Tag Archives: foolish intellectuals

Wye I dont Brusch my teeeth No Moar!!!

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The grate Thing abuot Collidge “is” we lern stuff we nevver knowed befour!!

Frinstints, yeasterday i lernt that Brusching yore Teeeth it is Racist!!! Evry Wyte Parson who brusches his Teeeth he “is” “a” Racist!! and aslo “it” is No Good for Peple Of Culler to brusch thare Teeeth ether becose “that” it Is Acting Wyte!!!

Yiu wood be supprized at “all themb” Things thatt turns Out “to Be” Racist!! i amb so Gladd i swiched my Majer to Nothing Studdies becose now i amb lerning all kinda things Thay “are” Racist and yiu woodnt nevver know “It” iff yiu didnt Goto Collidge!!!

Hear are “some Moar” Things that “are” aslo Racist that yiu probly didnt Know abote:;- Sun Screeen, shooe laces,, maiking yore Bed ((evin thuohgh i nevver do that anyhow), Drinking Millk, whaching cat viddios {i dont do that neether!! i alreddy knowed that it is Racist],, Bying Stuff at the Stoar, and aslo that orinj stuff “thay calll” it Tang or som Thing!! i amb so Greatfull to Nothing Studdies becose thay teached me that!!!

I cant hardly Whaite untill i Gradurate and then get a Mastres Deeegree and than a PhuD and than I can “be” “a” Prefesser of Nothing Studdies!!!


‘What is Truth?’ (2013)

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According to assorted intellectuals, we’re living in the “post-truth” era, hooray, and anyway there’s no such thing as true truth, there’s only “your truth” and “my truth,” blah-blah-blah…

https://leeduigon.com/2013/08/29/what-is-truth/

I find it frightening, the ease with which constant repetition from movie stars, celebs, politicians, and academics changes what people perceive to be the truth. Hence “transgender.” They stuff us full of lies and the next thing you know, half the country’s crying “More! More! More!”

God defend us.


Moar Grate idears fromb Collidge!!

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Collidge is jist So grate, this hear Is “the” plaice for Grate Idears!

Yeasterday we hadded “a” Stodent Soviet meting and we de-sided to has New Eye Contack Ragulasions!!! See, If yiu “dose” too mutch Eye Contack, “it is” Sexural Harasssmint! Butt iff yiu dont do no Eye Contack “at” alll, then that it is “a” Microa Grecian!!! And ether whay yiu whind Up in Censativvitty Traning!!! Unlest yiu are in the Stodent Soviet,, than yiu “are” Exumpted!!!

Butt we has got Somthing evven beter then That!!! Our Cheef Comasar she is Goingto Run four Pressadint!!!!! She is been In Collidge sinst 1991 so she is reely Smart!!!!! Neckst yeer she whil probbly get her Batchler’s Deegree in Wimmins Introspectionul Ginder Studdies! So she whil be reddy to Be Pressadint,, she evin Looks like Hillery!

Jist nhow She belangs to the Socilist Workers Peeples Jutstus Vegan Party butt she whil seak the nombinacion fromb the Demmocrats thare isnt no diffrints anymoar and aslo now the rest “of” us we al got To “join” i hoap i can fined some Munny becose yiu “has” to pay Dooze!!

Wel we pased themb Eye Contack ragulacions the voat “it was” Unaminase Exept for this one stupid “doap” he voated Aginst It so we hadded to kick him “offf” “the” “Stodent Soviet” and aslo we busted his bysickle!!! that is waht hapens wen yiu Go Aginst Diversatty!!


‘Why I am a Liberal’ (Oh, Boy!)

Today I bit the bullet and tried to read a piece from the Bolshevik rag, The Nation, entitled “Why I am a Liberal.” After all, said the teaser, liberals have always led the struggle for freedom and liberty everywhere in the world. But then they wanted me to disable my ad blocker before I could read the whole thing, and it just didn’t seem worth doing.

Besides, I’ve already heard a number of answers to this perplexing question.

“I am a liberal because I don’t have the common sense that God gave an inchworm.”

“I am a liberal because I think all that stuff they’re doing in Venezuela is really, really cool and I want to see them do it here!”

“I am a liberal because my parents didn’t love me.”

“I am a liberal because a whole lot of smart people are liberals and I want to be like them.”

“I am a liberal because I want free stuff from the government.”

“I am a liberal because people who aren’t liberals are, like, totally stupid and we need a very big government to control them.”

“I am a liberal because Mayor De Blasio or somebody said we need the government to order our view of reality. Or something like that.”

“I am a liberal because Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is and I think she’s really hot.”

“I am a liberal because we need for people to be sorted into identity groups and ranked according to their respective degrees of victimhood. And I hope that sounded smart!”

“I am a liberal because all my professors in college told me I’d better be or I wouldn’t get good grades.”

“I am a liberal because I want to run the country and tell everybody what they can or can’t say, think, and do.”

