Yup–tossed and scattered like confetti, with nothing to show for it. But this poor schlub would be a schlub with or without a college degree. None of her interviewers ever asked her what she was doing in college in the first place.
But this is what you get when you decide that everybody has to go to college. This is “higher education,” dumbed down and spread thin.
What could we do with the billions of dollars wasted on college every year?
We has got a trooly exiting projjict foar “the” Stoodint Soviet nhow!!!
We jist figgured Out “that” Baybys and Twoddelers thay doughnt “go” to Collidge!!! This heer It Is Unconchable!!!!!!!
So we “are” goingto Bring Baybys and reely liddle Kids heeer to Collidge and maik themb Smart lyke us!!!!! Eech of us on “the” Spatial Chilldrin’s Eddication Projjict we wil by Big Sibblings to theeze kidds and teech “themb” Awl Abuot Sexchual Floowid and Sistembic Racism and Proatest and waht a Stinkin Countree Amairica it Is!!!!!! We whil taik themb “to” Class whith us hellp themb See how stopid “thare” Pairints “are”!”!!
Imadgine Haow smart “theeze” kidds thay “willl Be” iff thay spend lyke ayteen ((18)) oar twenny ((20)) oar moar Yeers in Collidge!!!!!! Haow Grate is that??!? Thay whil eevin Do Play-Doh whith us!!! And wen a Kid ze is fyve ((5)) Yeers Oald thenn thay Can “deeclair” thare Mayjer!!!!!!
We “can” “do” Thiss becose Jobydin he sayze he whil get us “Owt” of hasing to Pay enny “tuission” fromb nhow on!!!!!!
Hear “at” Collidge we has awl gots to go Out “and” Demminstrait for bortions,, butt frist we hadded a lexture!! so thatt we whil Know “waht” we “are” tawlking abuot!!!!
So we heerded awl abuot a heero naimed Rovy Waid, he maid a bortion leegle!!!!! He toled the Soupreem Cort waht to do and thay “done” It!!!!! Ownly nhow the Soupreem Cort thay has broke the Law!!!!! Thay woont Let Preganint Peeple has bortions!!!!!!
So we the Stoodint Soviet we has deesided “that” “fromb” nhow On evry boddy thay has got to has a bortion! weather thay Whant “it” Or Not!!!! Becose Bortions thay whil Saive The Plannit!!!!!!!!!!
We “are” awl goingto has a Bortion!!! Evry stoodint heer “At” Collidge have got “to” get pregganint and has a Bortion!!!! Baybys thay are No Good annyhaow!!!! Whoo kneads themb?? Beeing pregganint it is jist “a” dizzeeze!!! Like meezles! Or hooping cauff!! And annywhay yiu “Are Not” a purson unlest And Untill yiu voat foar Jobydin!!!!! Thats’ waht we lurnt “in” our lexture, It was Grate!!!!
And of coarse this here it “is” awl Donold Trumpt’s fawlt!!!!!! But we can ficks it iff evry boddy thay Has a Bortion!!!
I never felt stressed-out by college–and I made Phi Beta Kappa (good grief, I almost typed “Phi Beta Kafka”! is it an omen?), so I’m officially smart. Either I’m some kind of genius for whom the most difficult intellectual feats are child’s play… or college just isn’t that hard, especially if you’ve figured out how to handle it and do so efficiently.
But it’s hard to figure out anything if you’re Far Left Crazy.
Finelly! we has oapinned “our” campas to Furrys, lyke “in The” pixture!!!
Acturly, the Furrys thay stratted “out” as a Ainchint Greeek thing, thay Used “to” Fly aruound dooing Venjints!!! somb “of” themb thogh thay coodnt “Fly” like if thay was bare Furrys or buny Furrys, then thay wood “has to” Run affter Bad Peeopul to “Punnish” themb foar pising Off “the” Greeek gods like Zoose and Niptoon!!!!
