Hear at Collidge us who is On “the” Stodent Soviet we has fowned Out “that” it is Aginst The Law “to” be Fat in Jepan and soon “the” Russhins thay wil aslo Make It “aginst The law” tooo! and our Cheef Commasar she slapt Her four-hed and sayed Now wye “dint we” Think “of” Thatt”!!!
I seen a Fat Parson oncet and “it” was trooly Discussting!! Fat Peeple thay taik up “moar than” thare fare shair of Spayce!!! it is becose of Captolism that “thay” are So Fat yiu dont harrdly nevver see no fat peeple in Veniceowhalea!! that is becose thay “are” Socilist!!!! witch prooves Socilism “it is” goood four yiu!!
So wee are “goingto” maik Rools aginst Being Fat and yiu whil has to Pay a “Fyne” of lots of dollers like maybe “6000 thousand $$” jist for Being Fat and a nother “thousind dollers$$” per Powned yiu “are” Over Wait! butt frist wee has got “to” maik a Chart to say hoaw mutch yiu “are aloud” to Way,, like if yiu “are” Sicks Foot Tall yiu has got to Way like mayby a huntred 100 powneds!! And aslo iff yiu are “Tooo Fat” then yiu cant has no Toylit Payper neether,, that “is ” a Nother good thing abote Socilism!!!
The peeple in Venzowayla thay are “all” Loosing Wait becose Socilism it “is so” helthy four yiu!! That “is” waht we whant to has On our Campiss!!!! And that is caulled Free Dum!!!!!!
Wel al of Us in the Stodent Soviet we “are” like Totully In Love whith Alexandor Octosomething Cortezz and her Greeen New Dele!!!! It “is” jist waht we been wating four!!! At laast!! The Fudnamintle Trans Fourmatoin of Amerrica!!
I spatially like “the” Part abuot thay taike aweigh al the Cars “and” Tare Down evry bilding In Amerrica and put Up “a” New One insted!!! i hasnt got no stopid Car and i live in my prefesser’s Tool Shedd so i hop The Govramint thay taiks All The Cars and pullls down “All The” Houses espatially christins and Repobblicans and wite Suepremassists houses and make themb all live In cradbored Boxxes or som Thing!!!
Aslo i like the Part abote we al get Free Monny but i dont whant no Job becose whork it blows so i think I willl “jist hide” wen thay strat Handing Out “the” jobs i dont whant to has to be a accountint or nucular Physic guy or nothing like that!!
Aslo i like that Part abuot no Moar Jett Plains and hi-speeed rale insted i hope all “the” Trane Rides thay whill be Free and i can take a Trane to Ingland and taik coarses at Oxfrod!!!!
Of coarse yiu has got “to be A” Interllectural to reely “apreshate” The Green Niew Dele,, themb ordrinary dum peple “thay” whill Not Under-Stanned it! Thay are two stopid to reeleyes that themb hasing houses And Cars it maiks Climbit Chainge and “the” Whorld it Will End in jist 12 yeers iff we dont do The Grean New Dele!!! Butt thay willl feal Bettor abote it wen thay Get Free Monney and “thare” is In Come Equailitty alll over!!! We wil alll Be Ritch becose the Govramint it whill giving us lots of Monney!!
Jist in caset Hillery she dont whant “to” Be Pressadint afftar all witch wuld Be “a” tradegy well now we “has” fowned somboddy amlost as goood!!!
Hank Johnson he “is the” Smartest guy in Congriss!! and “he” is The Ownly one whoo tells “the” Truth!!! thare is this iland caled Gwom or som thing “like” that,, it is “In” the Ocian and it “is” jist a Smawl Iland and the fashists and Donold Trumpt thay whant “to” Put like a millian Maurines thare so thay “can” attack The Peeples Repubic of Magnolia and Hank Johnson he Called Themb Out on it man he cawled themb out!!!!!! He is the ownly one in Congriss who sayed that iland it will Tip Over and Cap’s Eyes iff thay put “that menny” Maurines on it!!!
We disgussed it in the Stodent Soviet and now wee whant Hank Johnson four pressadint in case we cant has Hillery!! and aslo now we has got a Plan “how to” Saive the Contry from themb Red Staites ful “of” Knotsies!! Al we has to “Do” is get like a millian Socile Jutstus Wirers to go to a Red Staite rite thare in the Middel of it and Jump Up “and” down untill we make it tip Over and Cap’s Eyes!!! and that whill Be The “End” of that hole staite ful of Wite Stupramassists!!!! and than we jist go on To “another” Red Staite and make that one Tip Over and Cap’s Eyes tooo!!!!!! and whee keeep “doing” it untill thare is no moar Red Staites ownly Bluue Staites lefft!!!
I jist cant figgier “Out” how comb No Boddy thay thauhght of This soooner!!!
Wel lets See “the” Climbit Chainge Denilers get Out “of” thiss one!!!!!
