We are dumbfounded by developments in Chapter DXXXIX (look at all the cool x’s!) of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney. The Queen of Suspense is at it again! See how she ratchets up the tension till you could just plotz! Well, I could…
As if he weren’t already in enough trouble, having challenged himself to a duel and rashly accepted, Lord Jeremy Coldsore has a private consultation with a solicitor named Jox, who normally hangs out in Charles Dickens books. Here in Scurveyshire he used to mind Farmer Feep’s ferocious feral pigs.
“Not only can you not back out of the duel without destroying your reputation for untold centuries to come,” Jox counsels him, “but as the shire’s justice of the peace, you have another problem. Dueling is against the law! First you broke the law by challenging yourself to a duel, then you broke it by accepting, and as justice of the peace, you ought to put yourself on trial, and, if found guilty, sentence yourself to be drawn and quartered!”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Jeremy admits. “I say–they don’t still do that, do they?”
“I’m afraid they do, my lord… in Scurveyshire.”
[Loud, portentous music signals the end of this present chapter. Readers who can’t tolerate the suspense are urged to seek professional help.]