As you can see, there are many compelling reasons to be a liberal–the list could go on til Doomsday, if I let it. I said “compelling,” not “good.” There’s just no accounting for what compels people.


I love Nothing Studdies!!

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[Editor’s Note: Now I can’t post a picture. I could post a picture ten minutes ago. Now I can’t. If you don’t hear from me any more, it means my head has exploded.]

I amb so hapy i swiched my majer “to” Nothing Studdies it is grate!! and one of the Profesters he sayed the cool “thing abote Nothing Studdies is yiu woont nevver get no job so yiu Wil has to stay in Collidge four the “Rest” Of yore life”!! Wel that Is grate becose Work it blows and whoo whants Some stopid job anyhow?? it is mutch moare Impotant to maike Socile Jutstus than Work!!

To day in “class” frist we played whith Play Doe and then we roled “on” The flore and then we seen “a” Car Toon and then we hadded a De-bait whoo wood win In “a” fyhght beatwean Spyder Man and Acqua Man and we lernt Nothing at all!

I know wat al yiu Racist Biggits out thare yiu “aregoingto” say,, that “Joe Collidge he is a toetle waist of Spaice”! Wel you willl al be Laffing out “the” Other Syde of yore Faice when all us Interllecturals we come “out” and voat for Beato or Alexander Whatsername or (I hoap!!!!!) HILLARY!! and thay get to Be Pressadint,, yiu whil not think “That” is So Funny!!! Ha-Ha-Ha on yiu!

And now i has got to Go Studdy so i whil be Reddy for the Prestilential Electoin in Octoeber or wenevver it Is.

[Great–it lets me post that stupid picture of the eyes…]

 


I Has lernt A lot!!!

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I amb so hapy i chainged my Majer to Nothing Studdies! I been lerning A hole Lot “of” Interllectural Things hear at Collidge!! Hear “are” just a “few” “of” themb!!!

Ratoinal Thauhght it is Racist “and” yiu shuddnt do it No moar!!

“The” best weay to Start yore brabaqiue is “to” pore Gender Fluid on it! Ownly yiu shuddnt nevver eat No Meat yiu shuld ownly gryll Okrah or Collie Flower!!

Super Heeroes thay “are” reel!!

Donold Trumpt he is a Knotsy and he “stoled” “the” Elleckcion fromb Hillery!! him and The Russhins!

Famblies thay are Paytree Arcle and Seckxist and aslo no goood “and” thare shuddnt be No Famblies and we kneed fore Cangriss to maik themb “Aginst” The law!!!!!

Thare used “to” be Whorld Guvvermint but greeedie Captulists thay recked it and Invented al themb Countrees,, thay done it All sneeky-like wen No Boddy thay was looking and it was probbly the christins’s Fawlt!!! Wen thare was the Whorld Guvvermint evry Thing it was Perficked!!!!!!

Povverty it is coaused by Not enuohgh Gayze in charge “of” stufff!!!

Wett wood it burns “the” best!!!

And yiu know “waht is” the Grate Thing abote all this??? I reely knowed it all The time!!!! It is wunderfull “to” lern Things yiu allreddy know,, it hellps yiu pass “the” coarse!!!


This It meens War!!!

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Well that Donold Trumpt he has did it “now”! He “is” goingto taik Awaeighy our Freedumb by fourcing “all The” collidges to has Free Speach and iff thay dont then thay dont get no Rheserch Grandts fromb the Fedral Guvvermint!!!

This hear is watt hapens “wen” yiu get a wyte spremassist knotsy for Pressadint! He is so Ingnorint,,, i bett he “nevver” wented to Collidge in his hole stopid lyfe!!!! He is like a,ll themb other ordrinary dum peeple thay dont “know” “that” Free Speach IT IS UNCONSATUCHINAL!!!

We jist lernt that in Nothing Studdies and i gess yiu dont “know” that unlest yiu has goed to Collidge!! Free Speach it is jist “anether” Naime for Hat Speach!!!! and neckst thing yiu know yiu has got biggits saying stufff!! Our collidge we has tryed to bee Nice abote it and so we has aloud “”Free Speach Zoans” like beheined the boyler Room “and” aslo in one of the Brooom Clozzits wen tha Janniter he is nott Using “it”!!! But doo yiu “thinck” the Haters thay was Contentt whith that??? NO!!!!! thay wants to “has” Free Speach evryware!!! that is wat hapens wen yiu trye “to be” nice to thoze peple!!!

Our Stodent Soviet we “are” not goingto “sit still” fore This!! so we has votid to Take Aweay themb twoo “Free Speach Zoans” that we had and has none of themb Instedd!! Lyke it sayes in our Stodent Hand Boock thare is reely “no sutch Thing” as Free Speach so yiu beter whatch wat yiu says!!! lets see how Thay lyke it now!!

And if we reely neeed themb Rheserch Grandts wel than “we” wil jist “Prindt Up” our Own munny and Use that!!! and donold Trump he “can” jist go Powned Sallt!!!!!


I amb geting Smarter!!

