Vyras “it” gets Intwo Yore Compuyuter yiu “are” reely in Trubble!!! It maikes Yore Compuyuter “say” yiu Suport Trumpt evin wen “yiu” dont and aslo “it” Maikes Yiu Say yiu dont Suport a Bortion for no wimmins!!!And aslo “it” maikes yiu say yiu Dont “beleave” In Scyance!!!!!!!!!!
This eevel Plott it whas Dis-cupboard bye a Whissle Blower and ownly nhow “the” Trooth it combs Out!!! He aslo Dis-cupboard that “No Boddy” but Racist biggits Suport Trump,, in Reallaty thare Isnt “hardlie” Any Boddy “that” voated foar himb!!!!!!! it whas mayby jist savral Hunderd peeple, Tops!!!! So that last Elecksion it was al a Lie and Hillery she “is” the reel Pressadint!!!! It was al a Big Fatt Lie that the Korowna Vyras put in trillyins of Compuyuters al Over “the” Whirld!!it Is The Wurst Compuyuter Vyras Evver!!!!!!!!!!
So wee whil has To get Pressadint Obamma back to putt A “stop” To It!!! and maik The Whirl Safe Fore Combunissm!!!
This was going to be an emergency bulletin from Joe Collidge, but he is currently prostrated with fear and unable to write coherently. Also some gym socks he ate for breakfast have disagreed with him.
It seems there’s a growing rumor of giant crabs depopulating islands and dragging whole coastal villages into the deep, all because of Climate Change and Greta Thunberg. Back in 1957, this was cleverly disguised as a science fiction movie. But in 2020, it’s a grim reality.
Or so we’re told. By college professors. So you know it’s got to be true.
Only world government, open borders, and real high taxes can stop the giant crabs.
Wel i amb reely Up-set!!! Wood yiu “beleave” “It”?? Themb Russhins thay riggeded “the” Last Elecktoin and nhow thay riggeded the Twentytwenty 2020 Elecktoin neckst yeer and we hasnt evin hadded It yett!!!!!! i hered it on TV!!!
Thay has all-reddy ficksed It “so” Donold Trumpt he getts Elecktid aggen!!! its in the news!! This hear it “is” jist Tearable!!!!!
I has a theery that themb Russhins thay “are” alll Ovar “the” Plaice and thay Intrafear whith Evry Thing!!!!!Mite as welll not evin has The Elecktoin!! And aslo thoze Russhins thay busst it “up” Evry Time i Assk somb Czick four a Dayt!!!!!and aslo thay intrafeared whith “my” Examb and maid me Flunck!!!!!!!!
I dont undrastanned it!!! The Russhins thay wher Goood wen thay usedta be Combunits but as sooon as thay gote Ridd “of” the Hamer And Siccle thay wented Bad!!! It “is” jist like In Restling wen al Of “a” suddan a good gye Restler he gose Bad!!!! Yiu cann lern “a lott” bye Waching Restling!!!
Wel “the” Ownle Thing wee Can “do”,, this hear it “is” watt we de-sided tooday “in” the Stodent Soviet,, wee whil jist Has to Has the Twennytwenny 2020 Elecktoin NHOW, this yeer instedd “of” Neckst yeer and then maby themb Russhins thay woont “be” Reddy to Stop Hillery oar Burny oar “the” Otther Goood Candydaits,, wee cood “Reely” sapprize themb iff we has “the” Elecktoin twomarrow!!!!!! Jist get “up” in the mourning and Has It!!! And aslo let ownle peple whoo is “in” Collidge voat!!!!!!
and iff That dont whork wee shood Nook themb!!!!!!!!!!
Sumboddy thay toled me “that” Ohigho thay passt “a” Law that sayes thare got “to” Be Free Speach at All The Collidges and campasses al over,; this It Is tearable News!!!!!
Fourtchunitly “the” Amairickan Assacion Of Unavercity Preffessers thay has comed Out aginst It!!! becose thay Know thare isnt No grater Thrett “to” Freeedim than Free Speach!!!!
Now a lott “of” Ordrinary dum peeple thay cant figger that out becose thay “are” Not Interllecturals like us are butt “that” “is” OK becose We “are” Interllecturals and we has got “it” figgured Out so that al them dum peeple thay dont has to Thinck abote it,, we done al thare Thinckin fore themb!!! this hear Is wye yiu shood alyaws lissen to Unavercity Preffessers!
So nhow we has Got “to” pretect our Collidge fromb Free Speach and ownly Allow Socile Jutstus Speach and aslo Scyence!!! Iff we dont,, then thare whil Be “all sortes” Of bad no-good stinkin Speach by racists and Biggits whith Trans Fobier!!!! Thare whil Evin be Climbit Chainge De Nile probbly.
Thare Can be No troo Freeedim iff thare “is” aslo Free Speach!!!!!! one Oar “the” Otther it has Got To Go!!!!!!!
Al “of” us hear In “the” Stodent Soviet we gatherd Rowned “the” Statchoo of Pressadint Obamma and beggded himb To Cumb Back And “be” Pressadint sum Moar and then we singed We “Are” “The” Whirld and we aslo askded himb to Maike Hillery Pressadint tooo!!! I stil cant figgur Out how com “that” thare Impeachmint it didnt Whork!!! it must Of bin Para Normal stufff!
Themb dam Russhins thay done “it” “to” us aggen!!!
Yiu know i culd hardlie whait “for” that Impeechmint so we cood “get rid Of” that Donold Trumpt and maik Hillery the pressadint or even “has” Pressadint Obamma “back” so he canbe pressadint aggen,, “this” time for 20twenny yeers or evin moar and i was whaiting and Whaiting for tooday so thay cood “has” “the” Impeechmint
and thenn i fineded Out it was “the” Other Day, Toozeday or somthing!! AND IT DIDNT WHORK!!!!!!!!!! Thay toled me it didnt Whork!!!!
Whell i coodnt beleave it,, it was like In The Bag,, how culd It possablie Not Whork???? i was So up-setted,,, i coodnt evin Eat my Jim sox!!!!
Butt nhow i Know whatt Hapened!! “Yes” nhow “the” Trooth it comed Out!!!
Maxxeen Wauters ((she was Misss Amairicka oncet] she sayed Wat Hapened was, The Russhins, they tamponed whith The Tryall and riggded it so That “it” woodnt Whork!!! Jist like they done whith “the” Elecksion in 2017!!!!! Thay fixed It “and” thay Riggded it!!!!! and that Is whye Trumpt he is goingto “sel” themb Allasker,, Attum Shift he fowned “that” Out!!! He whil selll It “cheep” tooo!!!! and Trumpt he wil Probbly sel themb haffa duzzin Other Stayts “too”!!!!
We was goingto has A Nood Pro-Test tooday but it “is” too Coled!!! and that is Becose Of “globble Wharming” and Climbit Chainge!!! witch is al Trumpts fallt too!!!
I jist “cant” beleave It!!!!!!!!!!