Tag Archives: joe collidge

Down whith “Mr. Nature’!!

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One of “the” Things i hat abote this hear stopid blog is that Biggit “Mr. Nature” that stopid lee lets “come in” hear and rite abote aminals “and” stuff! Yiu see “whatt” a big dum Idjit thay is, he dont evin know “how” To spel Natchure!!!

Thay shuld ouhght To boath be Put “in” jale for Evilution Denile and al the Time talkin abote God like God he is reel or somthing!! Yiu can eesly see that thay Are boath not Interllecturals lee he sayes he wented to Collidge but i dont beleave him and evin iff he “did” thay shuldnt give No boddy no collidge degreee if thay dont Beleave in Evilution!

and Like iff that is nott Bad enouhgh i bet haff the Animales he rites “abote” thay isnt evin reel! i hate al them stopid Catt vidios tooo!

If yiu can “see That’ pitctre up thare it is a pitcure i seen “this Moarning” it is caled A Cat Sharck and it is reeler than Al them stopid made Up annamals thay put on This dum blogg it livves in the Spacific Ocen arond Newark or somwear and it Evolvved becose of Trans Fobbia! that is waht ical Reel Natchure!!

I amb so sick of tham sayin ‘”Gods Stuf'” al the time and i dont know How “thay” get aweiy whith it! Dont the Consattutin it say yiu cant Never say “god” or other religgin stufff?? Becose if yiu “say” that it menes yiu are Aunti-Sciance!!!

Jist yiu weit till Hillery she is Pressadint!! i seen her book tooo and She is actrually getting Yonger! That is becose she “is” Evolvving tooo! Anyhow she “wil” putt a Stop to al this Aunti-Sciance talk and hat speach!!!

 


Now weere Geting Cerious!!

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Wel, i has tryed “to” joyne Auntyfa but wen I putt “on” the black Mask it Hurted my Moth Antenners somthing Awful!! But nevver mind thare is somthing Even “bettar” than Auntyfa!

I heared abote This wimmin she “is” a Jornalist a reel big one! and yiu know Waht she done?? She putted heckses on a hole Bunch of Wite Supramassists and thay All fel down and dyed!! She can done this becose Her hole fambly it is Physic! and jist Mayby  she “wil” putt a hecks on Donold Trumpt and than Hillery she wil be pressadint!!!

So i am a Interllectural so i “ouhght” to Be abel to do spels and heckses tooo! I gess it work bettar “iff” yiu are A wimmin butt I “bet” al them Moth Hoarmoans thay wil reely help!! i has got a Book on Howe To cast Spels so i wil Know “howe” to doo it and frist I wil “put a”” hecks on this gye in my Dorm he is A Transfob he is awlyays saying hatful things and i wil Cast A spel to make his feeet fal offf!!! Aslo he is a Fashist becose he “dont apresiate” Auntyfa and thay wil get him iff i dont “get”” him frist!

I am So hapy i lernt abote doing heckses for Socile Juststus and i jist cant weiht to get strated!!!


How We save The Plannit!!

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Wow did we have “a” lexture today!! Our Gender Studies class we got a geusst lexture from a Eco Sexural Prefesser she comed al “the” way From Calliforma and she toled us How to Save The Plannit by “makeing” love Whith the Erth!!! and i caint hardly waighht to Try it!

She sayed her and her Pratner thay do it al “the” tyme!! thay gets nekkid and roles Around in Mud and thay Lick the Treees and get The Plannit al exyted like and That is how thay wil get the Erth to have “more” Self Esteam or somthing!! but affter a wile it was Kindof “hard” to folo becose she was So Interllectural i culdnt Hardly figger out “whatt” she was saying that “is” the sine of a reel Interllectural if you can unnder-stand them eazy then it is Not true Interllectural!

I dont know wye but lissining “to” al “this” It made me jist tirribble hungry And i culdnt Help it and thare wasnt Nothing “elsse” to eet so i taked Off “my” shoo and than i started eeting my Sock and it was embarasting reely but she Seen it and she gived me a grate “bit” slime and sayed “wel i am Glad to” see thare “is Somboddy hear” that he is Saving The Plannit “rihght now by Re-cycalling” his Sox!!! and i jist abote Meltted! when she smyled like That!

and now i Has got “to” stop riting and go “out” and Save The Plannit some more!!!


The futchure Is Trans Gender!!!

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Us interllecturals we has reely got “to” Luagh at al yiu ordrinary dum peple “getting” al Bent out of shap by Manditory Trans Gender and LBTGQY Eddacation in the pubic schools!! Yiu are Too stopid to “know” a goood Thing “whenn” yiu see It!

