After going on a passel of errands this morning, I find myself stymied. What to write about? Can’t get the new book started: thunder has been rumbling, can’t sit outside and write. And as for nooze…
Yo, folks, what should I write about today? I mean, that everybody else isn’t already writing about. I think I’ll try to have a cigar and read some of Rodney Stark’s book before it starts to rain. That’ll give you some time to offer suggestions. I need some helpful hints for getting my viewership back up to speed.
I’ve done my weekly Newswithviews column, don’t ask me how, I’ve put up what were intended to be really interesting blog posts, and have been trying to forget the latest sales figures for my books.
Viewer traffic here has gone way down this month. It’s like working at CNN. I don’t know why. Some of you are Christian bloggers–has this been happening to you, too?
Maybe what I need is some posts by really hot guests. Celebrities! Yeah, that might do it. I emailed a big one last week, but he hasn’t answered me. How big? Well, put it this way: if Oprah Winfrey asked me for a guest spot, she’d have to stand in line behind this celebrity. That goes for Joey Bishop, too.
Most of you know computers better than I do, so maybe somebody out there can explain this to me.
Every day for the past week or so, I find my viewership down 50 to 75 views per day. This is discouraging, to say the least. Why do you suppose this is happening? Is Big Tech burying us at the bottom of the search engines? I haven’t received any scolding messages from anywhere.
Anyway, I’d like to know if it’s something I can fix.
Bad stormy weather this morning, dark and dreary–so of course I overslept. Now I’m running late and I’ll have to play catch-up all day… and I never win at that game.
But I have to try. My viewer numbers have been way, way down for the past week. Fellow Christian bloggers–has this happened to you, too? I can’t help suspecting Big Tech censorship. At the very least they’ll finagle the search engines to bury our blogs well out of sight.
Huff-puff, huff-puff! And we’ve got all those stores to go to today, too.
Still wearing our winter coats, in May. So much for climbit chains.
Normal service will be restored as soon as possible.
Phoebe has suggested we have a nice party to celebrate that long-anticipated day when Violet Crepuscular publishes Chapter D (that’s 500!) of her epic and immortal romance, Oy, Rodney. I almost typed “immoral,” but it was just a close shave.
Certainly we would be thrilled and delighted if Ms. Crepuscular, the Queen of Suspense, were to honor us with a personal appearance. Problem is, no one seems to know where Violet lives or what she looks like. She could come to the party impersonating one of us, and we’d never know. Like, anybody could say, “I’m Thewhiterabbit”–and we wouldn’t suspect it wasn’t true.
Just as seven ancient Greek cities each claimed to be the birthplace of Homer, no town or city today claims Violet Crepuscular. The town of Forked River, New Jersey, refutes the story that she once spent two days there, waiting for her Pulitzer Prize.
Hey! Does anybody out there have a picture of the real Violet Crepuscular? Please share it here, if possible. We need to honor this woman as she deserves. I mean, who else would stretch out a romance to 500 chapters?
As Constable Chumley would say, “Aw’s begrythin’ yon basing-strock!”
We have reached our milestone of 85,000 comments! And the winner is… let’s have a big hand for our friend Ina, in Scotland. This isn’t the first comment contest she’s won, but we allow multiple wins around here.
We have expanded the choice of prizes to include 1) an autographed copy of any published book of mine (except for Bell Mountain–I’ve run out of those), 2) a copy of the next book to be published, Behold! (whenever that happens), 3) an autographed cover on my 1990 horror novel, Mind Stealer (no one else on your block will have one), 4) this cool T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost,” 5) a bag of nice green plastic army men (not kidding).
Ina, let us know which prize you want to claim.
And Byron, old Quokka, start laying the groundwork for the next contest!
Hark! Yes, I’m supposed to be taking care of this weekend’s TV listings; but I’m also in charge of comment contests–and we’ve got a hot one going!
We’re shooting for 85,000 comments, and there’s less than 100 to go! Really, you folks can manage that this weekend. Eighty comments or so–why, you could manage that today, if you put your minds to it.
And the lucky winner will get…
*An autographed copy of one of Lee’s books
*A hot red T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost”
*An autographed vintage horror novel cover (Mind Stealer)–published in 1990
*Some little plastic army men
*A bicycle [Hey! Waddaya mean, no bicycle? Boss, now is not the time to be a cheapskate!] Sorry, we’re not offering a bicycle. Cheap, cheap, cheap…
But if you win, you do get your choice of one of the above prizes.
Everybody’s eligible, even if you’ve won an earlier contest. Let’s see some of you bashful blinkers put your two cents in!
Waiting for a comment contest winner! Aunt Feezy, Uncle Dib, and Cousin Klim
Today is Good Friday, and I feel a little icky about posting any nooze. Oh, if something good were to happen, certainly I’d mention it. But most of what’s going on out there is not good.
I don’t think I’m called to be a disc jockey and just post nothing but hymns all day–although I am committed to starting every blogging day with a hymn, and I’ll post more than one if they’re requested.
What to do, what to do?
Oh! Almost forgot! We have a comment contest running, with a goal of 85,000 comments, and we’re almost there! Don’t be shy–let’s hear what you think.
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, urging you to take part in the comment contest. To that end, let me introduce my cousin Feezy.
Everybody thinks she’s irresistibly cute… but she will plotz if we don’t have a comment contest winner soon. Save Feezy from plotzing!
We’re shooting for a milestone, 85,000 comments, with less than 400 left to go. And oh! the prizes!
–Autographed copy of one of Lee’s books
–Spectacular red T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost”
–Some plastic army men
Don’t blame me if Lee’s too cheap to offer real prizes that’ll get people so excited, they won’t know what to do with themselves–like a bicycle, for instance. Or a catapult. I’d love to have a catapult. But he never listens to me.
You know I like to illustrate my blog posts–breaks up the grey. I do this by searching for “images of whatever,” I get a display of images, and I pick one.
But sometimes it’s mighty hard to get an image you want–and easy as pie to get exactly what you don’t want.
So today I searched for “images of indoctrinating little children.” And what did I get?
*Lots and lots of pictures of Nazis, neo-Nazis, and “white supremacists.” As if you could hardly throw a brick without hitting one. No pictures of communists, or teachers’ unions. Oh! And a sinister picture of a little boy reading… are you ready for this? you sure?–a Bible! Oh, horrors!
Yo, Google! I find this incredibly offensive. As we speak, assorted Far Left crazies and perverts are using the schools to indoctrinate children into their own bizarre and self-destructive visions of “sex.” And you think it’s white supremacy that’s going on? Twelve hillbillies in beat-up pickup trucks got the whole Left half of the country scared out of their minds? Presuming they have minds.
Someday I’ll find a source for pictures that doesn’t have any dirty paw-prints on it. Until then… keep searching.