Mad Dentist Bites Alligator!

Favorite Films: Carnival of Souls | tarnmoor

Please pardon the lurid headline. I couldn’t resist it.

Thursday was bad and Friday was worse–one damn thing after another, all day long. By suppertime Patty and I were blitzed.

We need to relax this weekend; and a thing we both find relaxing is old-fashioned black-and-white horror movies. Patty nominated Carnival of Souls. And y’know what? That movie’s just the ticket. The set alone–a deserted boardwalk/carnival out in the middle of nowhere–is worth your time. I wonder what it would really be like to walk there, all alone.  Ooooh! Scary, boys and girls!

Again I’ve reached the point where the nooze starts to look like it’s all the same story, and not one that you’d want to hear. Work hard, pray harder, sing louder. It’ll take God’s grace to get us out of this. I won’t ease up on the prayers until I see a lot of prominent Democrats taking off for countries with which we don’t have extradition treaties.

Hello out there! What are some of your favorite fright flicks? Maybe we’ll watch one of them.

 

 

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 24

multiple image galleries

Yo-ho-ho, Byron the Quokka here with a weekend of spectacular TV! Here’s a little sample of what we’ve got lined up for you.

6:15 P.M.  Ch. 55  NIGHTLY GNUS–(Don’t ask)

Everything you want to know about wildebeests! Anchored by Jimmy Fraud–the absolute low point in his career. You don’t know what torment is until you’ve seen a journalist try to interview a gnu!

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 08  ALL ALONE AT THE MOVIES–Movie reviews

How about those movies that no one gets to see before they’re pulled out of circulation? Movies like Buccaneers vs. Sea Monkeys. Or The June Taylor Dancers Visit the Tomb of Svashnach the Terrible. Your hosts, Joe Collidge and Greta Thunberg, have seen ’em all!

Ch. 21  THE TWADDLERS–Sitcom with metaphysical overtones

Suddenly the Twaddlers have an extra grandpa (Felipe Alou) hiding in the closet! While Spurius (Gabby Hayes) frantically checks the family tree, Flotsam (Heather Locklear) tries to make borscht for the third grandpa before he carries out his threat to speak The Deplorable Word. King Edward III: Art Carney. The Other King Edward: Warren Oates.

7 P.M.  Ch. 16  MOVIE–Really stupid ‘Moby Dick’ wannabe

“Gimme That There Harpoon, Matey!” (Greek, 1951) was the movie that made star Otto Fungus’ career… as a bricklayer. Shot his acting career right down at once. Fungus plays Captain Jehoahaz, the fanatic who pursues a small dogfish called Roscoe but can’t catch him because, well, all dogfish tend to look like. A one-armed man (Barry Manilow) obsessively pursues Cap. Jehoahaz. Song: “Don’t Step on My Coccyx.”

Ch. 35  YOU BET YOUR LASSO!–Western drama/Game show

Before there was any technology to support such a venture, Popstone Studios introduced this “interactive Western.” Audience members were challenged to write letters to the producers suggesting where the plot should go next, and any viewer whose suggestion was used got to guest-star in that episode–usually as Marshall Pete Bazooka’s easily dispensable deputy. He also got some luggage, and a special lunch box with a secret compartment.

Well! I’ll be flabbergasted if these shows don’t give you a whole new perspective on something or other. Make sure you have plenty of nice leaves to munch!

Baby Quokka Eating Ficus Leaf on Rottnest Island Stock Photo - Image of  herbivorous, eyes: 201938562

(Fig leaves are good for something besides you-know-what!)

Cats Helps Make the Bed

Our little Robbie must be feeling better, because lately she’s decided to get involved when I make the bed. She jumps onto the bed and hunkers down on whatever major wrinkles I’m trying to straighten out. She doesn’t go all combative, like this cat does; but boy! is she stubborn.

Fromb Pass “and’ Fale to Jist Pass!!!

Science with The Amoeba Sisters - Home

It taked somb yeers Butt we “fynoly” done It!!!!!