We teling yiu now The Futchure it is Trans al the weighy!!! Thare isnt no Poynt in yore fiting it or argruing abote It becose The smartest Interllecturals in al the Collidges we has figgored it out and It is going To hapen!!!

Al the boyes thay are goingg to be transed “into” girls and al The grils thay going “To Be” transed Into boyes!!! This wil make Socile Jutstus hapen! it Is “so” riddicless for al yore littal Chilldran to be Crying becose thay afrayed of being Chainged Into somthing Else!! Heck i been tryinTo get “my” sexx chainged four Months and Months that Is wheye i get me shot up whith al them Moth Hormoans but al I got “To” shoe four it “so faar” is my Moth Antenners anyhow it is Four Thare Own Goood so shut up alreddy!!!

Geting yore Sex chainged becose wee Toled yiu to it is 1} the weighy to assurt yore Indypendanse and 2} yiu awlyays shuld oght to do “whatt” Us Interllecturals we telll yiu to do and 3$ It wil finely get rid of Trans Phobia ontce and four al becose thenn Evry Boddy “thay wil” be Trans!!!

Rebember!! The Futchure “it” is alyays in The Futchure!!!


No more Canfedrate Names Alloued!!

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We lets see “that” stopid gye Lee “get” Out of this one!!

See, now he gots “to” change his Name becose It is one of them Canfedrate Notzi names and “iff” he Keeps On using it than he willl be gilty of hat speach!! Like it”s the Same thing “as” being named Hittler whitch is aslo a Canfedrate Notzi name! and it wil affend evry one Whoo sees it Or heres it! and he “has got” To erace it from al his stopid boooks too!!

Jist let himb “trye” to fined a New Name for his self that Isnt some kined of Micro Grecian! If he cal his self Tom welll thats a Notzi name tooo! And he cant Take no Minorty Name neether and cal his self Peeair or Toshiro or Mbemby becose than it Wuld be Cultchurel Apropiation whitch its not alloued!!! so now he “cannt” wright nothing Or say nothing he jist “have to” Shutt Up!!!! Becose whattever he sayes it makes him “a” Whight Stuprimassist and Auntifa wil come and get him! Ha ha ha!!!

Meenwile at the Collidge we getting Rid “of” all Whight Notzi names of Streets and billdings and boooks untill thare isnt None of them lefft! We thunk this Up becose we are Intrallecturals and al yiu Ordrinary dum peple yiu has got to Obay us it “is” fore yuor own Goood!!!!


Tare down Them Moniumints!

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Prefesser Ginder in the Gay Studdies Deptt she give A fantatstic Speach yeasterday and she “got us”al worked Up!! It was al abote How Gay peple and Trans peple and Muslins and peple From mexxico thay was fownding Americka but them Rushins thay hacked “it” and it Started “the” Sivvle War! I thinked i knowed al abote “the Civvle War” it was the War that “had” M*A*S*H** in it butt i didnt know it was How Wite peple it is OK to hat them thay tuck over And “that is” how Americka it got turned in-to the Evil roten cuontry that it “is” now!!! and she sayed we got to make Socile Jutstis by taring Down all them Canfedret moniumints that Wite peple thay putt “up” to keeep Slavry! and she sayed we got To “be” carfull becose the Town aruond the Collidge it is ful of Knotsies!!! there is, like,yknow, ten Thowsend Knostsies in it!!!

And than i amb sorry “to” say somme of Us we got “in” trubble becose we runned out to reck them Canfedret moniumints rihght hear On Campas and the pressadint of the Collidge he got so mad at us!! And he piked up “a ” Bull Horn and he yelled At us “Yiu stopid idjits yiu puled down The ” wrong Statchues! Wel we made a missteak and we did pulll down the Wrong ones, “yiu damfools, thoze was the Statchues of Lennon and Casstro and Marks and Magrat Sannger!!! Like “we” was So imbarasssed!!! and now we got “to” Putt them up agin! and the Collidge pressadint he yeled At Us some more becose it turns out thare Isnt no Canfedret Statchues hear On Campas!

So now we got To put Up some Canfedret Statchue jist so we Can tare it Down agin! We didnt know Who to Make it a Statchue of, like, witch Canfedret it auhght To Be but Finely we “setled” on a Statchue of some guy his name was Ritcherd Simmons or somthing Like that! and the Monny it has got to come Out Of the Stodent Playdoh Fund!


I Buyed A Time Mashine!

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Wel i has reely did it now!!! I amb going “to” Change The Whorld!!

