I wrote this as an over-the-top satire seven years ago, and now it’s for all practical purposes literally true. I hate it when that happens.
Welcome to Caitlin Middle School
I didn’t understand this then and I sure as hell don’t understand it now. Why do people whom you’d swear were sane suddenly start babbling about pronouns and insist that boys are girls and girls are boys. I am very sure there’s an evil purpose behind it.
*Sigh* This is not as funny as it used to be.
I don’t know about you, but the beauty of this hymn brings me near to tears every time I hear it–Morning Has Broken, sung here by Orla Fallon.
When God finished His work, he called it very good.
Somewhere in each and every one of us there is a longing for that Creation as it was.
C’mon, you’ve gotta love puppies! (Even mud puppies? Well, all right…)
Watch the puppy who has a whole roomful of toys strewn all over the floor–but only wants the one he can’t reach. We know some people like that, don’t we?
Phoebe has already given us the lyrics to “I’m Gonna Go Eat Worms,” and that just naturally called to mind two other gross-out songs of childhood.
Jars and jars of green and gooshy gopher guts,/ concentrated monkey meat, percolated birdie feet,/ all wrapped up in green and purple porpoise-pus… All right, enough already, I don’t want to lose my job. So I won’t reproduce the lyrics of “Never Laugh When a Hearse Goes By.” You probably know them already, anyhow.
I have heard these songs from people who came from different states all over the country, with minor variations galore. Playground songs, I guess you’d call ’em. You could probably crank a genuine folklore thesis out of it. (“Teacher is a friend of mine, she resembles Frankenstein…”) Oy, the memories!
I’ll bet you could get a degree in this stuff.
See?? Thay reely “are” maiking us Crazy by maiking us studdy!
We helded a spacial meting of Our Stoodint Soviet tooday! Finely the Collidge amminderstacion “thay” “are” Lissining “to” us!!
Did yiu Know “that” whorking harrd “And” tryin to get good Graids, “it is” a Thrett to mential Hellth?? its troo!!!!!!~! Thay are Under-Myning our mential Hellth!!! How “the” heck are yiu sposed to Be-Cumb a Interllectural iff yore jist going Crazy al the tyme???
Obfiusly “the” sallution it is to Sweeep away ackidemmick Standerds and–wel i doughnt lyke to Say “this here” wurd becose It Is Racist!!! so i woont!! I meen Com On Man!,!, hooze idear Was “it” that we has got to Lurn stuph and studdy And “get” “good” graids??? Waht kind “of” fooolishniss Is that??? Wye it gose Aginst evvry Thing that Collidge stands four!!!!!!!!! Obfiusly we shood jist “go thare” and Stay foar A wile and then thay Give us a Deegree!!!! Waht cood maik moar cents Than that??
We hoap Thay whil Seee the lite and get ridd Of “all” that stuph!!!!! and The Neckst thing to Go it has got To “be” Tuission!!!! Wye shood we has to Pay “to be” heer?????
Here she is, threatening democracy
So, Xi Jin Ping’s Chicoms are okay, but Italy’s new prime minister–democratically elected, by the way: but we won’t get into that–Giorgia Meloni is yet another “threat to democracy” (https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2022/09/30/joe-biden-warns-that-democracy-threatened-italys-election-giorgia-meloni/). Yowsah! All over the world, SloJo Biden says, “democracy is at stake.”
“You’re going to think this is a little out of whack,” said Biden–yeah, he got that right–“but… democracy is at stake” because Italians don’t want to be bossed around by the World Economic Forum.
What does this babbling buffoon even mean by “democracy”? He sides with weirdo globalists against the rest of us–the ones the globalist big shots call “useless eaters”–and writes off half the population of the United States–we think it’s quite a bit more than half–as “semi-fascists” and, you guessed it, “a threat to democracy.”
Doesn’t like us much, does he?
Hey, Joe! We like our nations and we want to keep them! You can keep your global government. Nobody wants it but you and your billionaire buddies.
We’ll see how much “democracy” we get in next month’s midterm elections. We know the Democrats are going to cheat. The only question is how successfully.
Chow time, come and get it! (Hey, where did John Kerry go?)
“United Kingdom Research and Innovation,” UKRI for short and “N.I.C.E. in That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis, is experimenting with adding “worms, locusts, and flies” to children’s diets in Africa (https://thenationalpulse.com/2022/09/28/uk-funds-african-research-into-edible-insects/).
But don’t go thinking this is just another exercise in neocolonialism. Heavens no! A UKRI/NICE spokescreature (is his name Renfield?) says it’s “likely” they’ll start it up back home in Britain, once they’ve got “proof” that eating creepy-crawlies is good for you. Just try it out on Africans first, in case there’s a problem.
Is this another way of saying “Who cares what happens to a bunch of Africans?”
Listen up, you plebs! There’s not enough nice meat to go around, so we’re going to keep it to ourselves and feed you on tasty flies and nice, juicy spiders!
Satan doesn’t just want to destroy us. He wants to degrade us first, so that Hell can laugh at us.
The weather here has abruptly gone from quite warm to uncomfortably chilly. It was still dark when I woke up this morning, and I went back to sleep. So I’m late.
Don’t expect too much from me today. I will do my best, I will give it all I’ve got… Oh, to be a lad of 60 again!
(Go to the bank. Go to the store. Start typing new chapter set. Generate blog posts…)
I need a couple of grandchildren. Now I understand why Grandpa was so happy to have us around. Oh, he loved us–but we also came in very handy on days like this.
Get too deep into these, and no one’ll be able to pull you out.
Just in time for Columbus Day! You just can’t go wrong by not giving any of these books as gifts.
Some Books for You to Avoid
Honest, you can learn a lot by not reading any of these! Imagine the pleasure of being able to look back over the years and say, “Y’know, I never did read Heaven Is All About Y-O-U…“