Tag Archives: Byron the Quokka

New Milestone Comment Contest!

Is the Quokka a Real Animal?

G’day, everybody! Those quokkas up there in the picture are a few of the deans we’ve picked for Quokka University. From left to write, clockwise: Dr. Jimbo, Dean of Something or Other, Dr. Mimsy, Dean of Flattery, and Dr. Reggie, Dean of Play-Doh–every college needs a good supply of Play-Doh!

Lee has just told me he wants me to run another comment contest, like I don’t already have enough to do. This is a big one, though: we’re shooting for Comment No. 60,000! It takes my breath away, just thinking about it.

Just now we have 58,085 comments, so we need 1,915 more. Lee thinks he’s giving it plenty of lead time, but I dunno–something tells me we’ll hit 60,000 faster than he thinks.

And what about the prize? What’ll you win if you post No. 60,000? If it was up to me, it’d be a bicycle, or a ship–but I just work here, y’know? The guy wants to give out one of his books as the prize. I guess you can’t blame him. We’ll see–maybe I can talk him into something a little snazzier than that.

Anyway, let’s start the ball rolling with some sharp, witty, subcutaneous comments!


We’ve Set Another Record

Breaking Records – Sarah Krycinski

Wahoo! We’ve set a new record here for views in one month. March 2020, you’re the new champeen!

The old record was 11,484, set in October 2019. The new record is 11,550–with half the afternoon and the whole night still to go.

Thanks to all of you, readers, commenters, regular and casual viewers. The next mark to shoot for is, I think, 12,000 views in a month. Hard to believe that’s possible; but we’re really not that far from doing it.

I wonder if I should mark the occasion by opening a new comment contest. I must consult with Byron the Quokka, see if he can run it for me. They’re awful busy, founding Quokka University. Trying to choose a mascot, I hear. Suggestions welcome.

Would you believe it? Tomorrow’s April Fool’s Day already. It feels like it was just Valentine’s Day a week ago.


Quokka U. Cheerleaders

Chloe the Quokka on Twitter: "We're excited because we published ...

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka reporting.

Y’know, we’re tryin’ to found a college here, and Lee wants me to run another comment contest. And make readers’ birthday announcements! Crikey, I’m glad to do those things, but I think I need an assistant.

Meanwhile, Quokka University is growing by leaps and bounds. See that thing in Cousin Zoozie’s hand? That’s our official and bona fide waddayacallit for our Q.U. pick-up sticks team! Our cheerleaders will wave these and pump up the crowd to sing The Quokka Fight Song, which will intimidate and demoralize our opponents.

Go, Quokkas, fight, fight, fight! Punch and pummel, kick and bite!

Sing no lullabies, tell no lies–

And a hey-na-nonny and a ha-cha-cha!

You’d never believe that was written by anybody but a genius, would you? And what’s a university without a fight song? We haven’t decided whether to offer any courses at our college, but we’ve got a Latin motto and now a fight song, and we’ve hired a couple of deans, so we’re just about ready to open for business.

Will human students need dorms? We’ll be researching that all week. Although why anybody would need anything nicer than a snug nest in the grass, beats me.

P.S.> Here at Quokka U., anyone who wants to be a cheerleader can be one. We don’t care. The more, the merrier!


Wanted: A School Song for Quokka U.

Image result for images of quokkas singing

Tuning up to sing our school song–once we decide what it is

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with the latest on Quokka University.

We’ve been so busy appointing deans and such, we almost forgot one of the most important things for any college–a school song! We’re going to vote on it, and here are the top three candidates so far:

“I’m an Old Cow-Hand from the Rio Grande”

“The Ants Go Marching One by One” (my favorite!)

“I’ve Got Sixpence”

Aunt Feezy is still holding out for “How Much Is That Emu in the Window?”, but she’s the only one. There’s also some support for this old Simon & Garfunkel song, “I am Iraq, I am an Ireland,” but that one doesn’t make much sense to me. There’s a group of tuataras over in New Zealand who sing it really well, but it’s just not a quokka song.

Image result for Images of singing tuatara

Besides, I think tuatara-singing is an acquired taste, and I have not acquired it yet.

Well, if any of you humans out there want to vote on our school song, please go right ahead. Maybe you can suggest a great song we haven’t thought of yet.

The school song will be sung at half-time during all our pick-up sticks matches.


Brighten Your Day with False Facts 7.0!

Image result for images of silly quokkas

Greetings, earthlings! Byron here, your official spokesquokka for Acme False Facts, introducing the newest collectible set, False Facts 7.0.

The nooze has been just so bleak and dreary lately that Acme stepped up its production schedule–we need False Facts! How else are you going to impress people? Even a poor benighted platypus can stand tall, delivering genuine False Facts that nobody else in the room ever heard of! Here are just a few samples.

George Washington’s real name was Harvey, but he had it changed to confuse King George III of England. It worked. In fact, it drove the king mad, trying to work out who was who.

