Whell nhow i undder-stand wye Jane Fonder she says “the” Vyris “it” “is” our Frend!!! Becose it whil finely Let “us” get ridd “Of” Chrissmiss!!!!!
Czech it Out!! Thare woont be no Santy Claws in nun “of” The stoars this yeer on accownt “of” evry Boddy thay al gets Sick And Die ((!)) iff thay gets two Close “to” eech Other,, unlest “thay” Are dooing Piecefull Protest and seting stufff On Fire!!!! The Vyris it knows! not to Hurt no one whoo is Riotting for Socile Jutstus!!!!!!!
And aslo too yiu “cant” sing no stopid Chrissmiss carals unlest yiu Keeep yur Fays Maask on and jist wisper!!!!
Sea, Chrissmiss it is Hat Speach becose its fore chrisschins and its Got Jesus In It!!!!!! Jesus he “Is” “the” Biggist Hater Biggit of themb all!!!!!!!! Reely thare “is” No Poynt in Banning Evry-Thing unlest yiu aslo Ban Jesus!! and the Bybble!!!! And it is a goood Thing for yiu that yiu got al us Interllecturals to axplane it too yiu becose stopid peeple “whoo” are Not In Collidge thay cant Think “strait”!”! thay doughnt Unnder-Stand nothing!!!!!
So thiss yeer at Our End “of” Yeer Hollowday Praty we are goingto Warship the Vyris and sing Covid carals!!!!! and nhow that we gloode the Hed back on our Statchew of Pressadint Obamma we can Warship himb tooo!!!!!!!!!!
We has banned Food hear “at” Collidge becose Foood it is Racist! and so “we” ownly Eat Play-Doh!! but i amb geting tired “Of” it!!!! In facked, this moarning i was So hungary,, i eated a pare of jim sox wen No Boddy thay wher loooking, whith Peenut Butter!!!
Play-Doh it haves pritty Cullers but i dont feel so good eeting It “all” The time!!! and i amb Not The Ownly One neether!!!!! So we hadded a spacial lexture by a Prefesser to axplane It!!!
Eeting Play-Doh “it is All prat of Cryptickle Theery he” sayed and “if yiu whant Socile Jestus then yiu has got to has Cryptickle Theery tooo!!!”! And in ordure to make Cryptickle Theery whork to get Ridd “of” Sistemick Racism he axplaned “it haves tobe Ritten so that No One can Under-Stanned waht it Meens!!!” “So tharefour if yiu Doughnt under-stanned It,, that meens yiu Are “Doing It” rihght!!”” Well i doughnt under-stanned Nothing ennymoar so i must has a hole Lot of Cryptickle Theery gowing foar me!!!!!
I doughnt know Haow Mutch Lawngre we “can” al eet jist Play-Doh,, i amb feeeling kinda Run Daown laitly and reely it jist doughnt taist so goood!!!! i amb dighing for a bole Of Hankies!!!!! One Hater we cached himb eeting a Hot Dawg so we beet himb Up!! Yiu jist cant has Dyvercity unlest Evry Boddy thay are al Doing The saymb Thing al the Tyime!!
We gotted a weerd Letter yeasterday fromb somb Hater whoo asked W”hat Do yiu Collidge Nittwitz do for Fun??”?
Wel wee are Not heer to has “Fun!”” In facked we Bannned Fun!!! We “are” Trying “to” maik a Revvalusion heer!!! In facked we are Trying to Ban Evry-Thing!! It “is” “The” ownly whay to Stop Sistemick Racism!!!!!! Becose evry-thing It is Racist!! Waht kind “of” stoopid dop dont know That???
We runned into A promble wen we Banned foood! Evry Boddy thay got Hungary!!!! i dont know waht wood of hapened iff our Stoodint Soviet diddnt “deside” itd Be O.K. for us to Eet Play Doh!!!
Yiu wood think whith “all” themb Pritty Cullers that Play Doh it wood be verry Nise to Eet!!!! and aslo if yiu got Tallent yiu can shaip It “so” it Looks jist lyke Reel Foood!!! The gye in that thare pixture he Is “eeting” a Play Doh sanwitch “and” It looks so Taistey!!!! i wisht I hadded one Jist ly’ke It!!!!!!
Wel i whil Not Lye to yiu becose we has Banned Lying but we has aslo Banned Teling “the” Trooth so thats O.K. anywhay i whil Not tel yiu that Play Doh it Taists goood, axully it taists Kined “of” Ickky!!! i was sorprized!! and It “was” kwite Hard “to” Swaller tooo!!!!!!!!!
