Tag Archives: humor

Bad Dog!

I have to admit to a LOL over “Somebody chewed up Mommy’s underpants,” a sentence seldom heard in a well-regulated household. But some of these messes–! What I can’t figure about dogs is, they know it’s wrong to do a certain thing, they know they’ll get in trouble for it, and then they do it anyway. More human than we thought.

Hamsters Ain’t Human

For those who have trouble distinguishing between hamsters and human beings, this video should be helpful.

Imagine humans spinning around in a wheel as fast as hamsters spin. Now try to imagine them doing it without throwing up.

Imagine a pair of human legs moving as fast as hamsters can move their legs, so that they’re just a blur, like in a cartoon. How fast do you suppose you could run, if your legs could move like that?

Need we add that any human would be hard-put to stuff a whole corncob into his mouth and make it disappear?

Clever Kitties

All right, the cats want to open the cabinet. Why? Search me. Maybe just to see what’s inside. You know they’re curious. And they figure out how to open it. This demonstrates a high order of intelligence: there are no cabinets in nature.

Now, if they really want to impress me, they’ll figure out how to move the stools so they won’t stop the door from opening all the way.

Can you imagine what cats could do, if only they had hands?

‘Oy, Rodney’ Gets Rather Odd

Image result for images of silly romance novels

Violet Crepuscular leads off Chapter CXVI of Oy, Rodney with the admission that she has borrowed much of the story from a not-quite rational neighbor. Then she remembers that she has left Queen Victoria waiting in the church for the wedding that hasn’t come off, and quickly returns her to Buckingham Palace.

Meanwhile, Lady Margo Cargo’s crusty old butler, Crusty, tries to convince her that she can’t marry Willis Twombley, who she thinks is also Lord Jeremy Coldsore of Coldsore Hall, because she is already married to another man–the mysterious stranger who stood up to object to the latest wedding but was interrupted by events beyond his control.

“Really, Crusty, I am sure I’ve never seen that man before,” she says, as he reattaches her wooden leg.

“He married you by proxy, Ma’am. He was in India at the time, so he sent a proxy.”

“I thought that man’s name was Mr. Proxy. And no one ever told me it was a wedding. I thought it was a game of blind man’s buff, without the blindfold.”

The scene shifts to Scurveyshire’s favorite pub, the Lying Tart, where Lord Jeremy  and Twombley are concealing the body of Lord Jeremy’s chief creditor, Mr. Softy, shot by Twombley as he tried to take possession of Coldsore Hall. They are breaking into the pub because everyone else has run off to take part in the strange events around the vicar’s backyard wading pool.

“I’m not so sure we ought to be doing this, Sargon, old boy,” says Lord Jeremy: Twombley still thinks he is Sargon of Akkad.

“Well, Germy, you don’t want to git hanged, do you? Let’s put him somewhere down the cellar. No one’ll look there.”

Lord Jeremy is upset. “Are you mad?” he cries. “They keep all the pub’s supplies down there! Of course they’ll find the body.”

“Not if we stick it behind some barrels. Trust me, ol’ hoss. I’ve done this several times before.”

This task accomplished, Lord Jeremy is suddenly stunned and shocked by a message scrawled in the dust on the floor.

It is a single word. Rodney.,

Cats: Smart Enough to be Weird

The fun thing about cats is you really don’t know what they’re going to do next. It might be something clever, or it might be something stupid. See if you can stay with me here: it takes a certain level of intelligence to do something stupid. A starfish can’t. Happily, cats are several levels above topping out on stupid. And they are also capable of weird.

Bunnies in the Snow

Look at this: someone loved his bunnies enough to shovel out a network of paths in the snow, for them to play in. They do seem to be enjoying it.

I’ve been seeing bunny-tracks in the snow by my apartment, but not the bunnies themselves. I wonder where they’re nesting.

Cats & Dogs on Ice

You’d think they’d be upset, losing their footing and all: but dogs and cats can turn just about anything into a game. In this they far exceed salamanders, who are always so serious about everything.

Remember when it used to be fun for us to slide all around the ice? Well, the falling part, not so much.

High-Octane Kittens

Watch these kittens–what would you give, for that much energy? And notice that someone has wisely set up an enclosure wherein they can frolic to their hearts’ content, without getting into mischief. No climbing on top of the refrigerator somehow, crawling into the bad containing Daddy’s ice cream machine, and bringing the whole bally thing to the floor with a crash. No burrowing into the box springs. Oy, what could’ve gone wrong!

Cats & Dogs & Laughs

A couple of hamsters and a couple of birds snuck in for cameos, but didn’t ruin the overall effect. A few of these clips have appeared in other compilations, but I go by what makes me smile. These should amuse you.

The Small Pets are Nice, Too

We’ve never had guinea pigs or chinchillas, but we did have rats and they were wonderful pets–affectionate, smart, clean, and easy to care for. The only problem: whenever we turned out the lights to go to bed, the two rat sisters started fighting and you would hear thump-thump-thump-bump-SQUEEEAK! Turn the lights back on, and instantly they would be pretending nothing had happened. “I dunno, I didn’t hear no squeaking, did you hear a squeak? Look at us, we’re just sitting here nice and peaceful…” But they never did each other an injury, and the second time you turned the lights out, they’d behave themselves.

Warning: If you have a chinchilla who thinks he’s a cat, don’t let him near the toilet paper.

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