Tag Archives: foolish intellectuals

The Fat-Head’s Tool Kit: Stupid Stats

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In mustering false facts to wow your audience and make them think you’re smart, don’t neglect statistics. Who isn’t impressed by statistics? It’s best you make them up yourself, because that way people can’t check up on what you say; but you do have to make them sound convincing. Stand tall, look ’em in the eye, and lie like a rug.

Here are some examples to get you started.

*98.3% of persons who practice astral projection believe in Man-Made Climate Change.

*43.4% of American Protestants got rather bad marks in college.

*At least 12.5% of women who have had abortions have gone on to become television news reporters and elected officials.

*Scientists at the Greenland Institute of Higher Education have found a one-to-one correlation between homeschooling and social dysfunction.

*Throughout ancient history, persons living in matriarchal societies enjoyed a Happiness Index 36 points higher than those living in other kinds of societies.

*The average atheist is 2.75 centimeters taller than the average Christian.

Yes, there will be silly people who attempt to argue with you. But all you have to do is smile tolerantly, shrug your shoulders, and say “Figures don’t lie.”

There’s no limit to how far you can go with this. I wish I had a statistic for how many future U.S. senators are reading this.

 


‘Cornell Profs: Hire No Republicans’ (2015)

Y’know how I keep saying Science isn’t science anymore? I mean, here they are–self-anointed intellectuals–deciding what the facts are by intimidating and silencing any and all dissent: and this was before Democrats and Loretta Lunch came up with the idea of prosecuting Climbit Change Denial as a crime.

Anyway, this was three years ago and they haven’t gotten better since.

https://leeduigon.com/2015/10/20/cornell-profs-hire-no-republicans/


We got to Has Femmanest Masquilinty!!

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Well “the” stodent Soviat it voted yeasterday “to” Reqyer Alll mail stodents from Now “on” thay has got to be Femmanest Masqulinity or elce thay wil “be” flunked Out of Collidge and put in Re-Eddication and aslo Sensotifity Traning and “it” Is abote Time!!!

This hear it is Nessirsary becose Evry singal promble In “the” whorld it Is coused by Wite Hetro-Normbativve Maskalinnaty so evry Thing abote Men It “has got To” be turnned a-round backwords!! And aslo al Men thay has Got to be Gay fromb now “on” and that whay thay willnt harasss wimmin no more!! If thay is Wite now thay got to be Peple of Coller.

Like we lernt in Gender Studies alll Men thay are Vilint and agresssiv thay awlyays thinking Thay got to “Win” and thay hasnt got no Emotoins neether exept thay Get Mad a lot! And aslo thay are Only intristed in foot ball and Cars and beeer and Secks!!!! and al that it have got to be turnt aruond 360 digreees!! In shoret al the mails thay Got to be jist like wimmins fromb Now On and then thare wont Be “no moar” Wars and no moar Hate becose wimmin thay dont has those bad things!!

It dont appleye to me becose I got Moth Antenners witch is from shooting “up” whith Moth Hormoans becose it saposed to Turn me “intwo” a wimmim but it hassnt hapened Yet!

Yiu wil see oncet thare “Is” only Fembinast Mescalinity and al the men thay Is jist like Wimmin evry Thing it wil “be So” goood yiu wont beleave it!!!


Thay shuld Give yiu yore Monney back For Dead chrismis Trees!!

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I whish Calaffornye wuld Get Biggger so our Collidge “culd” be “in” it!! Becose thay doo things Rihght in Calaffornye!!

Thare was this lady she buyed A chrismis Tree at Cost Co and then It dyed so she taked “it back” to The stoar and sayed thay shuld Give her her Monney back becose the chrismis Tree it dyed! (http://www.sfgate.com/technology/article/Woman-returns-Christmas-tree-to-Costco-because-12491223.php) And yiu know Wat thay done?? thay gaved her her Monney!That “is” how thay dose it “In” Callaffornye!!

i think ore Collidge is in Illanoise or maybbe Onterryo i forget witch! Wye cant Thay make Callofornyer bigger so Our college it “culd” be in thare???

Like whoo did them Dirty Captilists think thay was to be seling That lady “this” no good Tree that dyed affter she “put” it up for chrismis?? But thay are Not the ownly ones!! Hear at Collidge thay put “a” chrismis tree in one of “the” Dormes and it was lovly i seen it; for Ornimints thay had Con-doms and Izlambic stuff whith a buitifull Hillery Angle on top of “it” and that tree it turnt All “brown” becose it Dyed tooo and it Evin catched on Fire when thay tryed to Deckarate it whith a Joint of Marawana!!! Thay was “Luckie” the hole Dorme it didnt Burn Down!!!!

