Sumb-tymes my cloathes thay dought “feeel rihght” and Then i disscuver I has axerdently “put themb” On Back-words!!!!!!
So yeasterday i whent to Me Studdies class whith my Pants “on” back-wurds–and i amb teling yiu It “cann” hapen “to” Ennyboddy!-!–and the Prefester and the oather stoodints “thay” stooded Up and Cheeeared!!!!! Thay thawted I done It “on” porpose! to Pro-tesst Trans Fobbier and Racism. The Prefester she sayed “This” “it is reel Socile Jutstus,, it Is “a” fanntastical Way Of saying Our hole no-good Stinkin Sosyetty IT IS LYKE TOETULLY BACKWURDS!!!””!!” And aslo she sayed Evvry Boddy thay shood doo it!!!
So awl the stoodints (exept me, i awlreddy done It) thay toock Off thare Cloathes and putt themb On Back-wirds!!!!! Thare was one Hater Biggit he woodnt do It,, he sayed It “was” Stopid, so sicks (%6) of us we beet himb Up!!! “That is watt Cumpelled Speach it is awl abuot!!”! sayed The Prefester!. She kikked himb too!!
Nhow we Are goingto go Owt and martch aru,ownd The Fowntin by The deen’s howse to Protesst for moar Transgenders in the Caffateeriah!!! I bet he Lissins to us nhow!!!!!!
This heer Book we has to reed “it” foar Nothing Studdies and it is Grate! evin thoh “it has got” a lott of big wurds “In” it witch maiks it harrd to reed!!!!
Imadjin haow up-sett I was wen I fowned Out “that” lasst yeer somb tyme My stopid fambly thay sed i was Dedd and helled a Fhyunrel foar me and thay diddnt evin “in-vyte” me to my oan fhyunrel!!!!!! Thay woont let me back in the howse ether!!
Whel! We cauld a Emirjintsy Meting “of” the Stoodint Soviet and we voatid Unaminusly that the Fambly it is no good and “it ownly” getts In The Way “Of Socile Jutstus and so it has got “tobe” abbolisht!!!! No moar Fambly!!
We de-manned that fromb nhow On kidds in skool thay shood Awl! get Ginder Re-assinemint and chainge thare Secks and thatll “taik cair” of the Fambly oncet And fore Awl!!!! and if pairints thay doughnt lyke it then Educayters thay shood be abble to “throe The Pairrints “in” “Jale”!”!” The FBI thay wil know witch pairrints “Are” the reel trubble Maikers!!!!!
Sumb Hater Biggit thay sayed “Iff yiu do” that yiu whil maik evry boddy Stareile and thare woont “be” no moar peple, so sicks (*^6) of us we beet himb Up!!!! Sheesh, evry boddy knows we can jist re-plaice peple With Rowbotts!!!!!! and thay whil awl “be” pogrommed to beleeve in Socile Jutstus!!!!! And that sowlves awl “Our Prombles!””
I cant beleave “the” Hait and Racism!!! But thare “it is”!”!” Somb Biggit Haiters thay done a Studdy “that” sudjests our I-Qes thay ARE GOING DOWWN INSTEAD OF UP!!!!!!
So heer “at” Collidge our Stoodint Soviet we done our “oan” studdy and gess waht!!! We “Are Not” geting dumb and stopid!! No way!!!! WE ARE GETING SMARTER EVRY DAIY!!!!!
Jist look At us!!!! Nhow we are Abel to see Racism evvry-ware!! Epsessially in plaices we never seen It befoar!@!! We can spot Secksism and Abelism and Wite Stupremmasy a myle awhay!!!! Heer,, i whil shoew yiu! Taik a Look “at” this heer Basebawl Card!!!
Yiu wood nevver gess this Heer Bil White gye he was a Wite Strupremmassist wood yiu?? Butt nhow that we been “To” Collidge and awl got Smart, we “can” see it rite awhey!!!!! It taiks Reel Eddication to do That!!!!!! So haow the blaizzis can They say weer geting dumber????
Jist the Other Daiy i tryed “to” putt a Hat on and gess waht!!! It diddnt fit,, “it was” whay tooo Smawl!!!! That thare it is Prooof that my Brane it has groan Bigger!!!! becose “of” awl “the” Eddication i been puting Into “it!”! Bye the tymb i gett “my deegree” i whil kneed “a” mutch Bigger Hat!!!!!
We has got “a” new deegree pogrom!!! It is cawled You Studdies,, be-cose awl yiu gots to studdy “Is” Yore Selff!!!! Haow coool is “that”!”!??
