Chances are you won’t be happy when one of these jumps out of your Christmas tree and skitters across your rug to disappear under the couch–where it can lurk for who knows how long, just waiting for the ideal chance crawl up your leg.
Dr. Alvin Snoodle, president of Happy Homeowners Hinc., has advice for persons who find spiders in their Christmas tree.
“It’s perfectly okay to panic!” he says. “By all means burst out of your house and run screaming down the street. The police will soon arrive to help you. Meanwhile, weeping and screeching will help you bear up under the horror of it all.”
If you can afford it, Dr. Snoodle says, abandon your house and sell it for whatever you can get. “A spider,” he declares, “is a spider. All those legs! Ugh! Spider webs–ew! And they have hairs! Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick–!” [Flees from camera; doesn’t come back. News program is forced to terminate.]