Byron’s TV Listings, Dec. 24

Holy moly, it’s Christmas Eve! And I’ve still got presents to wrap, so I’d better wrap up this job in a hurry! Byron the Quokka here, with your weekend TV offerings from Quokka University. Here are a few examples.

7 P.M.  Ch. 52   TOTALLY IRRATIONAL FEARS–Daft personalities

We put the “pho” in phobia! Tonight: Harry Hazmat has added a high tower to his house from where he can keep a watch for pirates… in Pokerino, Kansas. “I’m better now,” says Harry. Also: A woman who won’t go outdoors for fear of mummies. Host: Boris Karloff.

Ch. 57  DECODE THE NEWS!–News with childish fun

To the uninitiated, its just a lot of meaningless scribbles. But if you have Al Barlick’s Decode the News! Kit, paste the transparent copy screen over your TV screen, write on top of the meaningless scribbles with your special Wipe-off crayons, connect the dots… and you’ve got headlines! And you’ve kept yourself out of trouble for two hours or so. Anchor: Boris Karloff (total ratings battle!).

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 10  TRAMPOLINE–Offbeat Western

Gunslinger Doby Possum (Tony Randall) bounds and bounces his way across the Wild West, looking for the man who killed his pet silverfish, Ernie. This was the first TV Western to use trampolines instead of horses! It was also the last. Tonight: Doby meets a boy (Allen Funt) whose father knew a man who once met somebody who had something to do with a famous opera singer.

8 P.M.  Ch. 31  MOVIE–Science fiction/Shakespear

In Who Gots My Too-Too Solid Flesh? (Irish/Uzbek 2016), a starship commander (Zsa Zsa Gabor) fights off an invasion by the June Taylor Dancers–in a script based on William J. Shakespear’s tragedy, The Merry Wives of Windsor, Ontario. Lt. Spumoni: Jerry Mathers. Man with Intractable Hair Loss: Howard Cosell.

Oh, gee, I’d better get going if I want to wrap those gifts before I hand ’em out! Byron the Quokka signing off… with a “Merry Christmas!” to you all.