Nhow yiu “can” spend five (^5^) yeers jist studdying Yore Selff!! The Deen she sayed “We has to Do “this” becuase Nothing Studdies it “is” tooo Harrd foar lots “of” “the” Stoodints! And sumb of Themb thay jist wowned up drinkin Fromb “the” Goal Fissh Pond and not lurning nothing and a fyew Of themb thay got Sick and thare famblys thay sooed The Collidge”!”!!
Butt frist they tryed jist “givving Out” deegrees foar nothing at awl “and” the Collidge it got sooed foar That tooo!!!!! Iff ownly “we” cood Get Rid “of” Famblys we wood awl be Beter Off!!!!
The grate Thing abowt You Studdies is,, It Is ***Flunck-Proof***!!! I meen haow can yiu possablee fale You Studdies!!!! Butt jist to maik Sure it “is” sucksestfull, the Stoodints thay whil be aloud to Graid Thembselffs!!! And jist In Caiss “that” doughnt whork ether, Stoodints who stil doughnt gett It,, thay whil has Mentaurs to hellp themb studdy thayrselffs!!!!!
I wunder iff i awt To chainge my Majer….?
We hadded a Merjintsy meting “of” The Stoodint Soviet lasst “nite” and we voated that we has to Stop this here crischin Revyvle “at” this Collidge, we has to mobbilize Awl The Woak stoodints to maik “it” stopp!!! Sheesh!! Hasnt thay never herd “of” Sepprasion of churtch “and” State??
So this moarning we seen this here gye wawking Doawn “the” syde-wawk and Singing “a” him!!!! So the threee “Of us” we atacked himb To beet himb Up and then putt himb into Sensertivvaty Traning so “he” willl lern Not to sing no hims no moar!!!!
Woodnt yiu know it! He terned aout “tobe” sumb kynde Of Joodoh gye and he beet us Up instedd!!!!! He fited durty and It wuzznt Fare!@!!!! It was horrablee embarusing!!! And aslo he snaped Off “one of” my Moth Antenners,, boy didd “that” hert!!! It whil gro back but dammit!!!!
Layter sumb boddy fromb Aunty Fah thay toled us It “is awl yore oan fawlt!! “Doughnt yiu know nevver ” to “pick a fite unlest yiu got at leest Six (&^) to One Ods?”?”?” I gess yiu got to saye we lernt a Lessen fromb That!!!
We wil has to get the F.BI to doo “this” here jobb foar Us!!!!
Sumbtymes I feeel Jellice becose “it” loocks lyke Evry Boddy butt me has fowned sumb-thing to Pro-tesst “abuout”!”! But too-day, Youreeka!!! I has gott “a” Pro-tesst “of” My Oan!!!!!! Haow grate “is” That???
Has yiu knowtissed that “thare” issnt no Gluvs in enny-boddy’s Gluv Cumportmint??? Thiss heer “it Is” a majer Skandle!!!!!! Go ahed and loock In one Gluv Cumportmint afftur a-nother!! Wahts “the” one thing yiu Will Nevver Fynde???
The hole “thing” it Is Nutthing butt Flase Avvertizing!!! Witch is cawzed by Climbit Chainge and Inkum Inny-quailatty!!!! This heer “It is” a Verry Impotent Isshoo!!! The car cumpannies thay “Are” liying “to” uss!!!!! And aslo Ghetting Awhay whith It!! And aslo yiu doughnt kneed Threee (&3) Gesses to gess whooze Be-hyned it!!! I whilll give yiu a Hint!
It”s Donuld Trumpt thats whoo!!!!!!!!
Ware “Are” awl themb Gluvs “that” shood awt Tobe in Gluv Cumportmints??? Eh? Eh?
I whil leeed a Pro-tesst to-nite!!!! And wen Pressadint Jobydin he fyndes auout,, then The furr it whil Flye!!!!!!!!!!
I knew it I knew it! Looke Sky Waulker, the one “in” Star Wors, HE IS A LISBIAN!!!!!!!! Haow grate “is” that???
This heer it comes Fromb “a” Fan Paige sumbware so yiu Know “it”s” trooe!!! I awlyaws thinked “Thare was” sumbthing spacial abuot himb!!!! That thare beerd it Diddnt fuel me at awl!!
Nhaow it “is” a Facked “that” Star Wors it awl reely hapend In Ouwter Spase!!! But i bett no boddy knowd that awl themb peple In It thay “Are” awl reel peple!!!!! The whole Ouwter Spase it “is” popplated by Gay and Lisbien peeple!! That “is” haow thay Are Smart enuough to maik Star Shippes and Lite Saybers!!!!! We doughnt has themb Heer On Erth becose of Homeo-fobier!!!! ((Ackturaly i oncet Met sumb gye he hadded a Lyte Sayber, he buyed it In Canssas!!))
