Category Archives: Just for Fun

Cats & Thunder

WARNING: Not for the faint-hearted. Some of these thunderclaps jolted me, and I’m only watching the videos. You might want to keep the volume turned down a little.

Our cats have always been scared of thunder: under the bed or under the bookcase, and stay there till it’s over. My heart went out to the cat who was cuddling with the bunny when the sky went boom.

Animals know better than to act like violent weather isn’t happening.


The Dogs’ Hall of Shame

What’s with these dogs? Fie and for shame! Getting chased around by cats half your size. How are you ever going to manage a paper boy, if this is what a cat can do to you?

My iguana used to chase a certain cat whenever she came into my room. That’s because she pooed on people’s beds. He was not about to let that happen. The other cat was allowed in, the big black cat: he and the lizard were friends.


Aiding and Abetting Cat Delinquency

All right, Einstein, you’ve got your cat on Youtube, all he had to do was open your refrigerator while you filmed it. Next question: what if Kitty does this while you’re not home? Or in the middle of the night when the whole family’s asleep and won’t be up for hours. Do you expect a cat to close the fridge after he raids it? Did you explain to him about electric bills?

“Oh, anything to get my video on Youtube!”

Bad idea, sunshine. Bad idea.


A Traveling Salesman Calls (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Image result for images of silly romance novels

Now out on bail, Violet Crepuscular introduces Chapter CCCI of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney:

“Dear readers, I am out of durance vile by virtue of my editor, who paid $900 bail just before the publisher fired him. The judge ate one of my toothpaste rolls and is not only still alive, but has also expressed doubt that I have poisoned anyone on purpose. This has enabled me to continue my novel in peace!”

In this chapter, a traveling salesman named Elston The Traveling Salesman, finding Scurveyshire added to his route, visits The Lying Tart. Mr. Elston sells paper cutlery. He used to sell ordinary steel cutlery, but found that to be unworthy of his talents as a salesman. He relishes the challenge of selling paper knives and forks. His wife and children are starving, but he is unaware of that.

Having stood a round of drinks, Mr. Elston proceeds to sell several sets of deluxe paper cutlery. The locals, meanwhile, bring him up to date on Scurveyshire’s current troubles. People are still rather miffed about all those peasants being sucked under the wading pool in the vicar’s back yard.

“But this is absurd!” remarks the salesman. “Why, it would be the easiest thing in the world for all of you to get together and simply drag the pool away!”

This strikes most of the customers as a most irresponsible saying, probably motivated by an evil quirk in Mr. Elston’s character.

“That’s exactly the sort of thing a witch would say!” exclaims a jolly toper named Ernest Phinrod. In no time at all the entire company is convinced that Mr. Elston is a witch, in league with the spirit of the medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney. An impromptu taproom court immediately sentences Mr. Elston to death.

“You must not judge them too harshly,” Ms. Crepuscular admonishes her readers. “The good people of Scurveyshire do the best they can in spite of their massive ignorance. Most traveling salesmen do get out of Scurveyshire alive. Mr. Elston was merely one of the unfortunate few.”

As Scurveyshire’s Justice of the Peace, Lord Jeremy Coldsore is not informed of the incident until after it has been concluded.

“There’s likely to be a spot of trouble over this!” he muses fretfully.


Another Fantastic Gag That Didn’t Work

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Comic books in the 1950s advertised for all sorts of incredibly cool things you could send away for–X-ray glasses, Sea Monkeys, this little doohickey you could put in your mouth that would let you throw your voice like a professional ventriloquist… genuine authentic foot-locker full of these pitiful flat plastic soldiers…

And the Joy Buzzer.

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This little treasure, you wound it up and hid it in the palm of your hands, and when your victim shook hands with you, he’d get a loud buzzing shock that’d make him jump a foot in the air. We thought it might’ve been electric, but when my brother and I got our Joy Buzzers, we quickly discovered there was no electricity involved. In fact there wasn’t much of anything involved. If you and the victim really tried on purpose, you could get it to buzz. But usually nothing happened.

At least these things weren’t expensive.

To this day I remain skeptical of the worth of goods and services advertised in comic books.


A Quick Word from Byron the Quokka

G’day! That’s my friend Quimby, allowing tourists to play with him; but if you watch carefully, you’ll see me and my cousins, Nestor and Francesca, in the background checking out the bicycle.

Remember, we now have a comment contest going, with 47,000 as the goal. Whoever posts comment No. 47,000 wins a fantastic prize. I think it ought to be a bicycle. I keep telling Lee that his readers would think very highly of him if he mailed one of them a bicycle.

Well, we’ve got 45,150 comments now, and I want to prove that nobody can run a comment contest better than me–you really do need a quokka for this kind of work.


Can You Sleep Inside a Piano?

Phoebe discovered this unusual cat video. If you can’t sleep inside a piano while someone else is playing it, that’s probably because you’re only human. Here, pianist Thay Minh’s cat demonstrates the art of sleeping inside a piano while someone else is playing it.

There was a country house in Scurveyshire where they had guinea pigs nesting in the harpsichord, but no one made a big deal over it.


Sleeping in Style (Cat Style, That Is)

It’s a gift. Cats can sleep practically anywhere, in just about any position you can imagine–and some you can’t. It’s like they don’t have bones.

Our cat Peep likes to sleep face-down on the sofa. For the life of me, I can’t tell how she breathes. You’ll see what I mean if you try it yourself.


No Moar Consurfatives aloud In collidge!!

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{this it is us out-syde The Dene’s Ofise!}

Wood yiu beleave it?? Fore or Five Racist Biggits thay got tagether “and” caled thareselfs “Yung Amarickens Four Freeedem”” and “thay” aksed the Collidge to give themb Offisule Reckonition!!!

Well naturely The Collidge thay sayed No we woont!! Of coarse not!!! Becose jist havving “consurfatives” arownd it wood “be” Vilence aginst Mynaritty Stodents and it wood doo themb reely Bad Emocionel Harm”!! Woops i hased a Typo in thare somwear but now i cant Fynde it! If Hillery she was pressadint insted of Donold Trumpt thare woodnt “be” no Typoes!!!

This gived us a reely good idear So we whent to the Dene and de-manded “that” themb Racist Biggits thay shood “be” Eckspellled!!! thare shoodnt be none “Of” those consurfatives in Collidge anyhow becose it Makes emocianel Harm jist to has themb thare!!! Jist fore themb To Ecksist it “is” Vilence!!!!!! and The Dene he agreeed whith Us and he done it tooo,, rite Affter we toled him we wood key his Car iff he diddnt!!!

So nhow thare isnt No Consurfatives alloud heer At All!! And yiu know watt?? that is ecksackly how yiu Get Socile Jutstus!!! And aslo Divvercity!!! somboddy he sayed themb YAFF Biggits thay was goingto Sue the Collidge so we toled themb that iff thay did We wood give thare Names and Dresses to Antifa and then wood “they” “be” Sorry!!!!!!


‘Give the Gift of Self-Esteem’

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Give your child toys and games and videos that’ll teach him or her or xir that he/she/it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. You, too, can raise a new Caligula!

https://leeduigon.com/2015/10/03/give-the-gift-of-self-esteem/

History will remember ours as an age of affirming delusions: the wackier the delusion, the higher the pressure on everyone else to affirm it. Get your child started early on his way to full-blown narcissism.

He’ll need it when he goes to Hollywood!


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