Category Archives: Just for Fun

Cats and Technology

Be fair: what is a cat supposed to make of this exceedingly strange creature that looks and smells like an inanimate object, and then suddenly makes a funny noise and reaches out with some weird, flat appendage?

They have to protect themselves, their homes, and their stupid helpless humans from these alien beings.


The One Thing Black Rodney Hates Most of All (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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Violet Crepuscular introduces Chapter CCLXXXVII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, with a flourish: “Dear reader, you have surely been wondering what Johnno the Merry Minstrel has been doing while Lord Gromleigh and Lady Petunia, who is Lord Jeremy’s aunt, married to the Marquess of Grone, have been visiting Lord Jeremy at Coldsore Hall. If you haven’t, I fear you may be losing the thread of the story.” To say nothing of the thread of that sentence.

Well, Johnno has been busy in Scurveyshire’s Library of Forbidden Books. No one is allowed to go in and see the books–they are, after all, forbidden–but Constable Chumley has been so busy studying moles, he has rather neglected his duty to watch over the library and see that no one enters. In fact, it has been quite a long time since he paid any attention to it at all.

At dinner that evening, Johnno is called upon to perform Lady Petunia’s favorite song, I’ve Got Rabies, singing it while also playing it on his harmonica. This puts everyone into a festive mood except for the marquess, who wanted kippers for supper and didn’t get them.

“Johnno, ol’ hoss, that was great!” exclaims Lord Jeremy’s friend, the American adventurer Willis Twombley, who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad. “How’s about an encore?”

“Sir, I have something better than an encore!” Johnno replies. “I have discovered, through my perusal of certain ancient books whose titles are better left unsaid, the one thing most abhorrent to the spirit of Black Rodney–the one thing guaranteed to keep his evil presence from this house!”

“Kippers, I shouldn’t wonder!” grumbles Lord Gromleigh.

“Lord Jeremy, your troubles are over! Black Rodney will persecute you no more!”

“Well?” cries Lord Jeremy. “Speak up, man! What is it?”

Johnno takes a moment to beam beamingly, then answers.

“Antimacassars, my lord! Black Rodney can’t stand antimacassars! He won’t venture within 50 feet of one. All you have to do is place them on every piece of furniture in Coldsore Hall.”

“My word!” cries Lady Petunia. “But Jeremy–I don’t think you have any antimacassars.”

“That’s no problem, lady!” exults Twombley. “I sure hate them Babylonians, but you got to give the varmints credit for one thing–they make the best goldarn antimacassars in the world! I’m surprised old Queen Victwhatsername ain’t got a passell of ’em in her palace. There’s an English firm right there in London that imports ’em by the bloatload–Dombey & Son. Dirt cheap, too. Germy, old pal, we can order a whole cartful of ’em right away.”

Here Ms. Crepuscular accommodates the reader with a picture of an antimacassar. Three of them, in fact.

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Bonus Video: A Dawn Horse

The Eohippus, “Dawn Horse” (aka Hyracotherium), comes to life in one of my favorite movies, The Valley of Gwangi–another wonderful special effect by the stop-action wizard, the late great Ray Harryhausen.

James Franciscus is about to be tempted into a very great folly…

 


Cozy Cats

See? Cats aren’t aloof and snooty. How did that canard ever get started?

True, they would rather you didn’t read or write. Not when you could be paying attention to them instead. But I’m glad my cats don’t walk on the keyboard while I’m typing.


Rats Can Be Sweet

A lot of people don’t know this, but rats can be wonderful pets. They’re intelligent and affectionate–a good combination. Playful, too. And not hard to care for. What’s not to like?

When I had to bring one of our rats to the vet, she would ride on my shoulder and never jump off. People in the waiting room shied away at first, some with horrified expressions on their faces; but those sessions usually culminated in those very same people petting the rat and saying “kitchy-koo!” and other witticisms.

Be careful! They’ll win you over if you give them half a chance.


Wye I dont Brusch my teeeth No Moar!!!

