Mr. Spock He ‘Is’ Reel!!!!

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We hadded a fastenating lexture Lassed Nihght it was awl abuot how Starr Treck thay are awll Reel!!! but Donold Trumpt he maided peple “thinck” thay wasnt reel jist so’s “he” cood maik people Not be Hapy!!!!!

I bet yiu has heered that Mr. Spock “he” “Was” reely somb ackter naimed Lennerd Kneemoy,, whatt “A” big fatt Lye!!!!!!!! I bet you heered thay wasnt reel Poynty Eers on himb!!!! The thing Is,, themb Repubickins thay doughnt “wahhnt” no boddy to bee Hapy axsep themb!!!!!!!!!!

Our lexture gye he wood knot Give “his Naim” becose then Racists thay wood Ass-ass-onate himb!!!! But he sayed Starr Treck “it” Is “alll” Reel and thare reely is Starr Schips and Cling-ons and Skotty and Captin Kurk whoo hased bin Pretending he “is” a Ackter naimed Wilbum Shattner!!! Thay “Are” alll Up Thare flyin Arowned but the guvvermint thay whil Killl yiu becuase It “is awl” Topps Seckrit!!!!!!!

The lexture gye he sayed I know “Starr” Treck” “it is reel!! Becose I SEEN Mr. SPOCK and hee done The Vulkin Mined Melled on me to re-stoar My Sannaty!!!””” Witch like toatully Prooves it!!!!!

We Nead Ownly Grean Ennorgy!!!

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Heer at Collidge we has “bin” camppaining To get ridd “Of” Fostle Fuools!!! Becose “thay” Are de-stroyhing “the” Plannit!!!!! So we “of The” Stoodint Soviet we voated to Proatest at awl “the” Gass Stasions in taown Until thay cloased themb!!@!!!

Butt imadjen “Our” sapprize wen this hear Gas Stacion thay all-reddy wented Green!!!! Green Gassaleen!! And maid fromb Dynosoars tooo!!!!!

The oaner he camed “to” The kampis to eggsplane waht “he” Done!!!! One {1} That thare dynosoar sine It All-reddy was Green!!! Yiu can sea fromb “the” pixture!!!! Two {2} As sooon as he fownded Out watt we whanted he jist turnt arownd and Idennifyed as Green!!!!!!!!!! Like how cool is that??? Threee {{3} He aslo didded “a” Reel Smarrt thing he got his “ghas” Ree-Classafide as Grean Ennerjee!!!!!

He sayed “it is jist” lyke Trans-zitchining yore Ginder!!!!

Whell! We shure Cant “shut” himb daown nhow!!!! He “is” Enviermentally Hipp!!!

Shaddoes ‘Thay’ Are Racist!!!!

What are shadow accounting systems, and should you have one?

This moaning I hadded to “go to” Chareman Mousey Dung Hall to get my Privlidge czecked “and” i runned Into this hear Gye he was Reely Skared!!!!! and he hadded a Ragg and was “try-ing” to wype his Shaddoe off “The” wall!!!!!

He eggsplaned it to me,, “I am “try-ing” to Get ridd Of my Shaddoe and i jist Cant wype it Aweigh”!”!” He jist kepp wyping and wyping And wyping but he coodnt maik “it” Go Aweiy!!!

Natchruly I assked himb wye “he” “was” dooing that and he sayed it’s “becose my Shaddoe it is Racist!!!! I lernt that in a lexture!!! Awl Shaddoes thay “are” racist”!!””

Whell nhow haow cood “that” bee?? I meen, lyke, evry boddy’s Shaddoe thay “Are” awl Black,, rite????? “Yiu must of herd It rong” I sayed,, “yore shaddoe It Is Black and black, it cant be Racist!!!!” Butt he sayed “Shaddoes thay “are” ownly Pre-tenting to be Black!!! It is A “Trick!” So’s we cant Sea themb wen its Darrk!! Thats wen thay go owt and Do thare Racist stuph!!”

I nevver thinked of that befour!!!! And thare was My Shaddoe standin rite neckst To his!!!! And nhow that I thinked of it,, i nevver did sea My Shaddoe wen it was nyte tyme!!”! So of coarse I assked himb, “Has yiu got anether Ragg?? We got to wype ouwt my Shaddoe tooo!””!!

We tryed and tryed butt “we Jist” coodnt doo it!!!!!!!!!!

Shaddoes thay Are Prooof that awl wyte peeple thay are Racists!!!!!!

Waht “to’ Do Affter Collidge???