This hear is a actural fotograft “of” a Wiled Sentor standding aruound doing Nothing! It whas takin behynd somone’s House in ether Mitchagin or Spane (i fourget witch one) or else som Other Staite!!
As we has lernt in Femmanast Zooolagy themb Sentors thay ownly “come Out” wen thare is Climbit Chainge and Globle Worming!! Som Hater he sayed Sentors thay “are” jist Mathollagy fromb wen thare was only Greeeks and no otther kineds of peple whoo Did Not Evolv yet but six of us we throed his Byke “in” the Pond so he Shut Up!!
Sentors are Danjeras becose thay “go” to Chick-Fill-Ay wen thare isnt no one looking and thenn “thay” come Out and do Racism! and aslo thay Stop peple fromb Recykling! and thay “are” Hard “to” see unlest yiu Smoak a lott of wheed otherwhys thay jist sort Of “blend in to” the Backround!!! its No Joak a Hand Made zhe was kilt bye a Sentor wile zhe whas Eating Luntch that hapened in Scott Land or somplaice!!!
“The” only whay to Stop Sentors is iff Evry One thay has to pay A Carbin Tacks and not has cars no moar and let the Govermint “racion” Toylet Paper!!! We has got To Stop Globble Worming!! and Climbit Chainge!!! and than “the” Sentors thay “whil” go “awway”!!!!!
I herd a lexture Last nihght it jist blode my Mind!!!
It was a gest prefesser i cant spel her “naime” but It was somthing like Abbey Babbly she is “a” famis Femmanast she finded a grate Ogrenizaytoin it is “callled” #Radicle Al Incloosave! and she sayed we Cant ware themb Vajiyna Hats no moar “becose” thare is lots of Wimmim thay hasnt got Vajynas thay has peepees insted!!!!! and fromb now On “we” has got to “be” Incloosave of Wimmins whith-out themb thare whatsits!!! Dammit i jist bauhght one too)!
“In facked^” she sayed “evin The Whurd “”Wimmin”” it is Extruding al themb wimmins that hasnt got Yiu Know Waht” and farthermoor “al Whurds thay “are” Bad becose eech Whurd it extrudes evry Thing whitch is Not That Whurd” And “that it is Not Incloosave!”” Like frinstints if yiu says Som thing it “is a” Thum Tack well then It extrudes evry thing “whitch is” not a Thum Tack!!!”” I nevver thinked of that befour!!! Butt of coarse That “is” wye we go to Collidge in the frist plaice,, to Lern New Stufff!!! and that “is” how yiu becomes a Interllectural!!!!! i do not Whant to Affend annyboddy that say thay are a Thum Tack!!!
Then she reely sayed a reely raddicle thing,, “she sayed gess Waht, thare isnt no sutch Thing “as” a Man or a Wimmin themb whurds thay was maid up by The Paytryarchie to keeep Wimmin down and so Fromb Now On the Whurd Wimmin it “has” got to In-cloode Evry-One!!!!!! So i becomed a Wimmin jist by hering that thare lexture!!!
And then she toled us “Men” only thare isnt no sutch thing, “Men” thay can Get Pregganent too jist like Wimmon used to! I wished she wood of toled us How yiu Get Pregganent so i can maik sure “it” dont hapen To Me!!! then i wuld has to get a Bortion and it wuld Be a Hassle!!
Whell i got to taik Som Time offf to rap My Mind aruond “al” this New Stuff I lernted,, it makes My Moth Antenners hurt!
How did civilization start? Professors of Nothing Studies at Fimbo University think they know.
“Originally,” says department head Hugh Betcha, Ph. D., “all human beings were transgendered. That goes hand in glove with the highest levels of civilization, just as we see today. So it was that, 300 million years ago, the world’s first human civilization was populated entirely by the transgendered persons who had invented it.”
What is the evidence for this?
“Physical evidence has not survived,” says the professor, “but we can interpolate current socioeconomic trends and sort of ‘reverse-engineer’ our lost history. We also find non-physical evidence in the myths and legends of the Tasaday, the Stone Age tribe in the Philippines that has remained pure and untouched by the rest of the world for 50 million years.
“Finally, if you’re as smart as we are and you concentrate real, real hard, you will eventually intuit accurate visions of the great Transgender Age. All that ‘Male and Female’ stuff didn’t come along until much, much later–a mere 250 years ago! And it was invented by capitalists, so you know it’s bad.”
A bachelor’s degree in Nothing Studies from Fimbo University takes a mere 32 semesters to acquire, at an average cost of $30,000 per semester. “But don’t worry about the cost!” says Professor Betcha. “After all, you can always get a student loan!”
Boy is Collidge hard some times!! it is “using” Up “all” my Brane Powwer!
I sined up for a coarse In Femmanist Jograffy becose i am “taking” al themb Moth Hoarmoans to make me Into A Wimmin and than i Whill Be a reel Femmanist but it is sooo “hard” becose now thay are Moving “all the plaices” aruond to Other Plaices!!!
