‘A Book to Make Me Wake Up Screaming’ (2016)

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“I can’t read this stuff no more!”

The drivel spewed out by our publishing industry!

“Women’s fiction”–what is that supposed to mean? Really, you’d have to be a sap to read this stuff. I get paid for reading stuff, and I won’t read this.

A Book to Make Me Wake Up Screaming

What kind of goofy names are these to give your characters? Yes, I know, people do that in real life. Do they ever. But fiction is supposed to provide us with an escape from real life. Here the effect is more like tunneling into a German prison camp than out of it.

Hint: If the phrase “mysterious and sexy” appears anywhere near the book, don’t read it.

Culture Shock! Baseball Cards

old topps wax packages | 1950-1959 Unopened Packs (1950's) 1957 Topps 5  Cent Wax Pack #57T5CWP | Baseball cards, Baseball trading cards, Baseball  card packs

I was shocked when I went to the store yesterday and saw packs of baseball cards selling for $7.00 each. Seven bucks! And no bubble gum included.

As you can see by the picture, a pack of baseball cards used to cost a nickel–for half a dozen cards and a nice big sheet of gum. We traded them, flipped them, or clipped them to the wheels of our bicycles so they’d make a sound like a motor. It wasn’t until 1963 that I was able to collect a complete set, and it took some pretty hard-nosed trading to do it. And my mother threw them out when we moved!

Seven dollars–it made my head spin. And without Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn… yeesh.

Our money isn’t worth anywhere near what it used to be. You used to get 2,000 cards for $7, not to mention 340 sticks of gum.

I’m glad my memories are still free. Priceless, but free.

‘The Most Trusted People in America’ (2013)

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If you can cook the books, you can cook a poll.

If nothing else, this caper by Reader’s Digest shows us how to cook a poll to get the answers you want. Why Reader’s Digest wanted those answers is a dark mystery.

The Most Trusted People in America

So how does Tom Hanks wind up “the Most Trusted Person in America” (barf bag, please)? Easy. Present respondents with a prepared list with no one on it but liberals, “entertainers,” and liberal entertainers, and make sure you take the poll only on college campuses.

We’re never so stupid that our ruling class doesn’t want us even stupider.

‘And They Say We Believe in Silly Things’ (2016)

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Not quite 20 years ago, Science was agog with a new theory that explained why Homo erectus (Them) had a thicker skull than Homo sapiens (Us).

And They Say We Believe in Silly Things

If they were more hip to popular culture, they would’ve realized that cartoonists had beaten them to this theory by several decades. But read and enjoy the 2016 post (all you have to do is click it) to find out all about it.

You’d think that if blind Chance really did preside impotently over the development of life on earth, you’d find a lot of fossils of goofy animals that weren’t suited to survive. Snakes that can’t bend, legless rhinoceroses, birds with their heads on backwards, huge buky dinosaurs with dainty wings, a servant with two heads and a hand–isn’t that more Chance’s style?

Wow! Is This Magic?

A young actress named Molly Wetzel is playing Cinderella at the Pacific Conservatory Theater. As such, she will need to turn her crummy old Cinderella clothes into a ball gown–somehow. Live on stage, no computer effects, no trick photography…

Did you see that? And like the guy said, it only took a couple hundred hours of working on it to get it right.

‘USDA to Grandma: Read the Kids Government Bedtime Stories’ (2014)

How many times, during those evil days of the Obama regime, did we wonder if we were going to wake up in North Korea? And now they’re back! Once again, everything sounds like Red China. Which is to say, every cotton-pickin’ thing is politicized to death.

Even bedtime stories. Here’s what Democrat do to bedtime stories:

USDA to Grandma: Read the Kids Government Bedtime Stories

God help us! The example above came with a Participation Trophy! The horror, the horror…

Meanwhile, boys ‘n’ girls, I’ve got a new content for you! See if you can answer this riddle of the sphinx: Why is Kamala Harris our country’s vice president? Why should she be vice president of anything?

Maybe she’s there to write bedtime stories.

