We hased a de-bait At “the” Stoodint Soviet about whoo “is” Smarter, us intrallecturals heer “at” Collidge or awl themb ordrinary dum peeple out thare.! Ouor syde we “wer” Winning wen sumb boddy thay shode Up “whith” sumb Wine fromb The Wine Chapeau!! “Chapeau” is spelt Funny be-cuase it is Frentch for “Shampoo.” Frentch peeple thay doughnt know Haow To Spel!!!!!!
Thay ownly brung One bottel so we cuddnt awl has a Shampoo!!! So we desided “That” whooever winned “the” debait thay wood has the Shampoo!!! We wun eezy becuse Atfer awl,, peple whoo doughnt “go To” Collidge thay doughnt know Enny Thing at awl!!!!!
Butt sea,, this heer “is The” reezin wye themb dum pezzents thay shoold “just” Shut Up and “let” us Intrallecturals do awl The thinking!!!!!!!!! It “is” “the” ownly whay we wil evver has Soschialismb!!!!!! Yoo’d think “they wood Be” Grateful but that are moastly Racists so of coarse they “Are” stopid!!!!
And I amb Not gointo has enny moar Shampoo becose “it” hertz my Moth Antenners!! i bumpt Into threee (#!) treees wen i tryed To “go” Hoam!!!!
It taked somb yeers Butt we “fynoly” done It!!!!!
Frist we hadded Graides! Well evry-boddy thay knows “that” Graides thay “Are” Racist!!!!!! Thenn “it” whent To Pass & Fale! But evry-boddy thay knows that Pass-/Fale it is Abel-ist!!!!!
Now its Jist Pass, evry boddy thay Passes!!!!! No moar hurted Feeelings!!!!!! Butt “thare” is Still One Moar Steppe “togo”!”!”
Afftur foar (4!) yeers “In” Collidge,, Evry-boddy thay gets “the” Onners Deegree “of” Thair Choysse!!!!!!! I amb goingto Get a Deegree “In” Fizzicks,, i lyke fizzy Soder!!!! Thiss heer it is Haow Amairacka it is the Bestist-Eddicaytid Nashin “in” “The” Whirld!!!! This whil keeep Going “un-till” evry-boddy “inthe” U.SA has a addvants’d Deegree!!!!!! No othor Cuountrie cann Mach It!!!!!!!!
Naow yiu Are probbly aksing yore Selph “Haow comb he Putt “up” pixture Of Ameba Sissturs???”? Wal ghess waht!!? Themb too (2!) Ameba Systurs thay Wur “the” frist stodents to Get onners Deegrees “in” Past Lyves Of Souper Heeroes”!~” Awl yiu has to doo Is Show Up!!!!!!!!!!
Yiu “are” nhow loooking At “a” pixture of the New Dorm we jist bilt heer At Collidge!!! We has figgred Out “waht” we reely neeed heer Is “moar” oh dam this it “is” Hard to spel!!! OK i got it= “Indagent-I-Zayshin”!”!
Yiu Are probbly aksing yore Self “Whel waht dose That “meen”?”?” I whil tel yiu! It meens maiking evry Thing jist lyke it wuz wen it was jist Indignant Peeople livving heer!!!!! Naytiff Amairakans!!!!! and no boddy Ellse!!!
Somb Hater she sayed ‘Waht iff” no boddy “wants to live In T.P.s insted of billdigns witch has Air Cundissioning and Sentril Heeting?”?”? but yiu Cant say “things” “lyke” that arowned Heer so six “Of” us we beet her Up!!!! She puled Out “one Of” my moth antcenners tho And “that” reely hert!!!!!
Fromb nhow On evry boddy thay has to Live “in” T.P.s becose That “is” “haow” It wuz befour Wyte peeple caime “And” ruinded Evry Thing!!!!!! Lookit Elizzabith Worrin!! Yiu can be Shure she is goingto Get Ridd “of” her stopid “Houwse” and live In “a” T.P. fromb nhow On!!!!! Heer At Collidge we “are” Tryying to has as mutch Intagratty as her!!!!!
