Category Archives: Just for Fun

Kitten and Guinea Pig at Play

The kitten really wants the guinea pig to play with him, and he finally gets his wish. If only the hammy humans would stay out of the way, we might learn something.

I’ve never had a guinea pig, but the ones in a certain pet store were always up for petting and tickling. I’ll bet I’d fall in love with it, if I had one.


Sing Along with Kitty

How come Mitch Miller never thought of this?

My cat Henry used to answer me word for word–he was arguing with me, in fact–when I’d tell him to leave my Strat-O-Matic game alone and stop trying to run off with the baserunner tokens. Betcha I could’ve gotten him to sing. But I never thought of that, either.


At Last, Black Rodney! (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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Finally! In Chapter CCII of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, we are vouchsafed a glimpse of the infamous sorcerer and necromancer, Black Rodney. “Vouchsafed” is Ms. Crepuscular’s word, not mine. I have no idea what it means.

It turns out that Coldsore Hall is full of cunningly concealed cuss bags: no wonder Lord Jeremy’s troubles seem to have no end. The mysterious stranger who looks like a famous game show host, but won’t reveal his name, has teamed up with the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, to find and get rid of all the cuss bags.

“I had a problem like this with some Sumerians,” recalls Twombley, who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad, “but they stopped doin’ it when I sicked the Elamites on ’em.”

Lord Jeremy cannot take part in the search. In his efforts to follow Dr. Fanabla’s regime of one-legged jumping jacks, he has injured his other foot. Lady Margo pays a comforting visit, complete with inedible toothpaste muffins baked by her aunt in Bedlam. “We’ll have our wedding yet, dear,” she consoles him.

But that night, as he makes his rounds of the hall in search of cuss bags, Twombley has a shattering experience. He staggers into Lord Jeremy’s bedroom. Startled, Lady Margo jumps up more suddenly than is good for her and her newly-upholstered wooden leg falls off.

“I seen him, I seen him!” Twombley gasps. “Black Rodney, as large as life! Hidin’ a cuss bag on top of that painting in the billiard room–the one of Queen Victoria on her pogo stick!” He then faints before he can say anymore. Unable to re-attach her leg, Lady Margo can only leave him sprawled on the floor.

“I wish he’d told us what Black Rodney looks like!” she complains.

The mysterious stranger bursts into the room, startling Lady Margo so badly that her wig falls off and her false teeth clatter to the floor.

“I can tell you what he looks like!” cries the stranger. “He wears a black sheet over his entire head and body, without eye-holes, and slinks about at night, avoiding light of any kind. That’s what Mr. Twombley saw in the billiard room.”

“Well, he couldn’t have seen much, then, could he?” snaps Jeremy, who has begun to feel annoyed. “How are we to identify someone who hides himself under a black sheet in the dead of night?”

The stranger tiptoes closer to the bed, looks all around for eavesdroppers, lowers his voice two full octaves, and whispers, “You will know him by his reaction to the words ‘polla-wolla-bing-bang’! Speak them in his presence, and he cannot help but have a tantrum! Anyone else would just look at you quizzically.”

The chapter concludes with a lengthy complaint about the customer service department at Scurveyshire’s Bureau of Unusual Hats–and Ms. Crepuscular’s apology for not including Constable Chumley in this chapter.

We suspect the constable says “polla-wolla-bing-bang” fairly often.


A Bedtime Story for Her Cat

This little girl would like to read her cat a bedtime story. She has a nice big book. I don’t think she’s learned to read yet, but for the cat’s benefit, she’s faking it–making up the story as she goes along. And the cat hangs on her every word.

A glimpse into Heaven.


The Wheelie World of Hamsters

If you’re a hamster, the exercise wheel is where it’s at. Question: How come they don’t get dizzy? You could get dizzy just watching them. Question: Why don’t their legs fall off? Imagine if a human could run so fast, his legs were just a blur. How fast would that be?

Note: A crew of mice infiltrated this video by posing as hamsters. You’d think the long tales would have given them away. Obviously security was not all it could have been.


Bulldog Calls for Backup

So you’re dozing on the nice fluffy rug when this giant cat comes into your house! As yet it’s only in that flat box that the stupid humans put there. But what if it gets out? Too much for one bulldog to handle–so he calls for backup. “Yo, sis! Get down here right away! We’ve got a giant cat down here!” And, voila–she patters down the steps and joins her brother in warning off the cheetah.

Good thing he slept through the part about the hyenas. They’re much nastier than cheetahs.

 


I Seen Allagater Peeple!!

I has been waching “a” Lot of dockumentry moovies latelie and “last nihght” i seen The Allagater Peeple!! it is a moovy that prooves Sciance it can Do evrything!!!

It was abote this hear Sciantist he used Genitical Engianearing to turn peeple Into allagaters and my prefesser he sayed “It was to” help peeple adupt to Globble Warming by being like Allagaters!! But them ordrinary dum peeple in The Movy thay didnt “get it””! thay just runned arond screeming all over the plaice!!

I mist some “of” It becose my Moth Antenners thay was iching somthing fearse!! and i has had have to keeep Bending “over” to Scrach them!!! Parsonly i dont “think” it wuld be so Bad to be like a Allagater as long as yiu cood stilll do Gender Studdies! Four one thing yiu culd Swim better!!

Butt of corse this Sciantist he was “way” ahed “of” his tyme and them stopid dope peeple thay “didnt”” Apreashate waht he was trying “To do” for themb!! Allso now wee know “moare” abuot how “to” mannapolate our jeans!! Thare is a Pond on campas thare isnt no allagaters in it but iff the Collidge it sets up a prajeckt to Make Allagater Peeple then thay culd live in the Pond! and my prefesser he says We “bettar Do” it fasst becose Climbit Chainge it is comming and we all “better” lurn to Swimb like Allagaters!!! and fortchunitly for us Sciance it has the ansers!!!


Bringing Up Baby Sloths

All you people out there who want to hug baby sloths… I guess you’ll have to become zoologists and get a grant to study in Costa Rica. But here at least you can see the babies are small enough to let chairs and rocking chairs serve them as trees. “Hey, wait a minute! We have chairs! If we can only get a baby sloth or two…”


Some Notable Cats

These cats don’t really have much in common beyond a certain degree of being cool, doing cool things, unfazed by whatever comes along. Go on, dog, just try to bedevil the cat out of his box! You can’t do it: the cat’s too cool.


Celebrity Endorsements for My Books

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While I was out getting our anniversary dinner, some celebrity endorsements for my books came in. I’d like to share the highlights with you… anticipating that my publisher won’t want to use them as cover copy.

“Blimey! ‘E’s a right corker!”  –Queen Elizabeth I

“When people weren’t trying to kill me, I was reading Bell Mountain.”  –Elfego Baca

Cellar Beneath the Cellar’s gonna be a classic: I have a hunch!”  –Nostradamus

“I’ve read ’em all!”   –Marco Polo

“These are quite simply the best!”  –Violet Crepuscular

I could go on, but I don’t want to brag. Besides, I’ve got to round up a cat video.


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