And Darth Vader he is Darnold Trumpt!!!!!
Waht this heer Collidge “it neeeds” moar than enny thing it “is a” deegree pogrom in Star Wors Studdies!!!!! We cant effOrd “to” fawl Behined themb otther collidges!!!!
So neckst “time yiu” whach Star Wors, jist rememember,, It “is” a Gay Gallacksy ouwt thare!!!!!!!!!!
Nhaow the Trooth it comes Out!!! Syints it “is” Wyte Strupremmasy in Disskies!+!! And that is “The” reezin I fluncted Kemmistry!!!!!!
Yiu doughnt beleave me??? Well, jist loook “at” that Pixture!!!! That there, it is a Wite gye!!!!!!! It Is a Wyte gye dooing kemmastry!! and thay aslo doo Fizzix tooo!!!!Evry ware yiu look is Wyte Superpremmasy!!!!
Heer “at” “the” Stoodint Soviet,, we has de-sided to Do Sumbthing abuout It!!! We voated to get ridd “of awl” the Syints at This here Yoonavarsitty untill we can has Queer Black Femmanist Syints and “no” Other kyned!!!
And aslo we Are goingto ficks that thare Peeriotic Tabel so it woont “has”no moar Wyte Ellamints!!! Jist Black ones lyke Carbin and that stuph thay put In Penssals!!!!!! This it “Is” Very Good becose it maiks tha Tabel mutch shoarter!!!!! (We Can aslo has Chalklit becose It is a nother Braown Ellamint!)
Fromb naow On we whil Not alouw The Collidge to teetch Any Thing Wyte!!!!!! And we Are aslo whirking On “getting Ridd” of Wyte Payper tooo!!!
[If you’re playing “Twisted Titles,” you can change Joe Collidge to Joe Coolidge and maybe come up with a future president.]
Heer at The Stoodint Soviet we has “sallootid” Harverd Med Skool!!! Thay “Are” goingto teech “afurming cair” to “Ethicle Non Monoggamy”!”! Its abuot Tyme sumb boddy thay thinked “of” This!!!!
Wen it combs to Secks, yiu naim it, itts Good!! Even BDSM,, witch meens “”Bondige, Domanation, and Saydo Massakissm”!”!”!! Haow grate is That!?? Yiu naim it, thay whil Afurm It!!!
We hoap this heer it whil leed To “a” Secks Eddacation Expolosion!!!!! The Tyme it has coome foar a Noo Secksile Revvalusion!!!! Awl Secks awl “the” tyme Foar Evvry One!! Thare whil be No Sutch Thing “as” Rong Secks ennymoar!!!! This it has got my Moth Antenners spinnning Whith Ecksytmint!!!! And aslo Eckstacy!!
We “Are” goingto Voat foar “a” New Rool that says yiu Cant Graddurate unlest yiu Has don at leest Fyve (5%&) kyneds Of Secks!!!! Awl diffrint kyneds!! This heer It whil grately maik sirius Progrest in acheeving Socile Jutstus!!!!!!!!
Oh, “man”!”! We has jist fowned Out “that” coughffee “it” cawzes Climbit Chainge!!!! So we cauled a Merjintsy Meting “of The” Stoodint Soviet to de-mannd thay Ban Coughffee heer “At” collidge!!!!
We whur goingto voat “To” Ban Evvrything!!! but desiddid Not To Doo That becoze thenn Pot it wood “get bannned” and wee has Nutthing Left “to” Live Foar!!!!!! Suure glad we duckked That Bullit!!! So insted we jist bannned Coughffee!!
I knowed coughffee it Is Racist,, but i diddn Know “it is aslo” maiking the Climbit Chainge!! So fromb nhow On, ownly Spacial Heumin Beans lyke Johhn Kery shood be aloud “to”” Drinck It!!!!! We diddn Know That till this heer gye At Daavos he sayed so!!!!!! He aslo sayed We shood Eat Bugs and i tryed “It” oncet butt it hadd awl themb Legs kickkin and scrachin At Oncet and it got reely icky wen i chooed It!!!!!! Mayby a centerpeed it “whas” the rong kyned Of Bug!!!!
We voated yumannamus to Ban Coughffee and enny boddy whoo trys “to Drinck It” nhow,, thay whil Be Sari!!!!!