Butt it whil Still “be” OK for reely impotant Peeple to live In Houwses!!!!
Naaah, I think I’ll pass!
[Sighs nostalgically] Here’s a post I put up back when we could all comment and enjoy a conversation.
Sorry, but Serious Mainstream Litterature That Intellectuals Really Like has always bored the dickens out of me. How do those books get such great reputations?
In Huckleberry Finn, two con men put on a show that’s so bad, people will be afraid to admit they ever went to see anything that bad and so they’ll lie and say it was good, and the con men will make a lot of money.
I think we’ve all been conned.
We hadded a lexture tooday it bloated My mynde!!!! It was a Cripp-Toe Zuoallagist,, ze sayed “”We “are” alyaws loooking foar Big-Foot heer And thare “and” evvry-ware wen we shood Reely “be” loooking for Wimmin!”!”!
At frist i dint Unnder-stand waht he ment becose affter awl thare Are wimmin awl Over “the” Plaice!!!! But then he challinjd us to De-fyne Wimmin and yiu Know what,, we coodnt doo It!!!!
“Sumb exprats say thars No sutch “thing” as Wimmin, thay are jist Men whoo get pregganint!!!!” that is waht he sayed. “Meenwile the Soupream Cort eevin Thay doughnt know waht Wimmin is!!”! And aslo the Prezzadint of Wimmon Lawyars eeven she says she cant De-fyne Wimmin, it “is” jist waht ze Identrifies As!!!”!
So this heer is ware the Cripp-Toe Zerallergist coms In!(!) He “is” trying to fynde a Wimmin whoo Is “not” jist a Man whoo got pregganint!!! This heer It Is Of Vyttle Impotence!!!! Haow can yiu has Wimmins Rihghts iff thare isntt Reely enny sutch thing as Wimmins??? And he sayed “Iff yiu Cant De-fyne a thing,, then It dussnt Excist!!!!!!!!!!”
It “is” A Tearable Thrett to Wimmin iff thay doughnt Excist!! And I amb Up-Sett becose wee doughnt know Waht “to” Do!!!!
R.J. Rushdoony wrote this essay over 20 years ago, as that lamentable 20th century was winding down.
In a very few words (quite an achievement!), Rushdoony summed up that century’s “heritage of failure” as worldly schemes for salvation, one after another, had their days in the sun and went promptly belly-up. We tried everything we could think of–except God’s word–and it all failed us: politics, education, money, and war. Even a pagan like Robert Graves saw his own 20th-century world as an unholy alliance of Mars, the god of war, Pluto, the god of wealth, and Mercury, the god of thieves.
But the answers, Rushdoony knew, were to be found in the same place where they’ve been always found–in God’s own enscriptured word.
Have you ever wondered where ridiculous terms and notions–like “ableist,” “intersectional,” or “white privilege”–come from? Have you ever asked yourself, “Damn! How can I make up crazy sh** that’ll make me rich and powerful?”
Well, then, this book is for you!
The Art of Making Up Stupid Crazy Bullsh** That Other People Have to Pretend They Believe, by Juan Hong Lo, Ph.D., is a lot more than just a catchy title. Of course, it helps if you’re already a professor, a CEO, or a Hollywood producer. Then you have people around you who have to listen to you and have to pretend they think you’re smart. But don’t be discouraged! Dr. Lo says, “Even a total loser, if he plays his cards right, can make up real crapola that just might catch on!”
“The fun part is watching people squirm, or maybe their eyes go all glassed-over, as they have to repeat silly garbage that I made up and make like they understand it and believe it. ‘To fully transmogrify systemic onanism, racial justice must be recalibrated with equity and hyperbaric oedema.’ Once you’ve got ’em talking like that, they’ll never be able to respect themselves again!”
Published by the Democrat National Committee, The Art of Making Up Stupid Crazy Bullsh** That Other People Have to Pretend They Believe sells for a smart $999.95.
