I know, I know–10% of the readers make 90% of the comments. So we try to pump it up with comment contests, by which I show our appreciation for those 10%ers.
To this end, we have ordered a new prize: a red T-shirt bearing the quote, “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.” Our thanks to Phoebe for making the suggestion!
So, next time there’s a comment contest, the winner will receive one of these shirts. They’re all Xtra Large. If that’s too big for you, well, you can always use it for a nightshirt. But a lot of people like their T-shirts to be roomy.
We’ve just passed 70,000 comments, so I’m thinking 75,000 for the goal of our next contest. Stay tuned!
Yes, yes, I know we’re late, this should’ve been done on Saturday, when it actually was Jeremy’s birthday–so we’re two days late. I, Byron the Quokka, disclaim all responsibility for this error: it was entirely Lee’s fault, 100% he’s to blame, not me, etc., etc.
And so we bring you Jeremy and his brother, Joshua, with an instrumental of How Great Thou Art. Let the truth be known: we love these guys, these Swanson brothers.
I made this list, see, with all the birthdays on it–crikey, why didn’t he check the list?
Blimey! What do I have to do, to get 13 more comments?
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, trying to whip up enthusiasm for what’s left of our comment contest! You’d think hitting 70,000 comments would be a source of wild excitement, a fabulous festive occasion–but no, here I am, trying and trying.
If you win, you get an autographed copy of Bell Mountain No. 12, His Mercy Endureth Forever. It’s got giant hyenas in it! And I’m sorry, it turns out we could get in trouble if we take any of those colossal stone heads for Someplace-or-Other, in Turkey. So you’ll have to settle for the book because Lee’s too cheap to spring for a bicycle.
Two months ago, I’d’ve gotten 13 more comments just while I was typing this… [Deep, heartfelt sigh]
All of us quokkas here on Rottnest Island are puzzled! In fact, we’re so puzzled, they put us in a puzzle!
We’re shooting for Comment No. 70,000, a major milestone, with only 32 left to go–that’s right, just 32!
And today we have eight comments. You’d think all you snowed-in humans would be here commenting. Don’t tell me you’re all just sitting there watching Super Bowl pre-game blather. (We’ve already seen the blinkin’ game. Well, we thought it was the Super Bowl. It might’ve been a commercial for Geritol.)
Look, the winner gets an autographed copy of Lee’s book, His Mercy Endureth Forever, or else one of those giant stone heads from somewhere in Turkey, they make ideal lawn ornaments, so much more impressive than that little jockey with the lantern. But there’ve got to be 32 more comments posted for someone to win!
So just buckle down and give us a knuckle-biting race to the finish line.
I can’t believe it! Closing in on 70,000 comments, and it’s just a big ho-hum! Crikey–where is everybody?
G’day–I hope! Byron the Quokka here, with a mere 73 comments to go to reach that big milestone. Back in December, we could’ve done that in a single day. But now? Who let the air out of our tires?
We really ought to have at least 100 views by now, but uh-uh. I’m supposed to write up TV listings today. You’d think that’d pull ’em in.
The winner, the reader who posts Comment No. 70,000, gets one of those gigantic enormous stone heads from Mount Whatsit in Turkey–ideal for your front lawn. And if you already have one, you’ll win an autographed copy of His Mercy Endureth Forever.
Seventy-three comments! Ahoy, you out there in… Mauritius! Monaco! Iceland! Brazil! Let’s hear it, eh? Let’s make this an exciting comment contest, a comment contest to remember!
It has been brought to our attention that some of you already have one or more of these colossal stone heads on your lawn and would rather not find room for another. In that case, we certainly won’t try to force one on you.
If you win the comment contest by posting Comment No. 70,000, you do not have to accept a huge enormous stone head as your prize. You can have an autographed copy of Bell Mountain No.12, His Mercy Endureth Forever. Or you can hold out for an autographed copy of No. 13, The Wind from Heaven, which hasn’t been published yet, but shouldn’t be much longer.
Byron the Quokka thought the allure of these magnificent stone heads would revitalize this blog’s readership. And I listened to him. Just call us Wizards of Marketing.
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, and we have almost, nearly, just-about reached that historic milestone of 70,000 comments on this blog. So close! To wit, as of a minute ago, only 134 comments to go! Once upon a time you readers could rack that up in one good day!
And as if that weren’t excitement enough, get a load of this prize–
How about that for a conversation piece? Your neighbors will just plotz with envy when they see this huge stone head on your front lawn. There’s this place in Turkey where they’ve got all these heads just lying around, having fallen off some ancient statues. They’ll never miss just one! I mean, it’s not like they’re doing anything with ’em…
Or you can settle for an autographed copy of Lee’s book, His Mercy Endureth Forever, or even hold out for the next book, The Wind from Heaven, which hasn’t been published yet but should be, soon.
Right! Well, now I’ve got to get out of the way of that tsunami of comments that’s bound to come flooding in, now that I’ve revealed the prizes.
Not that it’s my fault or anything, sez the WordPress Happiness Engineer, that on Jan. 17 my viewer numbers crashed and have yet to come back–and it’s certainly not their fault, either, they hasten to add. Blame it on the Bossa Nova.
To remedy the situation, it is suggested that I “develop a social media presence.” Does that mean “Go out there and irritate people?” Maybe do some videos with a sock puppet. Yeah, that’ll pack ’em in.
They hint that I might write content that’s a wee bit more provoking than my usual fare. Heck, that’s what TV noozies do. But I’d really rather stick to telling the true, as far as humanly possible. I realize that slams the door on my career prospects in cable nooze, but I can’t help it.
Anyway, I haven’t done anything different, WordPress hasn’t done anything different (so they say; honk if you believe them), and the only idea I have left is to try to get my Twitter page up and running again. Or should I try another platform altogether–something new, maybe? I’ll have to ask.
Meanwhile, this blogging year got off to a great start and then hit a trip-wire…
I have to find out why, on Jan. 17, my viewer number suddenly crashed and have never recovered. That means a visit to the WordPress Happiness Engineers. Because it’s discouraging and maddening to keep writing and writing and just watch the viewership shrink by the day.
The last time this happened, last year, it was for three and a half months. Then it un-happened.
I’ve also got a brand-new computer affliction! When I go to type a capital letter, I get a nice long string of gibberish! This makes it take twice as long to post anything.
So I might be out of the saga for a few hours, trying to get things fixed. Fat chance of that–but one does have to try.