Norbert’s War with the Sheets

A pox on all those fake “conservatives” who turn into surrender monkeys the moment the going gets rough. Fap! to them all.

I need a dose of Norbert. Maybe you do, too. So here he is grappling with recalcitrant sheets in what Violet Crepuscular would surely call “a subcutaneous moment.”

Oscar-Winning Possum

“And now, the winner of an Academy Award for best portrayal of a dead opossum, would you please welcome… a live possum!” [Near-hysterical applause]

I mean, did these dogs get hosed or what?

But they mustn’t feel too bad about it. One morning I found a dead possum at the bottom of my garbage can. Oh, spiffy. Looked like he’d been dead for several days. Heck, he was stiff! For lack of anything better to do, I tipped the garbage can over and let it lie there while I went in search of a shovel. I got back just in time to see the possum marching out of the garbage can. He saw me, too, looked up at me and showed his teeth. You’re welcome, I’m sure.

Jolly Puppy, Jolly Toy

I can’t help it. I love squeaky toys, and love watching puppies play with them. This little guy is still learning that when you squeeze a squeaky toy, it squeaks–kind of the whole point of the thing.

Ramesses II had a squeaky toy. You could look it up.

Norbert vs. Velociraptor!

Sorry, folks, the raptor never showed up. But Norbert’s here; and if he can’t make you smile, you’re probably a statue.

With all the moves he’s got, I can’t help wondering: can Norbert walk backwards? I’m sure I’ve never seen a dog do that.

A Public Service to Dogs

When you’re a dog, and the cat takes your bed, do you just laugh it off or take action instead?

As a public service to exasperated dogs, I offer the following solution. Just find a cardboard box and drag it into plain sight. Sooner or later the cat will just have to get up and get into the box. The dog can have the dog bed back and everyone’ll be happy.

Norbert’s Killer Instinct

I feared this. Norbert, the little therapy dog who’s become a Youtube star, is a killer at heart. Watch with unbridled dismay what he does to that sock. Honestly–would you ever treat a sock like that? But then Norbert is but a small step removed from the wild wolves of Scandinavia. Or somewhere. I’ll bet he’s descended from one of those great big savage dogs the Mongols used to have guarding their camps. A camp guarded by two or three Norberts would be impregnable.

How to Draw Norbert

Yes, I know, we did Norbert yesterday–but I couldn’t resist this. As an added benefit, now I know how to draw Norbert. That will come in handy if I ever have to describe him but find myself unable to do it verbally.

Norbert and the Seven Samurai

Oops–did I say seven samurai? It appears I was wrong about that.

But otherwise you can’t go wrong with Norbert, now an international Youtube star. As you’ll see, they’ve even got a Norbert stuffed toy (I think they’ve sold them all). This collection of Norbert vignettes features my favorite “Norbert shuffle”–little dog somehow propelling himself sideways across the kitchen floor.

Dogs vs. Lemons: The Showdown

What is it with dogs and lemons? Two thousand years ago, Pliny the Elder completely ignored this question. But today it has engaged the powers of some of our greatest and most famed philosophers, including Dr. Whatsisname…

Unexplained Paranormal Mystery Dogs!

For the most part, the dogs’ actions in this video are inexplicable. What do they think they’re doing, and why are they doing it? One of these critters tries to be a contortionist. Maybe he saw it on TV.

Dogs, though, have become a lot more fun since they took up with humans–don’t you think?