Category: Just for Fun

The Private Life of Violet Crepuscular (‘Oy, Rodney’) REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From July 2, 2023

a gripping page-turner headed for the top of the NY Times bestseller list | Romance novels, Funny romance, Book parody

“My private, personal life,” writes Violet Crepuscular, preparing to burrow into Chapter DCXLIII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, “is almost as passionate and exciting as the lives of my various characters in my epic romance, Oy, Rodney.” [Editorial comment: Oh, do shut up!]

“Even as I plotted the eruption of Mt. Scurveyshire,” she continues, despite protests, “I was being courted by my neighbor Mr. Pitfall’s evil but incredibly dashing cousin, Mr. Stinky. He is on leave from somewhere. He read my latest chapter and immediately proposed marriage to me!” [“Honestly, your honor, I had no idea how absolutely awful this book would be before I published some of it…”]

Ms. Crepuscular continues, rather like a tank rolling over weakly-defended trenches: “At this point I was considering having the hibernating rhino wake up and run amok; but in order to keep the suspense going, I’ve put it off. Instead, we are going to go to The Lying Tart and see what that ritual poking business is about.” For a more detailed explanation, she turns to Constable Chumley.

“Fthairvin, yodz, I habna raickle shifft!” “No one says it better!” chimes in Ms. Crepuscular. “Is that suspense, or what!”

We are unable to confirm or refute a rumor that William Shatner has agreed to reprise his old Star Trek role, Captain Kirk, if they ever make a movie out of Oy, Rodney. Johnno the Merry Minstrel says it’s a sure thing… but who can believe a fictional character?

By Request: Byron’s Baby Picture REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

See the source image

From May 29, 2019

While I grow older and vegetate in the doctor’s waiting room this morning, we have a request from “Unknowable” for Byron the Quokka’s baby picture. Always happy to oblige, so here it is.

There is, of course, a whole family album to trot out; but Byron eschews celebrity status. I am not sure he knows what “eschews” means. The last time I used that word, he said “Gesundheit.”

Dont Read That Guy’s Books!! Joe Collidge REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From July 3, 2015

I wasnt going to come and do this blog today, becuse I had to do work for my Gender Studies degree and it was those Self-Esteem Crosword Puzles that all filled in already, not like them Sexist crossword puzles with the empty boxxes. But my prefesser he said I have to come and tell peple not to read that guys books. Well I hasnt read them I said, but he told me to come here anyhow, and also he tole me everthing I need to know about the books.

So I am telling you dont read Bell Mountan, it is suposed to be fantersy but there isnt nothing in it but Heteronormatifity and Climate Change Denail and most of all a whol lot of religin stuff. Ther ouht to be a law aginst readin books like that, and also aginst the law to rite them. I hope Hillery is presdent soon so she can make it aginst the law.

And also the books that come after that Bell Mountan they arnt any good ether. I am glad I hasnt read them, and yuo better beleve we got no books like that here in collidge. I warn yuo, if you reed any of thes books you will nevver becom a interllectural.

So if you read any of thos books by that guy, yuo are a Racist and a Homo-phob, and yuo hate woman and want to reck the Planet but we wont let you. Also yuo are stopid and Anti-Sceince and aslo you are a Religis Fanatick who beleves in God wich prooves yiu are not a interllectural.

Well thats all for now, I has to go bye some Amerikkkan flags to burn becose tomorow’s the forth of July and we doing a big Protest for extra credit.

Violet Crepuscular’s Fan Mail (‘Oy, Rodney’) REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Lord of the tube socks | Romance novels, Funny romance, Book humor

From January 31, 2021

Introducing Chapter CDI of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular takes a break from the plot and inserts extractions from some of her fan mail. She is hampered in this exercise by an inability to read. Otherwise she would never have let some of these letters see the light of day.

“It’s not that I can’t read at all,” she hastens to explain. “It’s just that I can’t read stuff that people write.” We are glad she’s cleared that up. “Fan mail,” she adds, “proves that you’ve got readers.”

From Cindy Indy, Rawalpindi: “Dear Ms. Crepuscular, your novel proves to be an effective decay-preventive dentifrice when used in a program of conscientious oral hygiene and regular professional care.”

Ozzie Spore, New York: “Your book is the only thing that keeps me living.”

Ms. June Spumoni, Bad Axe, Michigan: “My pet emu bit and kicked me after I lined his cage with pages from your wretched novel.”

Tom Popocatepetl, Jurassic Park, Hawaii: “How do you spell your name?”