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Gee i shure hoap I “dont” get bannded “this” tyme like thay done “To” me lasst weak!!!

Now that i has eated Brane Flaikes i amb geting A Lot “smarter!”! I got a litle whurryed yeasterday “wen” i seen the guy pore themb out “Of” “a” Sereal Box but he sayed thats jist “to” keeep peple fromb Stealing Themb! But he sayed “it Was” reel Smart of me “to” “ask” the queschin!

And hear it is Anether Smart Thing i fowned out,, did yiu Know yiu Can Get “beter graids” in Collidge iff yore Fambly payes the Deen and the Prefesser lots and lots “of” munny?? Now i amb Mad at my fokes for Not Paying;; no wunder It “is” so Harrd fore me to Pass my coarses!!!! and i wudd Confront my dadd ownly he sayed he wuld has me Aresttid if I evver comed to his Howse agen!!!! How do yiu luyk that for Cheep!!!

Annyhow i been taking Tests for “the” Geye with the Brane Flaikes and Asing themb all,, i alyaws get 100 One Hunderd on themb Tests butt on my own Tests in Gender Studdies and Nothing Studdies i stilll stink!!! But nhow “I” know wye its becose my fokes thay dont pay fore me “to” “get” goood graids!!! Its lyke somthing out of the Hand Made’s Tail!!!!

Wel i got to Go now becose my Moth Antenners thay are wobbleing awffle bad and i am hungary and i seeen a pare of Jim Sox somboddy thay Leffted on a bentch and thay willl maik a nyce Luntch “iff ownly” i can Get themb “befour” somboddy Elsse dose!!!!!


I Has eated Brane Chips!!!

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I was so exited Wen i herd abuot “a” Sceyentits” he is Inventting Brane Chips thay willl maike yiu Smart!!! and i was even moar exited wen i mett “this” gye hear at Collidge he “is” maiking Brane Chips tooo!!! and then he telled me he “was” looking fore Somboddy “to” trye themb out!!!!

“Wel i wuld be hapy to try it i sayed”! But he sayed i wuld has to Pay for it Lotts of mony,, yiu “got to Pay” “One Hunderd $1 dollers!” Of corse becose of Captilism i hasnt got no Hunderd Dollers so he sayed wel “alrihght, jist give me” “alll yore mony then!” so i gived himb the Two Dollers $$ “that it is Not reely enuohgh he sayed “yiu got to give me Somthing “else” and he sayed i culd taik a cupple Tests “four” himb becose he didnt Feel “lyke” taiking them his self and then he gived me A “bole” of Brane Chips!!! Thay tasted jist “lyke” Coarn Flaikes! and aslo thay looked lyke Coarn Flaikes tooo and i sayed “Are yiu Shure theese are Reel Brane Chips and not jist Coarn Flaikes??”” and “wen Do i stort getting Smarter'”?? and he sayed See “yiu” are geting Smarter all reddy!!”

Wel woodnt yiu Know “it”! i taiked themb Tests thay was jeeograffy or Som thing and aslo Introseckshanul Lego Studdys,,, i didnt Know nothing abote themb sujbecks And yeti Ased themb annyweiy!!!!! that was reely Som thing becose thay are “alll” Egstra Smart Stodints in themb classses and Al Of themb Thay al got Ays!!! That jeeogriffey Test itt was reely Hard expeshelly that One Queschin “”Ware is North Amarica in reelashin to Sowth Amarica???–and i didnt even Know i knowed that!!! i dont rembember waht i ansered but It must of bin Rihght!!

As sune as i “can” Get moar Mony i whil by Annether Bole of Brane Chips and maby i can past my neckst Gender Studdys Test!!!!


Wow! More False Facts!

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What’s that you say? You’ve run out of Acme False Facts? Well, then, you’ll be happy to know the new set is to be issued next week. In the meantime, here are a few samples for you to try out.

Acme False Facts help you to establish yourself as a wise and knowledgeable person without going to the trouble to learn anything. All it takes is a bold front! Deliver your Acme False Fact in an authoritative tone, and don’t be afraid to back it up with imaginary sources. Whatever you say, say it with conviction! That’s what makes college professors and TV news anchors so successful.

Here you go. Try these:

Harcourt W. Smirch was President of the United States for seven weeks in 1839, but no one noticed.

According to the latest Plummer Poll [there’s no such thing, but people will be afraid to challenge you on this], 16.3 percent of Americans with eight or more years of college go on to be superheroes.

The world’s oldest baseball cards were manufactured in Persia in 1782. Today a Faraz Azwad, shortstop, Ecbatana Willies card sells for $902 million.

The Greenland beaver went extinct in May of 1952, but is now making a comeback, according to a UNESCO report.

Remember, say ’em like you know them to be true and only a thorough ignoramus would doubt you. And if anyone does dare to question you, just look at him a certain way and ask, in as condescending a manner as you can, “Are you in the habit of denying established facts?” That usually shrivels ’em up pretty fast.


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