Rubella State University has instituted a set of new policies that will make sexual harassment “totally impossible,” says the school’s dean of Diversity Enforcement, Dr. Sylvia Jidrool.
Starting in the fall semester this September, Rubella will ban “all forms of interpersonal interaction,” explains the dean. Students will have to wear blindfolds to, from, and during class and will be forbidden to speak to one another. “No looking, no talking, no touching–no communication of any kind!” says the dean. “Like, if you can’t say anything at all, you can’t say anything wrong. We’re kind of surprised no one’s thought of this before.”
The new rules will not apply to anyone who has made a donation of $500 or more to the Democrat Party. That would be 98.9% of university personnel. For a donation of $1,000 or more, no rules of any kind apply.
But for everyone else, says Dr. Jidrool, “interpersonal interactions will be totally forbidden. Mind you, we do expect our students to keep their Sexual Performance Journals up to date! But you have to do it without seeing, speaking, or touching.”
Some limited communication will be permitted in the form of hand-held bicycle horns.
Sorry, but I can’t spot any rapes in progress. Can you?
It’s getting harder and harder to unpack leftid feminist babble and translate it into English.
Writing for the Portland University Ungendering Research Initiative, whatever the deuce that is, a Ph. D. in Feminist Studies has excoriated city dog parks as places fostering “rape culture and queer performativity” (https://www.thecollegefix.com/post/45648/). She attempts to show how “human companions [people walking their dogs, I think] foster and perpetuate masculinist systems of communal oppression across species” and calls the parks “rape-condoning spaces.”
You’re gonna need a bigger Blather Bingo card.
This is what your collidge tuition dollars buy, folks. Gibberish.
You want your sons and daughters to be “educated” by these kooks because… Fill in the blank and win a prize.
Try to enjoy the hard work you have to do to pay for this.
I think the word that’s truly worn out its welcome with me is “inclusion,” and its adjective form, “inclusive.”
Uh, where is it written that everything has to be “inclusive”? Like, unless it includes everybody you can possibly imagine, it’s not allowed to include anybody.
This is poop.
“Inclusive” words would have no meaning. You have to exclude lots and lots of meanings for any particular word to have a meaning. And how could any kind of group or organization exist, if it genuinely practiced “inclusion”? There is no such thing as a category which includes bloody everything. “We’ve got real inclusion on our college Play-Doh team! Everybody in the world is in it!” Which they’d have to be, or it would fall short of total inclusion.
In ancient days, God confounded the language of mankind (ooooh! I haven’t included wimmin!) at the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11).
Nowadays, total confusion is a do-it-yourself project.
We had “a” Big Protest last nihght becose Some Racists thay ogranyzed a Sqare Dants and Sqare Dantsing evry boddy “Knows” it is Racist!! It “is” so Wite it “is” Diskusting! All us Interllecturals we say So and yiu has To beleave “us” becose we Are mutch Smarter then yiu!!
Thay shuldof stoppped “that” Dants as soon As we strated our Protest but No! thay jist kep on doingit!! but thenn we fowned out “the” Racist who ogranyzed the Sqare Dants he has got One “of” thoze litle tiny Smartcars so a buntch of us We pickedit Up and we dumped it “in” The pond!! Ha Ha! Splashh! only then Layter that gye he come “Out” of the haull and drived off In “anothre” Smartcar it was blew Insted “of” red so It shure loooks like We dumpted the rong Smartcar in the Pond uh-oh!!! So whe has got to Hyde “For A” wile butt it Is “not” goingto stop Us from pro-testing we wil Keep doingit untill evry Vesatage of Wite Coltcher it is Dissapeered!!!! And then pressadint Obamma he wil “come Bacck” and be our Pressadint agane fourevver!!! and aslo the hole Contry it wil be Rhuled by Us Introlecturals and it wil “Be A” Socilist Yutopier fourevver!!!
And i amb hapy to Ad that our Gender Studies prefesser thay gived “Us” al extry Creddit for dumpting the car In “the” Pond evin thohgh it was the rong Smartcar becose Affterall it Is “the” thawt that cownts!!!!!!