It jist gose to Show yiu captilism it is Bad and yiu cant Truss no captilisks becose thay awlyays treying to Cheet yiu!! That is wye Us “who is” Socile Jutstus Wirers wee cant nevvir take no Day Off!!


Let’s Play Blather Bingo!

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[Disclaimer: This idea is not original with me. I heard it many years ago on a Christian radio show, to which I’d give full credit if I could remember its name. Back then, they were calling it “Drivel Bingo,” and applying it to language mostly used in business meetings.]

*Sigh* Not much happening here today, viewership-wise: so let’s play Blather Bingo.

All you need is a Blather Bingo card, which you can make yourself, and a tedious speaker or writer who is spouting liberal blather.

Fill the spaces on your card with words like Inclusive, Microaggression, Diversity, Tolerance, Accepting, Affirming, Gender, Self-Identify, etc.–all that meaningless blather which Intellectuals and other leftids employ to make people think they know what they’re talking about and are just too smart to be understood by any normal person. Then sit back and listen, and whenever you hear one of those words, draw an X over it. As in regular Bingo, when you get a straight line of X’s, horizontal, vertical, or diagonal, you’ve won! Jump up and yell “Blather Bingo!”

This will help you get through whatever liberal pap you’re trying to endure, and will at least make the time pass less slowly. Play it while you’re watching nooze on CNN, MSNBC, or any other outlet set up by the blather industry.


First, No ‘Best Friends’ Allowed; Next…

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It started in Europe, but hoity-toity private schools in America are now picking up on the newfangled education theory of not allowing children to have best friends (https://newswithviews.com/what-do-they-want-in-the-end/). Why not? “So that no one feels left out or excluded.” Or so they say.

Blithering Pinhead Academy, one of the first American schools to adopt a no-best-friends policy, has resolved to carry that principle a few steps farther.

“There will never be any freedom until educators and other experts control every aspect of every human life, no matter how trivial,” says BPA headmonster Iza Dorque. “Here at Blithering, we’re always ahead of the curve.

“That’s why we have just adopted a brand-new policy of not allowing any of our students to have a favorite food. From now on, they’ll have to like all foods equally! Failure to do this will be corrected by torture. Repeated failure will land an offender in Sensitivity Training.”

Ms. Dorque explained, “It’s so evil and un-inclusive to have a best friend. It means there are one or two people whom you like better than anyone else! We will not tolerate such intolerance. It suggests that individual persons have unique qualities. Well, how the blazes are you going to have Diversity unless everyone is exactly the same!

“It’s the same with food. If one child likes tofu best, and another child likes quinoa, the one who likes tofu is discriminating against quinoa, and, by extension, against the child who likes quinoa. It is a microaggression!”

In answer to criticisms that Pinhead Academy’s policies are unnatural, anti-human, oppressive, stupid, and cruel, Iza Dorque called for Security and had the critics forcibly removed.


I been To A sayonce!!

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As a Interllectural, i dont beleave in no life “After” death exept wen Some Peple thay get re-incarcerated and come “back” as somboddy else and i was Talking Abote that wen some Other stodent {I didnt know her} she sayed Yiu “”wuldnt say that Iff” yiu gone to a Sayonce “Whey ‘don” yiu come to my Dorm Roomb to-nite”  and “thenn yiu” wil see!

So i whent thare Lasst nihght and she “got” us To sit at This litle Tabel with a Weegee Bored on it and we put Our fingres on this hear Platstic Thing and she turnt offf al the lihghts and kep saying Is Any Boddy thare??? Wel that was kind of Boaring but thenn Al of A Suden this Squeeky Voice it sayed “I Amb Hear!” and i seen this litle Puppit kind of parson floting over the Tabel and that Gril she sayed “shhhh! it Is a” Spirrit and evin thuhgh I amb a Introlllectural i stil Got Sort Of scared!!!

But i asked how “Come thare” is that String coming out of his Head? she toled me Dont “mind” that it Is Not a “string, it Is” exoplasum It connecks him “to” the Spirrit Worled!

It turns out he is the gost of a Sammereye from Jappan he dyed like 5 Thosand years aggo and he sayed “i amb hear to Tell the Fuchure!!

Wel i thuhght it was Strange his Vice it sonded like It “was” from somwear in the Back of the roomb but she sayed “dont Mind” that becose “he has To Talk with-out Vocle Cords he Is a” Spirrit and he got A messidge four yiu! And he sayed if I wuld come to a Sayonce evry weak the Spirrits thay wuld get to Work “On” the Other Side “and we Can make Hillery be Pressident by This hear Time” neckst yeer!!

