From April 14, 2023
It’s getting so you can’t enjoy a nice roll on the couch without getting caught in something that some careless take-ya-for-granted human leaves lying around. And then they have the gall to laugh at you! Wait’ll the next time I have to pee, chuckles…
From November 13, 2019
All right, I finally broke down and watched this video. I had been avoiding it because I don’t approve of apex predators, like hammerhead sharks, as entertainment. I think the diver’s striped wet suit is to make the sharks think he’s some kind of sea snake.
But the rest of the clips are fun. The bear opening the car door, the raccoon performing a high wire act on the bird feeder, the cow nursing baby goats–just gotta love ’em. Unless it’s your car that the bear climbs into.
From May 25, 2018
When the hurly-burly’s done, When the battle’s lost and won/
Everyone around here knows It’s time for critter videos.
Thing is, you never know what animals are going to do next. Or what they’re doing just now, sometimes. Like the dog frantically trying to remove rocks from the brook. Or the cockatiels who won’t let the hapless human type on the keyboard. Go figure.
From March 21, 2020
Tuning up to sing our school song–once we decide what it is
G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with the latest on Quokka University.
We’ve been so busy appointing deans and such, we almost forgot one of the most important things for any college–a school song! We’re going to vote on it, and here are the top three candidates so far:
“I’m an Old Cow-Hand from the Rio Grande”
“The Ants Go Marching One by One” (my favorite!)
“I’ve Got Sixpence”
Aunt Feezy is still holding out for “How Much Is That Emu in the Window?”, but she’s the only one. There’s also some support for this old Simon & Garfunkel song, “I am Iraq, I am an Ireland,” but that one doesn’t make much sense to me. There’s a group of tuataras over in New Zealand who sing it really well, but it’s just not a quokka song.
Besides, I think tuatara-singing is an acquired taste, and I have not acquired it yet.
Well, if any of you humans out there want to vote on our school song, please go right ahead. Maybe you can suggest a great song we haven’t thought of yet.
The school song will be sung at half-time during all our pick-up sticks matches.
From September 25, 2021
Blimey! The next time I do this, it’ll be October!
G’day, this is Byron the Quokka with another weekend’s worth of glorious TV brought to you by the sages at Quokka University. If there’s not a game of Clue going in your neighborhood, these shows are the next best thing.
5:45 P.M. Ch. 41 TALK LIKE ELMER FUDD!–Educational
John Gielgud’s family and friends seriously considered having him put away while he was doing this series for Josip P. Broz’s People’s Public Television. Once he got started talking like Elmer Fudd, he couldn’t stop! For a good while there, it endangered his career. Featured guests: Anthony Quinn, Irene Ryan.
6 P.M. Ch. 08 UNCONTROLLED RAVING ABOUT SPORTS–Sports
Caspar Hoojah does himself an injury as he overreacts to this week’s news in sports! Last week he jumped out his studio’s second-floor window because the Yankees got yanked. This week, who knows? The walls of his studio have since been padded: we’ll see if that keeps him out of the hospital. With R.D. Laing and his orchestra.
Ch. 16 MOVIE–Steamy Jungle Romance
In “Steaming Jungle Passion” (1996), Prof. Gargle (Leonard Bernstein) leads an expedition into the Amazon rain forest in search of Batboy (Frank Buttocks)–only to discover a long-lost city of maniacs ruled by fantastically beautiful women, all of whom want the professor and will do anything to get him! Boobah: Ellen Burstyn. Crowd of lunatics: the June Taylor Dancers. Song: “Itchy Jungle Disease”
6:30 P.M. Ch. 12 CTHULHU & CO.–Cartoons
Inspired by the horror tales of H. P. Lovecraft, these cartoons are guaranteed to freak you out! Many viewers require long-term psychiatric therapy after just one or two exposures. Others, we regret to say, join disreputable cults. Host: Uncle Jack Torrance. Puppets: Beto O’Rourke, Elizabeth Warren.
Ch. 52 “YOUR MOVE, STUPID!”–Game Show
Can you play Monopoly, poker, checkers, and Candy Land at the same time? Our celebrity contestants will try to do just that, rushing from table to table as the overhead Monster Clock ticks away… Raul Castro this week puts his title on the line against The Dixie Chicks, Dan Rather, and Barney Rubble. Host: a disembodied head floating in a jar, we don’t know whose.
Well, mates, there you go! Maybe you should record some of these, in case Q.U. ever has to open its doors and start teaching courses. But for the time being, it’s party time!
From July 13, 2019
I’m beginning to fear that maybe this quokka stuff is getting out of hand; but then I’m getting killed with allergies today, so what do I know?
See if you can spot Byron in the crowd of neighbors, friends, and relatives. Some of them will be getting together to play Bell Mountain Trivia later tonight.
I have to go to bed. I feel awful.
From September 9, 2018
Actually, the most eccentric characters in this video are the humans who let a bear into their house. It seems very unwise.
But there’s also the dog who feeds bunnies (and a piglet, and a duck) instead of eating them, and a grey goose who feeds his friends–a whole bunch of fish. These are glimpses into the renewal of Creation: when God says, “Behold, I make all things new.”
