G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with your Thanksgiving Weekend TV, brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s a small sample of this week’s fabulousness.
4:35 P.M. Ch.12 ROLLER DERBY WITHOUT ROLLER SKATES OR RINK–Pseudo Sports
Basically it’s two mobs of women in helmets running up and down the street and trying to injure one another–while the stammering play-by-play announcer, Jake “Hondo” Speltz, tries desperately to keep up. Today: The June Taylor Dancers vs. Gargoyle Township Board of Education.
4:45 P.M. Ch. 08 SHAKESPEARE SHORTS–Criminal abuse of literary classics
What happens when you combine Titus Andronicus (Walter Brennan) with The Merry Wives of Windsor (Joan Crawford, Ellen Burstyn)–and force a famous critic (Roger Ebert) to watch it and say it’s good? And all of it stuffed into just 15 minutes! Special: President Lyndon Johnson gets Merry Wives confused with Lost in Space.
5:00 P.M. Ch. 22 MOVIE–Indescribable
The Coccyx Gang (United Nations Film Project, 2008) stars Tajikistan comic Drooja Houlihan as French detective Buster Shambles, hunting down a cult of jidrools who try to steal people’s coccyxes. Bouncing Betty: Susan Sarandon. Poor guy with bilharzia: Name Withheld. Song: “Is It Me Or Is There a Broken Spring In This Sofa?”
Ch. 31 THE HOUSE THAT DRAC BUILT–Sanity-destroying horror
Who’s going to live in that ghastly monstrosity they’re building on the corner of Whiskey and Rye? Wouldn’t you know it–Count Dracula (Croatian sensation Yammy McGritch)! How many innocent people have to disappear before Chief Krogan (Tim Van Helsing) contacts the authorities–only to remember that he’s the authority! Old Man River: David Suchet.
Well, folks, that ought to lift you right out of any turkey-induced stupor that might’ve been holding you back!
(I do wish they’d make these bikes a little smaller–I’m all tangled up here! Byron the Quokka, signing off.)
‘mornin, Byron, good to see you are still up and runnin’ You are doing better than I am
Some of my students found “Titus Andronicus” funnier than the comedies. 🙂
Not too hard to see why!
Be care full Byron. Hope you are not hurt.
“ROLLER DERBY WITHOUT ROLLER SKATES OR RINK–Pseudo Sports” – I am pretty sure Byron came up with this idea by watching the Pro-Hamas protests all over the world. “SHAKESPEARE SHORTS–Criminal abuse of literary classics” – I don’t think Roger Ebert was forced at all because he just says what the person giving him the most money wants said. ” MOVIE–Indescribable” – I hadn’t thought of the UN making movies, but heck why not. The bar for movies is set so low these days they might even come up with what is called a hit, like Disney’s “Barbie” movie. “THE HOUSE THAT DRAC BUILT–Sanity-destroying horror” – anything with Count Dracula is off limits for me, but I am intrigued by where I might find Whiskey & Rye Streets.
Dracula is not offered as a role model.
Two mobs of women in helmets running up and down the streets. That has got to be woke women, aw, they, them…whatever… now that is something I have to watch.