Doggie-vous Francais?

Do you like French bulldogs? They’ve got a lot of personality, don’t they?

I hope nobody here mistakes chameleons for French bulldogs. If you do have a lot of trouble telling the difference, there are any number of college courses that can set you straight.

Rejoice in the Lord (‘When the Saints Go Marching In’)

Those last two nooze posts left me spiritually wounded. And then, I don’t know how, I was seized by a desire to hear this: When the Saints Go Marching In, featuring the unforgettable Louis Armstrong.

It reminded me that there are saints out there, and plenty of them, and an all-mighty, all-loving, all-righteous God whose word will not return to Him void.

As Abram came to realize, the Judge of all the earth will do right. And all His saints will rejoice in Him.

Rooster Dominates Man

I know it’s terribly late, but I just couldn’t resist this video.

The man is 25 times the size of the rooster, but guess who’s in charge here.

I’d like to be there when the rooster tells the hens about it.

A Cat Falls in Love

All right, so he fell in love with a coconut. Is that so terrible? And he got music by Mozart to go with it. I can admit that as a single man in my early twenties, I would’ve been better off dating coconuts.

Cats & Dogs & Pop-Pop-Pop!

You should be able to guess what will happen, once a cat or a dog starts playing with balloons. Many years ago some scientists in Michigan did some experiments on cats and dogs and balloons, but the results have always been kept secret.

Byron’s TV Listings, May 21

multiple image galleries

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with Quokka University’s weekend TV listings. Lee is off getting interviewed somewhere, so I’m on my own. I don’t mind if you don’t!

Here are a few samples from our weekend menu.

2 P.M.  Ch. 11   DANCE TO THE MUZAK–Game show

Our hidden camera watches contestants dance to the Muzak that’s pumped into the elevator car while regular passengers watch, confused and maybe just a little bit scared! The grand prize goes to the contestant who can annoy and unsettle the most riders without getting punched in the nose. Host: Sales vice president Jack “Happy” Pew at Metro Studebaker, Ponca City.

2:15 P.M.  Ch. 08  JIMMY FRAUD’S DELUSIONS–News

He’s only just discovered that he’s psychic, and can report the news before it actually happens. None of his predictions has come true, so far, but “that’s only natural, I’ve got to get warmed up,” he explains. Co-anchor: Dan Rather. With T’an Pu T’ing and his pots and pans orchestra.

2:30 P.M.  Ch. 22  HYPOCHONDRIAC HEAVEN–Variety/medical

You name it, someone in the audience has it! Join host Jacob Marley as he tries to find a disease that no one in the studio has or has had. It’s been three years since he thought he’d found one–only to have a man with just one buttock claim the prize. Color commentary by Joyce Carol Oates. Special guest: Alvin the Octopus.

3 P.m.  Ch. 36  MOVIE–Horror

“The Man Who Feared Hamsters” (Bolivian-Silurian, 1996) is Shabby Jones (bodybuilder Tom Platz), marked for death by the KBG (no, not the KGB!), must elude the killer hamsters that they’ve programed to hunt him down and eat him. Film critic Prabhu Patnabhirish called it “Absolutely the worst movie ever made.” Spymaster: Ben Gunn. Femme Fatale: June Allyson. Assassins: the June Taylor Dancers. Song: “I Busted My Coccyx on the See-Saw.”

Ch. 48  DUST BUNNIES–Western adventure, with soliloquies

Who are the Dust Bunnies? The most feared gunfighters who ever hid under a bed! Marshal Pete Cottontail (Richard Simmons) recruits only the toughest, meanest, deadliest hombres. This week: The Bunnies take on savage Sea Monkeys for control of Drybones Air Force Base, just two miles out of Tucson. Hoppy: Zoe Caldwell. Floppy: John Inman. Col. Tubbs: Some guy from New Jersey.

Well, folks, I hope these have whetted your appetite for another weekend of glorious, edifying, hair-raising television!

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

(Rushing to get to my TV before I miss anything! Byron the Quokka, signing off)

 

The Dog Is Not Cooperating

What are we, that our pets should give us an argument? This husky is commanded (implored?) to come back inside the house. Does he? Nope.

My cat Henry used to give me long, loud protests when I wouldn’t let him snatch up the baserunners in my Strat-O-Matic game… while I was playing it.

Cats & Dogs & Irritating Toys

None of our cats ever showed the slightest interest in any kind of mechanical toys. Too busy writing sonnets, I guess.

In this video, though, cats and dogs show the toys who’s boss. Better you should just give them paper bags or cardboard boxes.

Cats With a New Box

You know how cats love cardboard boxes–especially the kind that really expensive fancy cat toys come in. Love the box, ignore the toy.

Here are a couple of cats responding to a new box some thoughtful human has provided for them. All are welcome to try to explain what that first cat seems to be looking for.

Cats & Dogs & Tails

Why do cats and dogs chase their tails (or someone else’s)? Parakeets don’t do it. Iguanas don’t. A hamster wouldn’t even think of it.

I’d also like to know why they don’t get dizzy, doing this. I’ve seen cats get dizzy: helped them do it, in fact. But this is a mystery.