This hear gye he wood “be” Oh-Kay iff he whuz a Wimmin!
Heer at Collidge our Stoodint Soviet we “has maid” A Grate Desission!!! We “are” goingto Out-Law Maskulimity and Ban it tooo!!!!
So fromb nhow On thare woont be enny Maskulimity heer,, all “the” mails thay whil has to ware Dresses and aslo lippstick and wotch chick Flicks al day!!!! and iff we ketch enny gye waring pants unlest It “is” “a” Pants Soot lyke Hilary he whil be In “big” trubble!!!!!! Sicks Munths of Sencertivvaty Traning!! and aslo he wil ottomatickly Flunk al his coarses!!!!
We “are” dooing This four Socile Jutstus!!! We hased one gye his naim it was Steeve and we maid himb chainge “It” to Looseel”!”
We has “lurnt” That al “the” Prombles of The Whorld thay “are” al cawsed by Maskulimity!! Poberty and dizzeez and War and beeing Short it is al The Fawlt of Maskulimity!!!! So iff yiu Get Ridd “of” that then yiu Get Ridd “of” evry-thing!!!!
Thjat it wil be Our Neckst Projjeck–geting Rid Of Evry-Thing!!!!
We helded a spacial meting Tooday “of the” Stoodint Soviet to de-manned that our Collidge thay Hier a prefesser who sayed she Hoaps evry boddy whoo is four Donold Trumpt thay alll gets Sick and dies befour The Elecksion!!! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=15726)
Wood yiu beleave It??? that thare stopid Collidge thay kickeded her Out “of” her Own Class Roomb becose she sayed That!!!! Whatt a buntch Of Biggits!! and Haters!!!!
Wel wee shore cood Use her heer!!! She Is ovviusly Wyse And Goood!!
And a nother Thing we jist thawt of,, iff all themb eavle Trumpt voaters thay get The Vyris and Dye,,, then the Rest Of us we cood taik “alll” thair Munny “and” alll thair Stuph!!!!! Immajin if we cood has thair Howses “and” thair Carrs “and” “aslo” al thair Viddio Gayms!!! It wood “be” A Grate Day four Socile Jutstus!!!!!!
We has got to Get ridd “of” al themb Haters “and” Biggits,; and we was hoaping The Vyris it wood make themb al diye or mayby Pressadint Obomma he “wood” Do it!!!! How cood thay putt her On leeve???? Thay must bee “the” Biggist Haters arownd!@!!!
Boy howe i Hate thoze Haters!!!! thay maik my blud boyle!!!!!!!!!!
I wented to “a” reel kool lexture “last” nihght it was all abuot a New Scyints i has nevver herd “Of” it is caled Clepto-Zoo-Olligy! Oar somb thing “lyke” That!!
Did yiu know thare is aminals alll Over “the” Whirld that noboddy thay has sceen themb befour??? Somb of themb is Dynasores and Willy mammeths but somb of themb “thay” are smawl aminals and clepto zooollagists thay “Are” loocking al Over “the” plaice to fyned themb!!!!
We seen a Lot “of” slydes of theeze Secret Creetchers lyke :the “ones” up thare In the Pixture,, i hasnt nevver sceene nothing Like themb befour,, thay live Up In “The” deeep wooulds ware thare “is” aslo Big Foot and Choopa Capra and the Lock Nest Manster!!!!! Somboddy whoo was jist “a” Biggit “and” a Hater he sayed thay “are” Ownly plane old Rabbets so we beet himb up,, that is reel Socile Jutstus!!!!
Heer is anether Clepto Aminal.
At frist i thinked I sceene One “Of” theeze onct rihght hear On Our Campis it was clyming “a” Treee but ackturally it is a Seecrit Clepto Zology Creetcher it livves in Affricker and the Naytivves thay are al Afrayed of it!!!! The lexture sayed it jist gose “To Shoh” that thare is Seecrit Creetchers evry ware!!!
The lexture thay sayed theeze aminals thay Are Prooof that Evilusion it is Reel and evin Peeple thay are goingto Evolve “into” somb thing Elsse so i amb goingto Keep a Iye out fore “it”!!!!!!
Because the “educators” in question were too asinine for words, I turned them over to Joe Collidge, the only one around here who could appreciate them. (Good grief! Have I been writing Joe Collidge for five years?)
The more they yammer about “diversity,” the less diversity they tolerate.
We pay them to educate our sons and daughters. We must be as crazy as they are.
Students will be instructed in “producing a Manifesto [sic]” and writing an essay that will be “a persuasive lesson on rewriting history and confronting memory.” Translation: “It never happened and you only think you remember it! Capitalist hyena!”
Among the glorious anarchists cited as examples, we find one “Mohamed Gandhi.” This is either someone that we never heard of, or else just an ignoramus’ rendering of Mohandas or Mahatma Gandhi. They’ve also spelled “Mohammed” wrong. Perhaps the anarchy is slopping over into their language.
But hey, “rewriting history and confronting memory” are jolly handy skills to have! For instance: “I already paid my tuition and I don’t care if you have no record of it, your records are all wrong!”
College–making America dumber, feebler, and more contemptible by the day.
Lasst nihght At collidge we hadded “a” Consort to raze Bale munny fore Mosely Pieceful Potessters who “got” a restid by no-good Racist Copps!!!! And i was so exited “becose” I hered John Lenin he “was” goingto Be “thare”!!! JOHN LENIN,, man!!! Whow!! Butt at “The” lasst Minnit he coodnt maik It so we hadded to has Femmanist Miusik insted like in The Viddio!!!! Jist ignoar that Racist Biggit who keeps tawking!! He is ownly Trying “to” maik Fun “of” the gratest miusik evver!!!!!!!!
