Introducing Our New Toilet

I’ve still got a toothache, the dentist can’t see me till Thursday, and right now the plumber is here, about to install our new toilet. The old one has been sent on to the Smithsonian Institution as one of the few surviving examples of Babylonian  bathroom fixtures.

The new toilet is sitting in its box on the sidewalk, waiting to be carried up the stairs. I could not help laughing sardonically at the legend on the box: “Simple, Do-It-Yourself Installation, No Tools Necessary.” Like you could just set it on the floor and take a dump.

I am no one’s idea of a handyman, but even I know you do need tools to install a toilet properly. Why do manufacturers even say things like “No Tools Necessary”? It reminds me of the video cabinet we got some years ago. The instructions were in pseudo-English, making no sense whatsoever, and the “tool” provided–which, according to the claim on the carton, was the only tool you’d need to put the thing together–was this tiny little metal L-shaped thing. Twelve hours later, with my friend’s full complement of power tools, we finally had something that would stand up. That is, it stood like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, except it could lean first one way and then another.

I hope the new toilet turns out better than that.

2 comments on “Introducing Our New Toilet

  1. Lee, I hope it turns out well, too. I have one of the “new” water saver types in one bathroom, and it is a pain (you know where), the antique one
    in the back bathroom works like a dream even though it is supposedly a
    “water waster”. Thing is, you have to flush the new one two or three times, so where is the “savings.”

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