Like Jepan for instants! Jepan it is in Ohio butt now i has to lern it is Somware Elsse!!! In Femmanist Jograffy now Jepan it is in Arrazona and Arrazona thay moved It to Affricka!! This hear it is dun becose of Femmanist Apissta-Mollajy and yiu has to be Inter-Sexional to unnerstand Waht “that” “meens”!!! My hedd it is pownding!!
The Prefesser she tolled us yiu has “got to” go Beeyond Gender and i gess i Whas Rong becose i dint Know “thare” was a Beeyond Gender ennything!!
Evin Wurst! That thare coarse in Femmanist Jograffy it “costs” a Extra $Thowsend Dolars pur Samester and yiu “know” i hasnt got that kyned of Muney!!!!! so i has got to Pay by “beeing” “the prefesser’s Serphent!! i has to Go to her Appartamint and whash disshes and vacume and duo her lawndry and ohboy i dont “Know How” to fix lawndry and her cloths thay Came Out all torn and derty whith Goofy Colores i dont know “watt” she is goingto Say wen she fines Out!!! So i had had to Hyde themb clothes Under the Bedd and hoap she dont See “themb”!! and aslo i kep getting The “whashing masheen mixed” up whith the Stoave and then there whas a reely bad Fyre!!! lucky four me she wasnt hoam!!! Wauter wauter evryware,, bye the Time i “put” it out!! Butt usully she is Hihgh on somthing so she dont “knotice” a Lot of things!!!
Anyboddy whoo thinks “being” a Interllectural it is Eazy, thay are krazy!!!!!!
If you still think college is the place to go to get an education, think again.
Of course, you can learn all about Feminist Geography in college, while heaping up $100,000 in student debt. But what is “Feminist Geography”?
Turn we unto Wikipedia, which says Feminist Geography is “a process of situating geographical research on an intersectional foundation thereby examining axes beyond gender to incorporate positions of race, class, ability, sexuality, etc. Through this practice, feminist geography prioritizes praxis within the field as established in feminist epistemology.”
Cleared that up for you, have I?
Please! No more public funding for colleges and universities! Such a flagrant waste of money is a sin.
How come it’s so easy for frogs, but not for people?
Some of our great colleges and looniversities are trying to find out what an “adult” is (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11710). Nobody seems to know. There appears to be a lot of tension. At what point, exactly, does one become an “adult”? And how do you get out of it?
Is it when you can drink adult beverages and watch adult movies?
“You know, that’s a pretty good answer!” says Dr. Emmet Landfill, department head of Nothing Studies at Wrongful Death University. “If they sell you the booze and let you in to see the movie, you’ve made it!”
But other academics, equally learned and wise, disagree.
“At no point in life does any human person ever become an adult!” asserts Professor Gertrude Windex, dean of fuzzy puppies at East Pakistan Teachers College. “For pete’s sake, why do you think we’ve invented the term, adulting? Adulting is a process, man! Like a Monopoly board with an infinite number of squares! And anyone who says otherwise should be expelled!”
So no one agrees. In fact, the only thing the the professors all agree upon is that everyone should go to college and stay there for as long as possible.
Whell, jist in Time,, i joyned our collidge’s Pro Choyce Cacas! and thay has gived Us “alll” a liszt of New Yeer’s Rezzalutoins!! The Pro Choyce Cacas thay maded al Our “choyces” fore us,; how grate is that??? Al wee has to do Is “obay” themb!!!
And hear thay are!
We Rezolfe to whare only “the” Cloathes the Cacas says we “has” got to whare Evry Day!!
We Rezolfes to reed “The” Handmade’s Tail over and ovar agin and keap Reeding it so we know “it bye” hart!!
We rezolfes to get Inta Canfrontaycions whith christins and conserfatiffs Evry Day and keap Doingit “untill” thay Minds thay are rihght!!!
We rezolfes to go to Bed evry Nihght wen the Cacas say we shuld!
We rezolfe only “to” use themb brandnew Pro Nouns that the Cacas thay has jist maded Up,: like Gzee and Gzaa and Gzuu and Lunnabunna and a “lot of” Others,, i has not yett Bin Abel to memberyze themb alll, “thay are” for al the New Genders that has got “to be” Re-speckted!!! Al themb Old Pro Nouns thay “are” Trans Foabbick!!
Aslo we has got to say “the” F Bomb at leest Oncet in evry sentints becose this hear it Willl aleavvyate globbal Povverte and Sex Ism!! I all reddy started Doingit but that stopid lee he is “goingto” deeleet al my F Balms!! [Editor’s note: You got that right, Joe.]
And aslo tooo we Rezolfe to Hate all the hatters and biggits That are “arond” hear on the Campas and to Hate themb “until” thay jist Drop Dedd!!!!!
So thoze thay are all “The” Rezzalutoins that The Pro Choyce Cacas thay has choze for us!!