To day this hear guy he mayjers in Physick and he “says to”” me do i Want to “buy” a Time Mashine! and i say “butt it is jist a Card Bord Box!” and he say “no It only Looks “like a” Card Bord Box acterly it is a Time Mashine and yiu can Travel In Time, i wil Selll it to yiu for jist $5 dollars and than yiu “can” Travel Inta the Futchure!! wel i didnt Have no $5 dollars whitch is becose of Inequallity and i think reel hard and i says Butt “how do i know It werks??” and he sayed Simpal, jist clime in and close It Up afftar yiu and wen yiu come out agian it will be the Futcher!!” and i say OK butt how wil i know its reely the Futchure??

So he shoes me His whatch and sayes “Look waht Time is it now?” butt i am not so Good At “telling Time,” thay didnt teech me it in Gender Studies so i had to ask and he toled me It “is now” 2:12 p.m. jist go in the Box and close it” whitch Is whatt i done and thare I amb in Side the Box and i thohght i was In It “kind of” long but than he sayed “Now opin the Box and clime out and see waht Time it is now” and Holy Cow! “It is 2:15 P.m. yiu has travvled 3 minits inta The Futchure!!”

Wel finely he selled it to me for jist #1 dollar and 26 scents witch was al I had butt now I can travvle into the Futchure!!!! I whanted to Thank him but than he “went Away” reel fast!

And So hear’s waht i amb going to Do!! I amb going to travvle Inta The Futchure and Stop Donold trump from evver being Borne so he cant get Elecktid Pressadint and Hillery she “wil be” Our Pressadint insted!!!

and al them dum and stopid peple whoo vhoted for him Thay wil get a reel supprise that thay wont like!!!


Now we Has yogur Class!

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Hear at Our Collidge thay has started Yogur class for alumini and Interllecturals and i think Yogur “it is”” somthing that yiu “eat” butt i supose “it” is aslo al Theese hear Yogur Extrasizes and I gess yiu eat “The” Yogur afftar yiu “do the” Extrasize.!

So i runned over to the Stodent Centaur to get in “the class” and thay Toled me i culdnt Unlest i has Yogur Pants and i dint Know “waht” to “do” becose I dont know waht Yogur Pants thay look like!! and al i culd Think “of” saying was yiu Doing “the Micro Gresion on me!”” so thay let me in the Class whith-out Yogur Pants!

Now i amb al Soar from doing The Yogur and one “of “” my Moth Antenners it got bent and it sure herts!!! But that “it is” a Smalll price to Pay “becose” Yogur it keep yiu From turning “in-to” a christin, the Instrocter she sayed Yogur “it teeches” yiu That Yiu Are God!! How Abot That!!! it is jist “Waht” my prefesser he been sayin Al Allong, first yiu takes Gender Studies corses like me and than Yiu assines youself Whatevver gender yiu whant and yiu Can evvin make Up one iff yiu “dont” like any of the Genders that got listed “in” the Stodent Gyde and That “is How” we Creeights our selfs! and than i eated Some Yogur butt in Al Onesty i like jim sox bettter!!


Help get ridd Of Maskulinty!

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Us Interllecturals hear at Collidge we are alyaws trying “to” Fix Up this no-good Crumby american Socyty and now “we has” got a Plan to do it!!

We heared abote Printstan Collidge thay are “going ” To go get rid Of Agreasive Maskulinty but at our Collidge we “has” a evvin Better Plan, we are going “to” get rid Of All Maskulinty it jist Wont be aloud no more!!!

thats rihght, we going “to” Ban it totelly! No more mussels, No more beerds, no more Drinkin beer, No more mail cloathing! An no more Mail “Pro” nouns!! The deens thay had “a” meating to say Al them things we going to Ban so thare “wont “” be No More Maskulinty hear at all!!! Thay evvin going To “fource” guy stodents to change thare Names, No more Guy Naimes aloud so Iff yore naim it is Darnold four instants yiu got To “change” It to Prissilla or Jenifer or somthing like that! and aslo No more Acting Mail!

This hear Is The Futcher of Man to al be Wimmins! and than Thare “wont ” be No more Warr or Pobberty or Unfavrable Gender Outcomes!

&And yiu can “thank” Us Interrlecturals four it!


Emergency! Joe Collidge Stricken

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The management regrets to inform the readership that Joe Collidge has been rushed to the emergency room at Dizzy Dean Hospital following an attempt to spell the word “weltanschauung.” The word means “world view.” It is not known why Mr. Collidge did not simply write “world view.”

According to a confidential source, “The top of his head come off and there wasn’t nothing in it.”

A full recovery is expected, according to another source, we forget which one.


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