The Last of the Speidermans

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As the 20th century opened, the Speiderman family was producing successful doctors, lawyers, academics, and admirals.

Today there’s only Jonathan Livingston Speiderman left: the last of the Speidermans.

“Everyone else in the family has dumped the name,” he laments. “So all my relatives have names like Smith and Jones and Dripply. They’ve even gone into Wikipedia and changed the names of all the Speidermans in there. Just try to find Senator William Speiderman, General John Speiderman, or Barbara Speiderman, the movie star. I’m the only one left who remembers our family history.”

Why has this been done?

“You’ve really got to ask?” Speiderman cried. “How would you like it if people guffawed every time they heard your name, because there’s a cartoon character whose name sounds just like it? Do you know how many times a day I hear people yelling, ‘Hey, Spiderman! Why dontcha climb up a wall?'” He shuddered. “I once knew a man whose real name was Elmer Fudd. He died in a straitjacket.”

Why doesn’t Jonathan change his surname, then?

“Because if I do, that’s the end–no more Speidermans at all!” he said. “I want to raise up a new generation of our family; but so far I haven’t met a woman who wants to be Mrs. Speiderman.”

About leeduigon

I have lived in Metuchen, NJ, all my life. I have been married to my wife Patricia since 1977. I am a former newspaper editor and reporter. I was also the owner-operator of my own small business for several years. I wrote various novels and short stories published during 1980s and 1990s. I am a long-time student of judo and Japanese swordsmanship (kenjutsu). I also play chess, basketball, and military and sports simulations. View all posts by leeduigon

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