Well nhow thayr Back!!!!!!! Probbly thay “willl” Evenj awl the stuph Wite Peop’l thay has did to Oprest Mynorites!!!!! I heered thay burnted Down a Ho-tell oaned “by” Wite Supremes (i thawed the Supremes thay wher Black but i gess thare was somb Wite “ones” tooo!)!)
And yiu know waht “the” Besst thing abuot Furrys?? Thay “are” Non Bynairy!!!! thats rihght,, yiu “Cant” telll thay are Mail “or” Feemail becose thay are Boath “at The” saim Tyme!!!!!! A Furry ze can actully Maite whith x-selph!!!!!!!!! How grate is that?!?! and then thay can Has “a” hole liter of Furrys awl reddy to reek Venjints on The Opresters!!!!!!
If you can corner ’em before they rush out to demonstrate the inhumanity of not doing abortions, you might want to try this little true-false quiz on today’s college graduates to see how much they know.
I jist “kneiw” Jobydin he wood Do Grate things as pressadint!
He is goingto “Set Up” a Byuro of Miss Infomacion… oops! I shood of sayed Ms. Infomacion,, yiu cant Say “Miss” no moar!!!!! And ze whill shut down awl “the” Hater Biggits on “the” Socile Meedia,, ze whil shut themb up And shut themb down and noboddy thay woont be Abel To say things the guvvermint doughnt Like!! Iff thay doughnt like waht the Peeples Demmacrap Party it is serving “up” well That “is” jiost Two Bad foar themb!!!!!!!!!! No-one thay whil Notbe aloud to tawk no moar!!! unlest thay say waht The Guvvermint whants “To” heer!!!!
Ms. Infomacion ze whil Coumb Down “on” themb and Senser all Hat Speach!!!! Thay woont dair to say Nothing at awl!!! (PS, ze was oncet a Byuty Quean i thinck it was in Mastachoositts).
This it shood of bin Dun yeers And yeers Ago!!!! Like waht Is “the” Poynt of hasing a Intranett iff “Consarvatiffs” thay are aloud to poast stuph tooo??? Thay shood be Sylintsed!!!!! and nhow thayr Goingto be Be!!
Doughnt whirry abaot no Frist Ammenmint!!!! Thare whil styll “be” Freee Speach for evry boddy who say The Rihght Things!!!!!!
If anybody talked like this about “black” or “brown” people, he’d be buried in an avalanche of hurt. But the looniversities spew hatred of white people every day of the year, and all they get is more and more and more of our money. (The Rutgers football coach is the highest-paid public employee in New Jersey. Sweet!)
Pray and work, work and pray, for an end to all this wicked foolishness.
Sumbtymes “we” Are So Smart heer “at” Collidge, it is Scairy!!!!!
Tooday the Stodint Soviet we figgered Out collidge It Is Awl Backwerds!!! We shoodint be paiying Tooission,, thay shood “Be” paiying us To “Go” “to” Collidge!!!!! Themb damp sellfish Tacks Paiyers thay shood Be “payiing” us!!!!
Aftral all,: whoo is goingto “be” The leeders And thinckers of Tomarrow?? Us!!! We Are!!! No wun elsse thay arint Smart enuoughh!!!!!! We “Are” awlreddy Running oure collidges@ shorely we Can “run” thiss heer Couountry!!!!!!!!!
So wye has we Got “to” paiy Themb wen thay shood “be” Paiying Us??? We are becumming Introlecturals!! Yiu wood Thinck thay wood unner-Stand that we are a Infestmint!!!!! W”e” are The Fewtchure of Amairicka!!!!!! Sumb-Day “we” whill be Maiking awl “the” Descissions!!!!!! Yiu are Sappozed to Pay Us!!!!!!! And aslo we “are” sappozed to Get Ritch lyke Haunter Bydin!!!
Boy whil we straitin Out “thiss” heer cuwntry wen We Are “In” Charj!@!!! Ghet reddy foar sumb Biggtime Hoap And Chains!!!!!!!!!!