How to Write a Politically Correct Fantasy

Let’s face it: the way things are going, soon we won’t be allowed to write anything but politically correct fantasies.

Here are a few handy guidelines which, if followed, should keep you out of re-education camp.

Make sure the villain in your story belongs to no identifiable group of people, animals, plants, or extraterrestrial life forms. Your heroic fantasy/adventure novel must be a safe space for all, wherein no one ever feels threatened and no one’s feelings are ever hurt.

Do not describe any actions or events that anyone could possibly construe as threatening. Your exciting heroic fiction should contain no violence of any kind, no scenes of strenuous activity that could be construed as ableism, and no heated dialogue. Keep it all chilled.

Conflict is psychologically unsettling, so have no conflict in your story. Let’s face it: if somebody wins, then somebody else loses, and that somebody’s feelings are going to be hurt. It’s best to avoid conflict altogether. If your story must describe any kind of contest or competition, make sure you show each and every character as a winner. Kind of like when your kids were little and everybody got a trophy or a ribbon just for showing up–and a heartfelt “Good job!” to go with it.

For absolutely the best results, leave all your pages blank. Yup, don’t write anything at all. Unless, of course, someone else finds your silence offensive and hurtful. Then you’ll have to say something, which someone else again will experience as a microaggression on your part, and probably that’ll make you feel bad because you didn’t mean it, and your apology only makes things worse, and oh I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do! Eeeeyaaah…

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5 comments on “How to Write a Politically Correct Fantasy

  1. Sarcasm at its best!

    There’s a new TV show I like, S.W.A.T., but one of the female characters on the team is bisexual. This week’s show included a segment where this bisexual, who is fully accepted by her biological family, meets with an attractive young couple who want her to join them in becoming a trio. So much for S.W.A.T anymore – the Left ruins everything (they have the Midas touch for perversity).

    1. Television in both the USA and Britain is packed to the brim with commercials for homosexuality.
      I’d ask why, but I know I wouldn’t get an answer that made any sense.

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