“I have taken some flak for the elegant way in which I got rid of the monsters that had overrun Scurveyshire,” Ms. Crepuscular confides in her readers. She has run out of fan mail and needs to fill the rest of the chapter somehow. Harking back to her days in grade school, she writes in longhand, 100 times, “I must not waste paper.”

Some animal pics to lighten your day. New.

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Byron the Quokka vs. Joe Collidge: It’s War REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

G’day! Why did the quokka cross the road?

To try to get some views!

Byron the Quokka here, mates; and it looks like our little bet with Joe Collidge, over who can get the most views, is getting out of hand. Joe has his whole Student Soviet compulsively clicking onto his last post. Good thing they forgot you have to turn the computer on first. Like, if you don’t see anything on the screen, there’s nothing there.

Here at Quokka University, we don’t cheat but we’ve only got the one computer and everybody here has already seen my last TV listings. So we are relying on humans who do not live on Rottnest Island to help us hold our own against those wackos at the college. We do not want to lose the bet and have to give that simpleton an honorary degree from Quokka University–and be laughed at by wombats for the rest of our lives.

Give us a leg up, eh?

Some more great animal pix!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Some of these are really priceless.

Byron’s TV Listings, July 26 REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide July 20, 1981 Los Angeles 5 a.m.-8 p.m.

G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend’s worth of glorious, glamorous, gargantuan TV! Brought to you by Quokka University, where illusions go to die. (All right, I don’t know what I meant! It just sounded cool.)

Saturday

2:42 p.m.   Ch. 45  COCCYX MAN–Superhero drama

What if your coccyx was more than just a coccyx? What if it made you a superhero? That’s exactly what happened to Marcus Farkus (Willis McGeek) when he was trying to clean up the laboratory at night and slipped and fell into a vat of heaven knows what. Prof Knopf: Leo McKern. Woozie Suzie: Hsiang K’e-bang.

Sunday

4:17 p.m.  Ch. 16   SAN FRAN SHRUBS vs. CHARLESTON PAPERWEIGHTS–Sports (after a fashion)

Join celebrity broadcasters Herschel Worthless and Annie Victanny as the two big-league teams go at it! Object of the game: To remain perfectly still the longest! Move too early and you’re out! Sponsored by Ugly Bald Man Weiners.

6:11 p.m.  Ch. 44   LAPSY THE WONDER DOG–Indescribable suspense

No one will believe Lapsy when she tries to warn Farmer YoHo (George “Sparky” Blotz) and his family of talking axolotls. Lapsy must act! Will it do any good to chew up a lot of coarse grass and get terribly ill? We’ll see! Mrs. Bobble: Anne Francis.

So there you have it, folks–this week’s highlights. I can’t wait to see who’s best at remaining perfectly still for hours at a time!

Quokka | National Geographic Kids

Gee, I wonder if that bike is up for grabs…

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

The Forgotten Worlds of Joe Collidge REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Free Abandoned School Hallway Image | Download at StockCake

 

“”The Presisstints of Memry”” by Sal Maglie (oar sumb-boddy)

From April 27, 2025

I dunno whAt hes Talking “about!”!” I hasnt forgot nothing!!!! Hes the One Whoos loosing “his”” Memry!!

Our Nothing Studdies prefesser, Dr. Limbo, “he has” Starrted a Exspearmint and I sined Up “tobe” In It!!!!!!

What “if” we was awl Baybys wen we starrtid Collidge?? And lyke 18 oar 19 oar twinty20 yeers Old wen we starrtid Kintergardin??? Prefesser Limbo he “says it” wood maik Us “beter human beans”!”!” So nhow wen We “go” To lextures and stuff,, we gots to ware Dypers and be in Craydals and drink Millk fromb Bayby bottels.

And the prefesser he says “Try” to “Forgett (!) evry thing you Evver lernt sints yiu frist wendt “to” Kintergardin” so yiu Can lurn All Oaver Agin!!!!!!!”” And sumb of us we doughnt “has to” try tooo hard!!!

Has we bin “livving” Backwords awl Thiss tyme??? Betcha we did!!! We shooda STARRTED in Collidge wen we was Baybys and whorked Out “whay” baCk to Kindygarddin!!!!

We whil Get It Ryte thiss tyme!!!!

Does Your Dog Watch TV? REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Here’s one of those bulldogs who’s become famous by reacting to what he sees on TV. And yet a lot of other dogs completely ignore it. Ditto with cats: some get into TV and some just don’t.

I have to admit the barks scared me more than the movie.