Dating Tips for Awful People

Eastern Collared Lizard | Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation

This male collared lizard is ready to rock and roll! Those are his mating colors. But wait! He has an awful personality, no one would be caught dead with him–

Enough of this. I’ve been dialoguing with WordPress for an hour, trying to find out why no Newswithviews referrals show up on my stats page, and why my viewer numbers are so bad.

If I understand what he told me–and it’s a big if, I might not have understood it at all–my promble is with the search engines. Somehow my ranking in the search engine world has bottomed out. For instance, I had 2,242 search engine referrals in December, but only 1,703 in April. That only accounts for part of the drop-off, though.

I’m told it would help if I got more action on the social media. Well, I don’t know–how do I get anyone to share my posts on his or her social media page? I put all my posts on Patty’s Facebook page. Where they go from there, I know not.

So, just for the halibut, I have resorted to a mostly dishonest headline for this post to see if “dating tips” will tempt some search engines. Probably it’ll just make awful people mad at me when they realize they won’t be getting any sure-fire dating tips, after all.

Wait, here’s one: don’t have an awful personality. Just don’t. How’s that for advice?

Anyway, let’s see what happens next. I have no idea how to pump up my search engine ranking. Maybe if I could get my Twitter page going again, along with Instagram or whatever, I might do better. Let me see what Jill says.

What Is a ‘Slam Poem’?

Slam Poetry 101: An Introduction — Mud and Ink Teaching

Garbage in, garbage out

Yeesh! Now I know how Pandora felt when she opened the dadburned box–that she shouldn’t have touched!–and all the evils of the world flew out.

It turns out there really is such as thing as “slam poetry,” which got invented when I wasn’t looking. It’s poetry to be read out loud, usually by children (oh, where do I hide?) and usually is meant to display some kind of left-wing twitch somewhere in the brain. Public school “teachers” are really high on this (http://teacheroffduty.com/20-slam-poems-you-can-use-in-your-classroom-tomorrow/). They’ve even got slam competitions.

Roses are red, violets are blue/ I changed my gender, so I’m better than you!

So simple, a 12-year-old can do it.

Parents! Do you honestly, truly, want these kooks “educating” your children? What do they have to do to wake you up? Burn the building down, with the kids still in it? Would that do it?

Kill the culture, and it’ll kill you back. Guaranteed.

 

‘Memory Lane: Dr. Seuss Zoo’ (2018)

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No fun allowed! Dr. Seuss is banned!

This was before the Wokies started banning Dr. Seuss because everything is racist and no one should ever be allowed to have any fun.

When I was a kid, we had a lot of fun with these.

Memory Lane: Dr. Seuss Zoo

We didn’t know that by playing mix-and-match with these goofy little animals, we were perpetuating slavery.

Don’t you just wish they’d all dry up and blow away, forever?

Judo in the Age of ‘Nothing Works’

Judo was my sport in college. And today, 50 years later, I can’t imagine how those stern Japanese referees could have ever let judo turn into the parody of itself that it has become today. I realize I may be the only one who thinks like this; but it really bugs me.

So here’s how they demonstrate a basic judo throw.

In most of these videos, the guy who’s gonna do the throw launches into this enormous windup that telegraphs his intention from a mile away. In so doing, he puts himself way off balance–doubtless counting on his opponent to just stand there wondering about the meaning of life. I think, even after all this time away from judo, I could still dump someone onto his face before he finished his windup.

Here is a video from the Kodokan, the authoritative institute of judo, demonstrating the same throw without the goofy windup.

Even worse than the telegraphed throws is the fannying-about that takes place now at the start of many judo matches. I guess they call it “showmanship.” In 1970 the referees would have called it, “You are expelled from this tournament.”

I can’t imagine what my Kodokan-trained teacher would have done if I’d try to start a match by warm-up conniptions and slapping at the other guy’s hands. Whatever he did to correct me, it would have been severe.

But what else can you expect from an age in which cricket matches in England now have… oh, it pains me to say it!… cheerleaders?