Why Do Cats Do This?

I am happy to be able to say my cats don’t do this. They only cause things to fall off the table as they bumble around up there.

But why do so many cats get a kick out of knocking things to the floor?

And try to explain the bozo who stands there filming the cat as it prepares to knock an egg off the table. It’d serve him right if the egg landed on his shoe.


Bonus Hymn: ‘Gloria in Excelsis Deo’

Some of you have your churches shut down by the quarantine, so an extra hymn on a Sunday afternoon won’t come amiss–Gloria in Excelsis Deo, sung by the Libera boys’ choir (“Glory to God in the highest”). You can probably work out the Latin lyrics by yourself.


The Bishop of Booh (‘Oy, Rodney’)

silly romance novels | Lee Duigon

“Dear reader, we have come to a stressful time in Scurveyshire…” Thus Violet Crepuscular introduces Chapter CCCLII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney. She then devotes several paragraphs to the feasibility of writing “a dental romance,” whatever that may be. A series of anonymous threats drags her back to the story line.

Scurveyshire’s beloved vicar having chained himself to his night-stand and refusing to leave, the Bishop of Booh arrives by oxcart to remove the vicar by force. Because he’s not a real bishop, he has to make do with an ordinary bathrobe and a birthday party hat. He wears a stern expression that would be unbearably daunting, but for the fact that he carries a stuffed monkey doll which he talks to from time to time. Lord Jeremy Coldsore, justice of the peace, Constable Chumley, representing all that is inarticulate and confusing in the law of England, and Willis Twombley, the American adventurer, are on hand to welcome the alleged bishop.

“Now that you’re here,” says Twombley, “you can turn right around and go back to wherever you came from. We like our vicar jist the way he is, conniptions and all, and we aim to keep him.”

“See how the naughty man talks to Booh-Booh!” The bishop is addressing the doll. “But we know what to do with nefandous people, don’t we, Winkie?” He turns to Lord Jeremy. “I am here to repossess the vicar’s backyard wading pool for non-payment and to pack him off to Manchuria. Take me to the vicarage at once!”

Not knowing what else to do, Lord Jeremy conducts the bishop to the vicarage. The vicar seems them coming and starts screaming imprecations that really must not be repeated here. But the bishop has espied the wading pool and decides to inspect it. Constable Chumley tries to dissuade him.

“Noo, noo, yer thwither! Tis a mortal grathwy syne!”

“Out of my way, you pedipalp!” He clouts the constable with the monkey. There must be a brick in it or something: down for the count goes Chumley.

“I say!” cries Lord Jeremy. But the bishop is already on his way to the pool.

“I can barely describe the infernal horror of this scene!” writes Ms. Crepuscular. “I can’t bear it, I tell you!”

Here she interposes a chapter break to heighten the suspense. But we can probably guess what happens next.

 


Quokka U. Cheerleaders

Chloe the Quokka on Twitter: "We're excited because we published ...

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka reporting.

Y’know, we’re tryin’ to found a college here, and Lee wants me to run another comment contest. And make readers’ birthday announcements! Crikey, I’m glad to do those things, but I think I need an assistant.

Meanwhile, Quokka University is growing by leaps and bounds. See that thing in Cousin Zoozie’s hand? That’s our official and bona fide waddayacallit for our Q.U. pick-up sticks team! Our cheerleaders will wave these and pump up the crowd to sing The Quokka Fight Song, which will intimidate and demoralize our opponents.

Go, Quokkas, fight, fight, fight! Punch and pummel, kick and bite!

Sing no lullabies, tell no lies–

And a hey-na-nonny and a ha-cha-cha!

You’d never believe that was written by anybody but a genius, would you? And what’s a university without a fight song? We haven’t decided whether to offer any courses at our college, but we’ve got a Latin motto and now a fight song, and we’ve hired a couple of deans, so we’re just about ready to open for business.

Will human students need dorms? We’ll be researching that all week. Although why anybody would need anything nicer than a snug nest in the grass, beats me.

P.S.> Here at Quokka U., anyone who wants to be a cheerleader can be one. We don’t care. The more, the merrier!


