I could show you another riot, or some leftids cursing someone in the hospital; but I think I’ll go with soft and fluffy instead: two baby bunnies at their dinner.
One night, years ago, I was standing outside when a group of baby cottontails started chasing one another around me. Around me and around me they went, as if I were a maypole. I didn’t dare move, lest I terrify them. They might not have realized I was alive. Besides which, it was a unique privilege to be part of that game–better than serving as second base at Yankee Stadium.
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, by special request: Phoebe has ordered out Team Quokka to try to cheer everybody up. Lee is looking at his viewer numbers and it’s distressing him.
Well, how many times have I told him, “You’ve got to start giving away bicycles”? Look, here’s another bike somebody just left sitting here, obviously doesn’t want it anymore. Yes, I know the owner just stepped into the ice cream parlor for a cone. Of course he’d be cheesed off if he came back out and found some quokkas had spirited away his bicycle. But what if he decided to stay inside the ice cream parlor?
Yes, I know it’s been a bad year. I don’t bother with the nooze anymore. We don’t have CNN on Rottnest Island. But we do have a lot of bikes standing around unused!
Thunder and lightning? Uh-uh! You can have it, humans! We’re outta here.
My cats don’t panic when a thunderstorm hits. They seem to know it’s coming half an hour before it gets here, and they walk (don’t run) to their customary hiding places. When they come out again, we know the storm is really over and isn’t coming back.
G’day! Byron the Quokka here. And the girl in the picture is named Proserpina (Annie for short): she was Miss Rottnest in 2017, and she’s here to tell you about Quokka University’s latest fund-raiser–False Facts Galore!
G’day, everybody, I’m chaaaahmed to be here! Hey, you can really go to town with False Facts Galore–more whoppers, more pure misinformation, than ever before! Your friends will be simply amazed by all these things you know, that they never heard of.
Without further ado, here are a few of my favorites. Don’t worry–there’s a whole box of brand-new False Facts cards! You won’t run out of ’em in a hurry!
Just clear your throat and let ‘er rip!
*Annie the Quokka invented shoe polish in 2014. (That’s my No. 1 fave!)
*The source of the Congo River is at Schenectady, New York.
*More people with functional third eyes live in Indianapolis than anywhere else in the world.
*The Krnitzle Potato Bug of South Israel is able to respond to verbal commands given by any human being that can imitate its mating call. But really, it’s not worth doing.
*Mail-in voting is perfectly safe from fraud.
*The ancient Romans had no vowels in their language until a man named Alvin forced them to add some.
Of course I could’ve spent all day sharing these wonderful False Facts, guaranteed to be 100% Truth-Free… but then you might not want to shell out twenty bucks to buy a set. All the money will go to fund Quokka U.’s guest speaker program. Honest.
Please excuse the headline. I don’t know what came over me.
My cats have outgrown running around with puffy tails and scaring imaginary rivals by hopping around sideways. I miss the puffy tail bit. But then a hog-nosed snake, after you’ve had it for a while, will refuse to inflate himself and play dead.
I’ve probably posted this once, some time ago; but it made me laugh the second time around, so you might get a chuckle out of it.
Anyway, who needs expensive cat toys when you’ve got a strip of peeling wallpaper, or jars and bottles on a shelf just begging to be knocked off? And if you want to film your workout–well ha, ha, ha on you.