One of these pictures has a bad word in it–but I couldn’t bear to discard the whole thing because so many of these pictures are just marvelous. Please don’t be offended.
From December 24, 2021
(Joe is a bit early with this, but he’s very enthused by the power it will give him)
We has Out-lawred “that holladay” heer At Collidge and re-plaiced “it” whith a Inkloosift Hollday witch “we” caul Whinter Festivvle!!!!!! And this hear It “is” “the” Prezzint thatt i whant Obamma Klaws to bring me!!! Grate Garlloo!!!!!!
This heer is a Toy maid by Karl Marx!!!!!! Hoaow grate “is” that???
Layter that Day “we” whil “Awll” sea The Hand-Made’s Tail it “is” awol abuote haow Meen charischins Are!!!!! Thay fourst wimmin To “has” baybes!!!!!!!!!! You caint Get a Bortion enny moar!!!!! that is watt hapens wen yiu has Donold Trumpt beeing pressadint!!!
Yiu can uze Grate Garrlloo to nock daown Churtches!! He whil “Be” yore Slaive!!!!!
[And I, the Editor, had better get to work today! Let Joe wander off to distant regions of the campus. Maybe he’ll learn something.]
I found this really funny. His friend will take the chance with the first dog, but is quite wary of the second one.
She’s not yet done with us. Ms. Crepuscular wishes me to add this message to her public:
“I was going to write about Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s expedition to Hamster Island, but readers’ brusque and ungrateful response to my literary marvels totally distracted me and made me lose the thread of my plot!
“Well, readers, you’ve only cheated yourselves! How you would have been delighted and fascinated by a visit to Hamster Island! Where hamsters have gotten entirely out of hand! Where they dominate every other form of life–and exercise on the hamster wheel is a Mandate!”
She has left the door open, just a crack, for a vast outpouring of apologies and sympathy from readers wishing to appease her.
But there’s nobody out there but impossible-to-please malcontents.
From August 1, 2020
G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, on what is sure to be forever remembered as an historic occasion!
Because on this day, a new science is born. Brand-new! In fact, if you want to earn a degree in it, the only place in the whole world where you can do that is right here at Quokka University! Because we have a monopoly on the new science of…
Cryptogeography!
Even as Cryptozoology is the study of animals that have to be found before they can be studied, because they may or may not exist, so is cryptogeography the study of places that may or may not exist. [Note to Board of Sages: we owe Phoebe S. an honorary doctorate in Cryptogeography, for coining the name.]
Did you ever try to go someplace and never get there–and you thought it was because you just got lost somehow? Well! Maybe the place was really there… and maybe it wasn’t. I mean, really, blimey, how do you get to Brigadoon, or Gondor, or the Seven Cities of Gold? Poor Coronado wandered all over the map and never found the place that he was looking for. How many times have you been told, “Just keep on going down Route Whatsit, and you can’t miss it”? And then you do miss it, because it isn’t there! But maybe, just maybe, it was there yesterday.
What makes lost cities lost? How do they get found again?
You can see the world’s been needing a science of Cryptogeography for quite a long time.
And as we say here at Q.U.–Ipso loquitur mannimota!
From January 4, 2019
Whell, jist in Time,, i joyned our collidge’s Pro Choyce Cacas! and thay has gived Us “alll” a liszt of New Yeer’s Rezzalutoins!! The Pro Choyce Cacas thay maded al Our “choyces” fore us,; how grate is that??? Al wee has to do Is “obay” themb!!!
And hear thay are!
We Rezolfe to whare only “the” Cloathes the Cacas says we “has” got to whare Evry Day!!
We Rezolfes to reed “The” Handmade’s Tail over and ovar agin and keap Reeding it so we know “it bye” hart!!
We rezolfes to get Inta Canfrontaycions whith christins and conserfatiffs Evry Day and keap Doingit “untill” thay Minds thay are rihght!!!
We rezolfes to go to Bed evry Nihght wen the Cacas say we shuld!
We rezolfe only “to” use themb brandnew Pro Nouns that the Cacas thay has jist maded Up,: like Gzee and Gzaa and Gzuu and Lunnabunna and a “lot of” Others,, i has not yett Bin Abel to memberyze themb alll, “thay are” for al the New Genders that has got “to be” Re-speckted!!! Al themb Old Pro Nouns thay “are” Trans Foabbick!!
Aslo we has got to say “the” F Bomb at leest Oncet in evry sentints becose this hear it Willl aleavvyate globbal Povverte and Sex Ism!! I all reddy started Doingit but that stopid lee he is “goingto” deeleet al my F Balms!! [Editor’s note: You got that right, Joe.]
And aslo tooo we Rezolfe to Hate all the hatters and biggits That are “arond” hear on the Campas and to Hate themb “until” thay jist Drop Dedd!!!!!
So thoze thay are all “The” Rezzalutoins that The Pro Choyce Cacas thay has choze for us!!
