Oh, boy, Thanksgiving weekend! (Oh–that’s next week?) Well, anyway, Byron the Quokka here, with fantastic TV viewing for this weekend. Here’s a sample.
6:30 P.M. Ch. 08 THE SMARMEES–Sitcom
Join the most obnoxious family in North America–they’re all motivational speakers–as they cheat their neighbors, lie to each other, and pontificate to captive audiences. Tonight: Bull S. Smarmee (Ty Hardin) needs medical attention after his audience attempts to throw him off the roof of the skyscraper. Dr. Meshugga: Jackie Chan.
Ch. 10 COLLEGE BAWL–Competitive quiz show
A family of sea cucumbers gives the Harvard team a stiff run for its money! Looks like Harvard will have to cheat to keep its crown! Host: Joey Heatherton. With H.P. Lovecraft and his orchestra.
6:45 P.M. Ch. 18 OUT TO GETCHA NEWS–Alleged news show
Anchorman Bobbo Ringding once again proves “They’re all out to get you!”–politicians, your family, your neighbors, children, those guys in the football huddle on TV… Tonight: “Don’t answer a personal ad! You’ll never be heard from again.”
7 P.M. Ch. 32 MOVIE–Insurance sales & Philosophy
In Plato Sells Life Insurance (Byzantine, 1948), the famous philosopher (Shemp Howard) comes back to life as a door-to-door insurance salesman who dispenses worldly wisdom with his sales pitch. Aristotle: Billy Gilbert. Socrates: Jack Benny. Song: “Whistle While You Work, You Jerk.”
7:26 P.M. Ch. 48 A MAN CALLED SPONGE-HEAD–Western
Lucas “Sponge-head” Watkins’ head really is a sponge! Wait’ll you see what happens when he gets into a fist-fight in the saloon. Tonight: Sponge-head (William O. Douglas) overhears two mosquitoes (Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis) plotting to rob the former Blockbuster store in Shylock, Florida. Can he get there in time to stop it? The June Taylor Dancers will help him!
Well, that’s just a foretaste of what we’re serving up this weekend. Did I mention that if you don’t watch any of these shows, you’ll have terrible luck for the rest of your life?
Byron the Quokka, signing off!