Tag: lee duigon blog

Byron’s TV Listings (May 29) REPRINT

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David C. Tucker, Author: When TV Was Simpler

From May 29, 2021

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with a sample of this weekend’s spectacular TV broadcasts brought to you by the crew at Quokka University–just in time for Lee’s porch party! Without further ado:

2:30 P.M.  Ch 09  GENGHIS MY FOOT!–Drama

Brought back to life by a mad scientist (former California Gov. Jerry Brown), Genghis Khan (Mickey Rooney) is elected mayor of Hangem High, CT, and immediately sets out to conquer all of North America–after he recruits a Mongol horde. Mrs. McFlop: Eve Arden. Ghost: Fernando Lamas

Ch 12  GROW IT & SHOW IT–Gardening

Guest Luther Furbag has bred brown flowers “that look like they’re already dead.” Host: Nature Boy Buddy Rodgers. With Carl Sagan and his orchestra.

2:47 P.M. Ch 21  PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE–Politics

Top candidates for the presidency of the Bilgewater Fishing Club, Francis X. Fimbo and Don Diego Shaughnessy, square off on foreign policy, Climate Change, economic recovery, and blind dates. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers.

3:00 P.M.  Ch 03   THE ARACHNIDS–Sitcom/Suspense

Can a family of gigantic spiders live the good life in a human suburb? Only if they can learn to fit in! Episode 1: The Arachnids get off on the wrong foot with their neighbors when Muffy (Chelsea Clinton) eats Mr. Prigg’s dog. Directed by Jack Webb (who else?). Mr. Prigg: Edward Platt. Daddy Spider: James Arness. Grandma Spider: A real spider blown up to colossal size.

Ch. 15 PC POLICE SQUAD–Grime Drama

Hair-raising tales of misgendering, microaggression, and cultural appropriation, with only Lt. Kaydence Jugular (Jane Fonda) and her Bias Response Team standing between the human race and offensive language. Filmed inside a cement mixer! Sock puppets by Ralph Lauren and Carl LaFong.

There you have it! What’s a porch party without great stuff on TV?

Am I Out Of Gas? Am I Out of Potatoes? REPRINT

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Land to the tiller | Cat questions, Funny cat memes, Wild cats

From June 3, 2022

I feel like an empty burlap bag.

Maybe it’s because we never get two sunny days in a row around here. That gets to you after a few months. Maybe it’s because nobody living under this roof feels exactly in the pink. Maybe it’s just the nooze wearing me down. Or some combination thereof.

And where is everybody?

All these maintenance errands to do today. Supermarket. Bank. Convenience store (not really convenient at all). Call doctor’s office. Try to get prescriptions refilled, drive to the mall and stand in line, waiting to pick them up. How do I do all that and still do my work?

Ai-ya, time to take my blood pressure…

P.S.–Are any of you seeing these posts as real light-grey letters on a white background, almost impossible to read? That’s what it looks like at this end. *Sigh*

A Fun Part of Blogging REPRINT

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From January 29, 2019

One of the things I enjoy about my blog is seeing what countries its readers come from. There’s a world map with that day’s readers’ countries colored in, and a column of flags where it says how many readers checked in from each country. Even better, WordPress keeps a running total going back to the beginning of my blogging history.

So far I’ve had readers from 189 different countries. I mean, it’s just so cool to see a flag pop up for Andorra or Paraguay or the Cook Islands–places my globe-trotting aunts never visited. It’s fun in the same way collecting stamps or foreign coins is fun.

I’ve got almost all of Europe by now, but I’m still waiting for views from Liechtenstein, San Marino, and the Shetland Islands. I think the coup that would tickle me the most would be to get a view from Easter Island: thinking of somebody sitting by one of those great stone heads with his laptop, reading Oy, Rodney. And how delighted I was by my first view from Mongolia!

I wonder if I’ll ever complete my collection. It seems unlikely, but heck–once you’ve gotten views from Laos, anything is possible.

Is the Lord Trying to Tell Me Something? REPRINT

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Extinct hoofed animals looked like gorilla-horse | Earth Archives

 

From June 15, 2020

Knuckle-bear and calf, Lintum Forest

I am so not ready to go back to writing about the Chinese Communist Wuhan Death Virus, riots, soulless white liberals, and all that other schiff that everybody else is writing about. I am so not up for it, it isn’t funny.

