Baby See, Baby Do

What if a cute little baby’s best friend and role model were the family cat?

Imagine if this child grows up to run for president and The Opposition trots out this video. Will it help or hurt his chances?

Bunny Honeys

It’s amazing how domestication can change animals’ behavior. When you see a bunny cuddling up to a dog for a nap, you haven’t necessarily died and gone to Heaven. Although I’m pretty sure there are both dogs and bunnies there.

Bonus Video: Cat, Dog, and ‘Mission: Impossible’

Sorry! I just cannot write any nooze today. Haven’t even read any. Besides, who can resist that classic Mission: Impossible theme music by Lalo Schiffren?

So watch these two try to open the door whose knob is just out of reach. What do you suppose is on the other side of the door, that makes them so anxious to open it?

Who ever had this much fun with pet spider crabs?

The Legend of Doris Pokeweed (‘Oy, Rodney’)

a gripping page-turner headed for the top of the NY Times bestseller list | Romance novels, Funny romance, Book parody

There are too many June Taylor Dancers to fit into Scurveyshire’s rustic little gaol and Constable Chumley has sought enlightenment at the bottoms of several tankards of ale at The Lying Tart.

Introducing Chapter DCLXXII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular braces her readers for suspense. “THIS,” she writes in all caps, “is where the legendary Doris Pokeweed comes into the story.” {Editor sweeps his papers to the floor and goes to join Constable Chumley at the pub.]

In what way, shape, or form is this Doris Pokeweed legendary?

“No one in Scurveyshire can remember a time when Doris Pokeweed didn’t live here,” Ms. Crepuscular cavitates. “Popular belief credits her with immortality. ‘She rode with Boudicca,’ says Johnno the Merry Minstrel, ‘and bowled with Francis Drake.’ I’d call that pretty legendary!”

But there is a fly in the ointment. (There! Got him out.)

June Taylor herself has fallen for Lord Jeremy Coldsore and wants to bring him back to the Twentieth Century with her–where his two left feet will make him a celebrity, if not a cash cow.

“Do not think this has escaped the notice of Lady Margo Cargo, Lord Jeremy’s betrothed,” Ms. Crepuscular writes. But for the time being I must leave you in suspense!”

Cat Detonates Dog

Sorry, but I just couldn’t find a suitable cat or dog video tonight–so here’s one of my favorites. In way too many videos, humans keep butting in. Confound it, if I wanted people videos, I’d post people videos!

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 30

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1964

It’s only Sept. 30 and you poor folks up in New Jersey are freezing your fritters off. G’day–or not! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of nefandous TV brought to you by Quokka University! Here’s a sample:

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 14  TEACH YOUR DOG TO READ!–(It’s a scam)

Remember how upset people got when it was revealed that the dog wasn’t really reading? Hoo-boy! And the talking dog was just a front for a parakeet who could recite the Gettysburg Address. Host Richard Spumoni narrowly escaped a mob of angry pitchfork-wavers. Seems that “You Can Teach Your Dog to Read” instruction book was literally a steal–at $395.99.


The Flabbies take on the Minneapolis Tons O’ Fun at Warren G. Harding Field–and this time the Hairball is guaranteed not to fall apart and blow away. It always confuses the athletes when that happens. Play-by-play: Elizabeth Warren. Color commentary: Some guy with an octopus mask.

7:46 P.M.   Ch. 30  ‘I TOLD YOU SO’ NEWS–News & commentary

Some of us really like news anchors who keep saying “We told you this would happen!” No matter what it is, they saw it coming and now they can say “You should have listened to us! When are you blockheads going to listen to us!” Dan Rather came out of retirement to do this show! Sports: Jimmy Homunculus.

8 P.M.  Ch. 46  MOVIE–Tragicomedy with puppets

“The Golden City Full of Gold” (Serbo-Peruvian, 2001: 18 minutes) stars Freida Myce and Mr. Clean as explorers searching for a lost city inhabited by credulous maniacs. Contact with this civilization was lost when S&H Green Stamps went out of business! Professor Fondue: Henry Fonda. Kung-Fu Sally: Mary Tyler Moore. Whole army of maniacs: the June Taylor Dancers.

I don’t know how many times I’ve watched that “Golden City” movie. I still have a couple of books full of Green Stamps.

Quokka Door On Rottnest Island Stock Photo 2313545733 | Shutterstock

(I hope they’re home: my TV won’t work today.)


Pups On Ice

Meanwhile, back on dry land, some puppies have a grand old time with a tubful of ice chips. See how easy it is to amuse your pets? Save the expensive stuff for later: you might need it.


Imagine you’re out in a rowboat at night, fishing under a full moon. And you’ve hooked into something hefty, you’re reeling it in, eager to see what you’ve caught–

And this is the face that comes up from the water!

The Asian sheepshead wrasse: I guess you could say it has personality.

Jobydin He Is ‘A’ Genus!!!

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Wow!! We hadded a lexture in Nothing Studdies tooday awl abuout Jobydin he “is a” Genus!!! Whey back wen “he was” a collidge Stoodint lyke me,, he Invented “the” faymis eequaysion E=mc2!!!!!! Izznt that Fabuyliss!!!!

“And” that “Is Not” the ownlie Thing he dun!!~!~! He was aslo a Truk Dryver and he plaid in the NFL tooo!!!!!!! And beefouir he “was” a Grate Cervint of Pressadint O’bomma he was In “the” Sennit fore 55 (fifftyfyve!) yeers, yiu cood Look It Up!!!! and wile he was In the Sennit he aslo invented Syvvil Rites!!!!!

I know “the” Far Riht thay say sumb guy naimed Eyestine he Infentid E=mc2 but yiu know “how” thay lye!!!!!!!! That is wye yiu doughnt “See” Eyestine arownd No moar!!!

It awl gose To Sho haow Lucky we Are to has Jobydin “in tHe ” Wyte Hauose with 88 millyin voats!!!!!!!! I doughnt thinck enny One butt Racists diddnt Voat for himb!!!!! And awl the Poles thay say Jobydin he whil Win “agin” neckst yeer!!!!! That thair is wye thay caul themb Opin-Yin Poles!!!

Awl we kneed Nhow is a Expecyutiff Odor to maik “it” aginst The Law to voat “Foar” enny-boddy Elss!!!!

Hi-Tech for Cats

Are we dealing with preposterously rich people who have a whole room set aside for their cats? And it’s spotless, too. Are we sure we’re still on earth? And the cats have a robo-vac to play with. Sweet!