Frist we hadded Graides! Well evry-boddy thay knows “that” Graides thay “Are” Racist!!!!!! Thenn “it” whent To Pass & Fale! But evry-boddy thay knows that Pass-/Fale it is Abel-ist!!!!!

Now its Jist Pass, evry boddy thay Passes!!!!! No moar hurted Feeelings!!!!!! Butt “thare” is Still One Moar Steppe “togo”!”!”

Afftur foar (4!) yeers “In” Collidge,, Evry-boddy thay gets “the” Onners Deegree “of” Thair Choysse!!!!!!! I amb goingto Get a Deegree “In” Fizzicks,, i lyke fizzy Soder!!!! Thiss heer it is Haow Amairacka it is the Bestist-Eddicaytid Nashin “in” “The” Whirld!!!! This whil keeep Going “un-till” evry-boddy “inthe” U.SA has a addvants’d Deegree!!!!!! No othor Cuountrie cann Mach It!!!!!!!!

Naow yiu Are probbly aksing yore Selph “Haow comb he Putt “up” pixture Of Ameba Sissturs???”? Wal ghess waht!!? Themb too (2!) Ameba Systurs thay Wur “the” frist stodents to Get onners Deegrees “in” Past Lyves Of Souper Heeroes”!~” Awl yiu has to doo Is Show Up!!!!!!!!!!

Another Comment Contest? Maybe?

Pin by Becky Marr on Jace crafts | Green army men, Cool cartoons, Army men  toys

I have had a lot of things distracting me lately. Just now I looked up and saw we have 89,500+ comments.

Normally I’d have a contest for No. 90,000, because it’s a milestone. But I’m late, I’m late!

So I’ll set the goal at 91,000. We can say it’s eccentric.

And so… the lucky reader who posts Comment No. 91,000 will win a) an autographed copy of one of my books, or b) this cool T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost” (I’m wearing one just now), or c) a little bag of plastic army men, suitable for decorating a cake or scaring off gremlins.

Everyone can play, everybody’s eligible–we only rule out comments that are abusive to others on the site, profane, or just too inane to bother with. I don’t mind a bit of piffle, but one does have to draw the line somewhere.

The contest officially begins…. now!

The Squirrel Wants to Play

If you watch squirrels in your yard, you know how playful they are. A broken twig will serve as a toy, if there’s no other squirrel to play with.

Here’s a pet squirrel pulling out all the stops to get the family cat to play tag with him. I don’t think the cat is up to it.

Have You Brushed Your Squirrel Today?

You’d think squirrels would make good pets. They’re quick to learn, they’re friendly–what’s not to like?

Except that, really, the squirrels around here seem perfectly happy outside and it doesn’t take much effort to make friends with them. They’ll eat out of your hand. I don’t know if they’ll ever sit on your lap… unless they’re living in your home.

I just wish they wouldn’t chew the wires on our cars.

Stuck!

How Much Honey Could Winnie The Pooh Really Eat?

I have to write a Newswithviews column today, and don’t know what to write about. I want to continue writing my book, but yesterday I poured myself into it and now I need a refill. I really need more blog posts, but nothing suggests itself. My wife says I need a vacation. Lots o’ luck with that!

I know what I’ll do. I’ll go pick up our laundry. (Gee, I could skip ahead and write Byron’s TV Listings, but then I’d have a great big hole to fill on Saturday.) With or without ideas, you’ve got to have clean laundry.

There’s a lesson in there, if I could only find it…

I guess I could always go out and threaten our democracy. Anybody up for that?

Cats Raid the Fridge

I am so glad none of my cats ever got into opening the refrigerator. I did once live in a house where the cat opened the fridge every day and pushed food out for the dog. The humans were not amused.

Notice somebody put some little plastic doohickey on their fridge to keep the cat out. Notice it totally didn’t work.

Water-Dogs!

We are told there are 39 dogs enjoying this swimming pool at doggy day care. I don’t know–I didn’t even try to count them. No chihuahuas, pugs, or bulldogs were involved. A spokesman for bulldogs said he was glad no bulldogs were involved.