Washme Hall, Fimbo State College
College tuition got you down? Don’t you wish you could get a college education without the dreadful cost?
Well, now you can!
In partnership with Fimbo Krunchy Cereals, and located within mere blocks of beautiful downtown Detroit, Fimbo State College is offering tuition-free five-year degree programs to the first hundred students to collect and submit one thousand (1,000) boxtops of either Fimbo Frostee Insects or Fimbo Squishy Flakes–and what’s more, each qualified student is guaranteed to graduate!
Best of all, there’s hardly any work involved! All students will automatically major in Social Justice Studies, and will enjoy free room and board in whichever dorm happens not to have a flooded basement at the time. There are no exams, no term papers, and free Fimbo Krunchy Cereals served for every meal–plus no restrictions at all, when it comes to foraging. If you can catch it or pull it out of the ground, you’re free to eat it–and strike a blow against white supremacy every time you chow down on a handful of nutritious leaves!
Plus, all our professors have served time in other institutions, and there’s nothing like experience.
But hurry! They’re only giving out one hundred of these Fimbo Skolarships! Be the first on your block to have a college degree without the student debt!
Happy Krunching, everyone!
I am there!
Except for the foraging (cruelty to the environment), this sounds pretty much like most other colleges — including the “free” offer hiding the cost of buying all the cereal (or paying taxes).