And jist nhow i dont Feel “so” goood so i Better stop Riting!!!!
Whel, whel, we has Cut “to” The Chace and our Stoodint Soviet we has voated To Ban Evry-thing heer “at” Collidge!!! Fore a hole weak, tooo!!
It Is “the” One Shure Whay “of” geting Ridd of Sistemmick Racism, yiu has got to Ban Evry-thing becose evry-Thing it Is Racist!!!! So strating rihght Nhow we “are” Baning Evry-thing–eeting, drink-ing, Goingto bed, geting up, Cloathes, noodity, tawking, Not Tawking, Frends, pryvit propperty, pubic propperty,, and aslo Enny-thing Else we “can” Thinck Of!!!!!!!!!!
This it Is hardar thann it loocks!!! Butt as our one Prefesser sayed,, This “heer it Is “the” Essints of Revvalusion!!”! This heer “it” Is the One Trooue whay of Fundamint Trans Fourmasion!!!!! And then we bannned her tooo!!!!
I addmit i hadded a Littal trubble “baning” my Self butt Afftir A Wile it becomed like Seckind Natcher to me!!!!
Ooops!! O schiff! i pubblished “this hear” Artycule befour i “cood” rememember to Ban It!!!!!
P,S.–I jist thinked of sumb-thing!!! How do “we” Ban banning??
This hear gye he wood “be” Oh-Kay iff he whuz a Wimmin!
Heer at Collidge our Stoodint Soviet we “has maid” A Grate Desission!!! We “are” goingto Out-Law Maskulimity and Ban it tooo!!!!
So fromb nhow On thare woont be enny Maskulimity heer,, all “the” mails thay whil has to ware Dresses and aslo lippstick and wotch chick Flicks al day!!!! and iff we ketch enny gye waring pants unlest It “is” “a” Pants Soot lyke Hilary he whil be In “big” trubble!!!!!! Sicks Munths of Sencertivvaty Traning!! and aslo he wil ottomatickly Flunk al his coarses!!!!
We “are” dooing This four Socile Jutstus!!! We hased one gye his naim it was Steeve and we maid himb chainge “It” to Looseel”!”
We has “lurnt” That al “the” Prombles of The Whorld thay “are” al cawsed by Maskulimity!! Poberty and dizzeez and War and beeing Short it is al The Fawlt of Maskulimity!!!! So iff yiu Get Ridd “of” that then yiu Get Ridd “of” evry-thing!!!!
Thjat it wil be Our Neckst Projjeck–geting Rid Of Evry-Thing!!!!
We helded a spacial meting Tooday “of the” Stoodint Soviet to de-manned that our Collidge thay Hier a prefesser who sayed she Hoaps evry boddy whoo is four Donold Trumpt thay alll gets Sick and dies befour The Elecksion!!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=15726)
Wood yiu beleave It??? that thare stopid Collidge thay kickeded her Out “of” her Own Class Roomb becose she sayed That!!!! Whatt a buntch Of Biggits!! and Haters!!!!
Wel wee shore cood Use her heer!!! She Is ovviusly Wyse And Goood!!
And a nother Thing we jist thawt of,, iff all themb eavle Trumpt voaters thay get The Vyris and Dye,,, then the Rest Of us we cood taik “alll” thair Munny “and” alll thair Stuph!!!!! Immajin if we cood has thair Howses “and” thair Carrs “and” “aslo” al thair Viddio Gayms!!! It wood “be” A Grate Day four Socile Jutstus!!!!!!
We has got to Get ridd “of” al themb Haters “and” Biggits,; and we was hoaping The Vyris it wood make themb al diye or mayby Pressadint Obomma he “wood” Do it!!!! How cood thay putt her On leeve???? Thay must bee “the” Biggist Haters arownd!@!!!
Boy howe i Hate thoze Haters!!!! thay maik my blud boyle!!!!!!!!!!
I wented to “a” reel kool lexture “last” nihght it was all abuot a New Scyints i has nevver herd “Of” it is caled Clepto-Zoo-Olligy! Oar somb thing “lyke” That!!
Did yiu know thare is aminals alll Over “the” Whirld that noboddy thay has sceen themb befour??? Somb of themb is Dynasores and Willy mammeths but somb of themb “thay” are smawl aminals and clepto zooollagists thay “Are” loocking al Over “the” plaice to fyned themb!!!!