At frist thay woodnt Let “me” “in” becose i didnt has no Munny and that maid me Cry so thenn thay let me in foar Freee!!!!
Waht beuttafull miusik it whas!!!! And they done it agan and agan “fore” threee hole Ours until sumb Hater comed in whith “A” Preest to do a Exersissum and we “got” Scaired and runned aweigh wee coodnt help “it”!?!
I thinck Evry Boddy it shood “be” Cumpolsarrie to lissen “to” Femmanist Miusik Evry “day”!!!! I amb goingto Popoze “it” to The Stoodint Soviet neckst tymb we Meat!!!!!! it is watt John Lenin hisself he wood’of whanted!!!
And thenn we All “got in” Trubble foar Not Waring spacial Faice Maksks untill “the” Deen she sayed Nevvir Mined,,, the Vyris it wood nevvir Infest peeple whoo was lissening “To” Femmanist Miusik!!!!
The signs mean “I speak Chinese,” but fire the teacher just in case.
Being woke does not mean you have to know what you’re talking about.
A professor at the Looniversity of Southern California business school has been suspended for using a Chinese “filler word” that supposedly sounds like “a racial slur” in English (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=15580).
I took Chinese in college, so I know what I’m talking about. Which disqualifies me from being woke.
The word in question is “nay-ga,” which in Chinese means “that” or “that one” and is often used in conversation as the Chinese equivalent of “um” or “y’know,” etc. It does not mean what the idiots at USC think it means.
Remember the Canadian town that was going to erase the number 4 from all its street addresses, because “four” in Chinese sounds, to the untrained English ear, like the Chinese word for “dead”? Chinese people have been using those words, without getting confused, for several millenia. But a few doofuses in Canada thought they ought to protect Chinese-Canadians from their own language.
But virtue-signaling requires no knowledge of any subject. So you suspend a professor for using a Chinese word because… well, because you’re ignorant but you still want to demonstrate your wonderful wokeness.
Can yiu beleeve it?!? Bizzyboddy Deploaribble Parints thay “are” Trying “to” fined Out watt thair kidds thay “are” Lurning in Skool!!!!! and it isnt nun Of “thair” Bizniss!!!
Hear at Collidge us Interllecturals “in” “the” Stoodint Soviet we has fowned Out aboat theeze heer Parints in Tennissea or sombplaice thay doughnt Whant “to” Sine a Waver prombissing “That” thay woont lissin In “on” vertchule Class Roombs to heer wat The Teechers thay are Teeching thair kidds!!!! Thay has somb Nurve!!!!!!!
And yiu know its Ownly becose thay whant “To” nott lett thair kids lurn Abuot Trans Gender and Sistamick Racism and beeing Ghay and watt a No-good stinkin Racist Contry Americka it is!!!!! thay “jist” whant themb to Lurn stoopid stuph lyke “Histry” and “Matth” and “Inglish” and haow To “tell Tyme” exedra!!!!!!
Somb of the stoodints heer At Collidge thay has “vertchule class Roombs” tooo whith Compyouters “and” thay ken has Classes wile thay “are” At Hoam!! And we doughnt whant themb “Intrafeard” whith Bye thair stoopid Famblies!!!!! and we has figgred Out a “whay” To Stopp Itt!!!!
Fromb naow On the “kon-tent” of the lessins thay whil Be Kept Seacrit even fromb the Stoodints!!!! That whay iff Parints thay lissin in thay woont Here Nothing!!!!!
Us Interllecturals we awlyaws Out Smartt themb stoopid Famblies!!!!
Our Collidge it hased for A “long” time this heer “no good” Racist Maskott i think it was sposed “to be” a big Bugg and we caled our “teem” The Fihghting Lowcusts”” witch i nevver Under-stoood butt anyhow “it” was Racist so we hadded “To” get ridd “of” “it”!!
We hasnt got no more Teems becose “of” the Vyris and our teems thay all stinked annyway but we Stil kneed anether Maskott to re-plaice the Big Bugg so we hadded a Spatial Meating “of” the Stoodint Soviet twoday and gess wahtt?!? We commed up whith a branned New Maskott and that thare is his pictcher up Thare!!!!
Our new Maskott it is Hue-go Chavvez,:, it Was him whoo ternt Valenzuela intoo a Whirkers Parradice!!!!!!!!!! So fromb nhow On we wil caul Our Teems The Hue-go Chavvez Socile Jutstus Wirers Fihghting Fore “The” Whirkers!!!!!! Haow “is” Thatt for a Maskott?!?!
Butt naow we got to has New Teems and we doughnt whant “no” Racist or Sexist or By-Nary teems neether and evry boddy thay got Tired of whatching us looze at Foot Bawl and Swimbing and Hoola Hoooping and thay whant Teems of Sporets that we “are” good At!! Somb Boddy thay hadded a Idear fore Sincronyzed Crying and that sownded Pretty good!!!! and aslo a Play-Doh teem becose somb “of” us we “are” Exprats at that!!!
I cann jist heer the chears nhow!! “Go Go Hue-go Chavvez Socile Jutstus Wirers Fighting Fore The Wherkers Go-Go-Go Yeeeaaaah!!!!” And whith Non-By-Nary chearleeders tooo!!!