Tag Archives: politics

Get Your Talking Witch Today!

Halloween Haunters Props & Decorations

Her eyes light up! She makes scary noises! She’ll freak out trick-or-treaters! You’ll have the coolest Halloween decoration on the block.

And best of all, she talks! Just press the magic button, and she’ll say the following:

“It’s my turn!”

“I beat him last time but the Russians stole the election!”

“I’ll get you, you deplorables! Ya-hah-hahaha!”

“Damn that Electoral College!”

“It takes a village!”

“It’s still my turn!”

See grown men flee in terror once they hear that voice! See the grass around her shrivel up and die.

The Super-DeLuxe model also reaches out and picks people’s pockets as they go past, but it’s illegal in Red states.

‘Reality “4” Dummies’ (2016)

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Hard realities–they bite

Why is it so hard for so many people to understand that the government has no money of its own–only what it can squeeze out of us in taxes?


The older I get, the more I see social engineering as a satanic enterprise, just can’t ignore the smell of brimstone anymore.

But hey, let’s all do business without making a profit and see how long we can keep that up…

‘How Stupid Are We?’ (2013)

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How stupid? Well, we let robots walk all over us. If people weren’t stupid–or at least fantastically credulous–there’d be no robo-calls.


Mayor Bloomberg never did get around to reserving ten thousand New York City parking spaces for electric cars–it’s so hard to control everything! He left office with people still able to obtain french fries: surely a sore disappointment to him.

And then there’s the characters we send to Capitol Hill to rule us and make themselves fabulously wealthy. It’s astounding, how rich you can get in “public service”! And all on our dime!

Something ought to be done about that, someday. But we’d have to get a bit smarter first, and public education is there to make sure that never happens.

Lies, Damned Lies, and Hopeless Whoppers

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“We choose truth over facts!” –Joe Biden, 2019

Lying has always been a part of politics; but once upon a time, lies had to be crafted skillfully enough to be believed. That’s the part of it that’s missing now.

When Joe Biden told a crowd at the Iowa State Fair, “We choose truth over facts,” we thought it was just another Biden gaffe. After all, he’s made a million of ’em.

But now I think we have to take him literally. He wasn’t kidding. Democrats really do dispense with facts, ignoring them or even badly denying things that everyone knows are true.

Last week the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff, stood up in front of the nation and read what he said was a transcript of a phone conversation between President Donald Trump and the president of Ukraine (https://thefederalist.com/2019/09/26/adam-schiff-makes-up-his-own-transcript-of-call-between-trump-and-ukraine-president/). The president has released a transcript of the call, but that’s not what Schiff read. What he read, he made up–fabricated every word of it himself, and attributed it to President Trump. When called to task for it during the very same hearing, Schiff took refuge in the excuse that it was–at least in part, he said–a parody. Only of course he didn’t introduce it as a parody. He introduced it as the president’s actual words.

This is what is commonly called a lie. Only it was a lie that couldn’t possibly survive, because the president had released the real transcript for everyone to see.

On the basis of this lie, Democrats have gone forward with impeachment. ‘Cause that, as ol’ Hambone Biden might say, is “truth over facts.”

Look for a steady diet of it from now on.


‘Prayerful’ Democrats (and Jumbo Shrimp)

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She’s praying to… who???

Squeaker of the House Nancy Pelosi says she and her Democrat playmates are “prayerfully and patriotically” going about the business of annulling the 2016 election by impeaching President Donald Trump (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvFxmUVFqBY).

Somehow the idea of Democrats praying is inherently grotesque, like pirates collecting for the UJA. Who would they be praying to?

Well, that would be a god who 1) really likes abortion, right up to and including the moment of a baby’s birth, 2) wants to see boys turned into girls and girls turned into boys, 3) endorses and blesses sodomy, 4) blesses atheism and idol worship, 5) recognizes and confirms innumerable and mutually contradicting versions of “truth,” to the point where there is no truth at all, and 6) leaves it up to well-paid liberals here on earth to decide whatever might be sin on any given day.

Now, what god fits that description? [Cue “Jeopardy” theme music]

Bzzzz! Ooh-ooh, I know, I know!

It’s Satan!

Give that man a genuine Elizabeth Warren teepee!

Will the Democrat Party Split in Two?

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I pray for the utter defeat and dissolution of the Democrat Party in next year’s national elections; but there is something else that might happen. Let me put on my political scientist’s hat and try to use my college education. [Blows dust off diploma.]

Presuming they lose big, what next?

I see a possibility that the Far Left Crazy wing of the party will blame the not-quite-so-crazy wing of the party for dragging their feet so as to keep another left-wing loon from capturing the White House. At the same time, the not-so-crazies might blame the ultra-crazies for going too far, too fast, and alienating the normal people who might otherwise have been tricked into voting for their candidate.

