Tag: Byron the Quokka

An important reminder

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

For some reason, WordPress is not sending emails to notify readers of any of the blog reprints.  There is some awfully good stuff there, and I’m concerned it is getting missed.  All the regular repeat items that many readers enjoyed are sometimes getting zero views.  So I am letting you know to check the actual blog, rather than relying only on the email notices.

Going to the blog, you will see everything.

All of Lee’s articles, Joe College, Byron the quokka, and Oy Rodney are reprints, as are reprints of Chalcedon articles, so you won’t get emails about them.

Just to let you know.

I am going to contact Jill at Chalcedon to see if there is any workaround for this problem.

I’ll keep you posted.

Patty

Byron’s TV Listings, Aug. 3 REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide November 23, 1986 N. Alabama afternoon-evening

G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, thanks to a mixed-up schedule. Violet Crepuscular has already sworn to get me with her pea-shooter. But like the feller said, “What, me worry?” and “Better late than never.”

Here are a few selections from this weekend’s potpourri of nooze (are you amazed that I could spell that? I am!).

Sunday (too late for Saturday)

11:22 a.m.   Ch. 64   MR. ICONIC–Pure culture rot, if you ask me

Follow Mr. Iconic down the road of Pure Cliche, just off the Meaningless Drivel Highway! This week: Learn how to say “they” and “them” when you’re talking about just one person. It drives people who care about English crazy!

3 p.m.  Ch. 06   BAG THE SCORPION!–Sports

It’s the national sport of Kaboodlestan, now being played all across Europe. Today: Spatrazzini Primos vs. Yorkshire Spads, winner take the whole bag of angry scorpions! Announcer: Yi Fang Chao. Ceremonial Chant: Charlie “Mulekicker” McCroy.

6:06 p.m.  Ch. 71   SELASSIE–Unnaturally smart dog (yawn!)

Selassie, great-great-grandpup of the original Lassie, has taught herself to be Lord High Mountebank of Ethiopia–and the Big Bopper (Jock Mahoney) doesn’t like it! All of these episodes were discovered in an old strongbox tucked away in a spooky corner of an old barn where the mountebanks used to play I Doubt It. This week: Selassie finds a caterpillar in her dog chow.

Well, folks, that’s a little taste of what’s in store for you today! I hope I can get home in time not to watch Mr. Iconic!

Quokka | National Geographic Kids

Maybe I can borrow that bike over yonder.

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

 

Two Hot Flashes from Byron the Quokka! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

See the source image

The comment contest is no longer active, but I had to post this lovely picture of Byron.   PD

From September 12, 2020

I don’t know who wrote that “hot flashes” headline! It should have been “hot news flashes! It should also have been three hot news flashes.

First, there are only 146 comments to go, to reach 65,000 and have a winner in our current comment contest. And this time the grand prize (there he goes again–there’s only one prize) will either be an autographed copy of His Mercy Endureth Forever (first edition, collectors’ item, etc.) or an autographed fli-back paddle ball toy.

Second, I don’t know how, but suddenly that annoying “301 error” message has disappeared from our Facebook posts on Patty’s Facebook page. We’re glad to see it go.

Third–now what was it?–oh, yeah! Quokka University will offer a course on how to read this blog. This is because we’re afraid people are missing special features like Joe Collidge and Oy, Rodney by not backing up a day or two and reading them. You don’t have to read them on the same day they were posted. We’ll also go into the wonderful treasure-trove of the blog archives, going all the way back to late 2011. Do you realize there are literally thousands of blog posts you could read? I’d never do it myself, but it’s all there if you want it.

To attend Quokka University, all you have to do is come to Rottnest Island. There is a rumor that if you close your eyes, click your heels together three times, and bellow out our Latin motto, “Ipso loquitur mannimota,” you will be instantly transported to our campus. I can’t test that because I’m already here. If you can make it work, please let us know! Make sure you tell us where you get transported to.

Byron the Quokka: News Flash! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From January 18, 2023Shakespeare with computer. William Shakespeare in period clothing sitting in school desk with laptop computer shrugging at viewer. shakespeare funny stock pictures, royalty-free photos & images

Wow! Byron the Quokka here, with fabulous news! Quokka University has just acquired the exclusive rights to an exclusive TV series, Shakespeare For Persons Who Can’t Hardly Talk.

What’s wrong with Shakespeare? Half the time you don’t know what the heck he’s talking about; and the rest of the time, the plays are too blamed long!

