Joe Collidge on Electric Cars

Extension Cord | The Japan Times

Well heer I amb back “on” my reggler Day–and Its High Tyme the guvvermint foarced awl themb stopid peeple To “by” Eelectrick Cars!!!! Butt the One Thing “I” cant figgre Out “is” haow “to” menage the Extention Chords!!!

Okay, ware do themb doapes who Isnt “in” Collidge think thar’e gonna Go ennyhaow?? Wy do thay Evin has Cars??? Evin “so”,, affter a cupple Hunnerd (^100) feet or So, I wood think themb chords thay wood Get “awl tanggld” Up whith Fiyer Hydrints “and” stuph!!!!!! We hadded one of them Exetention Chords on our “fambly” Chrissmiss Tree oncet “and” sumb-boddy thay Trippt “over It” and “the” hole Thing it fell Daown!!!!! (I got blaymed foar It tooo!!)

Ovbiusly “the” Best Thing to doo whith “cars” is to ferget themb Extrention Coards and get ouat “And” pussh!!!!!! Thay cood awlyaws maik Cars “whith” moar Weels so yiu cood pussh themb Fasster!!!!!!!

Enny-haow thares Too menny ordrinary dum peeple Dryving awl araound The plaice,, yiu shood oawt to has a Collidge Deegree befoar thay “let” yiu Dryve!!!!

Thay say “the” eelectrick Cars thay willl has Batterees–well thats a awffle Lot of Flasch-Lyte battrees, I amb sure the coards thay whil Wurk beter!!! Jist be cairffle Not “to” Trip ovar themb!!!!!!!!!!

By Request: Joe Collidge

Illustration of a house damaged by a car - Stock Illustration [93047433] -  PIXTA

I wussnt heer Last weeek becose “I” whent “to” sea Indira Joanes And ‘The” Dile of Destony, it “is” aslo cauled Indira Joanes 5 becose he Has “fyve” (^5) fingurs “on” one (^1) haand!!! I dint has munny Foar Pop Korn butt thare “was” plenity On “the” flore so i hadded somb Of “that”!”!

And “then” I heared The Awffle News!!! Out in Bosston a Sweeet Sociulist Countzil Wimmin she crashed her Car “intwo” a Haouse!!!! She dint Get killt or nothing butt “the Car” and “the Haouse” thay got Toattled!!!!! Ovbiusly it “was” Sisstembic Racism “that” maid her Cr”a”she!!!

And then i got “to Thinkin that “this heare” Axxidint it nepher woodof hapened in The Indira Joanes moovie and the hole “thing” it Was probbly Faike News jist to make Sociulusts “Loock” Bad!!!!!! I bett yiu Any-thing it was that Grate Movie that “was” reel and that so-caulled News “that was” Faik!!! Butt befour I cood “do” enny moar Thinkin,, i got Too sic to think and i hadded a “tarrible” tyme All Nite lawng!!!!

Well at leest I lurnt “a” Lessen!! It “is” The moovies that Are reel “and” the News “that” is faik!!!! And its tyme Jobydin he done somb-thing “Abuout” It!!!!!!!!

‘Evil Notions Never Die’ (2020)

George Bernard Shaw | Getty Images Gallery

George Bernard Shaw, supposedly one of the brightest bulbs on the 20th century’s tree, never met a dictator he didn’t like–Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin, he loved ’em all.

But one thing he didn’t much love was… people.

Evil Notions Never Die

Could you justify your continued existence to a “government board” who had the power to kill you?

Why did saps like Shaw think this was such a good idea?

He’s gone, but we still have arch-elitists who want to be our gods.

P.S.–Wouldn’t it be cool if self-anointed intellectual hot shots had to justify themselves… to Alexa?

I ‘Think’ I’l Get Fatt!!!!!

Fat Man Cartoon Images – Browse 18,348 Stock Photos, Vectors ...

Wow did I lern sumb-thing Grate “in” Nothing Studdies “this” mourning!!!!

It “Is” OK tobe fatt!!! In facked its moar “than” OK, it “is” Part Of Socile Jutstus!!! Becose being Thin it is Racist and Abelist and Cis-sumbthing!!!! Whye elss “do yiu” think a lot of skools thay “awl-reddy” has Queer Fat Studdies??