As a newspaperman, I used to cover a township where there was no Republican Party to speak of, but rather two mutually hostile Democrat organizations who were out for each other’s scalps. These factions passionately hated each other and never cooperated. This allowed the Republicans to get their act together, and in a few more years, they took over the township politically.

Could that happen nationally?

I think so. I hope so.

‘Change?’ What Change? ‘Action?’ What Action?

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At the first noozepaper I ever worked at, the editor was straight out of journalism school. I didn’t know, at that time, that J-school softens your brain.

Every week he wrote his column, and every week he called for “change.” America has got to “change.” This has gotta change, that has gotta change. And although he proudly said he was a socialist, he never did get around to saying how anything ought to change or what, precisely, kind of change was needed. To read his columns, you’d think America was just this pretty awful place, nothing good about it. He had a good job, a nice apartment, a new car–not bad for someone just out of college. But that was many years before college made you unemployable.

It’s not such a terrible place and it does not need any of those “fundamental transformations” so dear to leftids’ hearts… if they have hearts.

But the word this week was not “change,” but “ACTION,” preferably in all caps. ACTION must be taken! Mostly on “Climate Change.” (Again, I apologize for all the quotation marks. When writing about 100% pure crapola, their use is unavoidable.)

Well, what ACTION do they mean? What ACTION will control the sun’s energy output and activity, the movements of tectonic plates, and other vast natural forces that determine “climate,” many of which are yet to be discovered, let alone understood? How will government stripping us of our liberties and taking away our toilet paper stop the “climate” of a living planet from constantly changing? I put “climate” in quotes because there’s no such thing as a global climate, unless you’re on the moon or some other dead world. Hmm… That couldn’t be what they’re after in the long run, could it? A dead world? But C.S. Lewis thought so.

Does it matter if it does any good or not, as long as it’s ACTION? But then failure has never been a reason for leftids not to embrace a policy or philosophy. The more socialism fails, the more intensely they believe in it. The more communism fails, the more passionately they desire it. So any ACTION that hurts people will probably be okay with them.

But no action, no change, would benefit us half as much as the extinction of the Democrat Party.


Dems Gobble 10,000 Steaks

Steak On Grill

Back off, peasants! No steak for you!

Let’s see if we’ve got this straight.

All the Democrat presidential wannabes are on record as supporting The Green New Deal. Check.

The Green New Deal sez beef is bad and cow farts lead to Climate Change, so we’ve got to give up beef. Check.

All 17 candidates descended on Iowa last weekend for the Iowa Democrat Steak Fry, where they consumed 10,500 steaks. Uh, not check.

Ooh-ooh, wait a minute! We forgot for a moment. Democrat big shots don’t propose that they give up steak. Oh, no. They propose that you give up steak. Good heavens. They keep buying costly beachfront palaces: obviously they don’t believe the Rising Sea Levels will rise over their beaches.

They also want you to eat bugs and try to get into cannibalism.

So there they are in Iowa scarfing down thousands and thousands of steaks, which they want to forbid to you.

It saddens me to think that whatever idiot these hypocrites nominate, tens of millions of Americans will vote for him or her next year. Will it be Francis “Beto” “Dung for Brains” O’Rourke, with his “mandatory gun buy-back”–totally against the Second Amendment, law of the land and all that? Or Cory “Spartacus” Booker, whose eyes tear up when he talks about “hate”–but only if it’s in the form of opposition or criticism of any Far Left Crazy project.

They’ll take away your steak and eat it in front of you.

Do We Deserve the Right to Vote?

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The following are altogether preposterous and illegitimate reasons–if you can call them reasons at all–for voting for a particular candidate for president: you know, that job where they give you the nuclear missile launch codes. Millions of people will use these criteria to guide their vote. It’s a civic responsibility that hardly anyone takes seriously. So here are some of the reasons they give for voting for a candidate.

She’s a woman.

He says he’s a woman.

He’s black.

She’s Hispanic.

He/she comes from my home state.

It’s time we had XYZ minority member in the White House.

It’s “her turn.”

He really wants it, and has been disappointed so many times…

I had a baby-sitter just like her when I was little, and she was really nice.

My favorite movie star says I should vote for this candidate.

I don’t care if he’s a serial killer with the mind of a tomato worm–I always vote Democrat.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…

Now She’s Descended from Gandhi

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In her continuing quest for verifiable minority status, Democrat presidential candidate Sen. Elizabeth Warren says “You all misunderstood me! I didn’t mean I was descended from Native Americans. I meant those other Indians–the ones in India. I am a direct descendant of Whatsisname Gandhi!”

As proof of her claim, Sen. Warren says “I always had this thing for Nehru jackets, and I really like curry. So if you elect me president, you won’t have to worry about me exercising any of that White Privilege!”

If you couldn’t help believing this for a moment there–well, what does that say about this woman’s politics?


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