We seen a Lot “of” slydes of theeze Secret Creetchers lyke :the “ones” up thare In the Pixture,, i hasnt nevver sceene nothing Like themb befour,, thay live Up In “The” deeep wooulds ware thare “is” aslo Big Foot and Choopa Capra and the Lock Nest Manster!!!!! Somboddy whoo was jist “a” Biggit “and” a Hater he sayed thay “are” Ownly plane old Rabbets so we beet himb up,, that is reel Socile Jutstus!!!!
Heer is anether Clepto Aminal.
At frist i thinked I sceene One “Of” theeze onct rihght hear On Our Campis it was clyming “a” Treee but ackturally it is a Seecrit Clepto Zology Creetcher it livves in Affricker and the Naytivves thay are al Afrayed of it!!!! The lexture sayed it jist gose “To Shoh” that thare is Seecrit Creetchers evry ware!!!
The lexture thay sayed theeze aminals thay Are Prooof that Evilusion it is Reel and evin Peeple thay are goingto Evolve “into” somb thing Elsse so i amb goingto Keep a Iye out fore “it”!!!!!!
Because the “educators” in question were too asinine for words, I turned them over to Joe Collidge, the only one around here who could appreciate them. (Good grief! Have I been writing Joe Collidge for five years?)
The more they yammer about “diversity,” the less diversity they tolerate.
We pay them to educate our sons and daughters. We must be as crazy as they are.
Lasst nihght At collidge we hadded “a” Consort to raze Bale munny fore Mosely Pieceful Potessters who “got” a restid by no-good Racist Copps!!!! And i was so exited “becose” I hered John Lenin he “was” goingto Be “thare”!!! JOHN LENIN,, man!!! Whow!! Butt at “The” lasst Minnit he coodnt maik It so we hadded to has Femmanist Miusik insted like in The Viddio!!!! Jist ignoar that Racist Biggit who keeps tawking!! He is ownly Trying “to” maik Fun “of” the gratest miusik evver!!!!!!!!
At frist thay woodnt Let “me” “in” becose i didnt has no Munny and that maid me Cry so thenn thay let me in foar Freee!!!!
Waht beuttafull miusik it whas!!!! And they done it agan and agan “fore” threee hole Ours until sumb Hater comed in whith “A” Preest to do a Exersissum and we “got” Scaired and runned aweigh wee coodnt help “it”!?!
I thinck Evry Boddy it shood “be” Cumpolsarrie to lissen “to” Femmanist Miusik Evry “day”!!!! I amb goingto Popoze “it” to The Stoodint Soviet neckst tymb we Meat!!!!!! it is watt John Lenin hisself he wood’of whanted!!!
And thenn we All “got in” Trubble foar Not Waring spacial Faice Maksks untill “the” Deen she sayed Nevvir Mined,,, the Vyris it wood nevvir Infest peeple whoo was lissening “To” Femmanist Miusik!!!!
Can yiu beleeve it?!? Bizzyboddy Deploaribble Parints thay “are” Trying “to” fined Out watt thair kidds thay “are” Lurning in Skool!!!!! and it isnt nun Of “thair” Bizniss!!!
Hear at Collidge us Interllecturals “in” “the” Stoodint Soviet we has fowned Out aboat theeze heer Parints in Tennissea or sombplaice thay doughnt Whant “to” Sine a Waver prombissing “That” thay woont lissin In “on” vertchule Class Roombs to heer wat The Teechers thay are Teeching thair kidds!!!! Thay has somb Nurve!!!!!!!
And yiu know its Ownly becose thay whant “To” nott lett thair kids lurn Abuot Trans Gender and Sistamick Racism and beeing Ghay and watt a No-good stinkin Racist Contry Americka it is!!!!! thay “jist” whant themb to Lurn stoopid stuph lyke “Histry” and “Matth” and “Inglish” and haow To “tell Tyme” exedra!!!!!!
Somb of the stoodints heer At Collidge thay has “vertchule class Roombs” tooo whith Compyouters “and” thay ken has Classes wile thay “are” At Hoam!! And we doughnt whant themb “Intrafeard” whith Bye thair stoopid Famblies!!!!! and we has figgred Out a “whay” To Stopp Itt!!!!
Fromb naow On the “kon-tent” of the lessins thay whil Be Kept Seacrit even fromb the Stoodints!!!! That whay iff Parints thay lissin in thay woont Here Nothing!!!!!
Us Interllecturals we awlyaws Out Smartt themb stoopid Famblies!!!!