The Bible Remembered What the World Forgot

Pygmy elephant from the Mediterranean

In Ezekiel’s lament for Tyre (Ezekiel 27), naming some of the luxuries enjoyed by the wealthy people of that city, the prophet mentions “benches of ivory, brought out of the isles of Chittim.”

This puzzled Bible scholars for many centuries. “Chittim” denotes the big island of Cyprus in particular, and refers collectively to the islands and seacoasts of the Mediterranean. But ivory from Chittim? There aren’t any elephants in Cyprus! Must be more o’ that fiction they just tossed into the Bible while they were cooling their heels in Babylon.

But in prehistoric times there were elephants on many of the islands in the Mediterranean–dwarf elephants, pygmies. No one wrote about them because writing hadn’t been invented yet: or else it had, but the writings have been lost–which, given the upheavals and tumults of history, not to mention the Flood, would not be surprising. Anyway, by modern times the little elephants had been thoroughly forgotten.

Until later on in the 20th century, when, lo and behold, fairly large troves of elephant bones and skeletons turned up on many of the islands. Lots and lots of ivory, not old enough to be quite fossilized.

So, yeah, in Ezekiel’s time, it would be natural to import ivory from Chittim, where they didn’t even have to hunt the elephants to get it. To this day elephant remains can be found there; they haven’t all been collected.

The Bible preserves much information that would otherwise be lost, and much that hasn’t been deciphered yet–and all of it true.


‘The Giant Dormouse'(2017)

Image result for images of giant dormouse

Islands make for funny ecosystems. Big animals wind up a lot smaller, and small animals a lot bigger.

https://leeduigon.com/2017/03/26/the-giant-dormouse/

I’ll have to go back and check this, but if memory serves, the Bible speaks of ivory that comes from Cyprus–which (ahem) Reputable Bible Scholars Inc. pooh-poohed until later on in the 20th century, when the abundant remains of pygmy elephants were discovered there.

Alas, the giant dormouse is no more; but that doesn’t take into account God’s promise to restore His whole Creation.


‘Our God Is an Awesome God’

Yes, we’ve posted this before; but we won’t be any the worse for hearing it again. Our God Is an Awesome God, by Michael W. Smith–with most of the singing done by the concert audience.

Our God truly is an awesome God, maker of heaven and earth and all that is in them…


A Fierce Bad Rabbit

Genuine False Fact! In 1884 the town of Sarcophagus, Missouri, was overrun by oversized two-legged rabbits and forced to evacuate. The rabbits then looted the bank. It has been theorized that they might have been humans disguised as rabbits.

Meanwhile, we have a bodacious rabbit right here on the video playing hob with a cat’s self-esteem…


An Incident in the Kitchen

Basic Bread Recipe for Beginners

My wife is busy in the kitchen, baking bread, the cats are driving her crazy, meowing for food they like better than what we’ve offered them so far, the garbage can is full to overflowing, so she asked me to feed the cats and change the trash bag.

First I fed the cats, then I took out the full bag and got rid of it. She handed me a fresh bag to put in the can. There were only two bags left in that box, and they both came out at once, so she had to stuff the last one back into the box.

“You didn’t fold that bag,” I said. She stared at me. “Take that bag out of the box again and fold it up nicely.”

You should’ve seen the look I got before she realized I was kidding, just pulling her chain to get a laugh. Which I got.

“I can’t imagine being the kind of person who would say that!” Patty said. “I can’t imagine being married to someone like that.”

Married 42 years, and still laughing together. At the same thing, the same time. Thank you, Lord.


I Just Don’t Know

From David Fischer’s “damarministries” blog–Jesus Our Lord knows what we’re up against, these days, all days…   We are not alone.    –LD

Radically Saved

I Just Don’t Know…

Words I never thought I would write. These days things are so crazy I honestly don’t even know where to begin. I offer the following to open my case:

1. God has been kicked out of our country.

2. Genders are optional and most times made up.

3. Homosexuality is not considered a sin to be delivered from but embraced.

4. The destruction of the unborn is celebrated as “health care” and not what it is..murder.

5. Now we have a virus that while spread more rapidly is still a version of the flu; and what most people don’t realize is when this is all over more security will be lost then even after 9/11.

I could go on and on with why I just don’t know anymore….

Funny thing though…

Jesus knew….

Jesus knew over 2000 years ago that we would be entering a phase…

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