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The World’s Oldest Board Game?

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What is the world’s oldest board game? The photo shows a game board found in a Sumerian tomb at the ancient city of Ur. It’s thousands of years old; but scientists at Games Is Us say they’ve found a game that’s older than that. No pictures are available, but we are told the board is similar to the one in the photo, but instead of symbols, the squares on the board show really scary faces.

“We don’t know what the game was called,” says Project Director Burkan Hare, “because the people who played it in ancient Andorra had not yet learned how to write, there’s no rule book. So for the time being, we’re calling it ‘The Ancient Game That Nobody Knows the Name Of.'”

Relying on shrewd guesswork, the staff at Games Is Us have devised rules by which the game is played. “We found the board under a tomb with about a dozen human teeth scattered around the board, so we think it was basically a tooth-pulling game. You throw dice, and move, and every time your man lands on a scary face–all the squares have scary faces on them–the other player pulls one of your teeth and keeps it. The player who winds up with the biggest pile of teeth wins the game.”

The Ancient Game That Nobody Knows the Name Of will eventually be produced for today’s highly competitive board game market. Hare smiled, displaying a really nice set of dentures.

“We’ve already got a can’t-miss slogan for it!” he said. “‘Winning this game is like pulling teeth!'”

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