As laung “as yore” nevver Eeting Meate “and” ownly Eet Plant-Baste fooods,, yiu can put On “as mutch” Waite as yiu Can and evvry-Boddy elss thay has to Cellerbrate “it!”!”!”

I has awlyaws bin kined Of skinny butt nhow I think I shood be Fat!!!! Our Collidge it jist highered A Fat-Lisshis Wimmim tobe “The” Chare of a noo Queer Fat Studdiest Dipt. heer!!!! Awl yiu got “to Do” to get a deegree is “brayk The Skale wen” yiu Steppe on It!!!!! The klass it metes In “the” kaffateerier (of corse!) and yiu doughnt has To “taik” noats or enny-thing Lyke “that”‘, yiu jist has to Eet as mutch “as yiu” Can!!!!! I eeted A hole packidge of Oarios foar luntch tooday!!!!!!!!

“Thay” tell yiu its Un-hellthy tobe Over-waite butt thats jist Noarmuls being Fat Fobick!!!!

We Are awl-reddy “thinking” Of maiking It cumpulssary!!!!!!!!!!

This Here It ‘Is” The Ownly Whay ‘To’ Get Socile Jutstus!!!!

Person Heavier Stock Illustrations – 53 Person Heavier Stock Illustrations,  Vectors & Clipart - Dreamstime

We hased a spacial meting “of The” Stoodint Soviet too”day”!!! We sented a lettir “to” Pressadint Jobiden deemanding he maik “a” Eckzecutriv Odor that sworts Cittazins “into” diffrint Ranks whith “diffrint” Rihghts!!!!! Becose it “is” “the” ownly what we Can has Socile Juststus!!!! Awl this stuph abuot The Laws being “The Saim” foar evvry boddy,, it jist doughnt Whork!!!!!! True Equailitty it meens sumb peeple thay “Are” beter Than utthers!!!!

Like forinstints Crishchins and conserfatiffs thay shoodnit has Hardly enny rihghts At Awl!!!!! Wile Progrestives and Syintits thay shood has tuns “of” spacial Rihghts!!!! Trans peeple thay has got To “Be” whay Up Thare tooo!!!!!! Thay awlreddy Doo that in Candada!!!!! Thay caul “It” “Ballansing Rihghts”!”!”

Wye dint we “thinque” of This befoar???

Of coarse thare shood Be extra Rihghts for Trans peple!!!!!! I can not Umphasize this harrd Enuough!!!!!!!!!! Haznt thay Got “a” rihght to Be Cellerbraited??? Evry Groop thay shood has Spaciel Rihghts that groops douwn On “the” bottum haznt Got!!! And yiu shood get extra rihghts wen yiu “goe” to Collidge tooo! Lyke not paaying Off yore Stoodint Lone!!!!!!

‘They’ Is Crapola

(Way ahead of their time!)

So I’m gonna watch a documentary about the fall of Roman Britain. On comes the narrator to introduce it with a poem written by an Anglo-Saxon poet. One poet. Not two, or three, or a whole softball team’s worth of poets. One poem and one poet.

And wouldn’tcha know it–before you’re quite sure what you’re hearing, the narrator speaks of that one single poet as “they” and “them.”

I could not help commenting on how shameful and ridiculous it is to do that. And voila! I get an answer from the culprit, all about how it’s reel interllectural to say “they” instead of “he” and a lot of reel smart prefessters they say it too! Blah, blah.

I detest the way people try to show off by diving on board every stupid-ass bandwagon that trundles by. “Ooh-ooh, I’m smarter than you, I say ‘they’!” No you’re not. You’re not smarter than anybody. And if you have an ounce of integrity in you, it’s very well concealed.

Sorry, but I can’t respect you. There’s just nothing there.

We Win ‘The’ Debait!!!

Woman with pink hair pouring a glass of water over her head Stock Photo -  Alamy

We hased a de-bait At “the” Stoodint Soviet about whoo “is” Smarter, us intrallecturals heer “at” Collidge or awl themb ordrinary dum peeple out thare.! Ouor syde we “wer” Winning wen sumb boddy thay shode Up “whith” sumb Wine fromb The Wine Chapeau!! “Chapeau” is spelt Funny be-cuase it is Frentch for “Shampoo.” Frentch peeple thay doughnt know Haow To Spel!!!!!!

Thay ownly brung One bottel so we cuddnt awl has a Shampoo!!! So we desided “That” whooever winned “the” debait thay wood has the Shampoo!!! We wun eezy becuse Atfer awl,, peple whoo doughnt “go To” Collidge thay doughnt know Enny Thing at awl!!!!!

