From January 2025
G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with Quokka University’s weekend TV offerings. As for the TV Guide pages that I always post here, we only throw them in for nostalgia. Our own shows are so much better! Like f’rinstance:
4:06 p.m. Ch. 51 INVISIBLE GENIES vs. TV CHEFS–Kitchen mayhem
If you thought the Three Stooges could do a number on a kitchen, you’re way off base! The Invisible Genies have them beat by miles. This week: Host Darius III follows the Genies into Jennifer Anniston’s kitchen and watches them wreck it. Special guest: A big ugly guy with a bad temper.
4:30 p.m. Ch. 08 UNCLE SIMON–Kid’s programming
Uncle Simon really does program his studio audience to get them to nag their parents to buy the sponsors’ products! Hazy’s Tomato Cookies, Boffo Fried Mice, Box O’ Disgusting Tricks… just to name a few. Today: Simon gets caught making grotesque faces at passersby. Officer Sibboleth: Mary Mugg.
Ch. 18 MY GUN WEEPS BITTER TEARS–Indescribable
We have to try to describe it anyway, so let’s just say this saga of a true nudnick of the Old West will have you burping into your socks, removed for that purpose. This week: gunslinger Poona Bhattishahra (Alf Snertisson) gets his finger stuck in a Pez vending machine; and Miz Violet the Schoolmarm (Jayne Payne) lights his hair on fire. Host: The Decrepit Old Ranger.
5 p.m. Ch. 06 NEWS WITH KANGA ROO–(You’ll be sorry…)
You wouldn’t think a talking kangaroo would get much air time, let alone emerge as a dominant news anchor; but once he gets rolling, no one can put the brakes on Kanga. Weather: June the Talking Armadillo. Sports: Alvin the Talking Spare Tire. Theme by Morris Mancini, Henry’s talentless brother.
Well, folks, you’ve got it made this weekend! I vouch for every one of these shows.
“I will NOT take that bike for a joy-ride, I will not take that bike…!”
Byron the Quokka signing off.