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We hadded “a” amayzing Lexture tooday it “was” Saposed to Be “waht do yiu Do “affter” yiu finnish whith Collidge”,, whel wow that “Is A” scairy thawt!!!!!!! We wer alll Scaired of wahtt she was Goingto Say!!!

Butt “it” terned Ouwt “tobe” A bigg Sapprize!!!!! Becawse ghess Wat???

Thare is no “Affter Collidge!”!”!”

Hear i whas worry-ying abuot wen I finnish and Get “my” deegree “in” Nothing Studies, like, then watt Do i Doo?????? Well thats Simpple!!! Yiu “staye” In Collidge and keeep On studdying untill yiu Get yur Massters!!! That taiks like Ten (1’0) yeers! And then yiu Staye in Collidge amether fifthteen (1’5) or Sixthteen yeers (1’6) untill yiu Get The Bigg One, yore PhuD!!!!!!!!!! Then yiu canbe a Prefesser and staye In Collidge sumb moar, at leest Untill yiu re-tyre and Get a “grate” bigg Pention so yiu “can Go” On croozes and stuph!@!!!!!

So, sea, thare “is” Nothing “to” whorry abuot!!!! Yiu jist stayh in Collidge and yiu nevver leeve!!!!! Yiu jist keep Getting Smarter “and” Smarter lyke I doo!!!!!!

Strangled for Time

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What with grocery shopping and having to take Patty to the doctor for a test, with a book that I have to finish writing before cold weather sets in, I don’t have much time today. So if this blog seems skimpy today, that’s why.

There’s all sorts of grotesque nooze I could report today; but someone else will do it, I suppose. I’ll try to write Joe Collidge when we get back from the doctor’s. You won’t read that anywhere else.

I’ve got to get outside now and use the 90-minute window available to my book today–90 minutes is all I’ve got.

Hey! While you’re here, visit the blog Archives. Go back and see what a mess 2016 was, or any other year.

Oh! a hymn request is coming in…

‘Ton Ey Curtus’s Hand!!’ (2017)

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See? It is Ether “his” rihght Hand oar his Lefft Hand witch is mising, Alfrid Hich-coke Cut “it” offf whith a soard!!!!

Robbie the cat is lying on top of my notes and I haven’t got the heart to move her. This vintage “Joe Collidge” piece is the only title peeking out from under the cat.

Well, we can always use a good laugh. It’s a gift from God.

Ton ey Curtus’s Hand!!

And now the cat gets up and walks away!

Happy Sunday, everybody.

 

We Has Lotts of Ginders!!!!

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[Editor’s Note: Yipes! I got so caught up in my book today, I completely lost track of the time and now I’m late. Almost forgot this week’s Joe Collidge. Don’t everybody howl forlornly at once.]

Whel, whoo cairs about that stopid guy And “his” stopid boock??? Heer at Collidge we got “moar” impotent things To Thinck abote!!!!

We jist fowned Out “fromb” Harverd and that is a Big Fantsy Unavoracity that nhow yiu “can has” A diffrint Gender evry Day!!!!! How grate “is” thatt??? And iff enyboddy Elsse thay get yore Pro-nown wrawng thay “are” “In” Big Trubble!!!!!!

I taiked alll themb Moth Hoarmoan shot to Tern me Into “a” wimmin and nhow It terns out I awlreddy Amb! a wimmin jist becose I saye so!!!!! In facked Harverd thay say yiu can Be “moar” Than one ginder at “the” Saimb Tyme!!!!!! Eevin gender thatt thay got “nl” naims foar Yet!!!

So i amb a “man” And aslo “a” wimmin and aslo sumb-thing Elsse!!!! Mayby i shood caul My Selff “a Schwoomin” oar “a Mumman!”!” And aslo mayby i better Stay Aweiyh fromb wautter or i mite Get pregganint!!!!! And iff yiu eet Rice Chex yiu mite “start” monstrewaiting!!!!! Is that Coool or watt???

This heer it “is” jist so Grate!!!!! Nhow we can Maik Up niew Pro-Nowns that no boddy thay evver herd Of “beafoar” and get themb punnished for Miss Gindering!!!! Didd yiu know “that” Miss Gindering it cain axully kill A Trans Person dedd??!! Thats watt thay say At Harverd!!! so it mussed be triu!!

Sow nhow i amb goingto Fyned Out “moar” Genders i can be,, thare Mussed “be” hunderds of themb Out Thare!!!!!!!!

Get Ridd ‘Of” ‘The” Constertuition!!!!!

