I has been waching “a” Lot of dockumentry moovies latelie and “last nihght” i seen The Allagater Peeple!! it is a moovy that prooves Sciance it can Do evrything!!!
It was abote this hear Sciantist he used Genitical Engianearing to turn peeple Into allagaters and my prefesser he sayed “It was to” help peeple adupt to Globble Warming by being like Allagaters!! But them ordrinary dum peeple in The Movy thay didnt “get it””! thay just runned arond screeming all over the plaice!!
I mist some “of” It becose my Moth Antenners thay was iching somthing fearse!! and i has had have to keeep Bending “over” to Scrach them!!! Parsonly i dont “think” it wuld be so Bad to be like a Allagater as long as yiu cood stilll do Gender Studdies! Four one thing yiu culd Swim better!!
Butt of corse this Sciantist he was “way” ahed “of” his tyme and them stopid dope peeple thay “didnt”” Apreashate waht he was trying “To do” for themb!! Allso now wee know “moare” abuot how “to” mannapolate our jeans!! Thare is a Pond on campas thare isnt no allagaters in it but iff the Collidge it sets up a prajeckt to Make Allagater Peeple then thay culd live in the Pond! and my prefesser he says We “bettar Do” it fasst becose Climbit Chainge it is comming and we all “better” lurn to Swimb like Allagaters!!! and fortchunitly for us Sciance it has the ansers!!!
I seen a moovie Last nihght “and” it blowed My “mind”! it was caled “Jarastic Whirld” and i didnt Know “this” becose i thinked Dinsores thay are Exstinkted but now Sciance it has brung Them back by clowning them!!!
Dinasores thay Are reel “big” and thay Eat peeple!!! that “is” whatt makes them Danjerice! So this dockumentry moovy “it” was al abote this Park in Soth Americka some place “ware” thay clowned dinasores and then the dinasores “thay Got” looce and eated peeple and chaced them al aruond!! and some guy he sayed This “is waht hapens wen”” yiu get Careless whith clowning!!! And waht wil hapen iff the dinasores thay “come up hear” and strat chacing us??? man i didnt know that!!
So we hadded a emirjensy meting of the Stodent Soviet to figger out “Whatt To Doo” in case the dinasores thay come hear and we Votid to dig a lot of deep Holes on campas for us “to” hyde in in case thare is dinasores aruond! It will “coast” a lott of Munny so thay whill has to raze the Tuation!!!
Wee aslo votid that theese hear dinasores thay Are Donold Trumpt’s fallt becose he Is “a” Racist and a Homo foab and iff he “is Impeecht” and he shuld Be impeecht for that,, and then Hillery she is Pressadint “The” Dinasores thay wont eat noboddy!!!
Last nihght “at” Collidge we al on the Stodent Soviet we sined up to be Anarchie becose “it Is” the only whay to take Down Racist No-Good Americka!!!
It whil be reely Grate “to” ware Masks and reck stuff,, i cant weiht! But the Pressadint of Collidge Anarchie Ink she tolled us frist we got “a” Lott to lern! Becose Anarchie “it has To” take Down evry thing That is Americka!!! Then we can has Open Boarders and Free Tution at alll collidges!
So the frist thing I amb lerning is How To Forje My Own Singatchure!! Man its Harder “then” it looks!!! butt Like my Prefesser he sayes, How you goingto lern To forj sum buddy Else his singriture If “yiu cant forj”” Yore Own?!? That “is” A good Poynt!!
Oncet I get that lernt i can lern Othher Things tooo like how to Mayke Molly Toff cock-tales and i can Hardly wheight to Drink one wehn I wast a Kid “my” fokes thay wuld nevver Let “me” drink No cock-tales!!!
Meenwile this hear Forjery stuph it is reel hard i jist Cant seemb “to Get” The Hang of it!! We Anarchies we knead to forj lotts of Czecks so whe Can deestroye the Bancks!! Iff i Had a Czeck Book then i culd Pracktis forjing lotts of Czecks and evin Uze my Newfound Skills to by a Car!! and paye four it whith a Forjed Czeck hahaha!!!!
Butt frist i “think”” i Wil by a reely skary Mask!
One of the things “we” lernt in Collidge is thare is two “menny” books Whith wite Peple in them It is reely discussting!! Espatially Histry Books! Wel our Collidge we Are doing sumthing abote That!!!
Frist al them boocks whith wite peple in themb thay Has “got to” be writ al over Agin butt this tyme With-out wite peple in them!! butt evin that “it” dont go “farr” enuohgh so we aslo thunk of sumthing Elce!!!
Our Collidge Sceints Depotment it has got Sceintits in it and Thay is “workin” on a Meddasin it whil “make yiu” Fourget evry thing yiu has red “that” got wite peple in it!!!! How abote That!? And nhow thay “want To” testt The Meddasin and yiu know what,, I has vollinteared!!