The ancient Minoan civilization on Crete went out of business because no one could speak their language–not even themselves.

Since the invention of The Forbidden Emoji, at least 96 persons who used it in their social media posts have gone missing. We’d have to be crazy, to show a picture of it.

Kumquat College now offers a degree program in Paranormal Etiquette.

Nikola Tesla invented a yo-yo that didn’t work.

It’s perfectly safe to have a pet wolverine in your house. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

By the year 2052, according to a peer-reviewed study by Acme Scientific Studies Inc., half the people in the Holy Roman Empire will look like Greta Thunberg. The other half will have fled the country.

There you have it, folks! Seven zingers. Want people to think you’re smart for knowing things that they don’t know? Acme False Facts to the rescue! Remember–it’s not what you say, but how authoritatively you say it!


Birthday Greetings: Lydia

Image result for images of quokkas with birthday cake

Happy birthday, Lydia! We hear you’re now 18!

Lee asked me to tell you that you’re a star on his blog and everybody here loves you. As if Byron the Quokka needed to be asked! Crikey, he put me in charge of all the birthday stuff. I’m doing it!

Let us know the next time you’re coming to Rottnest Island, and we’ll save a place for you in the Clue game.


Quokka U.: Coming Along

See the source image

Ipso loquitur mannimota, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with the latest news about the creation of Quokka University.

We’ve got our Latin motto, we’ve hired a coach for our pick-up sticks team–she insists on remaining incognito, wherever that is–and we’ve appointed half a dozen deans. For that we did “one potato, two potato.” We make a lot of important decisions that way.

This week we wrestled with the question of whether or not we need to set up a cafeteria. We quokkas eat a lot of leaves and bark, grass, fruit and berries, all of which, well, grow here on Rotnest Island so there’s always something to eat, we don’t have to go looking for it. So a faction led by Aunt Feezy said we didn’t need a cafeteria, but every college I ever heard of has one, so we decided we’d better have one, too. Just in case. Two quokkas named Arnie and Asshurbanipal found this nice big cardboard box that we can use. Just bring some food inside and eat it there. It’ll do for starters.

As for degree programs and courses and things like that, we’re still trying to figure out how many humans we can admit as students and what kind of courses they would like. We want to offer stuff they can’t get in human colleges–and how much should we charge them for it? We don’t use money, so how would they pay for their higher education? Who knew it was so much work to set up a college?

We’re also thinking maybe we won’t have courses. Uncle Ripcord says that would be “real cutting-edge, it’ll probably start a trend.” We shall see!

Meanwhile, we want you all to know we’re putting a good twenty minutes a week into this enterprise and that’s why it’s taking shape so fast.


Quokka U., College Sports Colossus

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G’day! Byron the Quokka here, interviewing a famous college sports personality who may become the first coach of Quokka University’s pick-up sticks team. I have to protect her identity, this is a confidential interview, but the picture’s okay because she’s in disguise. If I told you who she really was, you’d just plain faint. Still, nothing will happen till we can agree on her salary. Quokka U. doesn’t have a lot of money yet. In fact, so far, we have no money at all. But we do have a cool Latin motto, Ipso loquitur mannimota, and that has to count for something.

Oh, there’s so much to do! Who knew that setting up a college would be so much trouble? Well, we’re committed to the pick-up sticks team, we need a bunch of buildings and a stadium, we have to hire professors and somebody to clean up, and someone has suggested we might want to have a jacks team, too. Personally, I’m holding out for a Clue team. Professor Plum in the Lounge with the Candlestick!

And now, on to the next interview. Ipso loquitur, everybody!


A Purely Personal Note

I had to unclog the bathroom sink’s drain this morning… and voila! Fifteen minutes–a new world’s record. If Julius Caesar were a guy who unclogged bathroom sinks, he’d be me.

So before this good mood passes, let me post this song for no other reason than I’ve always loved it and I’d like to share it with you: Sweet Betsy from Pike, sung by Burl Ives. It’s an ancient folk song so there are a hundred different versions of it; but they all start with Betsy and Ike trying to cross the mountain.

Anybody thinking about a contest to create a school song or a cheer for Quokka U.? Maybe I’d better just back off and leave it to Byron.

Time for a cigar.


The Next Step for Quokka U.

Image result for images of quokkas

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with an update on Quokka University–the great institution of higher learning that is being born before your eyes, right here on this blog.

Let’s see… So far we’ve got a Latin motto and beanies with propellers on them, which is a fantastically good start. But opinion is divided as to what we need next–a college cheer for our pick-up sticks team, or a college song for when we’re feeling sentimental, years and years after we graduate.

Just now we don’t have either one, because nobody’s written one yet.

I wonder if we need any input from you humans out there. Humans can be awful smart at times. Like the human who invented the whoopee cushion!

I wonder if there’s any way we could turn this into a contest…


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