We had a Sex Show hear at Collidge yeasterday “and” i was Trying “so” hard to hoock up whith “a” Trans Wommin but My Moth Antenners thay “kep” getting In “the” weighy and it maked me unhapy untill “I” find this Boooth whith a sine on it it sayed “Let Me desine Your Sex Bot”!!! Oboy!
Wel the Delucks Moddle it costed whay too Mutch i culdnt afourd it but the guy in the Boooth “he was” real Smart,, he “is” a Ingineer Stodent and he sayed he “can” bild me a spacial Sex Rowbot out of a “old” Toester Ovin and aslo some Car Parts and its OK that i hasnt got no Munny insted of munny “I” can be his Slayve for a wile!!! it is OK four me “to” bea a Slayve becose i amb Coccasian or somthing!
So he is goingto get to wurk on bilding my “own” Cusstum Maid Sex Rowbot and i jist cantt whaite untill its Done!! I did assk him if “he” culd make it has Artafistule Intellagints and he sayed the Rowbot it wuld “be” at Leest as Smart as me!!! Mayby even Smarter!
Man i thinck I amb in Loove!!!!
A small price to pay for straight A’s for every female STEM student
I hate It “when” a collidge Gets “a” reely grate idear And thenn chickins Out!!
This hear prefesser he Had “a treemendace” idear, he Was goingto Up feemail stodents grades a level or two that Means a C it wuld Be a A jist so thay culd All pass his STEM corses (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=10918) and whatt do you know, stopid Unavercity of Akron thay tolled him he culdnt “Do” it!!! I dont know whye thay calll it STEM whenn its jist Sciance but so whatt??
He sayed it “is” prat of a Nacionile Moovmint to get feemails “in to” theese hear STEM corses becose thay amb not Enuhgh feemail stodents in thare and thenn “the” unavercity thay chickined out!!!
Wel hear At our Collidge we got moar Interellecturals then thay “has got” at Akron and our Stodent Soviet we arre goingto take That grate idear All The Whay!! We are goingto to give All Feemail stodents a A in evry Single corse “thay” take, thay wil attomatickly Ace evry Thing!!! Waht a Tryomp for Wimmins Rihghts!!!! and thenn whenn thay Gradureight thay can get Anny Job thay want!! Unles thay dont whant no Jobb becose Work it blows!!
We are aslo Thinking abote pasing “a” Resalution to get The Law changed so “that” it wil be illeagle not to hire a wimmin for anny Job thay whant becose Now thay willl al be Qalifyed for evry jobb becose thay “got” Strait A in collidge!! This it wil meen lots more Feemail Airline Pilates and Hart Sturgeons and evin arkatechts!! Evryboddy wil get “anny job” thay ask four!!!
It soneds like Utopier to me and i Cant weight!!!!!
Tuition at Cornell Looniversity is $70,000 and change per year: the high cost of twaddle.
A few days ago, a Cornell student presented her senior thesis in her underwear. (https://townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/2018/05/15/cornell-student-presents-senior-thesis-in-her-underwear-n2480750)
First she showed up in cutoffs and an old shirt. When a professor ventured to ask whether such attire was appropriate to the occasion, the student went on a babble about “women’s rights” and “systemic oppression”–apparently there is now a “right” to deliver your thesis in your underwear–she stripped down to bra and panties and encouraged her fellow students in the audience to do the same: which 28 of 44 did.
The professors let it pass without taking any action or making any further objection.
I remember the defense of my thesis with some pleasure. No students–just me and some of the top-ranking profs in the Political Science Dept. My topic was “A Systemic Analysis of the Viking Age,” featuring the likes of Harald Bluetooth, Ragnar Hairy-Britches, and Olaf the Peacock: sort of a Norse Mafia. We all had a good time. Someone should’ve brought beer and peanuts.
But I didn’t do it in my underwear. They would’ve kicked me out so fast, my shadow would’ve lost me.
This is Higher Education, 2018. You work your fingers to the bone to send your daughter or your son to college, with the costs going as high as the sky, and this is what you get.
Don’t do it anymore. Please. Our country can’t stand it.