So i willl take “the” Meddasin to-nihght and Iff it works,, then to-marrow I whont be “Abel” to remebmer nothing that “has” got wite peple in it!!!This it whil make “me” feel cleen and libbarated and Inter-sexianol!!!
Some dop he Is a christin or somthing he sayed “butt waht abote Side Affects??” He is so stopid, i tolled him thare “Is nothin rwong whith” my sides and i tolled our Micro Grecian Rabid Responts Team waht he sayed “And” thay are Going “to” putt him Into Sensartivity Traning un-till his mind it “is”rihght!!!
I cant Hardlie whait four to-nihght!! It has got “my” Moth Antenners spining aruond like crazy!!
A lot of yiu Ordrinary dum peeple yiu dont know What Is a Interllectural and yiu mite evin “think” yiu are One! Well that “is” jist stopid so i whil explane to yiu How “to” know iff yiu Are a Interllectural or knot!!
Yiu are a Interllectural if yiu are “in” Collidge doing Ginder Studdies!
Yiu are a Interllectural if yiu got no Job and annywhay Work it blows so yiu dont “whant” no job annyhow!
Yiu know you are a Interllectural iff yiu has got no Frends becose them ordinary dum peeple thay Are Jellice of yiu four being so Smart!!
Yiu are a Interllectural iff yiu Know Hillery she shuld aught to Be Pressadint but Donold Trumpt he canoodled whith The Rushins and thay stole “it” fromb her!!!!
Yiu are a Interllectural wen yiu are four Socile Jutstus and any boddy who isnt that got to be throne in Jale!!
Yiu are a Interllectural if yiu “know Climbit Change” it Is reel! and any boddy who dont beleave it thay are a Notsy that Haits wimmim and Peple of Culler!!! See if Hillery she was pressadint it wuld Be “a” Law that yiu Has Got to “beleave” and iff yiu dont yiu go To Jale!!!
Yiu are a Interllectural iff yiu Dispeyes Wite Peeple and yiu know “that” al the Prombles in the whirl thos are thair Fallt!!
Thare is of corse lots moar “to it” butt this it aught to Get yiu strated! I jist whant to ad that ownly us Interllecturals we “are” Smart Enuohgh to under stand al this iff yiu are two dum it whont make no cents!!!!!
We hadded a meting of The Stodent Soviet “last nihght” and al yiu ordrinary dum fokes who “thinks” it is eazy being “a’ Introlllectural yiu dont know waht yiu “Are” talkin abote!! Yiu think its eazy thinking Up “al new” whays of makin Socile Jutstus? Yiu are jist al Stopid!!!
Butt we comed Up whith a Doozy lats nihght! This it wil reely Fix them Sex-ists! Evin ordrinary dum peeple thay auhght to be “abel to” under stand this!! And hear it is!
Iff yiu like wimmin, yiu are a Sex-ist!
Iff yiu dont like wimmin, yiu “are” A Sex-ist!
and Aslo iff yiu do not cair one Whay or another then yiu are aslo Sex-ists!!!
Lets sea yiu dum peeple get out “of” That!!!!!
Man our heds hurted becose it Was “so harrd” to Come Up whith this! Troo Introlllectural Thinking,, “it Is” harrd wirk!!That is “whye” yiu has to has a Collidge Eddication! Jist plane peeple thay “are Nott” smart Enuhgh to Think “of” stuph like this!! It maid me Dizzzy and i had “to eat” a hole paire of Jim Sox befour i fellt Normel again!! and aslo my Moth Antenners thay hert tooo!
We are goingto putt this “in” the Teechers Hand Book so thay can has a Inclusivv Clast Roomb and aslo so thay “Can” stop Micro Grecians befour thay start!!!
Thare woont be anny Moar bad thinking whenn We “get” throohgh!
I hasnt got a Dog thare “is” no roomb for it “In” my prefesser’s Toool Shed ware i “live” the only Pet I “evver” had it was some Sea Munkies and thay never lernt to Talk or Whatch TV like it sayed in the Ad in the Comick Book thay dint do nothing Thay was suposed to do!
Well wen i heared a lexture by a Femnest abote them Dog Parks thay are Rape Zoans I had to “Go” thare and sea for My Selph only i dint has no Dog so i borrerowed this Stuffed Dog and dragt it afftar me on a leesh thare is only dum peple thare at the Park and “thay” amb not Introlllecturals so thay “d” never knotice!!
So i goed thare and I dint see no rapes!!! not evin one! then i reelyzed Thay “wher” al being Sneeky abote it and them Rapes “thay” wood only Hapen “wen” I wassnt thare!!! and some Racist she got al Snottty and sayed to me Waht “Do yiu fead that Dog of yores, Fome Rubbber?? but” I dint do “nothing” Becose she had this Big Pitt Bull and he loocked at Me like “he Was” goingto Bite me!!!!