Butt sea,, this heer “is The” reezin wye themb dum pezzents thay shoold “just” Shut Up and “let” us Intrallecturals do awl The thinking!!!!!!!!! It “is” “the” ownly whay we wil evver has Soschialismb!!!!!! Yoo’d think “they wood Be” Grateful but that are moastly Racists so of coarse they “Are” stopid!!!!

And I amb Not gointo has enny moar Shampoo becose “it” hertz my Moth Antenners!! i bumpt Into threee (#!) treees wen i tryed To “go” Hoam!!!!

Fromb Pass “and’ Fale to Jist Pass!!!

Science with The Amoeba Sisters - Home

It taked somb yeers Butt we “fynoly” done It!!!!!

Frist we hadded Graides! Well evry-boddy thay knows “that” Graides thay “Are” Racist!!!!!! Thenn “it” whent To Pass & Fale! But evry-boddy thay knows that Pass-/Fale it is Abel-ist!!!!!

Now its Jist Pass, evry boddy thay Passes!!!!! No moar hurted Feeelings!!!!!! Butt “thare” is Still One Moar Steppe “togo”!”!”

Afftur foar (4!) yeers “In” Collidge,, Evry-boddy thay gets “the” Onners Deegree “of” Thair Choysse!!!!!!! I amb goingto Get a Deegree “In” Fizzicks,, i lyke fizzy Soder!!!! Thiss heer it is Haow Amairacka it is the Bestist-Eddicaytid Nashin “in” “The” Whirld!!!! This whil keeep Going “un-till” evry-boddy “inthe” U.SA has a addvants’d Deegree!!!!!! No othor Cuountrie cann Mach It!!!!!!!!

Naow yiu Are probbly aksing yore Selph “Haow comb he Putt “up” pixture Of Ameba Sissturs???”? Wal ghess waht!!? Themb too (2!) Ameba Systurs thay Wur “the” frist stodents to Get onners Deegrees “in” Past Lyves Of Souper Heeroes”!~” Awl yiu has to doo Is Show Up!!!!!!!!!!

Heer ‘Is” Waht We Reely Neeed!!!

The History Behind Teepee Dwellings- Teepee Joy Blog

Yiu “are” nhow loooking At “a” pixture of the New Dorm we jist bilt heer At Collidge!!! We has figgred Out “waht” we reely neeed heer Is “moar” oh dam this it “is” Hard to spel!!! OK i got it= “Indagent-I-Zayshin”!”!

Yiu Are probbly aksing yore Self “Whel waht dose That “meen”?”?” I whil tel yiu! It meens maiking evry Thing jist lyke it wuz wen it was jist Indignant Peeople livving heer!!!!! Naytiff Amairakans!!!!! and no boddy Ellse!!!

Somb Hater she sayed ‘Waht iff” no boddy “wants to live In T.P.s insted of billdigns witch has Air Cundissioning and Sentril Heeting?”?”? but yiu Cant say “things” “lyke” that arowned Heer so six “Of” us we beet her Up!!!! She puled Out “one Of” my moth antcenners tho And “that” reely hert!!!!!

Fromb nhow On evry boddy thay has to Live “in” T.P.s becose That “is” “haow” It wuz befour Wyte peeple caime “And” ruinded Evry Thing!!!!!! Lookit Elizzabith Worrin!! Yiu can be Shure she is goingto Get Ridd “of” her stopid “Houwse” and live In “a” T.P. fromb nhow On!!!!! Heer At Collidge we “are” Tryying to has as mutch Intagratty as her!!!!!

Butt it whil Still “be” OK for reely impotant Peeple to live In Houwses!!!!

‘Mis-Reading “Ulysses”‘ (2017)

Ulysses james joyce hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy

Naaah, I think I’ll pass!

[Sighs nostalgically] Here’s a post I put up back when we could all comment and enjoy a conversation.

Mis-Reading ‘Ulysses’

Sorry, but Serious Mainstream Litterature That Intellectuals Really Like has always bored the dickens out of me. How do those books get such great reputations?

In Huckleberry Finn, two con men put on a show that’s so bad, people will be afraid to admit they ever went to see anything that bad and so they’ll lie and say it was good, and the con men will make a lot of money.

I think we’ve all been conned.