That’s not like me. Usually on Monday I’m ready to wade back into the hurly-burly. So why am I thinking that today I’d like to work on my new book and put up a few blog posts that have nothing to do with Far Left Crazy trying to murder our country? I mean, we have to fight them, and we have to win.

But is God telling me, “I will fight them, boy. You go write your book”?

Yeahbut, yeahbut–Lord, what about my Newswithviews column?

“You don’t even know what you want to write for that. If I told you to sit down and write it today, you’d be stuck. So don’t worry about it.”

Tomorrow, then. I’ll get back into the melee tomorrow. I guess.

 

 

An Exclusive Interview with Byron the Quokka

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(Editor’s Note: The following interview was done by Ernest and Giulio Gallo for Not Those Gallos Brothers! Magazine. These are excerpts.)

E&G: Have you settled into your job as contest manager for this blog?

BTQ: Yes.

E&G: We understand this is only the second interview you’ve ever granted.

BTQ: That’s true. The first one, the guy told me he was Col. Mustard from the Clue game and I believed him because he looked like Col. Mustard, and then he turned out to be some patzer named Henderson and all the other quokkas laughed at me for a week and went around calling themselves Miss Scarlet or Professor Plum, etc. I have to admit–it left scars. But I granted this interview because my Uncle Cedric thought it was the Gallo Brothers who make that wine he likes so much, and I just couldn’t disappoint him.

E&G: Who do you try to pattern yourself after?

BTQ: (thinking it over for a good five minutes) I guess the Sons of Hercules.

E&G: what do you like best about working for this blog?

BTQ: The hours are flexible, the pay is fantastic, I get to see all the cat and hamster videos I want, and I love the readers, they are cool! Also I get to go to New Jersey now and then and ride on the handlebars of Lee’s bike.

E&G: Do you think Australia will ever have a quokka as prime minster?

BTQ: (dives into burrow. Won’t come out. Faint noise of him blowing a raspberry at the interviewers).

From Dec 14, 2019

 

Be Patient, We’ll Get to It!

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Crikey! I’ve just been promoted to executive editorial assistant, or something like that. Byron the Quokka here–to tell you that we are snowed under with stuff today, but Lee is gonna do his level best to get to it. I told him, though, to hold onto a couple of the hymn requests for tomorrow, in case we don’t get any more.

We could wind up with ten or twelve posts today, easy–and the joke’d be on us if no one viewed them!

On to the next one!

From January  2020

Video Treat: Fun with Kittens – this is fun from 2016

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Well, my WordPress prombles are just about all straightened out, although it took a lot of doing. I was fortunate in finding a very patient tech support guy. He had to be patient: my computer vocabulary is not much better than a cat’s.

Anyhow, there are some gorgeous kittens in this little video, including a couple who have just learned, “Hey, I can make my tail get puffy!” Cats are so funny when they first figure that out.

We Admit It’s a Mess

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quokka (setonix brachyurus) rottnest island, perth, western australia - quokka stock pictures, royalty-free photos & images

G’day, boys’n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here–and what a mess it is. We’re not gonna get out of this weekend, are we?

Blimey!  No Joe Collidge. No  Oy, Rodney. And (oh the horror of it!) no Byron’s TV listings! How are you supposed to make it through the weekend without TV listings? Like, what is this–Russia?

The boss is sick. It’s like any minute now his poop is gonna pop. A word to the wise: keep your distance.

Maybe we can come back in the middle of the week. Can’t blame a chap for trying.

 

Where Is Everybody?

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3+ Thousand Ballroom Empty Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

It’s been pretty much an empty ballroom around here, these past two days. Not only am I sick and weary: but the big nooze is mostly political nooze, and I’m never quite sure how to handle that on a Christian blog.

Really, it would be a tragedy if an American president conspired to steal a national election by spreading lies all over the media. Proof has been offered: Obama did that. And lots of Democrat chiefs and biggies helped him. They knew what they were doing was wrong, they knew it was subverting our republic, and they did it anyway.

What do you want to bet that none of those fat cats is going to miss his daily can of Friskies?

If we don’t take care of it this time, there might not be another time.

Now It’s Both Of Us

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I'm really sick, can you send pictures of your cats? : r/cats

Yup, we’re both sick now, Patty and me. I can’t help thinking it’s the hospital’s fault–saddling me with a room-mate who coughed and coughed all night, every night… which of course made it impossible for me to get any sleep. We’ve both got it.

Maybe if I sit outside for a while, I’ll feel better.

No, I haven’t forgotten that I’m trying to write a book. But holy cow, the obstacles!