It jist gose to Show “thatt” we has got to has Socile Jutstus “four” dogs And annamils tooo!! No boddy thay has got anny Rihght “to” Own a Dog it is whay too mutch like Captolism and once We has got Open Boarders no one whill be aloud to own nothing no moar!!! and thenn some Big Corgi it grabed my Stuff Dog and runned awhay whith It!! and i culdnt gett it Back and waht my Prefesser’s pratner whill say wen xe fineds out i borrerowed xis Stuff Dog whith “Out” askin to, wel i jist dont know!!! I whill jist has to tel him i done it four Socile Jutstus and Maby xe woont Hit “me” no moar!!
Hear At our Collidge we are prowed of hasing the Best Divercity Traning pogrom ever!!! Thay has one aslo at Minnisoda State butt thay must got a Lot “of” whimps up thare becose “so Manny” of them thay “got to has” counciling becose thay Get all trigered and then thay “jist” cant take it! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11047)
at Minnasoda thay Are trying “to” get purfict Socile Jutstus wel yiu Cant make “a” Omblit whith-out braking Eggs!! Yiu has got “to be” Toughh iff yiu Whant to get ridd of al Micro Grecian!! So hear At our collidge yiu dont get No tedy bares and Play-Doh untill yiu “has” finnished al “the” Whorkshoppes!!! Aslo the collidge thay had to higher a lott of new Divercity Axperts and Spatialists so Natcherly the Tution it had to go Up!! Some Racist he camplaned abote it So ate of us We “beet” “him” Up!!!
I wuld tel yiu “al” the Things we suposed to Learn only somb of them thay are Reely “hard to” Spel and yiu wuldnt under stand tham “anyhow” un-lest yiu hapen “to” “be” a Interllectural like me!! Ordrinay dum peple yiu jist “Cant” teech them Intosexional Communile Sistamic Oprestion and Other “technicle” Stuff like that! Wel our Collidge requirres evry Stodent “to” take al “The” werkshoppes and thay has got to keep takin them agin and agan un-till thare Minds thay “are” rihght!!! Somtimes yiu got to tye them Up so thay Cant “run away”!! Thare was one Biggit he “kept” doing Micro Grecians untill thay locked himb in the Swet Box for three hole dayz!!! After that,, he “had” reel goood Divercity!
[Editor’s note: And then there were none… except for Uncle Joe.]
Hear at Collidge we has got a “grate idear” to Hellp Minorites by taken downe “alll” pitchures of wite mens!!! and this it whil make Minorites feeel beter abote Them Selfs!!
We got this hear big Collidge Haul it is “full of” pitchures and thay all pitchures of wite men and That Is Racist!!!! We dont cair eny more that theeze guys thay fownded The collidge and invented stufff and Discuvered stufff and aslo rote stuff and doughnated “lots of” dollers to the collidge It dont mater eny more thay are wite so evry Thing thay done It Dosnt Count!!!!
Fromb now “on” only Pitchures of Minorites and Wimmin wil be aloud in Collidge Haul and some Deen he sayed it wasnt rihght so we slashed his car tyres for Socile Jutstus!!! that whil teech himb to “keeep” his mowth shut!! and we aslo mooved the Statchue of pressadint Obamma into the midle “of” The Haul and evry boddy thay has to bough downe to it wenevver thay see “it” or else thay gett Put “intoo” Sensertivitty Traning untill thare Minds are rihght!!! We was gointo throwe them In the oven but it is “not” big ennuohgh! and it is two bad we culdnt becose “thAt” woud reely Hellp Minorites a lott!!
Aslo it makes yiu feeel reel Good abote yore Self wen yiu hellps Minorites and Wimmin!!!
Hear at Collidge we alyaws looking “to” raze munny and funds! And our Stodent Soviet we taked over and neckst Thing “yiu” know thay “change The” Mizz Amarica Padgient so thare isnt No “Beuty” in the Beuty Context any moar and so The Soviet we desiddid we “can” has a Mizz Fimbo Collidge Padgient!! And gess waht?? I wone!!!!!
Al i hadd to “do” was Say i Self Idennifyed as a Wimmin and than alll of us whoo was “in it” we hadd to make a Litle Tallk abote wye Socile Jutstus it is so goood and stand aruond In “our” Undies and i sayed Socile Jutstus it is So Good “becose” it is Just!!” and waive my Moth Antenners aroned and this hear Otther Wimmin she sayed “Anny Boddy waht dont like” Socile Jutstus thay is Enemay of the Peple and thay shuld “get Beet Up reel bad” and i whas affrayed she was gointo Whin but gess waaht??? Wee al wone!!
Yes we al wone “And” we al getted trofeys!! and The Padgient it razed lots of dolars tooo, we razed enuhgh to by Plasstick Hand Cuphs and aslo “a” peece of Rubbre Hoze for the Micro Agrecian Rabid Responts Teem!!! Neckts Time somboddy thay says Somthing Racist or Sexist or Hatfull thay “whil” get it but Good!!
Now that I amb Mizz Fimbo Collidge i amb whel on “my whey” to being “A” reel wimmin so i gess al Them Moth Hoarmoans thay are helping “After” alll!!!