O watt goood news!!! i amlost falled out Of “the” Chare! and i sayed “of Corse! i” wil come and Do Sayonce evry weak you bet!!!” and he made me Prommis to doo it and then he jist wisked up to the seeling and Dis-apeered and the Sayonce it was over and the gril she turnt on the Lihght!

And yiu know watt she sayed thenn??? “That wil be $50.00 dollers pleese!!!”

I culdnt beleave it! i hasnt got “no $50.00 dollers;, i hasnt evin Got no $5.00 dollers!” and then this gye al dresst in Black i didnt see him befour,, he “must of” been Hideing oar maybe he “was” geting reddy to go fishin becose he Had a fishin pole leenin aginst the whall-,-wuld yiu beleave it he “slaped” me arond and puled my pockits In-side Out and wen he seen i reely dint have no Monny he sayed A Sayonce “it cost monny, yiu are jist a Bum, get out” of heere And “dont yiu never come B ack yiu big Bum!!!

Gee wiz i shure Hope i “can” borow the monny so the Spirrits thay can make Hillery be Pressadint! Iff anny of yiu ordrinary dum peple reed this i hope yiu Send me som!!!


Bio Prof Says You Must Be a Biggit If You Think There Are Only Two Sexes

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Biggit chromosomes

No, this is not a Joe Collidge gag. A biology professor at San Jose State–her defense of her inane statements is “I am an expert” (and you ain’t!)–has declared that “chromosomes don’t determine sex” and “high school biology” was wrong for teaching that they do (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10309).

She erupted in response to a tweet made by a Texas state legislator, who posted pictures of the XX (female) and XY (male) chromosomes “to remind people how many sexes there are.”

He did this, charged the academic gasbag, “for a bigoted purpose.”

She declines to answer her critics because she’s a Big Scientist and they’re not. Anyhow, “‘Gender’ is described as the psychological and/or the emotional identity,” yadda-yadda.

Hey! Is “science” even science anymore? It behaves more like it’s just window-dressing for assorted leftid ideologies.

The prof adds that “intersex and ambiguously sexed individuals” constitute 1% of the population. One out of every hundred people you know. Really? What if you don’t spend all your time on a collidge campus, where such persons are likely to congregate? Is she talking about the real world, or her world?

America has too many colleges, too many professors, and way too many college students “learning” pure crapola from overpaid idiots. De-fund the universities now. Before it’s too late.


We warship Technollidgie!

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Somtimes us Interllecturals we “are” so Smart we culd jist Kiss our selfs al over!

Hear at Collidge we has set Up a “nattividy seen” whith “a” Computer in the mainger insted Of that baby becose The Computer it is a Simble of Ssciance and Proggrest it is goin to Make “the” World toetully Perfict!! This hear is Reel Salivation,, not that fake salavation them christins thay Awlyaws talk abote!!!

As sooon as we gets Word Press or Faice Book to set “it”up we can putt a Computer Chip in Evryboddy’s brane and then the Computer it wil know “evry” time somone thay Think a hatful thuohght or somb Other Thing that is wrongg And bad and then The Govvermint it wil take Out yore brane and Fix “it” so yiu cant think No More Bad Things!! that is the whay to Control al them ordrinary dum peple so thay Cant vote “for” Trumpt no more!!

Jist think Of “it”!! No more Bad Thinking!! And than evryboddy Thay wont has to “work”” no more thay can jist “de-voat” al thare Time “to” studdy and aslo Vidio Games!! No more work, no more buzness and no more No-Good ritch peple trying to Make a prophit!!!! The hole world It Will be Perffict!! Becose Sciance it have All The Anssers!!

Like my prefesser he sayes “The Peple thay can ownly be Trooly Free iff yiu take Awaiy thare freedim!!!” But yiu has to go to Collidge and be a Introllectural befour yiu “can” under-stannd that!


‘Jingle Bells’ is Racist!

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Ho, ho, ho! No, I’m not making this up! A “theater historian” at Boston University says Jingle Bells is racist, and blathers about “its problematic role in the construction of blackness and whiteness in the United States” (https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2017/12/18/boston-university-professor-claims-jingle-bells-is-racist/).

Your tuition dollars at work! With more than a few of your tax dollars thrown in. Gotta keep those intellectuals well-supplied with the amenities.

Declaring that her research found the song first performed in  blackface in 1857, Mizzz Theater Historian also objected to its “elements of male display.” She herself is white, but doesn’t look like a woman who’s very fond of men.

When thousands of people started calling her an idiot, she quickly backpedaled: “I never said it’s racist now!” So much for the courage of her convictions.

(Thanks to Linda for the new tip)


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