Well, they’ve fixed that. For example, this new improved version of the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. 

Romeo: Yo!

Juliet: Hey.

Romeo: Hey.

Juliet: That you?

Romeo: See ya. [Exit Romeo and Juliet]

See how much time and space that saves? Heck, when they do Macbeth, it’s only twenty minutes!

Catch ya later, dude!

Quokka Posing And Smiling At Camera Portrait Of A Funny Quokka On Rottnest Island Western Australia Stock Photo - Download Image Now - iStock

We’ve Hired a Life Coach! At Quokka U REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Habits and Traits of Jumping Spiders

From December 5, 2020

Every university needs a life coach, and Quokka U. is no exception. And now we’ve got one!

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, and I’d like you to meet our new life coach for staff and students alike–Dr. Horatio Fantod!

As you’ve already guessed from the picture, Dr. Fantod is a jumping spider. He had already set up shop as Rotnest Island’s premier (and only) life coach, and although nobody knows where he earned his doctorate, all his clients think very highly of him. Besides which, he works cheap.

The good thing about him is, he always gives the same advice, the same for everybody, so there are never any difficult surprises. As he puts it, “No matter how you may have messed up your life, you can always make it better with a nice, tasty leaf-hopper! Or any other kind of insect you can catch.”

The bad thing is, he’s so small and consequently has a very small voice. So before he can advise you how to fix up your life by catching insects, he has to crawl up onto your ear and sort of shout into the hole. That’s a bad thing because it tickles! And you have to be careful not to laugh or jiggle your head because then he might fall into your ear and have to climb out–and that tickles even worse. It’s happened to me.

Dr. Fantod’s counseling sessions are free of charge, so we won’t have to raise the tuition to keep him around. As long as he can come out of the rain, he’s happy. And so are we!

 

Byron: Instant Lost & Found REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

 

 

See the source image

From  November 20, 2019

G’day! Byron the Quokka here.

Lee was feeling a little low today, so I talked him into taking a break to go to the Y.

After a nice hot shower that he doesn’t have to clean up after, he came out to find some chap wandering around the locker room in a bit of a daze. “My clothes, my clothes! Someone has taken my clothes!” Well, he still had his bathing suit, but humans do get edgy when their clothes disappear. They wouldn’t, if they had proper fur. Besides, it was a little cold to be walking home in just a bathing suit.

Lee asked, “Have you looked in all the lockers? Here, let’s look some more.” He opened one locker, empty, another, empty, and then a third. “Here’s some clothes. Are they yours?”

They were. “Oh, I’m so happy! I haven’t been this happy in a long time!” Humans are so emotional, don’t you know.

“See, I told you to go to the Y, and look what happened–your good deed for the day,” I said. “Now maybe you can write something that people will want to read today. I don’t know what you were thinking, writing about that Frothee stuff. You worry me sometimes, mate.”

A New Science Is Born! REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Why Quokkas Are The Cutest Animals On Earth

From August 1, 2020

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, on what is sure to be forever remembered as an historic occasion!

Because on this day, a new science is born. Brand-new! In fact, if you want to earn a degree in it, the only place in the whole world where you can do that is right here at Quokka University! Because we have a monopoly on the new science of…

Cryptogeography!

Even as Cryptozoology is the study of animals that have to be found before they can be studied, because they may or may not exist, so is cryptogeography the study of places that may or may not exist. [Note to Board of Sages: we owe Phoebe S. an honorary doctorate in Cryptogeography, for coining the name.]

Did you ever try to go someplace and never get there–and you thought it was because you just got lost somehow? Well! Maybe the place was really there… and maybe it wasn’t. I mean, really, blimey, how do you get to Brigadoon, or Gondor, or the Seven Cities of Gold? Poor Coronado wandered all over the map and never found the place that he was looking for. How many times have you been told, “Just keep on going down Route Whatsit, and you can’t miss it”? And then you do miss it, because it isn’t there! But maybe, just maybe, it was there yesterday.

What makes lost cities lost? How do they get found again?

You can see the world’s been needing a science of Cryptogeography for quite a long time.

And as we say here at Q.U.–Ipso loquitur mannimota!

Byron and His Mom REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of quokkas

From May 29, 2019

Lee is outside writing The Wind from Heaven, his new book, and he said I could post one more picture here–but just one, he doesn’t want the whole family album.

