Byron’s TV Listings

Image result for images of TV listings, 1958

G’day! Here are some of Quokka University’s TV listings for the weekend. I am so distracted by that ad for TNT Popcorn! Gotta go get some–read on without me.

7:30  02  The Leopold Hogmouth Show

Leopold’s rivalry with Jackie Gleason causes him to break out in unsightly spots. Jackie Gleason: Art Carney. Mrs. Dooby: Dame Judith Anderson

03  You Stink at Chess!–Educational

Self-proclaimed world chess champion Otto Blotto berates beginners for their lack of skill, denounces the International Chess Federation, and tries to raise money for his presidential campaign. Studio audience is all stuffed animals.

07  Saddle Sores

Gunslinger Myron Klinker (Adlai Stevenson) gets his comeuppance from a defective Whoopee Cushion. Meanwhile, back at the saloon, Miss Doppelganger sings “I’m in the Mood for Cat Food.” Sheriff Patel: Olaf Stapleton.

11  Movie  “My Dandruff Is a National Disgrace” (1971)

The Dirt Brothers, touring the Australian Outback with their traveling flea circus, come up short when Dingy’s dandruff overflows the wagon, necessitating an emergency stopover at a town called Death to Strangers. Dingy, Dusty, and Dumpy Dirt. Big Al: John Gielgud. Mad Scientist: Sir Kenneth Clark.

12  Tootsie Roll Theater–Drama

When Uncle Tiddly is arrested for sleeping on a park bench, Aunt Widdly swings into action! She recruits a band of teenaged super-heroes to break Tiddly out of jail and force the local high school to stage a musical revue. We cannot tell why this is listed as a drama. Featured songs include “1,000 Barrels of Beer on the Wall” and “Mozambique Tap-Dance Lullaby.” Tiddly: Basil Rathbone. Widdly: Joey Heatherton.

Well, that’s all for now. I’ve got to make tracks before someone asks me how I got in here.

4 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings

  1. Byron’s listings are hilarious as usual. I especially like the audience of stuffed animals. (Oh, wait a minute — aren’t they doing that at sports games now, only with cardboard?)

    But what I find truly interesting — and sad because of how far we’ve fallen — is the scope of the old (genuine) listings. Look at how many of the programs are instructional and/or high cultural. And there must have been a market for those things or they wouldn’t have been sponsored. I remember many similar things myself. What has happened to us? (Rhetorical question. See also the public schools.)

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