With a foreword by former Vice President Al Gore (for an extra 59 cents).
The Soviet Onion thay alyaws got Evry Thing rihght!!!
We hadded a spatial Meting tooday “of” the Stoodent Soviet to cellerbrate this heer Fanntatstick idear thay has “At” somb collidge in Cannerda!!! We whant “to do” evin Beter!!!!
Thay maid stoodents admit thay done awl soarts “of” Bad Things to Indains “and” Naytive Peepul and iff “thay” woodnt admit it well then thay “woont Be” aloud to taik On-Lign Coarses!!!!! But then thay sorta terned Chickin “and” sayed thay wassnt Trying To “foarce” stoodints to Subbmitt to thare Idiologery!!!!!!
That is ware thay Mist The Boet!!!! That is ware Our Collidge “we Can” do Beter!!!!
Becose We “know” that Subb-Missian is Freedumb!!!!! Iff we doughnt lurn Anny Thing elss “in” collidge,, We Lern That!!!!!!!!!!
So we voated to maik Evry stoodint sine “a” Pledj that seys that They “Are” awl Guillty of Evry Thing! Slavry and Miss Gendring and Secksism and Abulism and Not Recycling-@–thay “Are” Gillty!!!!
And yiu Know waht??? It is Trans Fourmatave!!!!!! This heer it “is” EDucayssion whith A capittle D!!!!!! This here it is Fuddna-Mentle Trans Fourmasion!!!!
Thare is Nothing haff so Grate “as” That!!!!!!!!!!
I doughnt knoiw haow This here jobb it taked So “long” to do!!!! Finely affter “awl theez yeers” we who “Are” “the” Stodent Soviet we gotted “the” Collidge to abrollish Troo-Fawlse qwizzes!!!!!
Theez hear thay Whir stopid qwizzes!!!!!!!!!! Like waht cood “be” stopider thann saying Somb thing it “is” Troo wen it izznt Troo foar Evry Boddy??? And iff yiu “szay” Somb thing “it” “Is” Fawlse thenn That is Trigguring and foar Shure a Micro Grecian!!!!
Frinstints!! Hear is A Stopid Troo Oar Fawlse qwesschin!! “”Jumboe Shrimps thay Are “not” reely Ellerfints”!”! It is Racist!! And waht abuot Shrimps that “are” Trans-Isshinning into Ellerfints?? To Say Somb thing it “is” Troo oar Fawlse it “is” ownly a fourm “Of” Wite Stuprembassy!!!!
The Trooth is “that” Nothhing is Troo and notthing is Fawlse unlest yiu “say” it “is”!”!” Thare is no sutch Thing as fackeds and that Is A Facked!!!!! And waht abuote stuph That is “Troo” ownly wen it is Fawlse???? Haha i reely gotted yiu “thare”!! Yiu cannt anster That One caan yiu????
This hear it “is” waht Us Interllecturals we Do besst!!!!!!
We has strick a Bloe “for” Equetty and Socile Jutstus and Dyvercitty in Helth Cair hear “at” collidge!!!! We got ridd “of” all the Wite dockters and nourses!!!!! and we Are “goingto” re-plaice themb rite aweiay!!!!!!
Now we doughnt has no “dockter skool”” at our collidge so we hadded To re-plaice all themb Racist dockters “and” nourses whith Gender Studdies stoodints witch “is” jist as good as themb reggalur dockters if Not beter!!!!!!! Iff yiu “get” sick thay whil ficks yiu up In no tyme!!!!
And aslo In Eddision “to That” we has aslo fowned “the” Ideel parson to putt “in” Chardge “of” awl The Helth Cair at our collidge!!!! She useded “to-be” a Made in Nantsy Pullocie’s howse, How grate Is that??? Thay say she Eeven knows somb Voo-Doo!!!!! It jist gose to Showe yiu yiu awlyaws Come Out ahhed wen yiu has a Mynaritty rhunning “The” shoow!!!!!!
And yiu know waht?? I all-reddy pheel beter!