This is me and my mom. Her name is Francesca. That used to be Robbie the cat’s name, but she didn’t want it so my mom took it. I am supposed to be learning how to run this blog when Lee’s not here. My mom says she always wanted me to be a blogger. A lot of quokkas have blogs, but not many people know that. You’d be surprised how many famous blogs are really quokka blogs.

I guess I will take a break now and see if there are any french fries available.

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 5 REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From February 5, 2022

TV Guide 10-16 September 1966

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with the best TV you’ll see all week! People are dyin’ to know where we get these shows! I wish I could tell you, but I don’t want to suddenly disappear… if y’know what I mean. Anyhoo, here’s a sample of this weekend’s revels:

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 08   PRESIDENT FOR LIFE!–Drama

So you think it’s easy, being dictator? Gen. Buckethead (Edward Platt) needs a special march for his death squads (“Like the goose-step, only higher–much higher!”), while Mrs. Buckethead (Nancy Pelosi) can’t decide whose scalp to wear to the annual Diversity Ball. Who will be led out and shot this time? Suck-up News Anchor: Dan Rather.

Ch. 10   SAMMY THE GIANT JELLYFISH–Children’s Science Fiction

It takes a lot of jellyfish to make the high seas safe for multi-family housing; but Sammy (Sidney Toler) is a lot of jellyfish! This week: Mr. Bigsheets (Sal Hepatica) need’s Sammy’s help when his Floating Apartments keep sinking for no apparent reason. Sally the Giant Sea Cucumber: Julie Andrews

8:00 P.M.   Ch. 18  HOME RUN DERBY–Game Show

Can they still hit home runs if they’re 80 years old, up against a near-sighted pitcher who throws heat–and wearing an oversized derby instead of a batting helmet? Heck, the freakin’ thing keeps slipping down over their eyes just as the ball is released! Host: Noam Chomsky. Tonight’s contestants: Shotgun Shuba, Bob Allison, Elio Chacon. First one hit into the seats wins everybody else’s personal belongings.

Ch. 41  MOVIE–Historical Epic

In “Hercules vs. the Bugs of Babylon” (Finnish-Ethiopian, 1987), Sunu Huutuala, “the Steave Reaves of Helsinki,” stars as the legendary strongman who must save Babylon from an invasion of shield bugs. Evil mastermind: Arnold Stang. Loola the Slave Girl: Helen Hayes. Babylonian goon squad: the June Taylor Dancers.

8:08   Ch. 37  UNSOLVED PARANORMAL LOTTERY NUMBERS–Utter Ca-Ca

Emcee John Kerry (wooden puppet) unwinds the convoluted excuses of self-taught experts whose fool-proof systems… fail. This week: “Bigfoot changed my numbers”: 14 guests from all around the country tell their stories. Featuring Mr. Clean and his orchestra. (Yes, the real Mr. Clean from all those old commercials!)

Well, me hearties, cruise through the weekend on a sea of great TV! Blimey! Have I just made a metaphor? This job is getting to me!

Quokka: [PHOTOS] This wildlife photographer's love for Quokka has made the animal an Instgaram famous star | Trending & Viral News

The Quokka U. Film Project REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From August 22, 2020

Quokkas Are So Cute People Can't Believe They're Real - UNILAD

Lights! Camera! Action!

Byron the Quokka here, with the latest from Quokka University! We’re not open yet, but we’re already dreaming up spectacular academic and cultural triumphs that’ll put us on the map before you can say “Abombalbap!” Actually, I’ve heard some people have a lot of trouble just saying that at all…

But hark! Introducing the Quokka University Film Project! Yes, we will create and release an extraordinary feature film, just as soon as we can raise the money for it. We know you’ll all want to contribute, once you hear what the movie’s going to be about. May we have a trumpet fanfare, please?

Introducing [da-tada-da!]… from Quokka U. Studios…

Oy, Rodney: The Catastrophe. Starring a lot of quokkas, koalas, and wallabies! Mel Gibson wanted to direct it, but we’re going for “the Outback Hitchcock,” who needs no introduction so I won’t give him one.

We wanted Rachel Ward to play Lady Margo Cargo, but she ran away. No problem–Rottnest Island’s full of quokkas who can act the hind leg off a donkey.

We realize we have a lot of big old established universities as our competition, and they’ll do just about anything to stay on top. Well, let ’em try! If we can’t do better than Stanford or some other place like that, we don’t deserve to have a university.