Biden to Add New Month to Calendar

The Day - Biden quickly reaches pivotal moment in pandemic, presidency -  News from southeastern Connecticut

“Stick ’em up!”

We’ve got Black History Month, Women’s History Month, Gay Pride Month, etc., etc. And the problem is, there are only twelve months in the year! Not enough to go around.

Our White House sources have learned that “President” Joe “China” Biden will soon sign an executive order to add a 13th month to the year–to honor a cherished minority that has so far been, says a top presidential adviser, “under-represented and under-served.”

Added the “president” himself, “Ya know, I guess, the, uh… the thing… whatsisname. Yeah, man!”

The new month will be named Obamber, in honor of President *Batteries Not Included, and its purpose will be to celebrate “Inadequate Bozos Who Can Only Feel Halfway Okay About Their Own Selves If They Think They Can Somehow Claim A Share In Other People’s Achievements.” That’s “Inadequate Bozos” for short.

The month will have 32 days in it, explained Mrs. Biden, “because the poor bozos really need the extra day.”

Asked about problems caused by radically altering the calendar, Biden Spokesperson Iva de Lusian said, “We already screw around with time when we do daylight savings time. Only racists care about what time it really is!”

The president’s son, Hunter “What’s it worth to ya?” Biden, will be in charge of administering the change.

One comment on “Biden to Add New Month to Calendar”

  1. I hope he also adds a day or two to every week. Weekly housecleaning day comes around much too soon.

Leave a Reply