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The grate Thing abuot Collidge “is” we lern stuff we nevver knowed befour!!

Frinstints, yeasterday i lernt that Brusching yore Teeeth it is Racist!!! Evry Wyte Parson who brusches his Teeeth he “is” “a” Racist!! and aslo “it” is No Good for Peple Of Culler to brusch thare Teeeth ether becose “that” it Is Acting Wyte!!!

Yiu wood be supprized at “all themb” Things thatt turns Out “to Be” Racist!! i amb so Gladd i swiched my Majer to Nothing Studdies becose now i amb lerning all kinda things Thay “are” Racist and yiu woodnt nevver know “It” iff yiu didnt Goto Collidge!!!

Hear are “some Moar” Things that “are” aslo Racist that yiu probly didnt Know abote:;- Sun Screeen, shooe laces,, maiking yore Bed ((evin thuohgh i nevver do that anyhow), Drinking Millk, whaching cat viddios {i dont do that neether!! i alreddy knowed that it is Racist],, Bying Stuff at the Stoar, and aslo that orinj stuff “thay calll” it Tang or som Thing!! i amb so Greatfull to Nothing Studdies becose thay teached me that!!!

I cant hardly Whaite untill i Gradurate and then get a Mastres Deeegree and than a PhuD and than I can “be” “a” Prefesser of Nothing Studdies!!!


Not-so-Guilty Cats

Any dog, confronted with evidence of such misdeeds on his part, would be consumed with shame–not that that would ever stop him from doing them in the first place. The cats in this video are billed as “guilty,” but to me their expression much more seems to say, “What are you talking about, you ridiculous biped?” They don’t do shame very well.


Welcome to Inchworm Rodeo

As promised, here’s my coverage of the 77th annual Inchworm Rodeo.

The video shows the floor exercise performed by the gold medal winner, Howdy, owned and trained by The Living Legend of Inchworm Rodeo, Mr. V.J. Sunderbhai of Febrile, Vermont. Also known as “The Inchworm Whisperer,” Mr. Sunderbhai’s worms have won more gold medals than everybody else’s put together. Incredibly, his inchworm filly, Pocahontas, took a silver medal in Dangling From a Strand of Silk, and two of his worms won medals in Cocoon Spinning.

We need not dwell upon the calamity that occurred at last year’s Inchworm Rodeo, and momentarily threatened the continued existence of the entire Inchworm Rodeo industry. Shrewd planning averted the kind of disaster that overwhelmed the city of Popgun Ridge. The less said about that horror, the better.


Eccentric Cats

Have you ever wondered how many cats it takes to corral a single jumping spider? I mean, like, most people do… Anyway, find out in this video.

Cats: they live in our world, and make it theirs.


Let’s Celebrate with a Comment Contest

The Temptation (Bell Mountain, 11) by [Duigon, Lee]

I received my author’s copies of The Temptation today, and I thought the occasion ought to be made more festive.

So let’s have another comment contest!

Yeah, I know the Bell Mountain Movie Contest kind of went belly-up, with only seven readers entering–although those seven did play with a lot of enthusiasm. But experience has shown that the comment contests always work.

Currently we have 42,000-plus comments; so let’s shoot for 44,000.

Anyone can play, all you have to do is leave a comment anywhere on the blog, and whoever posts Comment No. 44,000 will win an autographed copy of The Temptation. We’ve had many comment contests over the years, and a lot of you have been winners. Don’t feel guilty about winning again! It’s a new book, after all; and if you already have it, you can keep the one I send you and make a present of your other copy. Or whatever.

The contest is open to all, and all comments are eligible except for the following: comments abusive to anyone else on the site; comments containing profanity or blasphemy (we don’t do that here!), ads thinly disguised as comments, like we’re too dumb to see through that, and comments simply too inane to bother with.

Let’s see how long it takes to rack up a little less than 2,000 more comments. It sounds like a lot, but you’ll be surprised how fast it goes.


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