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Tooday we hadded “a” meating Of “the” Stoodint Soviet and we done Somb-thing it whil maik Hisstery!!!!! We voated “to” abollix that no-good US Consittusion!!!!!!!!!!

That thare dum thing it was wrote “in” like “the” 13th Sentry and it “Is” jist not good for Nothing heer in this heer 20th Sentry!!!!! It “is” like toatilly Out-of Daite!!!

And wood yiu Beleave it???? Nott one singul Trans-ginder Non-bynairy Person hadded any Thing todo whith It!!!!! Thay was Oxcloodid!!!! Aslo this stinkin Countree of Ours it never-never-nevver gotted that thare Consperussion APPROOVED “by” The UN!!!!! Can yiu beet that?????

We kneed “a” brandnoow Constiracion that is only wrote by Peeple Of Culler!!!! And aslo by Peeple in Oather Countrees too!!! Wye diddnt noboddy in Indea or Soodan or Boilivier evver get to wrote anyy “of” “The” Consatushin??? Whas that fare???

We kneed “a” hole niew Cunskaration that whil throe wyte peeple In Jale for hasing Wyte Privlidge and Racist thawts!!!!! If it whas Up “to” Me i wood lock Up Evry-boddy axsept Mynahrities and aslo peple who Are “at” Collidge!!!! And aslo I wood maik it “a” law that Dunkin Donuts thay has to be Free fromb nhow on!!!!!!

So wee “Are” goingto Send a Leter “to” Jobydin assking himb to get ridd Of “the” Conscetrusion so we Can has Femminists in Sawdy Araybier “write” a New one foar us!!!!!!

We Has Maskses Agen!!!!

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Heer at Collidge we has a barand-noo Mask Man-Date!!

And waht do yiu Know,, its “all-moast” Hallaweeen but furst we “has” to cellarbrate Laber Day witch is To-marrow but thenn “it is” Hallaweeen and I has fowned this hear Fanntatstick Which Mask i can ware!!!! So i “can” Obay the Mask Man-Date and do Hallerweeen “at” The Saim Tyme!!!!! Haow grate “is” That???

As yiu Can sea fromb “The” pixture this hear it is “A” reely Scairy Which Mask,, the ownly Thing rong whith it,, wen I putt “it On” it soart Of squisshes my Moth Antenners and it maikes themb Ichy!!!!! and i doughnt whant to be Scrachin awl the tyme im Tricke Oar Treeting!!!!!!

All-reddy heer “at” Collidge a lott “of” us wee “are” wharing Hallerine Masks. It is nhow So Scairy arowne heer,, yiu jist whant To hyde al “the” day lawng, the furst stoodint whoo seen My Mask, he stratted Crying and he hadded to go into Cownsalling!!! Fourchunitly we has plennty “Of” Play-Doh so he has clamed down bye Nhow!!!! Heckk i gotted Scairded tooo wen i lookt Into “the” Meerrer!!!!!!!!!

And nhow Jobydin he “tells” us the Scairy Masks thay whil scair The Jerms tooo! No moar COVE-ID on our Kampis!!!!!!!

We Has Our Own Spaice Pogrom!!!!!

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Our Collidge “it” is sending a exporasion teem “To” Sattern,, it is anether Plannit!!!!

Heer “at The” Stoodint Soviet we has voated to Has a Outar Spaice Pogrom whith Rockits and awl!!!!! We are gointo Sattern becose “it hases” themb Nice Rings!!!! That whil be eezier “than” goingto Mars becose Sattern “it is” Bigger and aslo yiu can Cach onto “the” Rings!! Aslo if the Rockit it is Fast Enuohgh it whil ownly taik like Haff a Hour to get thare!!!!!

We are gointo send two Fizzicks prefessers thay whil “be” Asstronuts and yiu “can” sea themb in the pixture thay Are Dockter Frank and Dockter Jimbo i has forgot thare lassed naimes becose thay “Are” So harrd to Spel!!!!!! And they billt that thare Rockit schip themselfs!!!!!!!! i seen them Doing it!

Oncet thay are “On” Sattern thay whill caul us on thare Sell Phoanes, thay whil be Faymice then!!!!! Thay naimed the Rockit Schip Hillery and wen peeple sea That,, thay whil De-manned that she be the Pressadint alawng whith Pressadint Jobydin and Pressadint Obammer;: butt Of coarse he Hased Awlreddy bin to sevrel Other Plannits!!!!!

Well it is Explensife to send experditions to Sattern so the Collidge is goingto has “to” raze the Tooission agen “butt it” “Is” Wherth It!!!!!! We can Collinize Sattern “and” set Up more collidges out thare!!!!