Public Service Announcement: A Spider in Your Christmas Tree

Sutherland Shire man shares image of huge black house spider in Christmas  tree | Daily Mail Online

Chances are you won’t be happy when one of these jumps out of your Christmas tree and skitters across your rug to disappear under the couch–where it can lurk for who knows how long, just waiting for the ideal chance crawl up your leg.

Dr. Alvin Snoodle, president of Happy Homeowners Hinc., has advice for persons who find spiders in their Christmas tree.

“It’s perfectly okay to panic!” he says. “By all means burst out of your house and run screaming down the street. The police will soon arrive to help you. Meanwhile, weeping and screeching will help you bear up under the horror of it all.”

If you can afford it, Dr. Snoodle says, abandon your house and sell it for whatever you can get. “A spider,” he declares, “is a spider. All those legs! Ugh! Spider webs–ew! And they have hairs! Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick–!” [Flees from camera; doesn’t come back. News program is forced to terminate.]



5 comments on “Public Service Announcement: A Spider in Your Christmas Tree

  1. Well, I’m certainly encouraged that an Expert has validated my running and screaming and screeching, although I hope he isn’t confining the encouragement to spider sightings, since that’s not where I tend to run and scream and screech. No matter. As long as I can say “Experts have said,” I don’t have to bother with silly things like context. Or even actual Experts, for that matter. I can always say, “I read it online,” and that will be all the documentation I need. Isn’t that how things are done these days?

    By the way, what kind of spider is the one in the illustration? It looks as though it hasn’t quite sobered up from last night’s binge.

    1. I can’t ID the species, and the specimen looks a bit the worse for wear.
      Our cat Buster had an off-putting habit of pouncing on really big spiders and gobbling them up.
      A friend of Patty’s got really freaked out by a huge black spider than came out of her Christmas tree. Stupid dog just watched it run across the floor.

  2. The first time I visited the Philippines I had a close encounter with a huge, hand-sized creature in the room I was staying. After I evicted him, I spent 30 minutes, looking under the covers, the bed, on the walls, everywhere, just to make sure he was alone, and not part of a family gathering.

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